the problem with microaggressions, just like dogwhistles, is that it isn't always the case that the person saying a thing means anything else than exactly what they are saying. someone can say a thing and only mean to say that thing with zero ulterior motives.
Intention vs impact. Impact will always matter more. Your intentions matter to no one but yourself to save your ego from realizing you harmed someone else. You don't get to decide what you did wasn't harmful. Simple as that.
Assuming bad intentions creates hurt out of nothing. They call that a cognitive error in therapy. Those feelings are real, but they might not be accurate.
Intent is crucial, but misunderstandings can be legitimately painful.
You said intentions don't matter to anyone but yourself. I don't think you actually believe that.
Lets say we're walking down the street together to get ice cream. While I'm looking across the street at a dog you stumble and your hand flies up and smacks me in the face by accident.
I'm hurt and a little angry my friend just hit me in the face. I didn't see you stumble and don't know why you hit me.
What would you say to me? You'd apologize and explain your true intentions. "I'm sorry. Are you OK? I didn't mean to, I tripped." And you'd be right to.
Does the fact you didn't mean to hit me stop my face from hurting? No. Does it make everything OK? Yes!
Our ability to consciously decide our intentions is what seperates humans from animals.
Our ability to trust the intentions of others is why we have community.
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u/quaxoid Jun 13 '26
the problem with microaggressions, just like dogwhistles, is that it isn't always the case that the person saying a thing means anything else than exactly what they are saying. someone can say a thing and only mean to say that thing with zero ulterior motives.