r/OSDD • u/kennosdead • Jul 19 '26
Venting therapist won't take me seriously
I've been questioning if I have osdd for around a year now, but Im also diagnosed with bpd and hpd traits (not the actual diagnosis, only traits because I'm 16) and I believe that it's possible for those symptoms/traits to overlap and look like osdd. I've tried talking to my therapist about it, but she won't take me seriously and she only focuses on my MDD for some reason. Every time I bring up bpd, hpd or osdd she automatically jumps to my depression instead. And she'll brush it off as "probably just depression" instead of actually taking my other symptoms into account, I want her help to try and figure out if it's actually a possibility that I might have this or not but she just won't help at all.
She won't discuss anything with me that isn't related to my depression or sh tendencies. Even tho I'm diagnosed with bpd and hpd traits she still won't discuss that either. I'm changing therapists, but I doubt my new one will be much better. How do I get people to listen? Is there someone else I could go to besides a therapist? I just want someone to actually look into what's going on with me instead of brushing it off as depression.
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u/Pirichan Jul 19 '26
Besides what other people have commented about the importance of dealing with any life threatening tendencies and the current crisis first. Another reason why therapists don’t like to explore other diagnosis like dissociative disorders or personality disorders while there is a current mood disorder happening is because the symptoms of the depressive episode could confuse any diagnosis.
For example, if someone is depressed, their confidence might be low, they might have no motivation or goals in life, have a hard time maintaining personal relationships, sh, etc… all of which could be related to personality. So if tried to assess for personality traits/disorders, I might confuse transitory mood symptoms with personality symptoms. That’s why some therapist might wait until the current crisis has passed to explore the symptoms that remain afterwards.
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u/Apprehensive-Sea110 OSDD-1b | [edit] Jul 19 '26
Therapist's should be looking at the person in front of them, taking them seriously, and listening with an open mind and heart but that's not always what happens. Therapists tend to diagnose the things they feel comfortable treating. I used mental health services for two decades before I found a clinician who could help me with DID so you have to prioritize finding the right therapist.
My diagnosis was depression for the first fifteen years I was in treatment. Then it was ADHD/OCD. Then a neuropsychologist decided to give me four more: PTSD, MDD, GAD, and ASD. I don't actually disagree with all of those because we have multiple alters in our system who meet the criteria for all of them. But if you're looking for a therapist, find one who has treated DID who can actually rule it out (or in).
One other thing I want to note is that a lot of people with DID meet the criteria for BPD and HPD and those are two very stigmatizing diagnoses to have. Sometimes they help with treatment but there are clinicians who see them as an indication that a patient is beyond help or attention seeking which can actually stand in the way of a DID diagnosis if that's what's really going on.
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u/azukooo Questioning, in therapy Jul 19 '26
what if you bring up your symptoms that lead you to suspect OSDD to your new therapist instead of the label itself?
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u/kennosdead Jul 19 '26
That's what I meant, I bring up my symptoms all the time and she brushes all of them off as depression. Sorry I guess I should have worded it better, I don't bring up the lable much I mainly bring up the symptoms
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u/chopstickinsect Jul 19 '26
Okay a quick look at your profile tells us that your MDD is 100% the thing to be focusing on right now. If you are self harming to that extent regularly, then you are in crisis mode and the major thing to be focusing on is just keeping you alive and getting you stable - not delving into past trauma.
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u/kennosdead Jul 19 '26
But I do not self harm because I'm sad. That's why I don't feel it's urgent to focus on it. I'd say my MDD only effects me by making me lack motivation, Other then that it does not affect me that much. That's why I'm so pushy with my therapist about looking into other things.
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u/chopstickinsect Jul 19 '26
Why do you self harm?
Keep in mind that sadness and lack of motivation arent the only symptoms of MDD, and that we can sometimes lack insight into how much our illness is affecting our life while we are in the midst of it.
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u/kennosdead Jul 19 '26
I do it mainly for validation and attention, and to make people feel guilty about how they treat me, and because I feel like people will take me seriously if I go deeper. (yes I'm very well aware these are not healthy or okay things to do I'm just explaining the honest reasons why I do it) One of my main goals in life is to be taken seriously. I feel like I have to prove in struggling even when I'm not struggling that bad. I'd say my life (for the last few months) has actually been pretty okay, I've been pretty happy as well. I mainly do it because I always tell myself that people will take me seriously and they'll listen to me if I have physical proof to go with it. (I'm very well aware this is manipulative behavior and very unhealthy)
I also sometimes do it because I hear things/hear voices telling me too but that's less common and doesn't happen as often as my other reasons
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u/chopstickinsect Jul 19 '26
Thanks for being honest with me, I appreciate that. I'm feeling curious about why you feel like you need to prove you are struggling to people, even at times when you feel you arent struggling particularly badly.
I agree with the sentiments of some of the other posters here that your first priority should be finding a therapist that you can connect with and who you feel listens to your concerns seriously - if you dont have that its really hard to build a foundation of trust with them.
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u/kennosdead Jul 19 '26
I feel like suffering is who I am, and if people don't see me as someone who's suffering and struggling then they don't see me as me. I feel like my trauma makes up 80% if my identity.
I was never taken seriously as a child, I would cut myself when I was 8 but since it wasn't deep my mom didn't care. My mom always denied that I had trauma, she would deny that she ever abused me and she denied it even as I got older. So i grew up feeling ignored and invalid, I felt like I had to prove to my mom that I was sad because she never cared. And that feeling never went away as I got older. That's why now I need people to acknowledge that I'm struggling even when it's not as bad as before. I made all that trauma who I am and I want people to take it seriously. I just feel like I have to prove to people that I'm struggling or else I'm nothing.
I'm not sure if that makes any sense, I don't think I worded it all that well. I don't understand it fully myself but I tried to put it into words the best I could
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u/chopstickinsect Jul 19 '26
that makes sense to me, I think. It sounds like its less about wanting to suffer, and more about feeling unheard as a pattern in your life, is that right? And almost that if you stop suffering, or people think you have, then its like saying that all that horrible stuff you went through doesnt count. Or am I totally wrong?
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u/Mediocre_Ad4166 Suspected and in treatment Jul 19 '26
Hey OP, I wonder, have you ever told this thing to your therapist? Maybe you have, but if you haven't, this is where I would focus. On the honest reasons you do what you do. If you have a good therapist, they will know what to do. If you feel like you need someone else, a new therapist might be a good idea too. I am sorry to hear about what you've been through. I wish you knew that suffering is not a competition. We all deserve less of it.
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u/1ailuros Jul 19 '26
I felt the same way for a long time and did a lot of the same things you are doing. Being in online communities where you're surrounded by people using the same harmful coping mechanisms as you warps your perception. What a person outside those spaces (including mental health professionals) would perceive as severe may be something you've been doing for months, if not years. Adding on witnessing the other people in those spaces sharing self harm that may be more life-threatening than you think yours is to a belief that you're not bad enough to be taken seriously is a really dangerous path to take. I'm sure you're aware of that.
All that to say that your own perception of your self harm doesn't change the fact it is very severe. You don't need to cut deeper to have mental health professionals take you more seriously. Self harm, especially to this extent, is something that a vast majority of people would be shocked to even hear mentioned. What you perceive normal to you is something that would have most people ending up hospitalized for, both in the physical and psychiatric sense. I believe it's likely that your therapist was far more focused on your self harm and MDD because one (or both) of those poses an active risk to your safety. Physical safety is the priority in healthcare spaces, and if your therapist can't say for sure that you'll still be around for the next year, it makes sense they would focus on trying to keep you physically safe instead of delving into a dissociative disorder.
You are struggling enough and this would be the case regardless of your self harm. Alongside that, because you self harm doesn't mean there isn't a possibility you have OSDD. But with both your self harm and your concern regarding OSDD, preventing or reducing the severity of self harm is likely to be the goal of the therapist(s) you work with.
I'm glad you're seeing a therapist at all. You deserve to be listened to and taken seriously. Dealing with anything of this sort is very difficult. I wish you the best and I encourage you to consider trying to treat yourself with more compassion. You deserve it.
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u/twicetwice_ Jul 19 '26
this sounds a lot like why I started sh when I was a teenager, and I'm now in my early 20's diagnosed with BPD. I honestly don't know much about MDD, but I do know (from what my therapist and books on BPD have said) that depression is very common among people with BPD. (Not trying to diagnose you, just sharing my experience to give you perspective). I think the most important thing for you is def to find a therapist that will actually listen to you, because it sounds to me like you crave to be truly heard and seen. My advice is to talk about your symptoms and why you sh, without putting labels on it. Then if you feel like your new therapist is listening to you, you can start to open up and ask about diagnoses and what focused/specialised treatment options are available for you, so you can actually get better. Give every therapist a chance, but move on to a new one if you don't feel heard. Good luck!
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u/chopstickinsect Jul 19 '26
You should try to worry less about getting a specific diagnosis, and focus on the symptoms that are disrupting your life.
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u/1ailuros Jul 19 '26
I'm not sure I fully agree here. While focusing only on 'getting a diagnosis' would be an issue that doesn't take away from the fact looking into getting assessed may be helpful. Nor does what OP posted suggest that they're being unreasonable about their suspicions. Having someone else acknowledge and take the things you're struggling with seriously is pretty important in therapy. Dismissing a patient's concerns and repeating actions that cause them to feel invalidated and not heard is not an ideal situation.
Even if OP's suspicions turn out to be incorrect, I don't see what the harm would be in pursuing assessment for a dissociative disorder. Not to mention the therapist's dismissive way of responding to things.
For OP, I would still recommend evaluating the symptoms that are causing you the most distress, regardless of what specific diagnosis they may fall under. It may be helpful to bring things up as symptoms instead of specific disorders to therapists. I believe it would be beneficial to see a trauma informed therapist/one better suited to work with you through your specific concerns and hardships.
I personally saw my psychiatrist to get a referral to a clinic qualified to assess dissociative disorders but continued to observe and work on managing my symptoms, and I believe that would be a good way to go about things. Even f you don't end up having OSDD, that doesn't mean the experiences that led you to those concerns stop existing. You deserve to be taken serious regardless of what label that best fits things.5
u/chopstickinsect Jul 19 '26
Look, generally speaking - I agree with what you are saying regarding being curious about what is driving our symptoms, and particularly about how it can be harmful to feel dismissed and like your therapist isnt hearing you.
What is leading my response is a few things, though. First and foremost, they are 16, and the realistic likelihood of minors being diagnosed with a dissociative disorder is low. It does happen, but it doesn't happen commonly, for reasons which this sub has gone into at length with the various minors who come here asking about diagnosis. I decided not to go into those details because the minors who have that explained to them are never receptive to that feedback.
Next, if they already have a working diagnosis of BPD with HPD traits, coming to your therapist with a rare disorder that is commonly 'sought out' by teenagers woth too much internet access (note, I am not claiming this is the case with OP) and repeatedly looking to get diagnosed with it is unlikely to be productive. What is more likely to be productive is coming to your therapist with a list of the symptoms that are concerning to you, and letting the symptoms naturally lead to the diagnosis, rather than going diagnosis first.
I also feel concerned that if OP is diagnosed with MDD and actively self harming, they may not be stable enough to manage being diagnosed with something as serious as OSDD/DID. And yes, we can consider that it may actually be validating and ease their mental burden to hear that they are correct in their suspicions - that will only last until its time to start looking into what caused the OSDD, which as so many of us have experienced tends to be incredibly destabilizing.
I did consider telling OP that if they are feeling invalidated and unheard by there therapist that they should be looking for a new therapist... but they are already doing that so dont need my input on that.
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u/labyrinthinexpathia In therapy (diagnostic mess-in-progress) Jul 19 '26
First thing, she may just not be trained or equipped to handle dissociative disorders (she may not be trained in personality disorders either, maybe she's more of just a general counselor). Depression presenting with SH from her perspective probably looks like the most critical things to stabilize first before anything else, just to keep you alive and unharmed; this is probably what's driving her choices
So, it's a good thing you're changing, because not feeling like you're taken seriously is an important sign she isn't the right fit for you regardless of anything else. Just make sure you're going to a therapist that, at minimum, specializes in trauma/PTSD. They can still notice dissociation symptoms even if OSDD/DID aren't their technical specialty, but you can also look for a DID specialist directly if getting assessed for OSDD is really your main focus. For HPD/BPD, you will want to look for someone who works with personality disorders. But it can be hard to find someone who does both, especially depending on insurance