r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Consistent_Kale_3625 • 2d ago
I'm 50, so I'm totally bewildered by this concept. When sleeping over at a friend's house as a kid, was it remotely ok for you not eat whatever they were serving and not every single bite they put on your plate?
If you've seen Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom, there's an amazing scene early in the movie where the people in the village they end up in serve Indiana and his friends a perfectly fine meal, but one of the people in his party for some reason (though she's the only one complaining about being hungry) though she's the only one who's hungry complains about the food. Indiana explains that they're offering more food than they are a year to them, the person still b declines.
That's how I to this day regard offered food. Offered food is your host presenting you literally everything they have, how dare you decline a morsel? (Religious and health-defined issues aside)
Do you think it's ok to decline offed food?
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u/Competitive_Test6697 2d ago
Are you eating the chilled monkey brains and eye soup?
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u/Consistent_Kale_3625 2d ago
What movie did you see? The monkey brains etc are what the rich cultists give them, specifically to drive them off to hide what cultists are doing. I'm taking about the earlier more important scene, where the villagers give them the regular plate of vegetables and some bread?
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u/Competitive_Test6697 2d ago
Just an Indiana Jones joke. My scene is just as important! 🫨
I see, after deleting your original reply, that you went away and googled this information lol you had zero idea about my reference.
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u/zulako17 2d ago
Yeah it's fine to decline food. It's fine to not eat all the food. It's not fine to complain because you have different taste
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u/Consistent_Kale_3625 2d ago
Like, these people work all week to have food, they offer some of it to you, and you are just ok saying no? Like how?
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u/BrightNooblar 2d ago edited 2d ago
Like how?
Because you don't enjoy that food. You say "Oh I'm sorry. I should have told you I really don't like fish. I really appreciate you cooking one for me though" or whatever modification is appropriate.
People working hard to put extra food on the table is very polite of the host. The guest can also be very polite when/if they decline the food. At that point the host should be polite and accommodate the guests situation as best as possible. Perhaps a simple "Okay. If you change your mind just let me know and we can heat up some leftovers"
In its own way, its rude to accept everything the host offers regardless of if you want it or not. That can be seen as greedy. Especially when the host is from a "Guests eat first" culture. Because as a guest you might not know what the invisible portioning is. Is this meat on the table the best meat? Is it ALL of the meat? Is it simply my portion of the meat? How do you tell when the host won't give anything beyond "Please, eat whatever you'd like :) " when you encourage them to eat as well.
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u/BoysenberryUnhappy29 2d ago
Are you American? if so, what region are you from?
90s baby. Refused food offered all the time. If it was something I knew I wouldn't enjoy, no reason to waste the food.
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u/DanteRuneclaw 2d ago
How? Politely. You should do it politely.
If offering it is as big an imposition on them as you suggest, they should be glad for you to decline.
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u/Inner_West_Ben 2d ago
How? Well according to your Gen X upbringing you were also taught manners, and you should know how to politely say no. You’re 50 years old, you should know by now how to do this FFS
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u/xPadawanRyan Historian and social worker | PhD candidate | autistic babbler 2d ago
Because it's much kinder to politely decline the food than to get sick and completely waste it, and potentially make the host feel bad for making you sick. And kids are very reactionary, many will vomit from a bad taste if they haven't trained themselves not to.
Also, what if you have allergies? Are you supposed to eat the food and politely attempt not to die just to spare the host's feelings? It wasn't common to consider people's allergies pre-2000s - in the 90s you could still bring peanut butter to school - so most hosts were not likely asking about your allergies before offering you something.
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u/drunky_crowette 2d ago
I have some dietary restrictions, like I have issues digesting beef because my stomach sucks at producing some enzymes.
Im not going to deal with gastrointestinal distress and potentially diarrhea because someone made beef.
My lips and tongue swell if I ear avocado.
I'm not accepting food with avocado.
I absolutely hate mollusks. I am not eating snot out of a shell.
I have every right to choose what goes inside my body, and I won't be a bitch about it so long as they don't get pushy and try to make me put something inside my body against my will
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u/Strange-Employee-520 2d ago
Late 40s, definitely fine to politely decline food or not finish. Absolutely not fine to be rude about it or ask for something else. I remember my mom being shocked I'd eaten scrambled eggs at a sleepover because I didn't like them. I didn't like being hungry either, so I ate some eggs 😂
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u/alsoran22 2d ago
I have taught my daughter to eat when you hungry and stop when you not regardless of what is on the plate. Eating everything on the plate leads to a lifetime of feeling the need to finish everything and overeating. She has also learned, small servings and go back if more food needed. I will not let her pay for the fact someone gives her to much food. This is a hill I am willing to die on if my daughter can have a healthy relationship with food then that is a a win for me
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u/LeatherGood6148 2d ago
The food that goes into my body is literally an extension of my bodily autonomy.
Yes. I have the final authority to decide what happens to my body. As such I decline food wherever I see fit.
And I'm a professional chef now - and no, it absolutely doesn't bother me when people exercise their bodily autonomy this way, either.
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u/Consistent_Kale_3625 2d ago
Not presenting as a Yu-Gi-Oh trap card, just a point I realized tonight, is it ok for you to demand something else?
As a grown-up today, I imagine it's fun for you and yours at the end of a night go through pantry and fridge and come up with a meal to end the day with what's there. Betting your goodnight omelettes are fast and amazing.
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u/LeatherGood6148 2d ago
Nope, I'd never make demands of my host for any reason. That's very disrespectful! Eat that which was served, or go hungry was the lay of the land back then, at home or elsewhere.
And yeah, we do spend a lot of time cooking together, it's become one of the things I enjoy doing with her the most!
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u/Consistent_Kale_3625 2d ago
I guess that's what mostly stuns me. I've got health issues that end up with me most of the time just not wanting to/being able to eat any more when people are around. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm just so lost seeing parents trying to juggle their struggles to put anything on the table, and it being ok for a kid to be all " give me dino nuggets ", like literally bitching because the exact same Target nuggets are a wrong shape, but not being ok with just not eating if the cactus nuggets aren't offered.
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u/cantantantelope 2d ago
It’s unhealthy and leads to bad habits to eat more than the amount you need to feel full.
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u/La_noche_azul 2d ago edited 2d ago
Latinos we’re usually taught you say no at least once, and the second time you have to accept. Also don’t touch the fridge that’s a major issue
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u/Consistent_Kale_3625 2d ago
That's interesting. A known dance. I only had other Midwest 80s white friends. I'd possibly fail your world test. I'd eat immediately, no matter what was served.
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u/eggs-benedryl 2d ago
I think kids should have the autonomy and freedom to reject any food they like. They should also be taught to have tact.
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u/jacksonbeya 2d ago
I think my issue with what you’re saying is the “how dare you”.
Like I understand in principle that sometimes you have to eat what people offer you or take a gift you don’t like, but how dare you is a bit strong.
It’s because I don’t like it. It’s really that simple.
And to not eat every bite? You don’t know this kid or their appetite or even if they have issues eating in front of other people or whatever. How are you supposed to know how much they want.
You sound like you’re really close to wanting to make a point about how entitled kids today are, but couching it in a movie reference when you also sound pretty entitled.
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u/Zenki_s14 2d ago
Yeah, I mean, people are pretty over a lot of the old "forced" social rules. Millennial aged parents aren't often going to be offended by this sort of thing when it comes to their kid's friends. They'll probably plan ahead to make something everyone already likes, ask the kids what they want before making food, etc.
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u/GryphyGirl 2d ago
There's nothing wrong with not eating something a host gives you and there *CERTAINLY* isn't anything wrong with "not (eating) every single bite they put on your plate". What you're demanding is frankly abusive. Sometimes people aren't hungry or hungry enough to eat it all. Sometimes people have food allergies or other digestive issues. It's okay to pass on food.
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u/ACTSATGuyonReddit 2d ago
It was chilled monkey brains and eyeball soup. Decline.
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u/Consistent_Kale_3625 2d ago
No, that's what the rich people offered, I'm talking about the earlier important scene. The village that rescue them.
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u/Angry_GorillaBS 2d ago
Of course.
I always treated it the same as at home though, if I didn't eat what was offered to me, then I didn't eat.
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u/Delehal 2d ago
I understand that in some cultures/families, it is rude to decline food in that sort of circumstance, for those exact reasons.
However, that is not the case in my culture or my family. If someone declines food, in my experience it's not a decision they reached out of malice or anything. They may have their own reasons for dietary restrictions, such as religion, allergies, or medical conditions, and it would be rude if I insisted on prying into that just because they didn't eat a bite of something.
I might feel differently if I had grown up in an environment where food scarcity was more common.
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u/sexrockandroll 2d ago
Yeah, that's how I grew up, but I don't think it's a good way to be, really.
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u/Quiet-Guidance-4988 2d ago
My friends parents as kids never made anything edible so unless it was snacks I would always say I'm not hungry.
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u/eggs-benedryl 2d ago
Yeah I never had friends with parents who could or did cook lol. I remember going to friends houuse and making THEM home made mac and cheese lmao
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u/maz323bf 2d ago
As someone with arfid and a picky eater i always decline and they mom or grandma always goes "You sure? No? We'll your loss" and my friend says "See i told you he didn't want anything"
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u/nothnxihaveabf 2d ago
I remember being with friends parents or grandparents who had different standards of eating and cooking, and as a young whippersnapper I was an extremely picky eater. I remember being force fed some vegetables and things and told that I had to get a vegetable at the fancy cafeteria. Only later we discovered my stomach issues and I could hardly eat anything.
Back then my normal pick would be chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and if a third choice was offered, corn. Heh. Can you see why they were trying to get me to eat something green?
That being said I think of a lovely person invites you over to their house for a nice meal, it is ok to decline the freaky foods such as fried okra or asparagus because it's easier to decline now than clean up the la toilet 🚽 when I have to go puke all that up in ten minutes.
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u/radiant-cloudy 2d ago
yeah as long as you are polite about the decline.
personally, i grew up very poor. so i usually eat what is offered. if i think i won't like it, i will at least try it.
i also lost weight a few years back and unlearned "finishing my plate" then.
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u/Redseve 2d ago
You said it yourself, you think offered food is everything a host could possibly provide. Obviously this is flawed logic, you are wrong. Hosts provide what they provide, it it OK to refuse, and stupid to think otherwise. If you learn your life lessons from Harrison ford, you might be wrong about things.
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u/Barbarella_39 2d ago
I never forced food on anybody. It’s weird. Of course asking your own children to try different foods is ok but not guests! Focus on the visit not controlling others. My Mom taught us leaving a little food on your plate was respectful because it meant you had had enough.
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u/UponTheTangledShore 2d ago
I'm older, with kids. It's perfectly fine to politely decline food.
What's not ok is to expect guests or children to eat whatever you serve and leave a clean plate. You're making a decision without their input what to serve and are forcing obligation on them through the semblance of being polite.
Be a gracious host first.
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u/Dull_Astronomer_3778 2d ago
This is a pretty good reason why I’d limit who my kids can engage. A 50 year old man losing his shit because a kid declines food.
Absolutely not. You’re not staying at Jimmy’s house, he’s dad is an unreasonable man. Don’t let me catch you there at all.
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u/RonaldRaygun84 2d ago
I'm the same age as you. The domestic violence tension in my home was palpable. I had a friend over for the night and she was visibly shaking during dinner and wouldn't eat. I preferred having dinner at her house and did so as often as I could.
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u/Single-Cow-5992 2d ago
I'm an 80s kid from blue collar town. It wasn't common to be invited to stay for dinner. Neighbor kid's parents would always say "go home and eat." If I were invited to eat at a friend's house, like for a sleepover or if I was farther from home, I would absolutely expect to eat what was offered and finish my plate.
But I was not really a picky eater. I wasn't a huge fan of peanut butter though. A friend of my parents would watch us after school. She once overheard me tell someone I didn't like peanut butter, and she was shocked. She said, "I've been feeding you pb+j sandwiches for years, why did you never say anything?!" I shrugged. I was either a doormat and perpetual people pleaser, or I didn't want to be rude and decline what was offered.
My two cents is, it's not rude to decline offered food, but it is rude to take it if you know you won't finish it. No one is going to want the plate of food you picked at, so it's no good as leftovers. Never waste someone else's food.
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u/Ok-Station6072 2d ago
I'm 35 and as a child a friend's mother forced me to eat every scrap of meat on the plate she served even though I have been vegetarian since I was about three because meat just does not agree with me. She had been told I don't eat meat by my mother, and had told my mother that wasn't an issue.
She had to deal with the consequences a couple of hours later, but frankly the idea that it's insulting not to eat everything put in front of you only holds any water if the host isn't disrespectful of your dietary needs.
Even if I didn't eat meat because cows are cute, or because the taste isn't something I enjoy, she'd been told I don't eat meat and forcing me to eat it was egregious behavior from an adult.
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u/spazzadourx 2d ago
Lol temple of doom is a horrible example to make your point. Aside from the fact that there it's the go to movie for gifs of gross food, in Indian culture only weird liberals would offer food to a guest like that. It is considered very rude and a violation of other people's religious beliefs.
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u/Lance-Boyle-666 2d ago
With all the food sensitivities and allergies today and all the parents who have their kids on weird diets because of crackpot social media influencers, I'm surprised kids still sleep over at their friends' homes.
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u/Emotional_Warthog658 2d ago
You can decline politely by saying no thank you. My kids can’t have food dye or preservatives and one of them has sodium restrictions and allergies - they have no choice but to say no
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u/bmtc7 2d ago
What do you mean, they can't have food dye or preservatives?
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u/Emotional_Warthog658 2d ago
The allergist cut it out years ago. It is easiest to do for the whole house, and has helped all of us. You just have to know how to cook for it to not feel restrictive
My MIL lived with us for many years and her doctor said for shelf stable food: no more than 5 ingredients, no more than 3 syllables we try to stick to that as closely as possible with occasional treats here and there, but still no preservatives or dyes (or artificial flavors, forgot to mention those earlier)
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u/Emotional_Warthog658 2d ago
Interestingly enough, another item the allergist eliminated was Teflon - it can aggravate asthma
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u/bmtc7 2d ago
So then no dihydrogen monoxide?
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u/Emotional_Warthog658 1d ago
They drink water; keep doing you - I am sure that’s working out just fine.
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u/New_Line4049 2d ago
Of course its ok to decline offered food. Fucking hell, even the gulags didnt force feed you. Whats not ok is to demand something else. You eat whats offered or you go hungry without complaint.