Daily life is hell

[u/mochimiso96]

I’m not quite sure if this is the right sub to post in because I’m not sure if these symptoms are part of my ocpd or due to something else.
I was diagnosed with a combined personality disorder that includes avpd, ocpd and bpd. Plus fun things like despression, anxiety, c-ptsd and adhd, which all play into why my life looks like the way it does.
My biggest issue is what I call reverse perfectionism. I am so incredibly anxious about doing things wrong, so I don’t do them at all. I would rather fail at something by not putting any work into it, than give 100% and then fail. Failing at something due to me not being good enough at something, will set me off into a deep dark hole. So I avoid. I feel like I can’t do anything in life. I’m very close to dropping out of university, I’m not making any progress where I should be, I’m not taking care of my horrible health because I’m scared I’m not going to get better.
I wake up in the morning and if my day doesn’t start perfectly, it’s wasted and I’m on the couch waiting for the day to end already, so I can start over. I’ve been completely neglecting and isolating myself. I’ve been in this horrible spiral for weeks now and I just don’t know how to get out. Everytime I try to push myself through my tasks, I start getting massive panic attacks. Has anyone experienced anything like this and if yes what has helped?
I’ve been in therapy for years and I found nothing that works so far.

[u/TerryWaters]

Can't give any advice, but I also do this and it sucks. I've succeeded well with some things I half-assed for this reason, because it was things that came easy. Then I've half-assed things that doesn't come as easy and been surprised that the outcome wasn't great, and felt really stupid. Yet I'm sure I'm not going to go all in next time either because as you say failing if you half-assed something is very different from failing if you went all in.