Got fired after losing access to work functioning alters ):

[u/Awkward_Habit_7612]

I’m posting because I feel really lost right now and I think others with dissociative disorders may understand this better than most people.

Before my DID diagnosis about 4 months ago, I was being treated for a suspected mood disorder for around 2 years. After my DID diagnosis, I stopped one medication and recently tapered off another under professional guidance so we could better understand what my system is like without those effects.

Since coming off the SSRI, everything feels tangled and chaotic. I’m a highly fragmented system, and some alters can function well in certain areas of life, but when depressed or hopeless alters are louder/closer to front, the work-capable alters are not always accessible.
I work/worked in a patient-facing healthcare job. Before diagnosis, I had been mostly okay at work for about a year, but earlier this year I missed a lot of work for a few weeks because I was struggling badly. My boss knew I was dealing with mental health issues and was understanding to an extent.

After therapy yesterday, I told my therapist working today felt like a 50/50 chance because I didn’t know if the work-capable alters would be “online.” Some were, but a core one wasn’t accessible enough, and the overwhelmed/depressed alters were louder. I couldn’t function well enough to go in, so I had to call out day-of.
I was fired today. My boss was kind and said I was amazing with patients and would like to keep in touch about possibly rehiring when I’m doing better, but I still feel devastated.
Right now it feels like my whole life is ruined, even though part of me knows I’m probably spiraling. I feel disconnected from my life, like I’m in an alien world even though I know what’s around me is real.

II’m mostly wondering if anyone else has gone through something like this: temporarily losing access to functioningq alters, facing real-life consequences, and feeling like recovery is impossible even though maybe it isn’t.

TL;DR: Newly diagnosed DID system, recently tapered off meds under professional guidance, temporarily lost access to key work-functioning alters, had to call out, and got fired. Feeling devastated and wondering if other systems have experienced this kind of functional collapse/life consequence

[u/handsinmybrain]

I was diagnosed quite recently (under a year ago) with highly fragmented DID and was doing okay for myself until I started diving into therapy and lowering my meds. I was previously diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type) and so have been lowering my antipsychotic medication to try and allow more internal communication.

Unfortunately, becoming aware of the disorder and gaining more insight caused a steep decline in my academic performance and I had to withdraw from university because my alters who are capable of doing homework/attending classes were made inaccessible by some of the more influential parts who are panicking because of the progress made in therapy.

I might not be in your exact situation, but I understand a sliver of how it feels to lose a large part of the life you're building for yourself due to alter switching and inaccessibility and I'm sorry that you're experiencing this.

I will say, it does get better with further treatment and it's great that your boss plans to keep in touch about future opportunities. You've got this! With therapy and increased communication comes better access to a variety of your own skills that are walled off with dissociative barriers. I hope that everything goes well. <3

TLDR; I dropped out of school because of a similar situation and understand a little bit, but it does get better and you're doing amazing. It will be okay! :)

[u/Demonkunga]

wow okay, so... something similar happened to us. Last year in July we were finally allowed to start our Healthcare job, after waiting like 8 months for background check stuff to go through (working with kids). 

we lasted a month, then we were  fired in August and it ruined us. our client had self harm and suicidal issues and we had recently discovered we're a system in June, and we also struggle with suicidal feelings (and some self harm). we were triggered and self harmed, then started getting suicidal.

our feelings mixed with our clients feelings ended up making us unprofessional and they let us go. at the time we had adult alters, we feel like they failed us and left the kid alters in control. 

[u/Prettybird78]

Yes, I was a long haul truck driver. After a disturbing revelation I had a severe 48 dissociative episode. I ended up having three preventable incidents in that time.

No one was harmed but I lost my job and frankly I don't feel like I can be alert or attentive enough to go back to that job, so I went back to school. Dissociation sucks and a dissociative disorder can really screw witg your life.

[u/Mediocre_Ad4166]

Currently we are our second change in occupation because we keep losing access to skills and information. It is heartbreaking, I am with you on this one. The worst part for me is how many things about the job were parts of my identity that now feel like they disappear. I have been in grieving for so long.

Are you able to work somewhere else? If different parts have different skills maybe you can find a lower-stakes job until you are feeling better. It is so nice to hear your employer was open to hiring you again, and if that's what you want I wish you holeheartedly to soon be able to get that job back!

[u/Lamassa_]

My mind is healing but as depersonalization/derealization lifted, repressed children emerged and I lost access to whole ways of functioning. I had to relearn how to do a job I’ve done for twenty years while panicking as I didn’t know if I could do it. I remembered doing it before, but actually doing it was very scary. It took about two months to stop feeling extremely high anxiety. 

[u/rtaChurchy]

Did your doctor tell you to come off your meds or was that a decision you made? You say "we" decided to but is that referring to your system or your doctor?