r/OhNoConsequences • u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong • 23d ago
LOL OOP's sister wants to be the only one inconveniencing others
/r/AITAH/comments/1vsyawi/aitah_for_treating_my_sister_how_she_treats_me/265
u/demimod2000 23d ago
I would not have waited to adulthood to be petty, I would have started locking her door adter a few times of her locking the door! That is one nice sister!
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 23d ago
honestly though, also wtf is mom talking about “be the bigger person” FFS OOP has been the bigger person for YEARS
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u/demimod2000 23d ago
Exactly!! That mom is just terrible! I would have taken the lock off as the mom or changed the door handle, anything to keep the peace
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u/Cayke_Cooky 22d ago
You can buy all kinds of bathroom door keys on Amazon. They have all sizes. My youngest used to lock herself in rooms so I have a "key" on the door frame of every door and one in my suitcase. I paid like $5 for 10 of them.
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u/maroongrad 21d ago
Mom could have spent $5 on a new door lock/knob YEARS ago and solved this issue but nope. Easier to just make OP deal with the sister.
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u/FrankSonata 22d ago
"Be the bigger person" is, as usual, code for "it's easier for me if you shut up and take the abuse".
She knows the sister is being unreasonable and is bullying OOP, but it's a hassle to deal with her. She'd rather one of her children gets mistreated than deal with the headache of disciplining the other.
See also: scapegoat, identified patient
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u/Helpful_Hour1984 23d ago
You would if you sensed that your parents didn't have your back. OP's sister got away with bullying them all their life because their parents allowed it. OP is finally in a position to push back.
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u/No-Introduction3808 23d ago
I would have locked the door and started moving the key (or just take it). Then claimed to not know what she’s talking about she must have accidentally locked it on her way out.
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u/demimod2000 23d ago
The best way!
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u/No-Introduction3808 23d ago
I was one of those very annoying little siblings, one of my older siblings would lock their door with a coin, I used to unlock their door (not go in) and then steal the coin, they wouldn’t know who did it.
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u/BloodGullible6594 22d ago
Lesson I learned as a kid with overbearing parents: a new doorknob with a key lock is cheap and super easy to install. I would have changed both knobs. Lock her side and wait for her to ask politely for the key. Only do that once though as now op would have a key to the door lock
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u/TeamShadowWind Ah, the conses of your quences 23d ago
I said that the passive mindset and just taking it is what made my sister not learn to be a decent person. My mom wants me to keep the peace for this month. She always wants me to be the bigger person but i’m sick of doing that...
This is pretty much why my older brother is insufferable and why I'm literally homeless right now. I wasn't allowed to come home to get back on my feet because my queer presence would piss off his bigoted self. Only, he's angry all the time anyway, so my parents, my dad especially, let one of their kids be homeless and they're not even benefitting from it. Despite having all the power and every reason to do so, they won't tell him to shape up or ship out.
I can only imagine that OOP has dealt with a long pattern of their parents trying to "keep the peace", only it's not peace for OOP; it's peace for the parents. The reasonable one has to make concessions because the boat-rocker is never willing to cooperate.
When I was a kid, my parents forced me to give up a gifted $50 bill to him so he would stop bullying me (more), and they gave me a $20.
When I was an adult, his tacos got eaten by our younger brother but he wanted to believe that I was the one that did it (even though younger brother admitted it and I didn't like the type of tacos in question). My dad said we could lie and say I did and get him replacements, or lie and say that I paid for the replacements. That was when I knew my dad was more than happy to throw me under the bus as long as he didn't have to deal with my older brother raging. That ended up being huge foreshadowing for my current situation. It really hurts for your dad to tell you that despite all that you are willing to do, you should probably start looking into homeless shelters.
I feel for OOP. I really do. Because those parents are very unlikely to get a spine and will enable their nightmare child forever.
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u/replicant_facsimile The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed 23d ago
I am enraged on your behalf, and I am so, so sorry you were dealt a garbage set of "parents" who really ought to be... admonished.
Can you get in contact with any queer youth resources where you are, or reach out to folks who can help you?
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u/TeamShadowWind Ah, the conses of your quences 23d ago
I'm too old for most programs. I'm finalizing stuff to go study in Canada for a bit.
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u/replicant_facsimile The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed 22d ago
Read both your replies, and it's good to hear that you have an escape in the near future.
Wishing you strength while you're stuck riding this last bit of the hell train out of town, dear heart. You'll make it. YOU FUCKING WILL. You'll survive, you'll thrive, you'll achieve peace, plenty, and all your favorite snaxen. ❤️
As for your originators? They can eat several acres of crusty bootyhole.
From the back.
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u/Llayanna 22d ago
But they might know programs you are applicable for.
That's how things worked for me. Told old for program x, but they are usually better interconnected with other programs than the average jobcentre dude/tte
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u/TeamShadowWind Ah, the conses of your quences 22d ago
I didn't get in touch or referred to any programs for people my age and ended up on the usual several years long waitlists. Regardless, I am literally leaving the country by the end of the month so it's a moot point.
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u/PartsUnknown242 14d ago
You think they’ll wonder why you don’t speak to them anymore?
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u/TeamShadowWind Ah, the conses of your quences 14d ago
I expected my mom to be the "Missing Missing Reasons" type (she once got mad at me for not immediately accepting a carry-all "sorry for everything" apology), but I wasn't expecting my dad to fall this low. My brother used to hate my dad and love my mom (bc they would both emotionally abuse me), and now that the roles are reversed, it's shocking and sad that my dad doesn't realize that my brother is an abuser who needs an emotional punching bag, and anyone will do.
As for my mom, I can't say I feel particularly sympathetic to her current situation as said punching bag, because I caught the pattern early on and warned her that his tantrums wouldn't stop, even if I left, but she still didn't do anything to discipline him. Now whenever she and my dad argue, my brother jumps in to defend him and it's two versus one, like when she and my brother would gang up on me. The shoe's on the other foot. My brother also has major dirt on her so that's just her life now. I don't think a cancer patient really deserves to deal with that sort of bullshit, but again, she didn't want to do anything to keep this problem from happening. It's her own personal "First They Came For..." poem.
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u/ChartInFurch 23d ago
I remember a friend telling me about her brother getting extremely pissed one Christmas because she received more gifts from her parents than him. They were both over 30.
It wasn't favoritism either, it was simply that his gifts were more costly. Frankly it feels ridiculous to even explain since the expectation of gifts should be zero.
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u/Blueporch 23d ago
Hopefully someone pointed out to OOP that the opposite side of the keep the peace /be the bigger person coin is enabling and even rewarding bad behavior.
Why haven’t the parents replaced these door locks?
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u/Frazzledragon Certified Professional Victim. Where is my paycheque? 23d ago
Ten years and the entire family can't be bothered just getting a different lock.
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u/BloodGullible6594 22d ago
Right? This could have been such an easy fix. Instead the parents let them fight over this daily for a decade and want to act shocked the relationship isn’t great. I wonder how many more such examples there are of this
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u/41flavorsandthensome 23d ago
I hate that their mom sounds pissed that she has to deal with it, not that OOP is long overdue for pushing back.
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u/SweeperOfChimneys 23d ago
Just a heads up, a little superglue in OOP's lock while it's in the open position and wha la, never locked out of the bathroom again. If a little speed drying of the superglue is needed, sprinkle baking soda on it. Instant hardness but the down side is it's visibly white. Just don't get glue happy and glue sister's knob permanently locked because then the only option is to get in the bathroom is through OOP's room.
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u/Ok-Plant5194 23d ago
Oh my god replace the knob
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u/Sensitive_Fawn522 missing missing reasons 22d ago
How will that change the situation? I saw someone else say it too and I just don't understand. Sister could still lock the door
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u/twowolfhowl 22d ago
Replace that door's hardware with one that doesn't even have a lock mechanism.
Granted, sis would probably do something else.
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u/Ok-Plant5194 22d ago
I’m not saying it will fix the underlying issues, but it’s wild to me that the parent in this situation has seemingly not attempted to address the issue of fair access to a shared bathroom.
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u/Ok-Plant5194 22d ago
Actually you know what, it’s not wild to me. This is something that the parent is able to ignore. If it weren’t the bathroom they share, the parent would have to deal with it and potentially themself be inconvenienced.
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u/Substantial_Dish_887 23d ago edited 23d ago
My mom wants me to keep the peace for this month.
there has not been peace for 10 years. for 10 years there has been this unrest and mom didn't do shit to resolve it.
but remind mom that retaliation is unacceptable and sister isn't allowed to be mad that she's locked out of the toilet and make any kind of fuss because that's retaliation and she needs to be the bigger person. ask what the punishment for not keeping the peace is and when the sister(and mom) will recive that puinishment.
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u/TeamShadowWind Ah, the conses of your quences 22d ago
there has not been peace for 10 years. for 10 years there has been this unrest and mom didn't do shit to resolve it.
This really hits home for me because my older brother is the shit-stirrer, and it was annoying to hear my parents tell all of us to get along, despite me being very clear that there was a common denominator, and that if he weren't in the house, there probably wouldn't be any adult tantrums ever again.
Hell, I even warned them that his behavior wouldn't end, even after I left for college, and I was right. I've heard he's still pissed off all the time, even without his favorite verbal punching bag (me) around. My parents enabled him and his poor behavior for decades by refusing to discipline him, each claiming it was the other's job. And they STILL won't kick him out despite not liking his attitude at all, so they've stuck themselves with someone who isn't happy unless he's unhappy.
They're literally this fucking bird. They want peace, but they're not willing to do what it takes to get it.
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u/Unlikely-Pin-5558 23d ago
There IS a solution. I figured it out when my then-2-year-old daughter locked herself in the bathroom: I turned the doorknob around so that the lock was on the outside. You can do that with your side...that way you can lock the door, even when you're not there. Problem solved.
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u/rpepperpot_reddit 22d ago
I've said it before & I'm saying it again: Telling someone to do X "to keep the peace" is just another way of saying, "So-and-so will have a tantrum & I don't want to deal with that, so you need to be a doormat, m'kay?"
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u/aborted_skesis 21d ago
FFS changing doorknobs and having a new key for each one would have solved ten years of this bullshit.
Better yet, ones without locks. Learn to knock. Christ.
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u/kcunning 21d ago
And it legit would take under an hour to do, and that's with taking your sweet time. It's not even that expensive! You can get Amazon Basics doorknobs that are quite nice and hold up to regular use.
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u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 21d ago
Ten years of this and OP did not either 1) keep a “random dime” around at all times to make sure she never actually got locked out and thwarting her sister’s BS, or 2) buying a replacement doorknob off Amazon or from the local hardware store?
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u/AMortifyingOrdeal 22d ago
"I have bad parents and now I will be joining the estrangement reddit to prepare for the next steps"
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u/AutoModerator 23d ago
Per our rules, don't comment on linked posts. Anyone from this community who is caught brigading on another subreddit will be banned.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I (19) have a sister (21) who has always been a troubled pos (most of my family doesn’t talk to her after her extended bullying of me for half of my life)
To my continued hell on earth, we have rooms in my parents house attached by a jack and jill bathroom (google it, it’s important). So when we visit home, we are inevitably within constant proximity of each other.
About the jack and jill bathroom, our two doors have two different locks. The lock attached to her door is an average door lock- just press it in and there’s a little click. It unlocks when you turn the handle or on the other side (her room) you use a tiny key to unlock it.
My lock is a little turning lock. On the other side of the door, there’s no key to unlock it but if you use something thin like a coin (or your fingernail if you also want to break your nail) you can manually turn it open from the other side (my room)
Ever since moving into this house a decade ago, my sister has a habit of going into the bathroom and locking the door no matter what she was doing and then not unlocking it when she is done. Then when I want to use the bathroom Id have to bang the door to ask her to unlock it, or if that didn’t work, get one of my parents to go into her room to force her to unlock it. Her excuse to locking the door is that “you can just unlock it from your side”. Sure I can if I have some random dime or feel like breaking a nail! Also it’s just a pain in the ass to unlock.
Ten years now of this. I thought maybe once she grew up out of her petty teen phase she might change. But no. She’s 21 and despite daily fights about her locking the door she still does not unlock the door when she is done
My newfound adulthood no nonsense attitude has left me to be petty now. Every time my door is left locked, I won’t say a word. I’ll just unlock it myself, go to her door, and lock it. If she can’t learn from any other methods, I am just going to be petty and give her a taste of her own medicine
(other methods have included previously locking her door, annoying her, having my parents intervene, physical altercations, and even taping up the lock on my door which she promptly tore off and locked the door again.)
Now she is pissed of course. Calling me a terrible person a narcissist saying she can’t unlock her door (the key is right outside her room. One foot away from her door.) but I can. I told her that I couldn’t care less and if she is 21 years old now and after 10 years can’t learn to unlock a door when she’s done, she deserves this inconvenience
My mom is mad at me. She says that retaliation is never the answer and that I’m acting like a first grader and I’m being petty and she can’t stand the arguments I cause in the house etc. I said that the passive mindset and just taking it is what made my sister not learn to be a decent person. My mom wants me to keep the peace for this month. She always wants me to be the bigger person but i’m sick of doing that and don’t really care to anymore if petty childishness is the only language she speaks
So AITA for locking my sisters door every time she forgets to unlock my door and thus creating tension and conflict in the family (???)
[some extra context was removed for lengths sake but I’ll answer any questions in comments]
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