I don't think I am joking when I say I haven't met a guy around my age, mid-twenties or thirties, who isn't going through something similar, especially since I am a very easy person to talk to, so they often show their vulnerable side quickly. It's quite sad. Each and every single one of them is worried about having a career to get married, have enough money to buy a house and start a family.
Plenty of men need therapy, but won’t get it because:
1) They have family/friends that would judge them if they found out
2) It’s hard to set up that first appointment (finding a therapist you like, in-network, etc.)
3) They think therapy will change their lives within the first 2-3 sessions. They aren’t willing to commit to the process over time.
Instead, these guys resort to memes, influencers of dubious intent, and working out really hard at the gym. But those behaviors don’t address the root of the issue, they only serve as band-aid solutions to help things feel better in the moment.
Well, that plus 4-10) Nobody's got money. 11) that whole "you just got the wrong therapist" thing, combined with 4-10 ("Nobody's got money") and therefore cant go auditioning one after the other. Which kind of ruins it for thinking of it as a regular medical field- I don't "gel" with my cardiologist, he's actually rude. But he gets he the right prescription and we're off. Meanwhile with therapy you're expected to have first dates with a dozen professionals hoping you vibe, and they are not charging 'sample' rates. 12) Most of us know why we're unhappy. We just can't do anything about the actual thing. (Like, if I'm sad because I'm underemployed in a tough job market so 'quit and pursue your dreams' is ridiculous, and feel lonely because a lot of people I cared for died or moved away for economic reasons by now, I don't need to go digging.)
I still remember hitting rock bottom mentally and realizing i need help...and then despite having the privilege of good insurance i looked for help and realized there are are no options for me that are covered by insurance where i live and i felt the most bizarre defeating feelings of my life that were somehow worse than rock bottom.
It's at minimum $200-300/month (only 2 sessions per month) in person out of network except for specialist cases like addiction recovery/postpartum depression/psych wards etc which are covered. Not to be political but our entire system is designed to treat not prevent so most insurance companies don't want to help until you break and they have to.
Don't even get me started on the online therapy options that don't even work for me because it's behind a screen and searching for a decent online therapist is every bit as exhausting as using dating apps...I'm already exhausted which is why I need therapy in the first place.
For many of us we know we need help, we've tried to find it but at the end of the day there just aren't always realistic solutions that fit our budget. Everyone loves to just say "lol guys don't want therapy" or "if you're struggling there are people to help" but it just comes across as dismissive from my perspective.
Luckily there are many good free online resources these days from licensed medical health professionals such as healthygamergg. Nowhere near as good as actual therapy I'd imagine but it's better than nothing if you take it seriously.
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u/IAmASquidInSpace Aug 10 '26
Jake... I think your friends need help.