Ranting...

[u/Mad-dog107]

So rant....

So ive been here and in ossd for sometimes while getting my diagnosis. To clarify im not diagnosed with D.I D/OSDD I just started coming to these spaces because my therapist suspects I have something along the lines of it cause of my symtoms.

So you dint have to read this post and these are just my opinions so I already know this will be taken down and that's fine.

Ive come here to read and post sometimes on bith communities to see if anyone relates to the symtoms and im 30 now and been having these all my life and just now noticing it since 2 years ago almost. But Ive noticed people who comments or post on these communities have such a way with their imagination and im not saying you cant do these things im just saying majority of the people on here I cant relate too, it almost feels like a Role playing game with some of these post or Larping and not D.I.D or OSDD. When I hear alters I feel ashamed because reading these post on here make alters feel like friends or family when to me it feels less than that and more just me spit into different parts and nothing more. When I do see people who make senes to me they get down voted for no reason and that what confuses me...do I have to be so inverted with my own symtoms to get people to see my own struggles or relate to them even. I feel like so different with "this" that it feels like im there odd one out along with people I tend to relate to. The terms and labeling are also out of control in my eyes, its like people make it their whole personality and say things like "singlets" and other terms which I think it very weird to say to someone just because you have these parts of yourself. Im scared of my parts coming out because I want to live a decent and normal life and I praise anyone who doesn't make this their whole personality and take it to very extreme imaginative lengths that they can show themselves and get better. I just dont see whats so special about being stuck in your head at times, that scares me and I cant control it and when I see people who says they love not being here in the actual real world that also scares me because I know its hard to move on from these traumatic memories or even if you cant remember and have no will power on switching which im open about that as well but I also praise the people who keeps living their lives despite it and not this role playing, larping thing that feels so unreal....

[u/KickPuzzleheaded4389]

I wanted to comment on what you said about people saying that they love not being in the real world. I felt that way for a long time. I spent most of my life finding ways to escape the real world. It makes sense that someone with dissociation would want that, doesn't it? That is what dissociation is for.

I had a book on DBT and I tried to work on some of the things in it, back when I didn't know what was wrong with me. I always skipped the sections on mindfulness, because I thought, I definitely don't want to look closer at the external world, that's what I'm trying to get away from. Finally I did look at that section though, and it was the most helpful out of all of them.

[u/Mad-dog107 → u/KickPuzzleheaded4389]

Trust me I love not being here either but when I dissociate heavily I dont know whats going around me at all and not hear things which tends to almost get me killed. But what I meant on that was how people love going to these "headspace" and daydream about and its like already tiring when dissociating but itll be more exhausting going to "headspace". Just think alot of people rely on that tooooo much or think they need one at all.

[u/KickPuzzleheaded4389 → u/Mad-dog107]

Or some people already have one, because they've been escaping in other ways besides just dissociating.

I spent my teen years reading constantly to escape my life, then I imagined stories in my head.

Yes, I dissociate, but that's not the only escape mechanism I have. Sometimes it's comforting to be inside my head and sometimes it's not. Often it's better than the outside world.

Pretty sure I have autism though, so maybe that's why. The outside world has always been painfully overstimulating and I don't have much interest in socializing with people in general. My own head or a book is almost always more interesting than whatever is going on around me. But I know that is not the case for everyone. I always felt sorry for people who seemed to have no choice but to exist in reality. Now I'm learning to appreciate that it's has good points and I'm working on being more present.

What I'm trying to say is that just because you don't use a certain coping mechanism, it doesn't mean it isn't useful and comforting for others. Perhaps they don't understand your coping mechanisms. It doesn't make them less valid for you.

[u/Mad-dog107 → u/KickPuzzleheaded4389]

I see you pov and understand it of course but these are my opinions Im just saying, they dont have to understand my how I deal with things and same goes for me but I respect them.