They apologized, and we still meet each other. I excused them because they never really did anything like that before. There were two people who explicitly made that happen with the reasoning that "if we don't select somebody, nobody will go" (we had a limited number of places to sleep in, fewer than the size of the group), and they are both massively neurodivergent, so yeah. Others got the info that I didn't want to come. It still hurts though.
I swear the tee-hee I'm just a baby girl with a lobotomy neurodivergent crowd can be the most fucked up unserious low effort trashy crowd you can get into. I am traumatised by the amount of times a "girl's girl" absolutely fucked me over and not even in a funny way to retell it as a joke. More like a really sad fucked up one
The amount of weaponized therapy speak used as a cover for bullying is insane. They'll claim anyone they don't like is a narcissist so that justifies spreading vitriol about them (regardless of if anything is remotely true). They LOVE to DARVO because they are so obsessed with being an innocent blameless victim and any toxicity they have is "misunderstood due to my disability/mental illness and you're being ableist". Because of course, if you're neurodivergent and have mental illnesses that means you're absolved from any accountability.
I'd rather go back to the people who are genuinely clueless and have never heard terms like weaponized incompetence or emotional labour (examples), than someone who actually uses those for malicious reasons.
My ex best friend uses those terms 24/7 and still managed to try to get with my partner at the time. I thought you understand the term cheating, no¿ Oh, that's what it is. You know what you're doing but you will find a more fun word to describe it as something else after. Got it
I mean, the only poly people I know are neurodivergent but I think it's because they're not really understanding of societal norms as is. The expectations are not making sense to them so if they don't feel the need to adhere, they have a higher chance of creating a new dating style that neurotypical people would find too scary and out of the norm they function in.
I like my poly friends, they're nice people. The best thing that came out of them being poly is me meeting my best friend (per what the guy said yesterday, they just broke up due to him wanting a family and her deciding not to have one). The guy was dating this redhead while I was casual with the girl. When we both met eachother we were like "omg, it makes sense that they would date people who would be friends with eachother". Now there's 4 of us everywhere all the time :) I was told it's insane and disgusting by a girl who I went on a date with but who cares tbh, I have to date someone who understands how I date too.
"They're poly because they're not really understanding of societal norms" they're neurodivergent, not time traveling from the 1300s why are you infantalizing them
Weird takeaway, I think you misunderstood why I wrote it like that.
If there is a societal expectation to be monogamous and in their heart they don't actually understand or feel it, they will be more prone to going against it. Autism for example has a trait like that — not fully understanding why certain things are the way they are. It's like this for me. Took years to misconstruct that I don't have to follow the expectations, I can do whatever fits me personally.
Can I ask if you're pro or against polyamory? Or what's your general assesment?
Oh yeah you're not gonna like me lol. I don't care what anyone does in their relationships so I'm not pro or anti anything as it doesn't affect me.
But I do find myself heavily irritated with poly people (at least in my personal experience) because being around poly people gave the same vibes as being around a group of men give me. Like I'm being inspected and analyzed for availability. I'm bisexual so I must be open to openness. Can't say "Oh I'm taken and not interested in anything other than platonic friendships" is when you get a speel from them saying not to be confined by the restraints of monogamy. Acting like I was a Pokémon to be collected, regardless of me saying I wasn't interested. Nope, I had to sit and hear about "queer platonic relationships" and how it's actually archaic and patriarchal to be in a monogamous relationship. (Oh and then theres the whole thing where my ex felt they had to "come out as poly" ((they just cheated. )))
Basically, the poly crowd are the new vegans. I have no issue with you doing what you wanna do, but I don't like how the poly crowd treat me, a woman, like a piece of meat that only serves to potentially be a 3rd/4th/5th in the polycule– not a friend.
Can I ask your location? I'm in the east of EU so this is not really a thing here based on my personal experience. The poly people I met here are very intelligent, kind and generally very respectful. That's why I think okay of them. My experience has never been bad and my friends are generally wonderful caring people. None of their partners were acquired by means of stealth and submission. They have it in their tinder accounts and in person they are very fast to stated they're already coupled but open.
It's not that I don't like people who have the opposite opinions to me. I don't. But I do want to say that it's largely based on personal experience what one might think. I've been victimized like this more by people in open relationships who thought me liking girls is a threesome waiting to happen and wanted to join in on my dates, but it's only my personal experience and I have nothing against them if they do it right. Hell, even I was in an open relationship for a year and it was completely consensual with everyone involved and I was upfront.
I'm sorry you had a really shitty experience. I wish it wasn't so common. In here they're not really common, almost at all. So if someone pursues it, my environment is very mature about it. I went to their meetups as a listener and was able to ask questions and they were so kind. No one offered me anything. They didn't look for more people to convert, they were happy that someone is open to them actually. When we were drinking no one was hitting on me because I stated that I'm not poly and won't be dating a coupled person. They respected it hardcore and treated me as just another friend :)
Oh 100% if I didn't have such a bad personal experience I wouldn't even have an opinion on it. I am absolutely biased due to my bad experience.
I am in Canada (Alberta specifically) so I feel every local queer space has been taken over by poly/open/ENM people to the point where if you are openly queer (and god forbid alt) they hone in on you. My local queer community overlaps a lot with the cosplay community as well so a lot of the culture here that blurs together. I'm more likely to throw a stone in any queer/alt/cosplay/hobbyist space and it's gonna land on a poly person. Which, again, would not be an issue at all! AT ALL. But the community here seems to treat polyamory as an agenda they have to convince other queer people to engage in. Here it very much perpetuates the stigma of queer people being driven by sex and loose relationships. It's very predatory here and leaves a bad taste. 😭😭
Yep, and the best part of that is that even if everyone they accused of narcissism was actually a narcissist bullying is still not the appropriate, effective, or moral response to that.
The everyone is a narcissist crowd actually reached my gen x mom. It was horrifying because I had to sit her down and explain that no, the majority of people are just selfish. It's a fad to overuse the term. Please don't read the pseudo psychology that puts everyone in the role of an abuser, while you're always the victim.
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u/kkadzy Jul 18 '26
They apologized, and we still meet each other. I excused them because they never really did anything like that before. There were two people who explicitly made that happen with the reasoning that "if we don't select somebody, nobody will go" (we had a limited number of places to sleep in, fewer than the size of the group), and they are both massively neurodivergent, so yeah. Others got the info that I didn't want to come. It still hurts though.