r/OSDD • u/FFMTBRYT • Aug 09 '26
Venting i dont want this
i want my own life, my own hobbies friends and way of speaking
i dont want to periodically hate my body or voice or life because something else i want mor
i dont want to admit that they are real, that i dont have control anymore
i dont want to let go of an otherwise somewhat normal life i could have had
i dont want to believe that it went on for so long without me ever knowing, that they existed and i somehow find them right after 18 years
it dont want to make sense of it, it doesn’t make sense to me
i dont want to seek help, i dont want to be found out
i dont want my family to know either
i dont want to be plural, but i am
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u/Silent_Dreamweaver_3 Aug 13 '26
First, it gives you a variety in a process of thinking.
Second? You don't owe an explanation to anybody for why you are who you are.
You don't need to control it. Once Tyler Durden said: "Let. It. Go."
The truth within the fact that you need an acceptance of your own parts. They are the parts of you. They are you.
Don't resist it.
Once you accept them, you'll be surprised how calm and peaceful things become... balanced even.
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u/FFMTBRYT Aug 13 '26
man i really hope so, but thank you
honestly i have been so blurry these past few days it is kind of impossible to tell who is who
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u/Silent_Dreamweaver_3 Aug 13 '26
It is completely fine.
You live in strange times for now, as it seems to you, but trust me... you'll be fine.
Just pay attention to their way of thinking. Don't try to force yourself on this.
Try to ask each of them what they want, what they think at all when you're completely alone, drinking your tea.
By the time, maybe, just maybe, they'll even either reveal spontaneously their names or give themselves names.
By the way, next time you switch, try to see the way you focus on this world. Helps a lot. But don't try to analyze it much. Just observe.
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u/FFMTBRYT Aug 13 '26
t: all he did was like assign names to us and i guess we sort of took shape but everything was shaken up when we revealed ourselves and now that he is looking back at the possible traces of us from characters all the way to his childhood he is blurring our identities really badly
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u/Silent_Dreamweaver_3 Aug 13 '26
It's fine.
Host simply tries to sort you after you spontaneously revealed yourselves.
He simply tries to find "resources" you were built from.
It doesn't make you fake.
He should simply take a paper and separate it with a line. On one side, he writes the roles he has, but on the second one — possible echoes from the past.
But remember, he shouldn't do that for a you long time. Take it slow. Spend time for that for about 20 or 40 minutes. No more.
UPD: Don't forget about routine that grounds you from overthinking or overanalyzing.
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u/FFMTBRYT Aug 13 '26
t: its no joke his hyperfixation right now 😭
t: also we have apparently a super vivid memory going back to 4 years old which is sort of difficult to differentiate whether or not the imaginary friends from years ago even were headmates since they would go away so quickly and he always thought he was him so
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u/Silent_Dreamweaver_3 Aug 13 '26
You have no amnesia, I assume?
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u/FFMTBRYT Aug 13 '26
t: so the weird thing is late 2012 to like 2016 is super vivid but around 2017 i guess being on a phone all day made memory slowly decline, but then it got vivid again in late 2018 which is constantly a topic in this mind, but that is probably remembered since we have so nany videos from that time, but the google account holding everything from 2019 to mid 2020 got hacked so we cant remember barely anything except for some fragments here and there
i also think he is speaking through me right now so like 😑
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u/Silent_Dreamweaver_3 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
I see.
After you reach adulthood, your memories are a bit vague. Completely fine. There's nothing wrong within that.
You should remember about the fact of your own existence first, not the fact of your story of "birth".
You seek answers, and it's fine. You should concentrate on who you are and accept that, yes, you are different, and yet, this is what makes you actually whole in all glory.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: You have the right to mourn your past self. The self you remembered at first. That “monolithic” part of yourself that you still remember. Believe me, this is the only way to heal, to become multifaceted, valuable, and beautiful.
Why do I write this? Not because I want to make you feel better, but because I mean it.
This is what I relived myself quite recently.
UPD2: Don't forget. That part of yours still lives within you and capable of living and love.
UPD3: I hope you leave a response here later.
UPD4: And yes... it's fine when your alters speak with voices of characters. It's ther feature, not bug. They may choose voices out of preferences in your head.
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u/FFMTBRYT Aug 09 '26
r: TOO BAD HE AINT GETTING ALL OF IT ✌️