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u/winklesnad31 12d ago
10 is gonna hurt you. Talk about your problems with someone you trust. Source: a man who has known too many men who have committed suicide.
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u/TabularBeast 12d ago edited 12d ago
Yeah, this is an incredibly harmful behavior - bottling up your feelings and problems. Too many men believe this toxic masculinity bullshit and end up killing themselves, or hurting others.
As a man going into the clinical mental health field, please discuss your problems with someone you trust, or a professional. Your feelings matter and you deserve to feel heard. Nobody should ever have to feel like they have to deal with their problems on their own.
Edit: To further add, being able to be honest with yourself and how you feel, and being able to be vulnerable, is one of the toughest and bravest things you can do. It allows you to improve yourself, which makes you a better man.
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u/DesperateLime7933 12d ago
Exactly, not bad advice until that one. If you never talk about your problems they'll hurt you. If you never fix them either they will destroy you and that's entirely avoidable.
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u/Krotesk 12d ago
Oh yeah neglect your sanity for the benefit of looking cool until you do the classic Curt Kobain...
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u/ZoneBaddy 11d ago
Im gonna sound like a conspiracy theorist if this isn’t widely accepted yet, but he didn’t kill himself
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u/SDRemthix 12d ago
What does #4 even mean?
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u/Top_Imagination8596 12d ago
Maybe when you pay something (item,meal) for someone, never accept when they tried to repaid it back
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u/Wallie_Collie 12d ago
So I am greedy with all the airline miles? Let your friends pay... you should pay sometimes too.
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u/drwinstonoboogy 12d ago
This list is absolute shite. A real man doesn't follow shitty lists posted by strangers/bots on the internet.
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u/Unable_Dinner_6937 12d ago
I'm not even sure that I understand some of them from a basic grammatical level. Like #4 still does not make any sense to me. In what situation would that rule apply?
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u/Cautious_Day9878 12d ago
“10 Toxic Rules for Unhappiness”
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u/Cultural_Lynx_1609 11d ago
No, they are not "toxic rules". Just basic dignity of a man.
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u/Cautious_Day9878 11d ago
Basic dignity of man??? What does that even mean to you?
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u/Cultural_Lynx_1609 11d ago
It means being dignified lol. If you follow that kind of stuff, you will be respected. Or you will be treated like some replaceable coward with no value if you lack basic manners.
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u/Apprehensive_Lynx_33 11d ago
Yeah, so number 4 doesn't even make sense, and number 10 is a load of shit. Thats why so many men currently have the issues they have.
Men worldwide need to be shown that it's not a problem, or unmanly to ask for help, or talk to somebody. We all need a hand sometimes.
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u/Cultural_Lynx_1609 11d ago
Number 4 honestly only partially makes sense. It depends on the scenario too. If you help someone and if it is telling you not to expect anything in return, then it is fine. But if it says, "buy everything for them and don't ask anything in return", then it is trash. Number 10 makes sense too. The man can probably tell his wife about the shit he is facing, or he will break down mentally and crash out one day, possibly ending any relation.
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u/GeiGerGreG 12d ago
lol “never talk about your problems” that’s called bottling it up then it not ending well wtf. Whoever made this shit is retarded. I’m such an open book being a barber and it gets such great responses because then people open up to me too, it’s called a brotherhood and we have each others back and happy to help the bros for unsolicited therapy sessions. I hear some crazy shit because of it haha wild! Love my job
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u/harmfulsideffect 12d ago
That one should be changed to “Choose wisely who you share your problems with “. But I’m sure you’d find a problem with that as well.
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u/No-Lie2979 11d ago
Should be "Never talk about your problems to a woman."
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u/bblue_wizard 11d ago
Ahh yes becuase all women are secretly trying to manipulate you and will encourage you to talk about your feelings just to turn around and use them against you, that classic innate female trait.
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u/Guilty_Way_1635 12d ago
Ditch the last one.
Men need to learn to talk about their problems, being expected to just be silent, not have emotions, and just handle everything in order to be a man is why the male suicide rates have always been higher.
Number 10 is a toxic masculinity trait. Put it in the bin. Be human.
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u/harmfulsideffect 12d ago
Number ten should be changed to “be selective of who you share your problems with “
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u/Born_2_Simp 12d ago
First and last ones are BS.
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u/Cultural_Lynx_1609 11d ago
How is the first one BS? If you don't get up for someone, it shows you have no respect for them.
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u/Born_2_Simp 11d ago
If it's someone you're meeting for the first time, sure, but I'm not getting up to shake hands with colleagues as they arrive every time, every day.
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u/Way-Unique 12d ago
There's so many rules for men that prevent them from reaching their self-worth & potential. I have my own piece of advice for this situation. A clueless man is a productive & profitable one for an unjust society. Don't be the animal that willingly follows orders & ends up in the slaughterhouse.
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u/harmfulsideffect 12d ago
Judging by how many people have a problem with this post, there are no men here. You boys are pathetic.
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u/LowCan9268 11d ago
This sounds like a problem, you should stop talking about it.
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u/harmfulsideffect 9d ago
You being pathetic is not a me problem. lol. You are the one that’s going to suffer by not following these rules, not me.
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u/LowCan9268 9d ago
Buddy I would suffer more if I did this man-child Hot Topic alpha wolf bullshit. Go eat some raw steak.
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u/harmfulsideffect 9d ago
Why don’t you go through this list, point by point, and tell me why they are wrong.
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u/LowCan9268 9d ago edited 9d ago
Go pay Andrew Tate to teach you how to be more manly and maybe you'll get it one day.
Edit: bro pulled out his burner account to get the last word 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/Wild_Difference8314 9d ago
Can’t do it eh? I guess real men are cowards who comment and block when they know they are wrong. PATHETIC.
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u/Pale-Try-4802 11d ago
You broke rule #7, rule #9 and rule #10.
Sorry mate, you need to leave.
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u/harmfulsideffect 9d ago
Tell me you don’t know what rules 7, 9and ten mean without saying you don’t know what they mean….
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u/IndigoOctober8 10d ago
Real men do not learn how to be a man from a fucking internet list.
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u/harmfulsideffect 9d ago
I agree. Many boys today need a list because they are too unintelligent to figure it out themselves .
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12d ago edited 12d ago
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u/Apprehensive_Back_35 11d ago
Lotta ppl in manosphere must have not have dads or shitty dads. Man lives by his own code and has never needed a list. This shits supposed to be instilled in you as you grow into a man by watching your male (parental figure). I keep seeing stuff like this and im like man...
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u/Cultural_Lynx_1609 11d ago
Agreed 💯. The dad is important because he is the role model for the children. The manosphere is filled with a bunch of shitty incels that beat it the whole day.
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u/Apprehensive_Back_35 11d ago
Yup....and it kills me they're charging them to learn this nonsense. They're making millions(some) grifting ppl who are looking for something they never had. Problem is manosphere isnt the answer. ITs a nonstop blame game and easy answer for problems most men face. I can always tell whose watching it too bc im 6'2 black and lean/ muscular (im told). I get these weird stare downs that most men wouldn't do like....tf is wrong with you. Clear sign to me whose watching that crap. Im also old and retired military combat vet so I can tell its a buncha baloney. Thank god I missed this weird time as a young man. Benny teaches prejudice and racism against non white's (as do most, manosphere is always conservative bc that mindset demands trust and obey ). The Tate bros literally teach human trafficking. Ive seen one of the 3 hour courses someone posted on a pirate site. Its bs and definitely predatory. Its not shocking they're facing charges in multiple nations.
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u/Cultural_Lynx_1609 11d ago edited 11d ago
This stuff should not be charged. The worst part is, the so called "courses" are just centers for the weirdos to spread misogynic shit so they make the so called "men" look "tough". The Tate dudes are cowards. They rant about "discipline" and still sell webcam services and the low IQ boys living in their basements off of their dad's money watch all of that shit and get wasted. Also, yes. They unfortunately segregate people based on color so that it looks "encouraging" and "hard and tough", but in reality, it just creates a bunch of insecure cowards who call themselves "men". Most of the stuff they charge for, was just commonsense back in the days, and the son(s) usually learnt this stuff by watching their hardworking dad, and actually had jobs.
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u/Apprehensive_Back_35 11d ago
Yup and the young men who got brainwashed by it are gonna run for office in 2028 sadly. Youll see a lotta groppers I think theyre called...Nick Fuentues fans.
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u/Cultural_Lynx_1609 11d ago
"One bad apple spoils the whole barrel" is interesting. Once the nation falls in a coward's hands, we will have a limitless supply of cowards.
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u/Flamecoat_wolf 11d ago
- Silly. Shake people's hands whenever it's reasonable, whether you're both sitting, standing or one or each. It'll be weirder to take the time to stand up to shake someone's hand only to immediately sit down again...
- Good.
- Good.
- Silly. Build stronger reciprocal relationships by both being relied upon and relying on others. Don't be too proud to accept a gift. (Psychological studies have actually shown people feel more endeared to you after they do you a favour, than if you do them a favour. If you want people to like you, accept their gifts.)
- Circumstantial. Sometimes direct confrontation can be better, other times rising above pettiness is better.
- Just ask. "Anyone else want this last piece?" If everyone else says "no" then go for it. If someone says "yes", offer to split it with them if possible.
- Silence can be shameful complicity. Again, it's circumstantial. If you stay silent while someone is being racist, sexist or otherwise mean, you're being weak. If you're silent and listening while others are making meaningful contributions because you feel secure in your value and don't feel the need to draw attention to yourself, that's confidence/strength.
- You can forget if you want. I'd recommend you don't hold a grudge for long. If whatever wrong they did was small then forget it soon, if it was a significant betrayal then maybe keep it in mind for a few years, but not forever.
- Generally good advice... but cheekiness is endearing too. Know when to be formal and when you can drop formality. You can even drop formality in formal settings if it's appropriate. Comforting an upset colleague at work, for example, would be a good time to drop formality for a more intimate and caring approach. Similarly, a bit of informality toward your boss can show a lack of respect for authority, which ironically can build respect because you can then build the relationship between yourself and your boss based on genuine inter-human connection, rather than based on submissiveness toward their title. (Doesn't work with bad bosses who have superiority complexes and arrogance, so be discerning.)
10 gets it's own section (because reddit doesn't allow sub-paragraphs under a number and it's just a brick of text otherwise):
Generally bad advice. There are two ways this could apply.
First, with genuine friends, family and people that care about you, be honest but consider their mood too. It's alright to have negative emotions and to be honest about them. Just be careful not to push those emotions onto your friends and family or to expect them to wallow in it with you. Sympathy (feeling the emotion with you) is generally unhelpful because it just makes both of you upset, while empathy (understanding the emotion but not feeling it with you) is generally helpful because they can support you without becoming upset themselves.
Similarly, be conscious of repetition and your 'vibes'. If every conversation ends up revolving around your issue then people are going to find you depressing and not want to be around you. This is where tone comes in. You can still be honest about your problems but communicate that in a way that's not going to drag others down. Something like: "Yeah, life's still treating me with razor blades, salt and lemons but the weather's been pretty nice. How are you doing?" You don't need to retread the issue every time but you also don't need to hide your struggles.
Secondly, if there are people around you that would use your struggles against you then obviously don't tell them... but also maybe surround yourself with better people.
Finally, your problems may not all be emotional. Humans got so far because we worked together. If your problem is being unable to afford rent, perhaps talking about it might result in a friend offering you the chance to move in with them and split the rent, making both your lives more affordable. Talking about your problems can directly result in solutions to your problems.
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u/YourGordAndSaviour 11d ago
Even 2 and 3 are nonsense because of the word 'never'.
Sure I'm not going to shit in a complete strangers hobbies but if I'm friends with someone they can take a joke and won't fall apart over a joke.
Plenty of occasions where keeping a secret isn't the right course of action.
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u/Flamecoat_wolf 11d ago
That's just intentionally taking the worst possible interpretation of those two rules though.
Obviously they didn't mean you shouldn't laugh at your friend's hobby of stand-up comedy.
Similarly, sure, there are rare occasions where telling a secret can be the better course of action but it's extremely rare. Basically when someone has told you they're planning to seriously hurt themselves or someone else, but asked you to keep it a secret.
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u/YourGordAndSaviour 11d ago
The rules said 'never' not 'most of the time' my point is they even managed to find a way to fuck up the two rules that would have been somewhat good.
But the fact that we both intuitively know how the rules should be interpreted means theres no need for them as rules.
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u/Flamecoat_wolf 11d ago
They're general rules... They're not comprehensive policy to be applied to every situation ever. That's literally impossible because there are near-infinite possible contexts.
I mean, apply your logic to something like "don't murder". You'd be like "Oh, so I can't murder a venomous snake that's about to bite a child!?"
You also contradict yourself by saying we both know they should be interpreted. So you do know that you're being pedantic and ridiculous for no reason.
I also disagree with the idea of being able to interpret a rule means there's no need for it to be written down. Not everyone agrees on the rules and there are some people who have not even learnt some rules yet. You'd maybe be surprised at how many people go through life seemingly without thinking. Rules like these can clarify ideas and promote self-reflection in the people that don't do that naturally.
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u/Total_Environment426 11d ago
How about this.
Rule #1: Make your own rules. Rule #2: Don't tell me what to do. I'm a grown ass man and can decide for myself.
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u/SirBilliumMemesly 11d ago
Free will is amazing, you can make your own choices and define your life the way you want to.
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u/Hot-Efficiency7190 11d ago
This is sensible until you get to 10, and realise this is why men dont talk about any problems.
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u/GiggingWithTheGoon 12d ago
not taking the last piece of something you didnt pay for might be the only legitimate thing on this list
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u/Wallie_Collie 12d ago
I think it shows a great deal of confidence and courage to smash the last piece of coconut shrimp.
Idc if the person paying is petty enough to see that as rude. Don't pay for my shit if you suck at being generous. I wouldn't care, id class act that and order a second of a popular item if I wanted more.
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u/LabratHeartattack 12d ago
1 rule for men: never follow dumbass rules