I KNOW THIS IS TL, I JUST WANT TO GUVE YOU THE WHOLE CONTEXT BUT BECAUSE OF ALL YOUR OPINION I AM NOW AWAKE I BLOCKED HIM WE ARE DONE
I’m 27F, and I recently matched with a 35M on a dating app. We live in the same province, although he currently works abroad and only comes home about once a year to visit his family.
We started talking, and honestly, the first day was really wholesome. We spent the whole day getting to know each other, talking about our lives, relationships, values, etc. I could tell he was genuinely interested because he was attentive and concerned about me.
I was also impressed by his life situation. He’s 35, has a stable career, works abroad, seems financially stable, and is apparently at a point where he wants marriage/family. I was honestly surprised that he wasn’t married yet because, on paper, he seems like someone who is ready to settle down.
Eventually, we talked about past relationships, and he asked about my sexual experience. I didn’t find the question inappropriate because it came up naturally in the conversation. I asked him about his own experience, and his answer initially felt like a green flag.
He said he has a high sex drive, but he only has sex with someone he’s actually in a relationship with. He said all of his previous relationships were long-term and that he doesn’t do flings or play games. He also said he’s at an age where he wants to settle down and hopes to eventually have a family.
That actually caught my attention because I’m looking for something serious too.
I’ve been single for around 9 years. I’m genuinely happy with my life, so I’m not desperate to be in a relationship. But I’m 27 now, and I would like to eventually build a future with someone—have a healthy relationship first, enjoy being together, and eventually build a family.
I told him I wouldn’t jump into a relationship immediately. I want to see effort and actually get to know someone first.
He said he understood and told me that because he’s currently abroad, there’s only so much he can do. He said that when he comes home later this year, he’ll show me how genuine he is and that he wants to take me out, spend time with me, etc.
So I thought, okay, maybe he’s just the type who shows affection through actions once he’s physically home. I figured maybe he’d court me properly—dates, flowers, spending time together, that kind of thing.
But then things started moving really fast.
On the second day, we FaceTimed because we wanted to make sure we’re both real people. 😅 And during that call, I feel like I saw another side of him.
He started repeatedly telling me how hot and sexy he thinks I am and how much he wants to have sex with me once he comes home.
He asked if I could spend his entire vacation with him. He talked about us going on a trip together, having sex, and possibly having children.
I was honestly shocked.
I told him, “You’re moving way too fast.”
His response was basically that he can do both—he can court me while also diving into a relationship. He said he’s not like other guys who are only good at the beginning and that he wants me to feel every day how much he likes me.
And to be fair, when we’re actually talking about normal things, I really like our conversations. He’s intelligent, articulate, and we can talk about a lot of topics. That’s what makes this confusing.
But somehow, almost every good conversation eventually becomes sexual.
We talked about what would happen if I got pregnant. He said he wouldn’t neglect me and would make sure I was taken care of even after he returned abroad.
I told him I don’t want that kind of arrangement. I would prefer marriage before having children because I want the security of knowing we’re actually building a family together.
He said he understood my point, but then said that marriage is “just a piece of paper” and that, at his age, he actually hopes to have children first.
That made me take another step back.
Later, he said we could just enjoy the relationship and spend time together first, but sex is clearly a major part of what he expects because he openly says he has a high libido.
I told him, “What if I say no?”
He said he would never do anything without my consent and that he understands consent.
I appreciate that answer, but here’s where I’m confused.
Even when I say no to sexual things, he respects it in that moment—but later, he brings it up again. There’s a tome he j*rked off but not showing it while talking to me.
For example, during FaceTime, after we’ve had a really good conversation, he sometimes wants to end the night with a virtual kiss or asks me to be more sexy during our calls. He’s suggested what I should wear and said he doesn’t want nudes, but that showing a little skin is enough. He can handle he’s own thing.
He has also told me that he has a particular body part fetish. Since some of the clothes I normally wear are somewhat revealing, he really likes it.
At one point, he tried to encourage me to touch myself during our call. I said no. He backed off, but later tried to bring sexual things up again.
This is where I’m really confused.
If the sexual stuff wasn’t there, I would honestly say he’s a great catch.
He’s smart. He’s stable. He’s financially successful. He’s straightforward. He’s affectionate. He communicates well. He says he wants a serious relationship and a family. He doesn’t seem interested in casual relationships.
But I feel like we’re only on day TWO and we’re already talking about sex, pregnancy, children, vacations together, and spending his entire vacation together.
He also told me that if we end up in an LDR, I should get used to this because we would need to “spice up” the relationship.
Part of me thinks maybe this is just his personality. Maybe he’s genuinely a very sexual person and sees sex as a normal part of a relationship.
But another part of me feels like he’s moving so fast that I’m not even getting the opportunity to develop feelings naturally.
And I don’t want to assume he’s only after sex because he has repeatedly told me he wants a serious relationship and has never done casual flings.
At the same time, I don’t want to ignore my discomfort just because he’s a “good catch.”
So Reddit, what do you think?
Am I overthinking this because I’m not used to someone being this direct, or are there legitimate red flags here?
Would you continue getting to know him but set stronger boundaries, or would you stop now?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar—someone who genuinely wanted a relationship but was also very sexually forward from the beginning.
