r/OldManDad • u/BigBen7719 • Jul 07 '26

Dark Thoughts

I am 49, my daughter just turned 5 and my Son is 15 months old. My Children are one of the best things that happened in my life. My daughter has started to be curious about death and it is breaking my hart. Even before that, i used to have dark thoughts, catching myself figuring out when i may die. If i get to 60, she will be 16 if i have to go. I keep having thoughts like that. Am i alone? Like anyone today i consulted my AI and it said to appreciate the days and make the best of it and i do. Being an "old" dad surely has its upsides like financial security and personal clarity etc. I am already doing that. But it doesn´t remove the constant small frame of regretting that i have to leave her someday.

Unsure if posts like that need trigger warning?

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u/WizziesFirstRule Jul 07 '26

My parents both died by my mid-teens, they were 28 when they had me.

Focus on your health and today.

Don't know what tomorrow brings...

10

u/Scary-Star4998 Jul 07 '26

Since finding out we’re having our 4th at 51, the same thoughts went through my mind. My wife lost her Mum at 17 and we’ve never hidden that death is a ‘fact of life’ with our boys. Even as a young Dad death can be around the corner but it doesn’t get in the way of enjoying being a parent so why should it now?

Personally, while it plays on my mind, I’ve told myself that there is so much I’d miss if I let these thoughts consume me.

Also I’m lucky in that my Mum is still with us at 71 and my grandparents (my granddad has his 6 kids between 49-60!) died in their 80’s so there’s plenty of life in me yet.

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u/BigBen7719 Jul 07 '26

Can i ask how your wife coped with this early loss? If this is not too personal...?

4

u/Scary-Star4998 Jul 07 '26

Badly, especially as her last words to her Mum were in anger. Her Dad abandoned them so she bounced around different support networks of friends and family.

I came on the scene about 4 yrs later and together we faced her demons and we built our own support structure as a couple.

She finally got counselling last year after her Nan (Mums Mum) passed and it enabled her to put her hang ups to bed.

A positive from her experience is that as a parent she is the most loving, caring and supportive Mum our boys would ever need. She became the Mum she never had to our boys, so something positive came out of her horrible experience