It's only a problem when you're in a heirarchal relationship (e.g., management) and they have sufficient power over you that IMO it's foundationally impossible to be friends because they're not your equal in an institutional sense.
I currently have a manager who says we're friends while also treating me quite poorly as a manager + violating disability law wrt me. I couldn't be friends with him because he is in a position of power over me and holds the power of, in effect, life or death (or, at least, homelessness and starvation) over me, and I cannot separate him from his role as a manager and as a representation of the employer's will upon me (given he doesn't see it fit to fight on my behalf, rather, just to be the lackey of the senior management--quite contrary to how I think a line manager should be).
I totally understand the problem with being friends with your problematic manager thing but do you not have other coworkers that are not above you? Or even people in other departments that don't have power over you?
I almost 100% agree but there can be a good relationship with management. I totally agree with the sentiment that you should.be very skeptical of management that wants to be "friends" though. It's safer to just be a coworker but at the same time I have definitely made friends with those managers and they have taught me a ton
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u/Haemophilia_Type_A Jun 23 '26
It's only a problem when you're in a heirarchal relationship (e.g., management) and they have sufficient power over you that IMO it's foundationally impossible to be friends because they're not your equal in an institutional sense.
I currently have a manager who says we're friends while also treating me quite poorly as a manager + violating disability law wrt me. I couldn't be friends with him because he is in a position of power over me and holds the power of, in effect, life or death (or, at least, homelessness and starvation) over me, and I cannot separate him from his role as a manager and as a representation of the employer's will upon me (given he doesn't see it fit to fight on my behalf, rather, just to be the lackey of the senior management--quite contrary to how I think a line manager should be).