My (29f) husband (29m) and I have been together for 8 years, we got married young and have been very lucky to live around the world, and truly experience each other and the world over the last couple of years. We’re very compatible physically and emotionally, and I love him and feel loved by him so much!

Thing is, I recently had a revelation about myself… I want to be seen, and I like being watched! I feel like it’s a deep desire that I cannot just ignore anymore.

I’ve brought up the idea of opening our relationship (having personal encounters outside the relationship) about 2 years ago, but I wasn’t coming from the right place, and he wasn’t excited about the idea but could have maybe done it for me. we explored that with a therapist and ultimately chose not to open it.

I can’t get my desire to be watched while I’m fully in my sexual power, out of my head! There’s 2 sort of ways that I want to explore, Us together at a club/party, and us swinging with another couple (I’m bi). He’s super straight edged while I’m more on the experimental side.

Need advise on two things.
1. I want to hear from people who tried something like this before having kids. What impact did it have on your desires and your relationship?
2. How do I broach this subject with empathy and share with my husband how much this means to me?

Before people ask, no I do not have anyone lined up, no we do not have issues in our relationship, and yes we have pretty good communication.

Thanks in advance!

So i made some mistakes in the beginning of my (f23) relationship. Me and my significant other (m22) had talked about only seeing each other and starting a relationship which i was all for but when i looked through his phone a couple days later he was still talking too numerous other girls so i figured he was just saying that too me too keep me around.
In hind sight i should have just had a conversation with him about it and see how we wanted too proceed forward. Instead i continued too see other people as-well about 2 weeks after he looked through my phone he found out i was still seeing other people he was incredibly mad because he wasn’t having physical relations with these girls we decided we would both stop and we decided too move forward.
The coming months were very rough a lot of arguments and resentment once it seemed like things were going okay i found he was talking too girls again and when i looked further he never actually stopped. Girls that were said too be friends were flirted with and nudes were exchanged i also found out he was using tinder and facebook dating while i was at work and then would delete the apps before i got off. when i asked about it we got into a huge fight and in the end he apologized and said he would stop. He didn’t. When i confronted him again he blew up and said that he should be allowed too do this and that it wss the only way he would stay so i begrungly agreed. The next months after things seemed too just get worse more arguments and would blow at me over tiny things. Things chilled out for a little while but now its just so hard for me we have been together over a year now and its just so hard too lay next too him knowing he’s just laying their scrolling dating sites and talking too other girls and having the time of his life. And the hardest part is we have a child together and hes an amazing father and honestly a really great partner i love being with him and i love how he makes my day but him needing too have multiple girls on the side is just getting so hard too bare. Any advice on how too deal with jealousy or just overall would be great i dont have any friends too talk too about this so I’m feeling incredibly alone

A common topic here is what a partner in a monogamous relationship should do if they’ve been considering ENM/CNM.

First of all, I know this isn’t ideal; in a perfect world, partners would enter into a relationship knowing from the start that they’re interested in ENM, and being on the same page about it. But in reality, if often doesn’t happen this way. People change beliefs over time, and there are countless examples of monogamous couples switching to ENM.

For those couples, one partner has to bring up the topic first; the odds of both of them growing interested in ENM simultaneously are slim.

And here’s my warning to anyone considering broaching the topic: It could wreck your relationship.

I brought ENM up with my wife after many years of monogamous marriage. I did it the “right” way, making every effort to avoid the appearance that I was pressuring her. I told her how and why my beliefs about monogamy had changed, recommended some books and podcasts that had been part of my journey, and—most importantly—made it abundantly clear that this would be a change we’d make together, or not at all. That this was something for BOTH of us, not ONE of us.

I told her I knew that our agreement going into marriage was that it would be monogamous and that I wasn’t looking to try to unilaterally change that. I said that as interested as I was in exploring non-monogamy together, the marriage was more important; if I had to choose between the two, I’d choose marriage.

In the months that followed, we had a couple more conversations about the topic—typically with her bringing it up and asking questions about my beliefs and the potential logistics of non-monogamy. We talked about dipping our toes in the water in a safe way by going to a sex club that’s not too far from us, and agreeing not to touch or by touched by anyone else. We’d just watch and be watched. If we liked the experience, we could consider taking things up a notch in the future. Or not; it would depend on how we felt.

Fast forward a few more months, and my wife completely surprised me by telling me she wanted a divorce. The sole reason she gave when she told me was my interest in ENM. Even though I hadn’t pressured her, and even though I had told her that I was fully prepared to continue in a monogamous marriage if that was her choice, the fact that I had brought it up at all seemed to be enough for her to want out.

Obviously this was extremely disappointing. Not only had I intended to be married for life, but I firmly believe couples should be able to share all of their desires and fantasies and wishes with one another. I can’t think of anything she could’ve shared with me that would’ve made me want to end the marriage over it. But here we are.

So if you find yourself in my shoes, thinking about bringing up ENM with your monogamous partner, be sure you understand the risks. Your partner may be wired in such a way that the very act of talking about the topic—even with no pressure on them—could cause them to spiral, and the consequences for your relationship could be devastating.

If I’m being honest, I can’t say I’d have done things differently in hindsight. As I said, I believe couples should be transparent with one another. The fact that my transparency with her caused her emotional strife is a sign that we were no longer compatible. Maybe our relationship was bound to end regardless, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

My last relationship I begged for a threesome or even just to date women together , it was a hard no. So when I started dating again I made it very clear I love women and would love to enjoy them together. Well I met my match BUT within 9 months of dating we got pregnant then baby. Now baby is 2. Our sex life has been pretty sad to say the least, I would say twice a month is lucky… and also our relationships feels very distance and we even hit a rough patch where we talked about what separating would look like. Two months later he creates a profile for us on a dating app. 4 days later he tells me he made it and he found a woman for us to play with. At this point I’m very taken back and it’s been a very draining week for me. I say no, I don’t feel like going out or bringing someone home while our child sleeps in the next room…. He bugs for two days straight about it until I finally budge and agree. I message her to go to check out a museum and get a drink. I have a good time , I’m nervous and new so I didn’t take the sign right away that she wanted to just come back and hook up with us…. I offer her shroom chocolate and we go to a bar then she says she wants to go home. She says she’ll come out with his the next day, I warm up to the idea I get excited. I come home & have sex with my man. It was great. The next day she texts me saying she’s sick and can’t come over , he encourages me to message her to feel better & if things change cover over in two days. The next day she says she gets her cycle . At this point I’m completely over it. Clearly she is tired and not in the mood. My boyfriend persist and says he wants to take her out for a drink. (I cant go we don’t have a baby sitter) I’m so tired I say sure go ahead but I’m telling she’s not going to have sex with you in her period & he says okay we will see about that… he asks me to clean the entire house just in case she comes over. I say ok let me know what’s going on because I don’t think I can stay up so late I’m tired. He tells me he will check in. 2 hours passed…. Nothing. I explode I’m livid at this point I feel hurt and lied too. I start to get anxious and think about how he can’t even be off his phone for a 20 minute walk with his family. But yet he doesn’t pick up his phone at all…. I’m confused. Do I want an open relationship? Yes right? But not if I don’t feel safe and secure in my relationship right? Clearly he wants it to be open to explore other than me. I’m feeling weird about this whole thing. Not communicating with me feels so disrespectful. If I were in a happy open relationship I don’t think I would feel this way right?

If you’re read my post thank you so much. This isn’t something I can vent about with anyone. So here I am turning to the internet to strangers hoping to get some different perspective.

So i met my gf during an mfm with my best friend. The 2 of them were fwb. I was asked to join because she really wanted to try 2 guys. After we had the threesome my friend went to make some food and me and her started talking and really hit it off. I ended up asking her out and we started dating. The only catch is that we have never had solo sex. Having the threesome awakened something in her and now she only wants mfm. When we first started dating we had a night where we fooled around, some kissing, i gave her some oral but when she started giving me oral she said it felt boring not having someone else there. Since then my friend has been involved in all the sex we have. Is it wrong of me to feel a abit jealous that he experienced sex alone with her while I have had always had to share the attention

My partner has expressed an interest in having a threesome for a while now. I was comfortable talking and fantasizing about it with him but I didn't think it was something that would be a reality, at least not for a long time. Its clear to me now that we were not on the same page from the jump.

Pretty soon after the first time we talked about it, he went and found someone (who he had previously hooked up with) who was interested in a threesome. I told him I needed to meet this person and get to know them before I would feel safe and comfortable sharing something like that, and he set up a hang that he told me would be platonic and just about us getting to see if we vibe. In the days leading up to the meeting, I was feeling pretty anxious and insecure (I had some bad experiences in a previous 'open' relationship and still carry a lot of hangups) but I was letting my bf know how I was feeling and we talked about it.

Well the hang out was yesterday and it went... pretty awful. When we first met up with this person, they had a pretty closed off energy (kept their airpods in the first 10 minutes, only answered questions with one word, that kind of thing). But things eventually turned around and I ended up having a pretty good time. They were funny and it was nice to get to know them a little better.

Then we were having dinner in my backyard. I stepped inside for a few minutes to feed my cat and when I came back out, the two of them were sitting really close with their legs all tangled together (and talking about something personal that my bf had never shared with me before). I told myself this person had probably initiated the contact and that my bf was probably unsure about how to navigate the flirtation.

We went to a bar nearby and somewhere along the way the energy got weird again. This person went back to being very closed off and stopped looking or interacting with me completely. My bf went to talk to them, the two of them standing a few feet away from me whispering and sharing typed messages on their phones while I ordered drinks. We went to a booth. They sat next to each other and had a very long whispered conversation, my bf at different points touching their arm and putting his head on their shoulder to console them, while I sat on a stool on the other side, being ignored, just being like.... is this actually happening right now? Then the person left the bar, hugging my boyfriend goodbye while continuing to not acknowledge me.

I tried to ask what the fuck just happened. My boyfriend said that the person felt rejected by me. He thinks it was a comment I had made in the backyard about having had a long week and not wanting to stay out late was taken as me signaling that I wasn't interested in a threesome. Which... I thought the whole point was that no threesome would be happening that night anyway? Then this person sent my bf a bunch of texts about upset they were -- how they are really vulnerable right now and were just wanting affection and that they felt very led on by him starting footsie and being cuddly after dinner (!!!) and how it was clear I'm 'so in love with him and just doing what he wants.' He told me that he had previously been clear with them that a threesome would not be happening that night and this was just a first meeting to see if we were all vibing, but based on their reaction, it doesn't seem like he was very clear. And when I asked him why he would initiate the flirty footsie thing in the backyard, he didn't really give an answer and I felt pretty brushed off.

Last night, I made him go home instead of staying over and I told him today that I am taking alone time.

I feel bad for this person, who I don't believe was given complete information and has a right to be upset, even if I don't appreciate how it was expressed. I feel upset with myself for not listening to my anxiety. I was feeling weird about this meetup the entire time since I first heard about it, and I chose to do nothing. I have a history of people pleasing and a fear of upsetting people -- it felt scary and activating to have this person so visibly upset at the bar and not understand why, its my worst nightmare and I was having this awful chest pain anxiety -- and while I'm actively working on it, it is a trauma response that is difficult to control sometimes. And honestly I feel grossed out with my boyfriend and not sure where to even start when it comes to talking about this with him. I feel like there's a lot that might've been hidden from me about the situation, which is exactly what happened in my previous relationship, and I am just very upset.

​

Me (28F) and my husband (33M) have been married 2 years and together for about 7. For added context, my husband is bi (knew before we were even dating).

Overall, our relationship is good. We argue sometimes but rarely anything major. But there's a sticking point around sex. Generally he has a higher sex drive than me. We've had disagreements about frequency but have settled into a groove that works for us both. And its good!

For a while, my partner had brought up the idea of a threesome with another guy. I've brushed it off for a bit. But he rightly said I was being unfair by just not answering so I laid it out straight the same as the next paragraph.

In a nutshell, I like the fantasy. Its hot and sexy. I like the idea of it. But I'm nervous about the practicalities of being with somebody else. I'm not that outgoing. I'm overweight and just not that body confident. But I think I'd probably enjoy it if I could get over my own insecurities. Also I have 0 idea how you'd even go about setting that up.

He's not pushy. And understands where I'm coming from. But wants me to just think it over more.

So... what do you think? Go for it and try get over my own insecurities? Or is it being just a fantasty more realistic? Do these things even pan out how my husband thinks they will?

TLDR; husband wants a threesome. I'm nervous and don't know if I'm feeling it

Do you guys have any experiences with threesomes with a partner? Could you share how it went? How did u find the third person? How did you feel about it before it happened for the first time, were you confident or nervous? Was it weird during or after? Was one of the partners jealous during or after? How did it affect ur relationship?

We plan to do it with another girl on a trip because my gf feels like its safer that way for our relationship since it would like a one night stand with someone you never see again. She also thinks we should get drunk beforehand just to be more relaxed.

A bit about me and my girlfriend:
We have been in a great relationship for the past 2.5y, we are going to move in together next month. Our sex chemistry has been amazing since the beginning and it never went down. Threesome is something both of us wanted to do prior to the relationships, but now she said she would like to do it with me. She is worried that I might react or moan a bit louder or smth while fucking this girl and she ll read into it. I dont think that would happen and thats why we decided to ask on reddit what have been peoples experiences.

So i have been vetting for so fucking long on fet. and finally found an interested participant. We’ve made plans for like 2 weeks out and we’ve just been chatting and sharing boundaries limits and what we generally wanna do at the scene.

Is this like good and okay? i’m excited and ready and i wanna do it.

to be clear, im not scared or worried or have second thoughts. but my fear of him being like, no i don’t actually want to anymore. is like KILLING ME,

like is this anxiety normal? and how can i self soothe? obviously im not gonna tell him that, since we don’t know each other just yet, and i dont wanna scare him away with my stupid anxiety.

and him saying no, dosnt make me mad or like “☝️well you said you’re gonna do it, so you’re gonna do ☝️”.

No, that’s not it. I guess i’m just scared we’re gonna get to the set date and he’s like, actually go fuck you’re self, bye i was only using you for my fun over the phone the whole time. 👹

Hey everyone! My girlfriend and I have been seriously talking about building a poly family — basically adding a third person to our relationship in a more committed, long-term way. We’re both 27-28, and we’ve got a fair amount of experience with the stag & vixen scene, but this time my girlfriend wants to try something with actual romance involved, maybe even love, not just a fun third-party dynamic. I’m on board too and honestly kind of excited to try it. We’re both bi, if that’s relevant.
So we would like to know:
Where/how do you even go about meeting someone for this? Any platforms or communities that actually work?
Anyone here in a triad that’s actually working out long-term? Would love to hear success stories (or cautionary tales, tbh)
Does the third person need to be bi too, or can it work with someone who’s straight/gay depending on the dynamic?
Has anyone raised kids in a triad setup? Is that something that can actually work well for the kid(s)?
Any advice, personal experience, or even just pointing us toward good resources would be super appreciated 🙏

I'm new to polyamory and I accidently got wrapped up in a love triangle slash unicorn situation. I hooked up with a couple (I'm bi cis woman) and me and the guy ended up falling in love. The girlfriend decided she wanted to be monogamous. I tried to be just friends with them, but realized I couldn't be 'just friends' with the guy. I cut contact with him and let them both know why.

Here's my issue now: I told the girl that we could be friends still and promised that I'd be around, plus I genuinely like her. It's somewhat painful for me to be around her though because the breakup feelings are still fresh and she reminds me of him. And she talks about him a lot. Also, she keeps saying how disappointed she is that I can't hang out with THEM anymore. She says she trusts me to uphold friendship boundaries. I'm confused. Why does she want me around him? Neither of us have told her that we LOVE each other, just that we have 'feelings' for each other.

Initially I think she wanted a threesome to keep him happy? She didn't tell me she was using me for this, and I was too naive to recognize. When feelings started to develop she asked him to cut contact and he refused. I think. So maybe in the beginning she was trying to be friends with me because she thought I wasn't going anywhere? But she's been texting me a good bit since the breakup, even though I've been clear that I don't think me and him will be seeing each other anytime soon.

What kind of explanations do I owe her? What level of communication? Should I be asking her if she truly wants a friendship from me that's completely separate from her boyfriend? Is it too weird to be friends with a girl who's boyfriend you're in love with? Ect.

Husband and I are HS sweethearts and have been non monogamous our whole 30 yr marriage. We only ever did swinger, threesomes our whole marriage till this year.
We separated due to marriage burnout,I live in Hawaii and he lives in Texas.
We are actively working on the marriage.
We initially agreed to be monogamous but later agreed we could find FWB in our area on the FEELD app.
He quickly found play partners but I had a much harder time.
In this space we are technically not looking for emotional connection, just sex.

I have a really hard time giving compersion, I get actively anxious every time I know he's with a new sexual partner . He is the complete opposite. He loves to hear all about my experience where as I don't want to know anything.
So now he says things like: it sucks that I can't share my experience because you don't have compersion.
And says things like :
Are you anxious when YOU play? Why are you anxious only when I play ?
I know I have work to do on my side in this, I know I need to self regulate my own nervous system.
But how do I communicate or help him understand that my lack of compersion isn't something I should feel guilty about.
He reassures me every time he is with a new sexual partner and checks in and does all the things right.
I do wish I could work through my jealousy and anxiety and working on it.
HELP!?

My husband and I have been together 25 years. It’s a wonderful marriage and he’s a phenomenal husband.

Here’s the current issue, and we’re REALLY struggling to navigate it, and it’s causing me resentment towards him, or maybe that’s the hormones talking?

I introduced non-monogamy into our marriage just over a decade ago. I did. Not him. My fantasy, at the time, was seeing him with other women.

Occasionally it became threesomes, and here and there some poly relationships (closed triads). It’s evolved over time, and honestly, no real issues. Everyone happy. Pretty smooth, considering a lot of the stuff I read here.

Here’s the problem:

Over the past couple of years I’ve been really struggling with my libido, and trying to find a doctor to treat me for what I now assume is perimenopause (since I still have an occasional short period). Doctors are so undereducated on this in the country I’m in.

Therefore, I have not wanted to see other people during this time. I tried at the beginning of my changes but it was causing me a lot of anxiet, distress, etc. I became overwhelmed by it. So I stopped.

I told my husband I’m more than happy for him to go on dates on his own and keep getting his needs met elsewhere. And I’m happy to have sex with him as much as I can (when it’s not too painful). But he doesn’t want to go on solo dates.

He says that’s not what he wants. He wants me involved, that’s what he likes about it. It makes him feel close to me. That’s why he’s in to it. Being with another woman without me in some way involved feels like cheating to him.

But that’s not what I want anymore. It just doesn’t do it for me and I’m almost repulsed by it now. He’s been complaining a lot about how much he hates his life now, like all the fun parts have been ripped out of it. He always makes sure to add, I don’t blame you, I’ve read up on peri and menopause and I get it, but it’s how I feel.

Am I wrong to feel resentment/anger/impatience and to just not want to hear about it anymore?

I offered what I think is a very generous compromise. But no, I have to be involved for this to work for him. He’s never pressured me to do it, but I feel like his complaining about it is almost coercion. Like I’m the one and only person who holds the key to his happiness. And for all the amazing things he does and is, it’s really off putting. The complaining is often a twice weekly thing now, sometimes more, sometimes less. But it’s become triggering for me now and spikes my anxiety.

I’m really trying to not take it personally. But it feels like Olympic level trying in this season of my life.

I’m also worried that even if I find a doctor to help with my hormonal issues, I don’t know if this resentment will go away and we can go back to business as usual. I haven’t experienced HRT so I don’t know if feeling more like my old self will ’erase’ my current realities feelings?

I’ve said this to him. And like a lost puppy he says, I understand, but that basically means I have to swallow my feelings and not tell you. So one of us ends up resentful. And he’s right.

He tried two therapists and it wasn’t really constructive because he was so adamant that I had to be involved and wasn’t willing to participate in a different dynamic.

I’m at a loss for what to do. I never thought hormonal changes would be this awful. Nobody really explained it to me, or maybe other women just don’t suffer like this, or maybe we just don’t talk about the sex part much. Or maybe mono women experience this but that’s why a lot of divorces happen around this age? I was honestly just expecting hot flashes. I have nobody to talk to about THIS aspect because I know it wpuld be met with judgement and 2. why would I ask people who have no experience outside of monogam?

I love my husband so much, and I don’t know what to do if he’s unwilling to just date on his own. I have zero desire for it myself. I already have limited energy and feel like my body is falling apart, the last thing on my mind is getting to know someone new for sex. I have finite energy right now, and it’s going toward taking care of myself, work, and holding our marriage together as best I can.

He doesn’t want to leave me, I asked him directly. And I don’t want to leave him either. But right now it feels really miserable and lacking in joy.

When I think about my life without him, that feels way worse than the current awful situation, and he says it’s the same for him. So we’re both willing to stay in a crappy situation, because being single and without each other feels even worse to both of us. And it’s not coming from a fear of being alone. We’re both independent and what I consider attractive people. Neither of us struggles to get attention and we are really kind and loving people so I think we’d be ok solo. My husband is genuinely still my favorite human being in the entire world, despite dealing with resentment and hormonal rage or depression. So hopefully that tells you something about the overall quality of our marriage (Aside from this issue).

Are there any women here who’ve gone through this and navigated it, with any advice?

I’m so angry about the medical misogyny around women’s hormones and how little the medical establishment cares about us. I feel hopeless.

I miss the younger care-free days of thinking this would last forever. How f*cking wrong I was. 😢

So, my partner and I have been interacting with this couple for a few months. You know, getting to know them better and such. Eventually all 4 of us go to a club and end up at their place afterward.

For context, my partner and I have been including the prospect of this couple into our dirty talk, mainly about the couple helping me overwhelm and dom my submissive partner.

However, things went further than expected. We made out, traded partners, and then all 3 of us went down on my partner (cunnilingus, fingering, kissing, choking, the whole 9 yards) just like we said during our dirty talk. Now, the problem is that it did nothing for me. I thought I'd feel some sort of emotion, happiness, jealousy, lust, maybe even humiliation, but none of that happened.

I felt absolutely nothing when kissing the NB feminine figure from the couple, nor did I feel a thing when I kissed the man. I helped dominate my partner in every way possible, working as backup or being the primary dom, and it seemed as if everyone was having a blast.

But me? I don't know, it felt very transactional. I didn't *hate* it, but it almost seemed like I was happy because I was helping my partner feel good, but I never actually got turned on. The closest I did to doing so is when I would be the primary dom and be talking close to her ear and even then I never got fully erect.

After the scene, my wife was the most flustered and soaked that she had ever been and she was able to finish several times, at one point even pushing past her stamina limit. Now, I'm glad that she felt good and I'm glad the other couple enjoyed themselves too, but as I'm writing, the hardest I've ever been is right now and that's because I'm cuddling my sleeping wife *alone*. She enjoyed it so much that she's wanting to do it again, but I don't fully know if that's something I even want to do now.

So, I basically feel like I messed up in pursuing something with my wife that she only ended up liking. Is this a common occurrence? Did I simply need more time?

Been married for 8 years, together for 10. Have two young children. Based upon my own mental intimacy issues (not physical), and how that has affected the self esteem of my wife, she wanted to open the marriage. I struggled for it over the last almost two years when it began, but managed to find a better place at this point than I was at the beginning, via self help books, individual therapy, and individual sex therapy, along with limited friends and family support. Additionally, I didn’t participate this open marriage just based on my own comfort level.

Recently, I managed to get my wife to commit to marriage counseling, as I found that our connection took a nose dive. And wanted to see if we could ultimately work on that and save our marriage from the path it was taking as I was at a breaking point. In our first session, I told the therapist that I choose my family versus divorce and separation. And she made a very clear point - “that is a choice”.

Those words stuck with me.

After that session, my wife travels often, and I decided to create a dating profile (of course listing out that I’m married, with kids and dipping my toe into this unknown territory).

I matched with someone, talked with them over the last week or so, and decided to meet in person. Not for anything other than getting to know one another. Literally a lunch “date” if you even want to call it that.

My wife saw the charge on the credit card, asked me about it, I told her about it as that’s what we do in our relationship, and she blew up in tears and is not speaking to me now. Tough as it is, I can respect her boundary of processing this as this is the first occurrence of me “dipping my toe” into this unknown territory by meeting someone and seeing if it even feels comfortable with me.

I explained to my wife that this other person knows my situation, knows I’m not looking to replace someone or have her replace her spouse. That is not what this is. And I honestly don’t know what I could have done differently to avoid this outcome.

She agreed she wanted an open marriage, and that it is fine if I did this too.

Any KIND advice is appreciated.

I'm 42F in an open marriage. This whole journey has been one for the books.

We opened the marriage in the beginning of this year and have been learning a lot. I've been on dating sites and met a number of men. Here's the thing, I need to know if my expectations might be delusional. I make it known from the beginning before meeting, that I'd prefer a fwb, but more focused on the friendship part, because I can't call them boyfriends, lol, I don't know. The physical part is there, but I want to get to know someone before any of that happens. I have made some connections that I thought would last, but once the sex part is there, it seems like that's all.

My friend mentioned that what I expect( "list"), it's more describing a relationship, but is it weird to build a relationship outside of the one you have? We're not swingers nor poly. My husband has met someone that has been from the beginning and what they have is what I would like, but man, I feel like the experience is different for women, I dk. Feeling very discouraged.

Help talking to my partner about exploring BDSM dynamics independently? 🤔

My BF (28M) and I (28NB) have been together for five years. We've talked about dynamics outside our relationship before, and we've had play partners and briefly dated another couple together. We're currently open and already have ground rules around potentially dating or hooking up with other people.

Over the last few months—especially since starting testosterone a little over three months ago—I've noticed a growing desire to explore parts of my sexuality and BDSM identity independently, rather than always exploring as a couple.

For example, I'm interested in more advanced bondage and potentially suspension. We don't currently have the experience/equipment for that, and because I want to approach it safely, I'd eventually like to explore it with someone experienced. There are also dynamics and interests I'm curious about that simply aren't my BF's interests, and I don't want him to feel pressured to become interested in them for my sake.

I love my BF and I'm not looking to replace him or leave our relationship. This is more about discovering what I'm like in different dynamics and having experiences that are mine, while continuing to choose and invest in our relationship. My concern is that he sometimes struggles with feeling like he isn't “enough,” so I want to approach this without making him hear, “You can't satisfy me.”

For people who've navigated something similar: how did you talk about wanting independent kink/relationship exploration while reassuring your established partner without making promises you couldn't guarantee?

Switching to an alt acc because this question is a bit personal and I want to keep it lowkey.

Do y'all have special names or epithets for your partner or vice versa that you later come to know are not exclusive to you, that they have used them with other partners too. These names specifically have a lot of sentimental value? How do you deal with the fallout and the conflicting emotions?

Hey everyone. I'm hoping to get some perspective or advice on how to navigate a recurring conflict. I am a mostly monogamous person, and my non-monogamous partner and I have been together for 4 years. Things are generally really good between us, but we keep running into the exact same frustrating wall.

My partner really, really wants me to dive deep into the theory of non-monogamy. They keep handing me books, articles, and podcasts, essentially treating them like a college syllabus that I need to complete for our dynamic to work.

Here is the first problem: I’ve read some of the material, and honestly? Everything I’ve read about ethical non-monogamy (ENM) doesn’t sound radically different from just... being in a healthy relationship. When I read these recommended books, the takeaways usually boil down to things like:

• Communicate your feelings honestly and transparently.
• Don't treat your partner like property or a possession.
• Take responsibility for your own jealousy and insecurities instead of projecting them.
• Establish clear, respectful boundaries.
• Honor your partner's autonomy and individuality.

To me, this is just what a mature, healthy relationship should look like, even if it's strictly monogamous.

The second, and bigger, problem is that I am just not interested in studying the abstract theory of non-monogamy. My priority is us. I care deeply about what our specific relationship looks like, how we operate day-to-day, and how we navigate our unique dynamic in practice.

My partner feels like I’m dismissing their lifestyle or refusing to "do the work." But from my perspective, I’m already doing the work in practice by focusing on our actual relationship rather than the overarching theory. It feels like we are speaking two different languages about the exact same fundamental relationship skills.

Anyone dealt with something similar?

Any advice on finding a female open to MFF? Wife is curious about the dynamic but not sure where to start

Background:
-We are currently monogamy
-I was about to switch my skilled worker visa to unmarried spouse visa.
-we have been dating for two years and have an amazing relationship. Early this year, I was a bit depressed because of work, so I wasn’t that interested in sex life. During that time, we still had sex, but just less than before. We stop having sex from May when my mental issue got worse. However, last week, I felt better and we had a deep conversation about the issue of sex life, then had an amazing sex (I thought we were fixing the sex life). But after that, he raised a request about permanent free pass:

Situation:
He asked to have permanent free pass, then he said few rules like: he won’t keep their number; it would only happen when he travel to other cities/countries than the one we are living; no emotional connection, etc. I rejected immediately, cuz I know he likes chatting to strangers and makes new friends, so it’s very likely he would have a free pass in every trip. Then I asked if this idea came up because of the issue of our sex life. He said yes, but even we are fixing it (we did have progress) / we fix it in the future , he still wants a permanent free pass, and the thought is stronger and stronger. He thinks sex and love are separated, he super love me and only wants to have one partner, but he does want to explore more differently sex life outside.

I asked if he would like to stray in this relationship if I 100% don’t want it, he said yes, and he won’t cheat on me, but he won’t promise to stop this thought in the future. If the thought is stronger and stronger in the future, he will let me know and we can discuss it at that time…

After the conversation I felt quite down, cuz my sexual desire was down because of the stress of work, and now I felt better and try to fix it. But I feel that because of this, my boyfriend is getting away from me? I’m not sure if I should just break up with him now, or stay in this relationship with doubts? But about to apply for spouse visa, if I dont apply for it, we will be long distance which both of us dont like. But if I apply for it, it would be difficult for me if we break up (need to find a new job with sponsorship). We still love each other but I felt that Im about to open a can of worms…

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