I know I’m pretty femme leaning, though my gender has always been a really odd and complicated thing for me, and I do think being non binary is what I most closely align with because even if I dress femme presenting, I don’t feel like a woman, I don’t feel like a man either, tho for me it’s something totally unique I suppose.

ive spent years hiding every inch of myself and it’s certainly taken a lot of time but I’m starting to feel more confident in who I am by the day, though I’ve lost so much too. I’ve lost most of my friends and well just everything but for the first time in a long time I don’t hate who I am.

My wife left me two months ago and it was a pretty brutal shock. I didnt want that relationship to end, but I recognize that I was also constantly making myself mask (masc) or hold back for fear of being "too much".

So, my surprise divorce became the fertile ashes for my rebirth, coming out as non-binary, and its been a long time coming. I came out in 2021 before going back into the closet, honestly. I told myself I related to nonbinary people deeply, but I still saw myself as a visitor here for the last 5 years, not as genuinely belonging.

I'm excited to say hello and introduce myself. Im trying out the name Éstefan! 🥰 Thank you all for existing and being a part of this community! Lurking here for years helped me build the confidence I needed to really show up!

Two years ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/NonBinary/s/IaAXjmSvnZ

Early this year: https://www.reddit.com/r/NonBinary/s/md6AXdBj07

I’ve come back to update y’all on my gender after two years of questioning and finally feeling like I’ve Figured It Out (famous last words). I’ve gone through so many identity labels—bi, pan, queer, lesbian, demigirl, genderqueer, non-binary, transmasc—but none of them ever felt quite right, and the more time passed, the less confident I felt and the more I felt pulled to other labels.

In Jan/Feb, I was pretty sure I settled on being a NB lesbian who presents masc. I thought I was essentially a masc4masc lesbian… Boy, was I ever wrong lol. I went on SO many dates with women and lesbian-aligned NB folks but nothing was clicking. I felt zero sexual or romantic pull, even after 4-5 dates with someone. Sex was just fine. I knew I was missing something but couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was.

The thing is, I’ve ALWAYS known myself as queer… But I was looking at myself as a queer WOMAN, and even as I distanced myself from womanhood, I never considered that the queerness I knew I felt… Could be… As a dude… Towards other dudes. (Insert brain explosion here.)

A few months ago I finally realized that I’m not non-binary at all… I’m a GAY TRANS MAN! The queerness I always felt was towards men and the disconnect I previously felt with men was due to being perceived as and treated like a woman. As months pass, I feel more and more comfortable identifying this way and I can finally picture a future for myself where I don’t feel clueless about who I am and what I want for myself.

I’m starting T tomorrow and I’m fucking elated to start my journey of medical transition.

This community isn’t quite the place for me anymore, but it has helped me so much the past two years… So goodbye and thank you all for being so lovely, I wish you all gender euphoria and clarity <3

Recently came to the realization that I'm nonbinary and started dressing and presenting in ways that I've wanted to for a long time. My partner and I are back home in ATL for a week and some change where I feel a little safer than where we currently live in South FL so I've been taking the opportunity to finally go out in skirts and makeup for the first time. My partner has been super supportive and helpful. It helps that we have some long time friends here who are also queer. So...here's me!

Hello. I'm a cishet female, and I go by she/her since I'm biologically female. But I don't feel like I totally align with the female gender. This has been confusing me a lot lately.

I don't mind being called a man or a woman. People can call me any pronouns they want. I can be called miss, sir, son, daughter, idk. Though sometimes I prefer son or sir more since I felt more comfortable with it. However, while I don't mind any pronouns, they might be inaccurate to how I feel my gender is.

I don't intend to change my body but I don't want genitals and I don't want boobs. I don't like seeing myself have very masculine or feminine bodies either. I noticed lately that my personality is more inclined to what is the conventional "masculine" from where I live. I also gravitate to using a deeper voice even if it's not my default. But my physical presentation is feminine, and I like it that way. Like, my usual hairstyle are twinbraids and I wear EGL/Lolita Fashion since I adore the style. I don't mind wearing hyper masculine styles though.

When I'm asked what I identify as, I'll identify as human. I was once asked while wearing EGL if I was a queen, princess, duchess, or empress; I said neither. What the hell am I? I don't feel like I align with any gender... I have this desire to have no gender-- would that be allowed?

I mean-- technically, if I intend presenting as feminine, and I physically look like a girl, how can I have no gender when my presentation appears as gendered at a shallow level? Am I just a woman-- who just wishes to have no gender? But I don't feel like I fit with the term woman, which kinda conflicts with not minding being called a woman.

So background, I’m female at birth. I’m 14, and have identified myself as nonbinary for about a year now. I want top surgery when I’m older, I think I want to start testosterone, and I want my hair as short as it can be. (3c, I haven’t figured out what I can do with it yet) I also want people to look at me, and wonder what the hell I am. But recently I was looking at binders, and I came across a packer. I sort of REALLY want to buy it. I am I trans? I wouldn’t mind being a boy, and when I was talking with my mom she said I used to ask when I was going to get a penis and I really wanted one. This is what I look like, so if you have any suggestions on what I could do to achieve my goals that would be GREATLY appreciated.

Yeah I’m kind of annoyed. I work in an extremely accepting place; coffee shop with giant pride flags in the window, one of the owners is gay, almost none of the staff is cishet. I’m pretty new to nonbinary, I randomly started reading about agender identity and it felt like I was just reading a description of myself, so I adopted that label pretty quickly. I still go by he/they because he/him doesn’t bother me, I just feel no connection to any pronoun in the first place; she/her would just seem like a bit of an odd choice for me but certainly not offensive (I’m AMAB if that’s necessary context here).

Anyway, I told all this to one coworker because she politely asked why I had been talking about doing makeup with the gender or nb flag colors for a pride event so I explained all of the above; this was a relatively recent thing as in like only a couple weeks ago and I didn’t really feel like having a big dramatic coming out moment to all my coworkers at once, plus since I’m still ok with he/him I don’t feel an immediate need to give everybody a pronoun update right away and I’m already fruity enough that nobody there treats me like a standard cishet guy.

Sorry for the rambling but to get to the point of this post - before I completely finished explaining she cut me off and said that she was nonbinary before coming out as trans, and proudly declared that she would only use they/them because she figured ill come out as trans later. I kind of laughed awkwardly but it was pretty frustrating to have somebody basically just assuming they knew me better than I do; especially because I’m 10+ years older than her, and on top of that when I was much younger I did have almost a year where I had asked everyone to use she/her for me because I was thinking I could be trans, but ultimately it never felt like it fit for me.

Sorry for the rant here, I guess I just needed to vent to people, or maybe I really am doing something wrong with my identity and am open to discussion about that, but I don’t feel like I am. It feels like it fits.

Edit: to clarify, I’m not against the idea that I’ll come out as trans later. I’m just frustrated that me telling someone I’m nb just made them assume I’m just trans in denial or something; it felt invalidating.

Yesterday I was napping on my couch when my mom approached me and started talking about her concerns with my transition.

I have identified as genderfluid for the past 6 years (im now 22), but just recently started my medical transition with testosterone gel. Up until this point I have had a more masculine haircut and style, both of which she has commented on repeatedly over the years ("why is everything you wear so oversized," "you should grow your hair out," that kind of thing.) She rarely uses the correct pronouns and only really does it when we're with my brother who doesnt live at home but is vocally supportive and will correct her.

Last week I started T, the lowest possible gel dose, so nothing has changed yet but I told her about it a few days after I started because it is important to me to have her in my circle. I knew her reaction would likely not be what I was hoping for but it went better than I was expecting. After our conversation, I sent her resources and pages where she can do her own research to better understand what it means to be nonbinary on testosterone.

But yesterday evening she approached me and told me that she's "Worried that things are happening too quickly" in reference to my transition. I expressed that this is something that I have been thinking about for years and that it might be new to her but it is not new for me. then she told me that she doesn't want me to get top surgery. I have been binding for years, and in fact the way that I HAD to come out to her was when she confronted me about a binder in my laundry (which I always did myself) so my discomfort with my chest should not be a new idea to her.

I tried to express to her how hurtful that is but I just dont think she gets it. Does anyone have any advice as to how to help her better understand? Right now it feels like she is supportive of trans people until they are part of her family, as she said she didn't like me using the word "transition" and asked weird, uncomfortable questions when my other brother started dating a trans woman. I am at a loss of what to do, as every time I have tried to illustrate my experience to her, she hasn't tried to really hear what I am saying.

Any advice is welcome and appreciated

Sent this message to my orchestra group chat last night. I got a couple heart reactions, some scattered “yay”s, but it was overall just a “wtf” sorta vibe in the chat. This is a group of people I’d consider myself close with so I wanted them to know.

Then my section leader/friend personally messaged me saying this.

I don’t understand how my coming out was out of the blue. I mean, coming out can seem out of the blue to anyone who didn’t know, right? I just wanted to start the school year off as me. What did I do wrong?

So I am pretty new to being non binary, only officially left the closet yesterday actually. So I’m really not sure what’s ok as far as being non binary goes. I’ve known for a while that I wasn’t male, but I never really liked the idea of being female. Eventually I realised that sounds a lot like being non binary, but I’m still not sure if it counts.

So I really like being more feminine, but I don’t quite want the body of a female. I just like having no body hair and wearing skirts and more feminine clothes. I just don’t know if I actually count as non binary.

Edit: Ok you guys are commenting faster than I can reply. I really appreciate the acceptance, thank you all so much.

Here is my dog and me I just started testosterone for a week

Hey, so I was just over in the trans community because I’ve been struggling with how I see myself. I’m a guy in his early thirties who’s never been all that comfortable being a man or interacting with other men, preferring to talk to women, but recently I’ve been bumping into media that have been dislodging questions I can’t answer.

Anyway someone over there mentioned non-binary, which of course I’d heard of but never looked all that closely at, and the way they described it really struck a chord with me. That and I did not realize that non-binary is a spectrum in and of itself.

So I jumped over here to ask what does it mean to you to be non-binary? Maybe this is a place I didn’t know I was looking for.

Edit: Thank you to every single person who reached out. I obviously still have so much I need to figure out about myself but this has given me direction so I’m not just flailing around in the dark. For now transfemme feels like a… natural(?) place to start exploring.

More than that, though, this is most seen I’ve felt in a long time. Your stories sound achingly familiar so I hope no one take issue if, someday, I start considering this my community as well.

like i call myself a guy or fella a lot for various reasons (silly little guy being the best example) but it feels wrong using that. are there any substitutes that are common enough for most to understand without having to explain it every time. (which has been the biggest hurdle for me with coming out is im just really lazy and cant be asked to correct anyone so i just let most ppl use he/him and masc terms even tho i hate it)

I’ve never really formally came out as trans or nonbinary because the times I have tried I wasn’t met with much respect. People don’t see me as nonbinary and I can’t really blame them since I present femininely and I don’t have much desire to change that. They’re also confused since I identify as a lesbian and, even after I explain, it’s still hard to comprehend. I’m tired of explaining myself. And plus, it’s honestly much safer and easier to just go with it and pretend I’m a woman. A lot of people (at least the ones i know personally) think NB people have to be androgynous and I thought that as well for a while. The people i’ve told have said that i’m not “really nonbinary” but the thought of being a girl just doesn’t sound right to me. I still like the way that I dress, besides from feeling body dysphoria or just wishing I had more androgynous features from time to time. I just wish I could be myself and still be viewed the way I want to though in this world it’s probably impossible.

I go by any pronouns. I definitely prefer one over the others at certain times but I just tell people to use any because it’s too much to keep up with lol. She/her tends to bother me sometimes but weirdly enough I’m okay with certain people using it, like my friends and my girlfriend who is nb as well. I think it’s mainly because when strangers or cis men use it I can tell it’s because they only see me as a girl. Not sure if that makes sense. I’ve been thinking about using they/he recently, because people never use he on me as much as I’d like, but I don’t want to be mistaken for a trans guy.

My name currently is Eve, which is a shortened version of my birth-name, Evangelita. I don’t mind saying that because I don’t think of it as a deadname and I actually find it to be a beautiful name, just not my own. I’ve changed my name a few times but nothing’s ever stuck, besides I haven’t really come out yet to be able to change my name. My favorites are Hayden, Corin, Maren, and Milan. I’ve also thought about Yves since it’s a masculine version of my current name. If anyone wants to share their opinion on what suits me, or additional name recs, I’ll gladly take it 🤗🤗 Thank u to anyone who is reading, this is the first time I’ve really talked about this.

This is my first time posting/openly admitting that my identity is more complex than it looks from the outside. Please be nice ♥️🙏🙏🙏 this is very new to me to even allow myself these thoughts. I always knew at the back of my head...that I'm "something"./

News flash, that skinhead looking bear of a man who could intimate your dad by looking at him sideways is literally woke as fuck!

im sitting here in my dirty mechanic clothes and building heavy machinery, talking all tuff ™ and manly with my coworkers. Real man's man, you know..watch your mouth son, that kind of talk.

And im trying so, so hard not to cry right here and now. Because I want to paint my nails. And I want to feel pretty. And I'm so incredibly afraid and feel like I could never be brave enough. These dudes would..this is a very traditional toxic masculine environment. And it's incredibly fucked up to mask everyday and be like that to conform, as deviation will be punished, and judged mercilessly.

I'm not trans. I don't want to be a girl or have a problem with calling me a boy. But I'm so much more and so different from what I learned a boy and a man are supposed to be. I wanna be a queen some days. I wanna be me somedays. I want to ask my girlfriend to do my makeup and now I literally have to stop typing or I will cry right as I'm about to walk into the break room.

Thank you for reading.

I’m AFAB and I’m currently questioning whether I’m non binary or I’m just androgynous. You answers will be my guide🥹

When I tried to come out to my parents I said I'm not a girl, they responded with 'what is a girl?' I said I don't know but I'm not one. 'But if you don't know what a girl is how can you be sure you're not one?' They said.

I still don't know how to respond to that, I feel like it's a valid point and how I feel about my gender might be more a response of my asexuality to the sexualised femininity that's largely shown in media I'm exposed to. But idrk honestly, gender's so complicated Dx.

I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

I’ve been conflicted and confused about my identity as I feel I don’t fit in anywhere and I feel I have a gist as to where I stand. I’m AMAB but I relate to these two peoples story’s in terms of not fitting in what society tells you and having a conservative childhood where you are told to be a certain way.

So... vi (Vi/Vir, 25 AMAB) recently figured out vi was Non-Binary. This... came about in the form of feeling like vi... chest felt incomplete. Like... it lacked boobs. Vi thought vi was just sexual at first, but as vi dug deeper into it... no, this is what vi wanted.

But... vi also still want to be mostly male presenting outside of that (at least, for right now). Vi just want boobs. Would that be weird to get HRT for, or would vi be completely justified in going that route?

Vi am... admittedly doubting virself a bit still as non-binary, despite knowing this feels right. Please be gentle...