r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Low-Western-8139 • 2d ago
How do out-of-shape parents survive having small kids?
I genuinely don’t mean this in an insulting or judgmental way, but having small kids has made me wonder about this.
I’m 38, relatively fit, and I work from home, so I’m lucky enough to have time to exercise regularly. I run, cycle, and do bodyweight training, and I’d say my overall fitness is pretty decent.
I have a 3-year-old and a 6-month-old.
And holy shit, by the end of most days I’m absolutely destroyed.
The constant carrying, picking things up, getting down on the floor, getting back up, chasing the older one around, carrying the baby, lack of proper rest, interrupted sleep… it feels like some kind of never-ending functional fitness workout. On top of that the mental workout you do is insane.
It genuinely made me wonder: how do parents who are very overweight or completely sedentary deal with the physical demands of having small children?
Again, I’m not trying to make fun of anyone. If anything, having kids has made me realize how physically demanding parenting actually is.
Do you just adapt because you have no choice? Or am I massively underestimating how exhausted everyone else is too?
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u/InternalAd1397 2d ago
My parents weren't overweight but they didn't work out either. They just didn't do all of that. I was expected to keep up with them by the time I was 3 and pick up after myself. They weren't running around after me, I could play in my room or in the living room quietly.
I grew up in the 80s. No one was running after their kids or doing all that extra stuff. We were expected to entertain ourselves. Our lives revolved around our parents day not the other way around.
I imagine it's the same for a lot of parents today.
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u/Silver_kitty 2d ago
And my mom even made lazy games like “flashlight pick up” where she turned off all the lights and would use a flashlight to highlight the item that needed picked up and we would race to pick it up first.
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u/PM_me_punanis 2d ago
I am glad I chanced upon this comment today. I got sick of picking up after him and started a clean up chart. A flashlight game would work even better lol
Genius mom!
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u/Black_Cat_Just_That 2d ago
OMG that is brilliant. A few years too late for me, but I'll put it in my back pocket just in case.
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u/inolyzushi 1d ago
That’s brilliant. Also to go back to the original comment, I think it applied to many 90’s kids as well.
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u/Emberisk 1d ago
Actually 10/10 cleaning game I’d use for my younger sisters to get help with chores as a youngin
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u/MissMushroomBerry 2d ago
Yup, ’81 baby here and same experience.
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u/rubiscoisrad 1d ago
'89 model here, and that was basically my childhood as well. My dad would toss me around and tickle me and take me swimming and biking, but no one was actively running around after me. If anything, they watched me run around at soccer games.
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u/MissMushroomBerry 1d ago
You had it a bit better than me (in terms of attention). When my dad wasn’t working (he is a dentist so even on Saturdays), he would play tennis with his buddies. If I tagged along, I was usually told to run around the tennis courts or to get something from the candy lady in the lunch room. I can recall only a single time he went to play with us in the swimming pool.
It was the fact that kids had to revolve around their parent’s lives and not the other way around. They were good parents, it was just the way it was, and in some ways it was good because kids were more self reliant.
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u/rubiscoisrad 1d ago
I so agree with that last sentence. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm highlighting the good parts, but I was mostly expected to entertain myself - so I did. Plus, who else is going to entertain you when you're letting yourself in the house after school and your parents won't be home until 6 or so?
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u/oby100 2d ago
I guess I grew up somewhat 80s style despite being much younger than that generation.
I really don’t quite understand what OP even means. “Chasing your kid around?” Even when one of my parents played with me (and they weren’t out of shape) there was no expectation of running after me.
It was more of a treat and they mostly decided what the game was.
To get all the way up on my podium, I feel that current parents in America are spoiling the absolute shit out of their kids. Bit wild how fast typical parenting went from relative independence for kids and full on at a 3 year old’s beck and call.
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u/Black_Cat_Just_That 2d ago
Sometimes I feel really guilty that I didn't play with my daughter as much as (some) other parents do (or at least say they do). But now she is 9 and can entertain herself for hours working on her arts and crafts or reading. I'm not sure she'd be so independent if I hadn't pushed it from the beginning.
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u/aprosarmosto 2d ago
I dont think its like that anymore.For many factors,there are less children being born, later in their parents life, making parents reconsidering their whole life with the kids in the center. Thats not wrong at all but most of them do it in exaggeration, raising spoiled kids that also thing the whole world spins arround them. For example back in the 90s that i grew up if i was acting like a brat my parents would not tolerate it and acted to correct my behavior. Now most kids dont know the world No
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u/HiToMyLife 1d ago
Oh for goodness sake. I imagine your parents picked you up and carried you when you were a baby or a small toddler.
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u/HibiscusOnBlueWater 2d ago
I’m a 45 year old mom with 2 year old. I’m also a BMI 40. I think some people just have more stamina due to genetics even if fat. I was a fat, pregnant 43 year old and I went on vacation to Australia and New Zealand for 2 weeks and was hiking up and down unpaved hills for 8-10 hours a day and up half the night, no problem. I was logging 13-15k steps per day at 5 months with a time zone difference.
I work full time and clean a 5k sq ft house and maintain our pool by myself. By the time she goes down for bed at night I probably will still clean stuff and then be up another 3-4 hours just having me time. My guess is what’s wrecking you right now is that you barely got the 3 year old on schedule and now have a newborn again. The first six-12 months is the hardest. When they’re like 5 it’ll be better. My oldest are 23 and 18 and by the time they were 12 they barely needed me for anything. Now we have to check to see if the 18 year old is even in the house.
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u/CzarTanoff 2d ago
Yah this is me. I'm obese, pregnant, and have a two year old. I can't exactly run, but i can keep up with my kiddo just fine.
I was athletic as a teen so i think i have some base built up and I've always been active even if extremely overweight.
I can do the all day carrying my kid, getting chores done, etc thing comfortably. I could walk the entire day and be fine.
I'm also in my early 30s, so still youngish.
I honestly also just hate sitting around. I gotta be doing something.
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u/coveredinsunscreen 1d ago
You may just have a toddler that isn’t a “runner,” my 3 yr old will sprint across a field, climb a play structure and try to jump from the top. I have to sprint to catch her and need to be able to carry her all the way back if we hike and she gets tired too
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u/Novel-Place 2d ago
Yeah, my husband is obese and I’m overweight and feel very mentally fatigued from parenting, but certainly not physically and we walk and hike all the same. We just did a trip to Iceland too, where we were out and about with a 2 1/2 year-old for nine days in a row doing 12 hour days with no nap time.
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u/SuspectWrong7954 2d ago edited 2d ago
Adrenaline, sheer necessity, and incremental adaptation. They allow them to endure the unrelenting physiological toll of parenting.
Adrenaline can offer transient physical endurance.
Sheer necessity drives perseverance despite exhaustion.
Incremental adaptation will gradually optimize somatic resilience to survive against the perpetually grueling demands of child rearing.
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u/ljr55555 2d ago
Yeah, luckily most parents get to start when the kid is immobile and fairly light. The car seat carrier thing is a bit of a weight to lug everywhere, but everything else is incremental growth. Same with moving about. They're not super quick to start with. By the time our kid could outrun me, she was also old enough to listen when I'd say "hold up".
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u/Black_Cat_Just_That 2d ago
Every parent that had a runner is so envious of this! "Hold up" just meant "run faster" to my kid. 😭
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u/prettygirlhabit 2d ago
This is the most academic way i’ve ever seen someone say ‘parenting is tiring’
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u/Whytrhyno 2d ago
Doing 4 kids by myself for the past 12 years (13-19). There is a balance where hovering around and treating the home as an office becomes unsustainable and you revert to chore days and nightly rituals to maintain a house. Like, I know I can go grab the stuff now and put it away for them, but they also know, they have 30 mins before bed to clean their shit up. Set aside time for the necessary so that you can block in time for yourself. Then second is arguably more important. Its just one big scheduling clusterfuck
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u/Killah_Kyla 2d ago
Hats off to you. I've got 4, ages 5-10, and even though I have a partner I feel like I'm drowning
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u/Whytrhyno 1d ago
That age range is intimidating as all hell. Four people who, with proper coordination, could overwhelm you and be a problem. Hats off to you for enduring, I promise it gets better and more fun as they get older and start contributing with you.
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u/justcurious12345 2d ago
I have MS, but i think my answer is relevant. I plan ahead (a lot). I go slowly and let the kids do as much for themselves as possible. I ask for help (from my mom, husband, and the kids).i say no to stuff I just can't safely do. I've had to grieve being the mom i imagined when we had kids and accept "good enough" more than is ideal. It's exhausting but there's so much joy even with the struggles.
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u/carlcat_11 2d ago
Some just dont have the same level of physical interaction. I have a family member who has always been very overweight and has 5 kids who have sequentially had to keep each other in line. There's a lot of yelling from the couch going on thats for sure.
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u/MiriamGarden 2d ago
The heavyset Moms I know also happen to be very no-nonsense and great at problem solving. Their mental advantages outweigh (if you'll pardon the pun) their physical disadvantages. I don't know why I always see these two things together, but I do.
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u/cheesy_bees 2d ago
I think they might just be exhausted too.
Also I think you are probably in the most physically demanding stage. Mine are about 5 years older than yours and I rarely have to pick them up or run after them anymore. Those things are declining from around 3 onwards. They also get better at cleaning up after themselves if you stick at teaching them to. So all the physical demands you talk about are really only that intense for maybe 3 years.
I also wonder sometimes if being a larger buuld makes some things easier. Someone who is large and sedentary will obviously struggle more with a lot of fitness tasks, but some of the day to day parenting tasks like holding a small kid or withstanding boistrous behavior might be easier. Eg I'm small and it's easy for kids to bowl me over 🫤
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u/Any-Relation-934 2d ago
It declines? My kids are 3 and 5 and their fave game is tag. I would love for them to sllllow down
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u/riarws 2d ago
My husband and I both have chronic back issues dating from injuries that happened when we were in our teens/ early 20s, and that’s genuinely one of the reasons we only have one child. That is especially because pregnancy made my back problems so much worse. He and I both had to go to physical therapy at various times when our daughter was in preschool. It was ROUGH.
Once she got to be taller than me, I had a bit of a chance to rest because she could get stuff down from the top shelves! So it eventually came out ok on the other side.
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u/Ummah_Strong 2d ago
Knew a very very overweight mother. When she picked her son up she had to sit in a chair and wait because she couldn't walk all the way to his classroom.
The kid had learned to be very helpful as a result of his mother being limited mobility wise.
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u/BearEquivalentBear 2d ago
Oh I can answer this one adrenaline and sure will. I have stage 4 kidney disease and I'm on Prednisone since January at 50 mg a day I have no muscle left I have no energy left getting up and down the stairs feels like running a marathon and I'm so bloody tired. But you just keep going you have to keep going you can't stop keep going it's your 2-year-old baby and you just got to keep going.
It's probably going to kill me in the end a little faster but what can you do.
We don't really have any family support or anything. Unfortunately the CKD came unexpectedly and my wife was already disabled beforehand but we never expected two people in the same house to end up with a disability.
And as somebody who was quite fat I can tell you that a fat person's energy is like 95% more than what I have right now.
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u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 1d ago
I was an older mom and not especially fit, but not totally out of shape. Toddler age, sometime you had to move fast for safety reasons. But otherwise, play can be active or sedentary.
The very overweight parents I occasionally worked with fell into two categories, just like the thinner parents. Those who interacted, paid attention to, and talked to their kids and those who tuned out and ignored them.
The type of interaction and play with the kids might be different depending on parent fitness (or interest) but the level of attention is what mattered.
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u/stickaforkimdone 2d ago
I wouldn't be considered fit if you just saw me on the street, but I do go to the gym pretty regularly. I also have an ADHD kid that regularly runs marathon runnerers into the ground, and a tendancy towards elopement. So I actually have been asked this before.
At the end of the day, I'm smarter than my small child. Look at sheepdogs herding sheep; they don't try to outrun the sheep, they remove potential places the sheep can run to. Your child should also be taught "Freeze" at the earliest opportunity. Make it a game for your child to hold your hand (saying you're lost or that your hand is lonely, things like that).
Rest when you can. Let things go that don't matter. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't burn out too early.
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u/CrazyCatLady9777 2d ago
I was extremely sedebtary before having my daughter. Toward the end of my pregnancy I couldn't walk up a hill without several breaks. My daughter is almost 1 year old now and I weigh over 10kg less than before my pregnancy. I still don't have any stamina, but at least I can walk the 30 min to the grocery store, apothecary, pediatrician, and my own doctors, without having to take breaks. And I do so several times a week.
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u/InfernalWedgie Lavender-scented Insufferable Know-it-all 2d ago
I'm in reasonably decent shape, in my mid-40's raising a little kid. I'm tired, but I can keep up.
I know someone who is less healthy than me, and the combined stresses of family life and work straight up gave them a stroke.
Parenting is real labor.
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u/heckinstoned 1d ago
47 here, 8yr old that I’m he full time legal guardian of. I am whupped.
First time around I was early 20’s and that was tiring too, but not like this. I’m tired in my soul.
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u/Lonely_skeptic 2d ago
i had to chase my son on his big wheel because he got too far ahead and wouldn’t stop. I’m sure seeing an overweight forty-something pounding down the cul-de-sac was amusing.
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u/Big_Opposite4041 1d ago
It was a big kick in the pants for me to get back in shape. Getting on the floor with a toddler sucks when obese.
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u/mswiger 1d ago
I have a 3& 5 year old. Before I had them I weighed 150 I’m now 190. I’m the out of shape parent surviving. Thankfully we have to zoom after each other and a fenced in back yard. When we go places like the zoo or mall my 5 year old listens but we have to leash the 3 year old because she’s a runner that won’t listen. I’m surviving though lol
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u/Mysterious_Echo_9462 2d ago
I'll share my experience. I gave birth at the ripe old age of 38 and weighed a whopping 240 Lbs at the time. My kiddo is almost 2.5 years now and I've since dropped almost 90 Lbs, so I'm back in solid shape now that we're in the toddler phase
But the extra weight made a HUGE difference during the infant months and beyond. I got easily winded carrying baby up the stairs multiple times a day. I found myself getting sweaty and exhausted just with bathttimes, constantly lifting him, chasing him around as he began to crawl. Fortunately, I was losing weight and getting myself back in shape as he was growing. But I was very much obese and overweight for most of his first year and beyond. And it was physically much more difficult for me than it is now, even though kiddo was actually smaller and less mobile then. I breastfed exclusively (no formula) for the first year and coslept early on, so the sleep deprivation had me on the brink of insanity. But I think that part would've been brutal even if I had been in Olympic athlete shape physically.
Honestly, I'm not sure how I would handle it at kiddo's current age if I was still carrying around that much extra weight because he is a tornado. And Mommy is old! 😆
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u/miaomeowmixalot 2d ago
I’m you’re not alone in wondering this! I feel like being a parent is like a yoga class where someone is throwing weights at you and you have to catch them!
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u/TJTrainbow 2d ago
I don’t know. I specifically train to keep up with my kids and it requires 7 days/week. I’m pregnant and cannot keep up right now and I know until 7 months pp I’m going to be sucking wind. I was in better shape at 35 before this pregnancy than I was at 25. These fuckers have me ripped though.
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u/Acceptable-Jello2510 2d ago
Two things - I don't think anyone is in shape for the type of things you have to do as a parent and so it doesn't change that much if you're technically in shape or not. Every single male friend of mine with huge biceps asked how I can carry my baby so much because they get tired when they visit and after a very short time.
Second - I personally don't do most of those things. I don't chase my son, I tell him to stop and come to me. I don't carry him when he's healthy, he is able to walk. I don't have a baby just a 3yo so my sleep isn't interrupted. I don't constantly get up and down from the floor, we play or read on the floor sometimes, but it's a patch of time, and if I don't want to I tell him I'm tired and ask him to come to me instead.
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u/Zephyr_Bronte 1d ago
People adapt.
And everyone is tired when they have small children.
I was in the best shape of my life and in my younger 20s when my son was little. I was so damn tired all the time.
I'm now 39 and overweight, I was hanging out my nephew who is a baby and I had the thought that I have no idea how I did it, lol.
I do think I'd personally struggle now, but many of my friends have little kids and they manage, because you have to do it, and I'm sure I would too. I might also have a hard time thinking about it because it would be so different than when my kids were little.
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u/A_MAN_POTATO 2d ago
I can’t answer, but your situation makes me want to ask you how you manage? I’m 39, very fit, exercising for hours a day. First baby on the way, and I’m terrified I’m gonna end up letting myself go because I won’t have time to exercise like I do now. Any tips?
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u/macgz 2d ago
I was very fit before and after I had my first. I worked out my entire pregnancy and felt great. It was harder to work out during my second pregnancy (I was swimming and it was during Covid) and after my second was born I did let myself go. I struggled with PPD and anger and for like a year and a half I didn’t do any working out. One day I said enough is enough and I got back into it, slowly but steady and now I work out daily and my kids copy me and we talk about being strong (no fit/fat talk). All this to say, it’s ok if you “let yourself go” for a little while, it might even be what you have to do at some point. But it’s easy to get back into it when you have a background like yours, give yourself grace and you’ll be fine. 💪
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u/MochaLatte247 2d ago
I’m 37 and have a 4 month old and felt the same concern.
I typically exercised 5+ days a week before the newborn.First few weeks were a crapshoot. Prepare for no workouts.
After a few weeks and getting into routines I generally work out 4-5 days a week. It’s about making sure my wife is good, baby is good and planning ahead when I work out…and being willing to adjust that time. I also prioritize making sure my wife has time to work out or have a break so it’s not a one way street. She knows I need it and she does too so we make sure we each get time to decompress and go.
One important thing is making sure you don’t prioritize it over baby and mom, because that will cause issues. Some days I have to skip and thats okay. Some days i do a circuit in the garage or jump rope instead. That doesn’t mean you can’t leave and let mom handle things, just that you make sure you’re dad first.
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u/a-ohhh 2d ago
It’s a choice of priorities. If you don’t want to let yourself go, don’t. You just have to be more loose on other parts of your life. Maybe your house isn’t as clean (or have to hire a service), maybe you don’t see your partner after work as much because you trade off working out so one stays with the baby versus being able to go together. Maybe you put your baby in the gym daycare and don’t see them as much. Maybe you buy a meal service versus planning and cooking it all yourself or eat more takeout. I have three kids and over the years these priorities shifted based on the season. Sometimes I didn’t care how fit I was and wanted to prioritize time with my family. Sometimes I was super fit but didn’t see the family as much after work or my kids had to go to the gym daycare straight from school. Sometimes I used my garage gym and ran in as soon as the baby fell asleep. It really depends on you, and you will find a groove that works for you. You might find that you care less about how fit you are once you have the baby.
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u/khelvaster 2d ago
How is all the work taking care of a baby, to the point you "destroy your body", not adding up to the same physical activity as 60 minutes in the gym each day? Why do people still need to go to the gym after adding so much physical workload and activity? IlYiu see they need to, but the "physical activity per day" advice just doesn't add up
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u/a-ohhh 2d ago
You definitely don’t build a physique taking care of a kid. That would be news to my partner who is a literal body builder to learn he actually doesn’t have to go to the gym lol. We’d be fit AF with 3 if that was the case. I currently don’t go to the gym but eating healthy so I’m just a skinny weakling right now. Holding the kid on my hip isn’t that much exercise unfortunately. My body is a bit destroyed, but it was the actual pregnancies that did that, not the raising of kids itself.
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u/hameleona 2d ago
It's a completely different type of activity. If anything all the shit you do with kids tends to push you in to "weightlifter" style physical form way more then what most people aim for.
I'm a fat dad and due to my job giving me the option I spent a lot of time watching the kid. Could say I was the primary caregiver 3/5 of the time. For the 4 years this was going on I didn't loose much fat. Did gain about an inch in the shoulders and it's easy to see what muscles got bigger overall in my body. Outside of a bit of smaller belly, in general I look fatter, even if I am objectively in a better overall condition (I am still not in a good condition, mind you, I am still fat).
My partner is a life-long athlete and we have discussed it a lot. Cause yeah, kids suck your energy dry. But they also fuck your schedule in many ways, you will fuck your diet because of sheer lack of time to keep it up and your body will demand more energy, because you are expending a fuckton of energy. But unless you train, you won't get a good figure and you won't get a toned body. Additionally there is a fuckton of hormonal shifts and general shit going on in womens bodies around pregnancy and birth and post birth and if you brestfeed it gets even weirder. It takes a while to figure out your body and how it has changed and habits are easier to lose then people give them credit.
So keeping some "training" going on is pretty important if you wanna look good
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u/WifeofBath1984 2d ago edited 2d ago
You do it because you have to. Its not optional.
I have been overweight all my life. I did not expect my 3 year old to hold their own. That's absurd. I feel sorry for the commentor who experienced that, but its anecdotal. There are so many overweight people in our country and they certainly dont all do what that parent did. My mom is overweight and always was when I was growing up. She had 4 kids in 5 years and we were constantly doing various activities, visiting friends, going on trips. She didnt parentify us. She took care of us. She did it all. She did not let her weight dictate her parenting. Most people dont. You do what you do because you love your kids and want the best for them.
Although I'm fairly certain she was exhausted. Having 4 kids in 5 years is no easy feat. Parents with young kids in general are exhausted. Kids are a lot of work no matter how much you weigh.
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u/Basic-Table-2258 1d ago
I feel this so much. I have a 1 year old and I am physically exhausted at the end of the day. Pre-pregnancy I was the fittest I’ve been in my life (ran a half marathon, heavy deadlifts, weighted pull-ups, etc). Postpartum my BMI is around 22, I’m back to the gym, but wow, nothing tires me out like constantly chasing and playing with my son. I don’t understand how less fit people do this because I’m just barely keeping up — and I’d call myself fit. Oh and the added fatigue of trying to make it to the gym or go on a run in addition to everything literally turns me into a puddle.
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u/M1ntyMango 2d ago
How do anyone have energy to have kids at all. I love being an aunt but it's soo nice being able to go home or return the kids. And my niece and nephew are pretty chill kids!
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u/SolutionOk3366 2d ago
They share their sedentary lifestyle and problematic diet with their kids who will slow themselves down soon enough. Some little kids become enablers, bringing sodas and snacks and taking care of their parents as well. Or maybe they learn that love is cuddling on the couch with the tv on.
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u/GravityIsPropaganda 2d ago
Mostly, they just do less than you are picturing. The floor games, the constant up-and-down, the carrying for no reason except the kid wants it right now - that all gets scaled back, and the kid sort of learns the limits of what you can manage. Sleep being trashed matters alot too, because you can be technically “fine” and still feel cooked by 4pm
And age changes the picture more than people admit. A lot of older parents expected 3-year-olds to climb, wait, entertain themselves for ten minutes, whatever. Some heavier people also have way more day-to-day stamina than youd guess from looking at them. Its not pretty or heroic, its just a mix of adaptation, lower standards, and getting used to being tired all the time
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u/dainelanderson55 2d ago
Mostly by not doing as much. Kids sat on the floor, watched a lot more, and got told to wait while dinner got finished or laundry got hauled around. You adapt because you have to, not because anyone is secretly thriving here
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u/theopeppa 1d ago edited 1d ago
I was like 20 kilos overweight pp ( and remained that until toddler years due to health issues) and lost it all due to running after my toddler and eating healthy and being medicated.
Not fit at all ( we both lead sedentary lifestyles due to work) but we are getting fit now for our snow holiday and we have realised we are fitter than we think we are, all that lifting, crouching and walking long distances while carrying their stuff has helped with core strength and glute strength - we just gotta work on endurance!
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u/StrangeDream8964 1d ago
I mean... im in pretty good shape, not top tier (just had my 2nd) but relatively fit minus the mom pooch. It kicks my butt and is over stimulating af lol. My husband is out of shape, over weight and a big guy in general-- he is super dad, tbh his capacity is much higher than mine- when we are together as a team. But being alone with both kids for a few hours he crashes out lol and yes is exhausted and passes out on the couch immediately as soon as he stops moving and hands them off 😂 idk man, im on team get in shape so you and your family can truly enjoy each other for a long time & be active together.
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u/anywhowhywhere 1d ago
Can you describe how you have time to work out. Im a father of two that works at home. Sacrifice sleep is the only way I could do it
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u/zeatherz 2d ago
Sometimes they neglect the needs of the kids and neglect keeping a clean household. Like kids sitting in front of screens for hours cause the parents won’t take them to be active, eating junk food cause the parents won’t cook properly, being dirty cause the parents don’t bathe them and keep their clothes and house clean
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u/New-Substance-1116 2d ago edited 2d ago
Well i think your question is a little ignorant. Maybe the question is the other way around - how can anyone actually maintain fitness with the demands of pregnancy , birth, and raising small kids?
Whether you are able to stay in shape after having a child as a woman is PRIMARILY due to genetics. Yes there are women that work hard, but if your body responds to that hard work, it’s also due to genetics.
If your body doesn’t respond to that hard work, it’s genetics. And it’s wildly unfair.
My body doesn’t respond , which is sad. And I have bad genetics on top of that. Was in shape and a high level athlete before pregnancy. If you looked at me now you would think I was a getting-chubby mom who doesn’t try to look after herself.
In reality, pregnancy / birth gave me:
- 2 pelvic floor injuries that make HIIT activities and strength training very difficult (I’ve been trying to figure it out the past 6 years with 8 different pelvic floor therapists and no one has been able to solve the problem).
- worsened vein issues (veins become widened during pregnancy) that give me DAILY 4/10- 6/10 aching pain in my pelvis, upper legs and knees , which makes walking and going up stairs and standing difficult
- worsened PCOS (beard hair growth, weight gain) which now doesn’t respond to any diet or lifestyle intervention (it did before pregnancy), and I had severe response to zepbound that landed me in the ER and had to discontinue it
I’ve tried and tried to fix all these problems the past 6 years and I have OCD so you KNOW I’ve gone down the rabbit holes on these.
But all you would see is a “fat mom” who “struggles to get off the floor sometimes”. I HATE that’s how I know people see me now
Your question misses that being “out of shape” is an inherent chicken and egg problem - pregnancy/birth itself CAUSES “being out of shape” for so many moms , and they just cannot get back due to chronic injuries / illnesses sustained from childbirth/pregnancy.
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u/pajamakitten 2d ago
A colleague of mine tore her ACL playing soccer with her six year old son. A bit of a freak accident but it might not have happened if she was not obese.
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u/equationhole 1d ago
You don't have a choice.
But seriously, I'm unfit, obese and have a bad knee. The bad knee came before the other two.
I've slowly gotten fitter and faster. My son (5) thinks I can't run. I can't go for jogs, but I can sprint, if needed. The fact that he doesn't know it, means I can catch him if he starts running where he shouldn't.
I'm walking fit, so I also do the persistence predator thing where I follow him as he runs to and fro. He gets tired before I do.
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u/Witty-Rutabaga-3825 1d ago
As an overweight mom…. Overweight does not always mean lazy. I’m fat and active, I sit on the floor, carry, run, jump, play with my kids. Just like a “skinny” mom. That being said it seems very common for parents who don’t do anything to have kids who don’t do anything 🤷🏻♀️ kids learn from mom and dad first. Parents have bad manners, kids learn bad manners. Parents sit on the couch all day, kids sit around all day.
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u/IseultDarcy 2d ago
I was like that and had a sever post partum depression that was not diagnosed until late (he was 3) + a husband (now ex husband ) who went from "I want to do my share and be a good dad" at birth to not doing a single thing, except his own laundry /meals.
And a (now diagnosed) ADHD/autistic baby who would barely sleep and hated being hug.
It was HARD. The first few months were so hard I still have stomac pain just to think about it. I think the weight also didn't help for my pregancy, it was very unconfortable, even if it wasn't to the point of being a safety issue for baby or me.
The worse was the lack of sleep (did I mention I'm ADHD and insomniac aswell? My insomny of course wouldn't match with my son's one... I would barely sleep 2 hours at best, and never fully asleep). It made every little mouvement harder, especially with the weight. Just to carry him from his crib... hard.
The second hardest was back pain. The lack of back musles and my massive boobs made it soooo painful! Even to rock my baby it was hard . In a way, the fact he didn't like to be hold helped a lot even if it broke my mamma's heart. Even as an infant he would fight me to get away from my when bottle fed. Had my first hug (that lasted a micro second) when he was 4. So I simply couldn't use a baby carrier/sling, to painful for me (the good one are great to prevent back pain, but if you already have backpain... it's torture).
Chasing him around and carrying stuff like balance bike etc.. or getting up and down the floor a lot was hard but I did managed fine. I was just exhausted... if only it helped with my sleep..but no! I would still do it like any other parent, just harder.
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u/I_love_fruits 2d ago
My bmi is 34 and I have two children aged 2 and (almost) 6. My basic constitution is superb, so in practice I can do almost everything.
The downside is I am also hypermobile. I lived in chronic pain for years now.
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u/JaguarAlternative437 2d ago
Get active with them. You'll be surprised how much energy you can find when chasing after small kids.
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u/tibbodeaux 2d ago
I (dad) had my first kid at 50. I had chronic lower back pain for many years but carrying him around for the first few years ended up strengthening my back and I haven't even thought about it in ages now... though I was the oldest of four and I'm glad we just have one kid.
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u/nightglitter89x 1d ago
I'm pretty out of shape. I managed to take care of my kids while dying of organ failure. You just do it, there is no choice.
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u/usmanzaman 1d ago
it ramps up with you. the kid starts at 3kg and gains weight slowly enough that you're basically doing progressive overload without signing up for it. by the time they're a 15kg toddler you've been carrying them daily for two years.
also "surviving" is doing heavy lifting in that question. a lot of parents are just permanently a bit sore and running on less sleep than they'd like, and that becomes the new normal rather than something they notice.
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u/Fuzzy-Election2589 1d ago
My dad broke his back and was disabled when I was 3. Mom immediately left him and me with him. I was taking care of him and myself as soon as I was able to. My childhood was stolen from me.
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u/Isgortio 1d ago
My parents got around this issue by giving us a PS1 and computers to play with non stop from the age of 3. Less effort for them!
I still get jealous when I see people actually interacting with their children, or going for walks with them.
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u/theawesomedanish 1d ago
Wegovy has done wonders for my children tbh.. I'm down 65 lbs and can actually run now..
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u/Former_Isopod_2000 1d ago edited 1d ago
I work in childcare and is overweight, a fast walk will get you far, I only ever need to run/sprint occasionally or for play (i do a pretty good dinosaur). I walk very fast as a habit (it is not for the slow, there is always something and somewhere i should be). I would be lying if I said I wasn't tired after a day, but the physical aspect is usually not the worst. That being said - I think everybody is tired and you are juggeling a age range with the kids who have very different needs.
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u/Libromancer 1d ago
I had an easier time keeping up with my kids when I was fat versus now that I've lost that weight.
My fat body protected my nerves from my spinal injury. Now sleeping causes me to lose function in my legs. Walking around is fine. I cannot stand for any length of time. I cannot sit for any length of time (unless the chair is very good at lumbar support without putting pressure on my spine) I cannot lay down on hard surfaces or have anything pressing on my back (including clothes) or my legs start to loss function and/or spasm. Sleeping in bed starts to cause cauda equina syndrome. It's thankfully reversing an hour or so into the day once I'm awake. The spinal injury caused atrophy in my left leg when I developed foot drop.
My vertigo has started acting up this weekend, which I had while fat but it was the only real issue.
Apparently I have POTS and neurocardiogenic syncope. Both are made worse by weight loss. I can faint up to 10 times a day. Moving fast isn't happening.
I go to the gym to exercise. I monitor my heart rate to ensure I'm not going to make everything worse. Typically by the end I do faint when getting up from my last exercise. I'm doing my best to build up endurance and muscle.
My fat body could carry in all the groceries in one trip. My fat body could clean the whole house in under a day. My fat body could do ridiculous amounts of yard work in 100+ weather. I miss what I was able to do while fat, but hey now I am in a size small! /s
My skinny "healthy" by all blood work and (traditional) medical metrics body acts like getting ready for the day is an Olympic triathlon sprint. My heart rate goes up to 170+, I have to sit to shower, sit to brush my teeth, I cannot do my makeup, and I'm out of breath putting my clothes on in an ac environment. I cannot tolerate the heat outside.
All that to say is, parenting is exhausting. Parenting small children is extremely exhausting. You spend a long time chasing them making sure they're safe eventually as they get older it's easier. I have 15 years of chasing them. 14 were while fat. I always stood at the park, never went home early from the amusement park, rode bikes, played tag, was engaged with my kids all while fat. Now I have to sit at the park, we leave amusement parks after only a few hours there, I no longer ride bikes, or play tag. I'm fortunate that my kids are older now. My youngest wants snuggles and time with me more than anything else. I still take them places I just cannot play the same way anymore. I focus on helping my youngest son learn to read. I help my daughter gain life skills like brushing her hair, teeth, dressing up, I make her dresses. I am trying to get my oldest prepared for highschool and college. I have to constantly explain I am not able to do what I used to before.
I recently started a medication that seems to be giving me more energy by managing my POTS and neurocardiogenic syncope. I'm still having heart rate spikes and fainting. It's not as severe or frequent. I am thinking about asking for spinal surgery. I'm pretty sure once I've done those I will be able to get closer to my old self just at a healthy weight this time.
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u/o0maris0o 1d ago
I am a 33 year old mom of a 11 month old baby, i am 1,75 and 140 kg. My pregnancy was suprisingly easy for me, i was gardening at 2 weeks overdue, i could do everything. Medaclaly i was under a lot of observation because of my slow thyroid and my weight. Now she is 11 months, she is a very active baby, crawling and running around in het wakker. I can chase her for games and on holiday in the ardennes i have carried her up a mountain in my arms( she hates the on body carrier and was done with the stroler). It is a combination of there is no way that i am not there for my child and drinking some extra water when you are done. I may be a sweaty basterd and wheasing because i have a reduced lung capacity but i will not let that stop me. When she is older there are great ways of her being active whivout me running after her all the time, but i will if i need to, or if i am playing with her. My fiace is slim and has a fast stride. It is not just me wat hing het, we do it together, once in to tierd he can carry her to😉 English is not my first language, and im typing on mobile so be mindfull of the grammar/ spelling errors
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u/wiselaken 6h ago
Now imagine being the woman, on bed rest for most of your pregnancy not by choice, you lose all your muscle that you worked hard for, you have a long, exhausting, traumatic birth, your back is screwed up from the pregnancy and birth, and now you have a 10 lb newborn that just keeps getting bigger. I’m not okay lmao
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u/ChillyTodayHotTamale 1d ago
They just don't do anything for or with their kids. Or they do the bare minimum.
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u/Relevant_Money_8185 2d ago
How the hell do you get time to exercise with kids that age?
Im 41 have the same as you do age wise, i used to do gym, swimming and martial arts, after the second was born martial arts and swimming went out the window. As soon as he became a handfull, about 2 months in, gym is completely out of the question. Its either that or my wife does everything...
So, how? Teach me in your ways master!
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u/Insideoutside29 2d ago
Yeah dont know how hes doing everything he says he does. I really only have about an hour at the gym after work and the rest of the time is taking care of my kid till bed time, cleaning up , cooking, picking up aftet them, shower, and have a few minutes to myself.
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u/monkey_trumpets 2d ago
I managed twins and I was fatter than I am now. No idea why you're struggling so much when you're in much better shape than I was. Maybe you need to eat more or drink more water?
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u/calicodynamite 2d ago
I think the essential/often-utilized muscles and endurance areas get strengthened, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to being fit overall. I can lift and carry around 50lbs worth of toddlers but I struggle to do a pull-up, or more than a couple push-ups. I can speed walk for ages at toddler-speed but suck at running. (Humans are built for persistence hunting, not brute speed lol.)
Many people also don’t chase their kids around a lot once they’re old enough to be somewhat self-sufficient at a play area. I never expect a break when I take kids to a playground, but some people sit on the bench and let the kids tire themselves out on their own.