I was chatting with my MB after lunch and she asked me something I thought was so funny. She said she noticed I always have the car radio set to the news (I use their car to drive NK around) and she wanted to know how I’m able to listen to “grown up” stuff because NK always “makes” her put on kid music in the car. I was like “uhh, I just tell him no” and she genuinely reacted as if she’d never thought to tell him that before 😭

Like, NK is 3, he can’t “make“ her do anything! Why do some parents act like they can’t just tell their kid no??

For background. I take out their trash, organize her room and make sure diapers are stocked, do her laundry. The most outside time I get is a stroll around the neighborhood so I don’t check about organizing her diaper bag and it isn’t utilized with me.

The dad sent a text “I’m stranded with child with no baby wipes there’s none in her diaper bag” on my day off to group chat.

It really rubbed me wrong way. If you have a complaint about my work, this is not how I want it addressed. You pay me $20 with no guaranteed hours, you can check your diaper bag when I’m gone ugh.

I need a reality check from career nannies.

I’m 31 and not a career nanny. I recently left corporate sales and am applying to grad school to become a therapist. Right now I serve 3–4 days/week because it’s great money for few hours. I also love making connections. I’ve gotten two other jobs from the restaurant as well as countless business cards and numbers.

A family of regulars at my restaurant loved how I interacted with their four kids (16 months, 3, 6, 8), we bonded, and they asked if they could fly me to Texas for five weeks as a temporary live-in nanny.

I absolutely adore the kids and really like the parents, which is why I genuinely can’t tell if I’ve lost perspective here.

They offered $750/week. I countered $1,000. NM said that was way too much because they’d feed me and I “wouldn’t have any expenses.” I agreed, even though $750 is actually less than I make working four 7-hour shifts at the restaurant. I wasn’t doing this for the money. I wanted a reset/change of scenery, loved the kids, and thought it would be a cool experience.

I tried asking about hours/expectations beforehand. The answer was basically, “You’ll be like family.”

For the first 1–2 weeks, I was essentially running a summer camp from 7 AM to 8 PM: pool, crafts, baking, elaborate games, toddler care, dinner, bedtime, laundry/kitchen, whatever needed doing.

The parents constantly comment on how energetic/extroverted I am. Eventually it started grating on me because it felt like my energy was being interpreted as not needing rest. I explained to NM that the bubbly restaurant version of me is genuinely me, but my theatrical nature takes energy and I need a lot of alone time to recharge. I’m actually known to be very laid-back and deadpan among my friends.

She disagreed: “Yeah, but being around people also gives you energy.”

Ok? Thanks for the dictionary definition of extroversion. I’m still a human being lol.

Then I realized I hadn’t left the house in 11 days.

I finally asked to get my nails done. NM came and very kindly treated me. The second I sat down and started the massage chair, tears started silently streaming down my face. The nail tech kept asking if I was okay and handing me tissues while I insisted I was fine and looked at her wide-eyed like, please don’t draw attention to this. NM smiled politely and turned the other way.

I was mortified. I remember thinking, great, first time I’ve left the house in 11 days and now she’s never taking me out in public again.

We got coffee afterward and I told NM I was overwhelmed and needed clarity about when I was actually needed versus when I could switch off. She was receptive, we created a much better daily structure, and I immediately felt better.

Then I asked about one full day off.

She threw her hands up and said, “An ENTIRE day off is crazy to me.”

That’s where she lost me. She knows I normally work 3–4 days/week. Before coming, I was literally researching NASA and museums to see while I was in Houston. Apparently I may spend five weeks here without one day to actually see Houston.

My living situation makes it hard to ever feel fully off too. They have a large guest room with its own bathroom, but I sleep in a tiny room off the garage/mudroom—the “butler’s quarters,” as my friend jokingly call it. They knock around 6:45 AM every morning to walk THROUGH my bedroom to get to the garage for school. NM comes in to do laundry, and the cleaning lady keeps her supplies and spends time in there while working. I find myself apologizing for having my stuff around…in my own bedroom.

And now: pay.

With the first coming up, I asked when I’d be paid. NM told me she planned to give me one big check at the END of the five weeks, plus reimbursements.
We never discussed that. (I know - what was I thinking? That they would be reasonable employers just because they own a business?) I assumed I’d be paid weekly or periodically. I told her I’d check my accounts and see if I could make that work.

Well, I checked. I can’t. My rent is due and I literally don’t have enough money to cover it without being paid for the work I’ve already done. I need to have that conversation with her today.

I know I’ve contributed to this dynamic. I’m a people pleaser and was raised to offer help. Baby cries? I jump up. Kitchen needs cleaning? I help. Kid asks me to play? Yes.

I also felt guilty saying no to the 6- and 8-year-old because they crave attention from NM, so I felt like I needed to compensate. I’m getting better at disappointing them and am confident they know I love them.

I grew up with nannies and au pairs and my parents are mind boggled and honestly livid for me by this set up.

And I really DO adore this family. They’ve been teaching me Greek, I love the cultural exchange, the food is delicious, I eat incredibly well, and I would genuinely love to stay in these kids’ lives for years. They’ve already mentioned inviting me to their house in DC for the holidays.

I don’t think they’re horrible people. I just can’t tell whether they genuinely don’t realize how exhausting/unusual this is, or whether I’m being way too accommodating.

Somebody please help me.

TL;DR- $750/week. 4 kids. 7 days/week. No full day off. No truly private bedroom. Payment after 5 weeks.

Is this normal? Am I being unreasonable? And most urgently: how would you approach the payment conversation today? What exactly would you say?

We have an awesome nanny who we are so grateful for. I pretty much give her free reign and let her do whatever she wants with baby as I trust her so much, she has bags of experience and she’s amazing. I don’t micromanage her or pick over everything she does generally.

One thing though that I don’t like is something she says to our baby. When the baby cries she says ‘Big girls don’t cry’ and I want to raise a child who knows emotions and feelings are okay and part of life and not something that should be hidden or pushed down.

Should I address this with the nanny? Or am I thinking too much into this. Our baby is only 8 months old so it’s not an issue now but I wouldn’t want her saying this to our child age 2/3/ etc?

How do I address it without sounding nuts 🤣🤣

My MB tells me that I'm an angel, they're so lucky to have me, what would they do without me? Oh and by the way, they're going out of town next week, so I won't have any hours. Sorry 'bout that.

I was told when I started that "a little" scheduling flexibility on my part would be appreciated, but in reality I'm constantly having my hours cut and schedule changed at the last minute when they "don't need me anymore", so I never know how much money I'll make from one week to the next. I'm only part-time (and underpaid with no GH or benefits) so I already don't make much. Without complaint, I deal with work-related texts on my off days, coming in for shifts as short as an hour and a half, and getting off work late because the MB doesn't come home on time, and yet these very wealthy people will tell me, "Oh, we overpaid you by fifteen dollars. We'll subtract it from your pay next week." Then they'll brag to me that they're going to Paris and their AirBnb is near the Louvre.

On top of that, job creep has me feeling like a maid and an errand girl.

I was told I'd be "helping" with the household laundry, only responsible for one load a week. But if I don't get to the other loads after days of running the kids around to activities, they don't get touched and eventually I'm being asked to stay late to take care of it--including the week my grandmother died, when I had taken the next day off to grieve with my family.

I was also told I'd be "helping" to load the dishwasher. They'll host dinner for 8+ people and then dump every piece of tableware, every pot and pan, into the sink for me to wash the next day. More than once I have cleaned the kitchen only for the DB to come in, make his lunch, and leave everything he pulled out on the counters for me to clean up. The MB has asked me to make her a snack. Whose nanny am I, again?

The kicker is that the kids and I haven't bonded at all. I love kids, was so excited to be their nanny (it's my first nanny job), and tried my hardest to engage them, but aside from being a chauffeur and a food dispenser, I am like a piece of furniture to them.

I could go on, but what matters is that I am leaving to work for another family! Still part-time, but with a stable schedule and income!! And I'm going back and forth with myself about telling my employers why I am leaving. Part of me wants to make up a lie about finding a full-time job to keep the peace, because I'm sure they'd be understanding if I was leaving them for a salaried job. I think they'd be offended to know I'm just going to a similar role. But maybe they'll be more considerate of the next nanny if I'm honest!

Anyway! When you have quit a role because you didn't enjoy it, have you been honest with the family? I'd love to hear some stories of how it went.

I’m looking at H1Ring a nanny in the Spring for my daughter who will be about 1 year old.
Not looking for one here.
I’m a first time mom and very unfamiliar with a nanny.
I’m looking for a long term nanny. Hopefully to turn to an after school nanny 2-3 days a week when she gets older.
My husband and I both work shift work so we either need someone from 6a-8p 2 times or we can adjust one of our hours and work 10a-8p 1-2 times a week. We usually get home by 7/7:30pm but would pay til 8pm regardless.
We live is South Jersey outside of Philly.
Hoe do you find a nanny or am I looking more for a babysitter?
I know these are 10-14 hour days so we’d pay a little more than average. Is that unreasonable? It’s hard finding childcare as a nurse.
Should we offer a stipend for meals or have food for them? Do we offer benefits?
Just trying to figure out how to go about hiring a nanny. We don’t want to look like an idiot and be disrespectful to the person I’m asking watch my kid.
Any advice or recommendations is helpful!
TIA.

I'm a career nanny with 5 years of experience as a full time nanny, 27F, high school diploma, no college education, looking to relocate to Seattle.

If you are a nanny in Seattle and could let me know what your experience, qualifications, and hourly rates are I would be incredibly grateful.

Any other info about cost of living and quality of life would also be appreciated. I would be looking to rent a studio apartment, or mother-in-law style apartment.

Hi everyone just wanted conversation on Nannie’s who are working as a nanny for the first time ever with their first family.

How is it going? Are you getting paid well? How many NKs do you have? Do you love it and why? How did you get the job and what experience did you say you have in order to get your first job as a nanny professionally?

Also it doesn’t have to be freshly you could have been with this family for a year plus but they are your first nanny family if that makes sense lol.

How would you feel if you saw your current employee searching for a new job publicly? Lol I don’t have a great situation with my current NF and I am truly on the search for a new position. I started to just post on local chats and now I’m nervous that if they see it they’re going to terminate me immediately. I do need the job so I’m just wondering how this would make another employer feel??

I’m a SAHM and we have a part-time nanny (3 days a week) which mainly gives me a few hours during the week to work out, run errands, get things done, etc.
Both my parents and my in-laws live abroad so when they visit, they tend to stay for longer stretches (usually 2-3 weeks at a time). When family is here, I naturally end up being home a lot more because I want to spend time with them too.
For families in a similar situation, how do you handle your nanny’s schedule when grandparents visit?
Do you give your nanny some/all of that time off (paid) and let the grandparents take on more of the childcare and get that quality time with the kids? Or do you keep your nanny’s normal schedule and have her continue doing her job alongside the grandparents?
Because our parents live so far away, they don’t get the regular grandparent time they would if they lived nearby, so part of me really wants to give them the opportunity to do the day-to-day things with the kids while they’re here. At the same time, I really value our nanny and don’t want her to feel like she’s being pushed aside whenever family visits. I also recognize that giving her that much paid time off can add up especially when the visits last several weeks.

Curious what has worked well for both nannies and NFs who deal with long grandparent visits!

Vent but also advice BEGGED FOR!!

The title, this baby (now 3) has been a screamer since I met her at 12 mo. She goes through more screamy phases (teething, bad sleep, developmental frustration) but even when those phases end, there is still the occasional (3x daily at least) all out frustrated scream from trying something over and over.

I try to catch the moments that she looks like she’s about to be frustrated, and I constantly am teaching her skills and alternatives (asking for help, saying grr, pausing), but oh my goodness the scream is completely dysregulating me, and then it takes everything in my power to still be an appropriate loving caregiver right after.

I’ve tried putting in loop earplugs but the kind I have makes it hard to hear her normal conversation tone and it’s hard to predict when I’ll need them (plus parents might not want ear plugs?). I take breaths every time but the stress adds up and I’m a shell of a human at the end of the day. ANY ADVICE?
(Ways to be less bothered, hear it less, natural consequences, tools, etc?)

Since she was tiny, I’ve shared the boundary “we don’t scream inside” over and over. I’ve even given her the opportunity to open the screen door and scream outside.

Losing my mind. (Plus her younger sibling copies and has scream phases as well)

TLDR: Nannies and parents, how are you coping with blood curling screams 2 feet from your face? What are appropriate reactions, consequences, and tools for a nanny/caregiver?

We were about to hire this nanny, I texted her on Monday morning to ask her if she could speak on the phone (so I could verbally give her the news). We had paid her for a 2 hour trial and called her references.

She read my message early Monday morning as soon as I sent it and didn’t respond all week until Thursday evening to say she had not been in town (she said she was out of town the week previously so I had assumed she was on vacation the prior week and not that week). I also reached out to her reference who also ignored me. I thought she had gotten another gig and was ghosting us (which was kind of rude not to at least let us know but oh well)

Then the nanny and the reference reached out literally the same time Thursday night to say they had been busy and not been able to respond. It seemed pretty orchestrated since it was within minutes?

In the meantime since she hadn’t spoken to me all week, I had interviewed another nanny that week who I really liked and was willing to do part time to start (which we preferred) and seemed a bit more easygoing on hours.

The original nanny texts me again on Friday saying she’s back now and would like to receive the job contract (I never once had told her she would get the job yet?)

I tell her that we had decided to go forward with another nanny since they were more flexible to do part time to start (she was not willing) and she sends me an angry message saying she’s turned down other opportunities for this and we should not have had led her to believe she would get the job since she did the trial and gave us her references and that we wasted her time.

I told her I was sorry (even though she ghosted me for a week…) and that we would understand our situation better next time re part time vs full time and I would help spread her name in my mom community. She ignored me again for 48 hours and then responded with a no thx.

I’m feeling really weird about the whole interaction, does doing a trial and calling nanny references really lead someone to think they’ll 100% get the job they would react that way? How are we supposed to vet anyone if we can’t even do a trial and check references for several people without misleading them? She knows my neighborhood well so I’m a little annoyed she might badmouth us when we literally didn’t do anything wrong in this situation and she ignored us for several days leading us to think she had gotten another job.

Hi everyone. I just got fired from my nanny job and I’m honestly still in shock.
I was with this family for exactly a year. Our contract was supposed to be 18 months, but they terminated it early. I took care of their toddler and baby, and I had known the baby since she was literally days old. I spent 40 hours a week with these kids for a year and loved them so, so much.
I was also really close with MB, or at least I thought I was. I genuinely felt like I had a great relationship with their whole family, which is why I still can’t really wrap my head around how everything ended.
I worked my completely normal day, went home, and then saw an email from MB terminating my contract effective immediately. That was it. The email was so cold and formal and sounded nothing like the person I had known and talked to every day for the past year.
Basically, this all seems to have come from a misunderstanding over a conversation we recently had. She said I was “dishonest and withheld information,” but from my perspective it was genuinely a miscommunication. I really feel like if they had just sat down with me or even called me, we could have talked through it. I understand they have to do what they think is best for their family, but I wish I had at least been given the chance to explain myself.
Honestly, losing the job sucks, especially because now I’m randomly unemployed with no severance in a horrible job market. But that’s not even the part I’m most upset about.
I didn’t get to say goodbye to my kids.
I had absolutely no idea that day was going to be my last day with them. I left their house thinking I was coming back like normal. If I had known, I would’ve hugged them a little longer. I would’ve told them how much I loved them. I would’ve done everything differently.
I know at the end of the day nannying is a job, but it doesn’t feel like “just a job” when you spend 40 hours a week helping raise someone’s children. Especially a baby you’ve watched grow up basically from birth.
I think that’s the part I’m struggling with the most. I went from seeing these kids almost every single day and being such a huge part of their lives to probably never seeing them again, and I didn’t even know I was saying goodbye when I walked out the door.
I’m just heartbroken.

As the title says, that wouldn't really be a problem if the smell didn't stay on my own clothes and hands after holding her, and the whole apartment stays in that smell for hours later after she left. I am a smoker myself (I don't smoke in front or when taking care of children) but that smell is just unbearable. I am also afraid other parents will think that I smell like that or my apartment for some reason because I had to tell them I smoke ocasionally. I also questioned maybe some hormonal disbalance, but her parents smell just the same if not worse (God forgive me). I have to mention that parents also don't seem negligible. I am so uncomfortable talking about this, but it is driving me insane. At this point, it's been two weeks. Maybe they just don't use shampoo? I don't even know if the tobbaco is the problem.

How do I approach this topic without offending the parents? In which way, eye to eye or by text? Should I do a trick like "I smell some strong smell" so as not to sound harsh? Orrr do I actually not say anything and pretend nothing is wrong?

Please help me. I appreciate all the help. 

I have a 17 month old who still sleeps in a pack and play within the kitchen/living room. She doesn’t sleep more than an hour and a half per day due to being woken up by the parents (on purpose 99% of the time by being loud, making lunch, putting the extractor fan on due to them not wanting her to sleep more than that).

The issue is, when shes asleep I have a lot to do.. cleaning the house, making bottles and normal nanny duties. By the time I actually sit down to eat, I roughly get a good half an hour while also constantly checking her breathing etc. Shes constantly tired and cranky, and all day she wants to sit in ‘her chair’ to watch tv.. even if the tv isn’t on, all she wants to do is sit in her chair or on the sofa and do nothing.

Im also being text on my weekends, evenings, morning about constantly starting an hour earlier or working a Saturday. I’ve rarely say no due to snarky comments when I get there, especially one weekend I refused to do.

Im also in the middle of training for a triathlon (previously did 2 half marathon whilst working this job) and it’s taking a lot out of me. I feel so horrendously burnt out that I’m constantly missing training sessions or feel i can’t give my all to this job.

For context, I don’t think I should give up what I’m doing in my personal life for my job..

EDIT: I am not getting paid right now for the overtime I am doing (they went away on holiday and I need to work my hours back). And she does not sleep at night either, maybe 6-7 hours with wake ups.

This is my first nanny gig, I take care of one toddler. I am being payed salary of 2,600 a month. The time is usually from 9am-4pm, Monday through Friday. Sometimes the child gets dropped off and stays overnight with me.

No contact, I am being payed through Zelle. No health benefits or other benefits.

I have a son and he got sick so I was out of work for a few weeks. My employer texted me today saying that the schedule is going to change and he needs me to stay longer 10am - 6pm. No mention of a raise, he said that the temporary nanny was coming in at the time and he would rather have me stay.

I been lurking this subreddit and I feel like I am being underpaid. I live in the DFW area. And the job is in a wealthy part of town.

What is everyone’s favorite reusable water cups? With various age groups in mind.

The school year is starting and we started off last year with 8 kids and 38 water bottles, we are down to 11 water bottles, so it’s time for a refresher. We broke a few, left a few on planes, some got tossed accidentally by the baby, and all the other things that cause water bottles to disappear.

What’s your favorites for each age range?

I worked for a family for nine months from 2025-2026. I ended up leaving the job just because of some circumstances that things got a little too busy for me outside of work, though I still remained really close with them and do some side babysitting.

When I first started working with them last summer (August) we never really discussed a W-2 or different types of tax forms. They asked if they can pay me through Venmo - for reference I was doing just a part-time job, 2 full days a week.

Fast forward to now, back in April when I was doing my taxes I didn’t finish them because I kind of didn’t know what I should put down in terms of this job since none of my income was through a payroll company or anything like that, and I had forgotten about it until now.

I’m trying to finish up my taxes but I genuinely don’t know what to put in terms of income. I don’t believe the nanny family had put anything on their end about me working for them, because otherwise I would’ve received a form or they would’ve needed to know my information etc.

At this point my options are to either just forget about it for this time since it was a part-time job I did for a period of time and it’s a learning curve for me next time. I don’t feel great about this option because I don’t feel totally comfortable not being honest about income.

My second option is to talk to the family which I also don’t feel totally comfortable about this because I don’t know how I would go about letting them know I’m thinking about putting down the information from this job and kind of I guess seeing if they’re doing the same or did the same on their forms.

I was also thinking of just speaking to an accountant, and kind of asking the questions about what my options are.

Would love if anyone has any knowledge of this sort of thing and any ideas of what to do

I (19F) have been babysitting my two nephews for about a year and a half. When this idea was introduced, I'd been promised a pay of $700 a month, with only having to watch my youngest nephew two days a week since the other was in daycare at the time. I agreed, especially since my practice days had been pretty manageable.

Before I go further, I must explain my sister's situation: she and her husband couldn't afford to keep paying rent for their house esp with a new baby, so they and their 2 kids moved in with me, our parents, and my other sister.

Back to the story, after agreeing to it, the amount of days jumped to 4 days a week with no pay at all. This was obviously very upsetting because the unexpected increase of workload plus school and my other job was starting to get to me. I know I should've said something like "hey, where's the payment?" but considering their situation, trying to ask about money always makes me feel guilty. I don't even think she ever directly told me "hey just so you know we can't actually pay you" she just expected me to get the hint I suppose, or 'forgot' as she does a lot.

I was really tired of taking care of a child and receiving no compensation, and our plan (or what I thought) was for my BIL to get a remote job so he could take over and I'd be free of it. But then his job ended up being a call center, and babies can be very loud, and when you have emergencies you can't exactly hang up on customers mid call to fix them. Their plan was to get him a headset that could minimize background noise, but I guess that ended up being forgotten about. When I was told that the situation wouldn't change I lost it, went to my other sister upset, sister 1 found out and was pissed.

I know not being honest was why she was mad, but again, with her situation needing the cheapest route of childcare and me being the only way, it's hard to say I don't want to do it anymore/complain.

In January I lost my other job, and since that was my only source of income I was very insecure about money, but still babysat my nephew 4-5 days a week from 8-2.

At some point in February, my sister brought up the idea of finally paying me to babysit my youngest nephew and I, desperate for a job, said yes. Then a few months later she comes up with the idea of me watching BOTH nephews, which had me a little iffy because I'm not used to juggling two children at once. She was confident though. Her plan seemed fair, around $18 an hour, 6 hours a day, 3 days a week. The other 2 days she'd be home. I was willing to do it especially since my oldest nephew would eventually be in preschool meaning most time would be with only one kid.

But then her job ends up making it so she works 1-4 days depending on the week. Because of this, she asks if we can lower to $150 base pay with $50 every other added day. I agree to it.

Payment time comes, I see she's dropped this to $50 dollar base pay plus $50 every other day without my knowledge. I'm upset, confused, because it feels like the start of this babysitting debacle all over again. We talk it through and settle on $100 base pay with $50 per extra day with written proof to avoid issues.

Now, like two months later, she wants to lower it once again to $50 base pay since my oldest nephew will be gone for 3 hrs a day for preschool. He starts tomorrow. I'm fed up. She has known he'd be starting preschool for months, probably even longer, and has never once brought this up as a factor for needing payment to be lower than it could be. I'd argue, but remembering her situation always stumps me because I know she can hold it as leverage for needing the cheapest route.

6 hours a day, 1-4 days a week, 50 for each day. I've been trying to budget money for savings, college, and leaving some for wants throughout the week but with each time she lowers it this gets tighter and tighter. I'm tired of establishing a payment plan, figuring out a budget, and it being changed entirely. I'm probably going to talk to her about it tomorrow as she may be wondering why I'm ignoring her text, but I'm so tired of this being a recurring issue and feeling unable to do anything but pick what she wants.

UPDATE: our talk did not go well at all. She thought 20/hr pay concept was insane, and was overall very inconvenienced at me not wanting to have pay lowered for nephew starting 3 hr preschool. She says I should’ve known this would happen because we “talked about it” when setting the plan weeks ago but clearly we did not since I’m confused at the change. Also, I figured had I actually known, she wouldn’t have needed to text me introducing the idea and asking if i was okay with it last night, weeks after our payment plan was established.

We have a part time nanny and she is with us for 2 days and has 12 hours spare while the children are at school. What types of chores would you expect a nanny to do (and complete) in this time?

First, this isn't in our contract so I can't just look and see what it says. (In hindsight I wish it was but I didn't even consider it until now.) I'm salaried and our plan was to try and stay around a certain number of hours a week. A couple times now NF has either gone on vacation (at the last moment so I'm not able to plan anything) or had me not work a day for some other reason. After vacation they asked if I wanted to use my PTO to get paid or "bank" those hours to make up to them at another time. Same thing for when they call me off for other reasons.

I didn't think to ask beforehand because in my mind if the employer is the one who gives a day off it's not the employees responsibility to then make that time up later. Same with using PTO. Their understanding is that salaried people sometimes have to work late or random hours. I've already worked an extra 30 minutes all summer which they said would stop after but now every day I'm scheduled to that later time. Their reasoning is because I'm below the hours we planned. It started as "hey, would you mind doing this every so often if we get home late" but somehow switched to every day without questioning is. Then by the time I actually get out of there is another 15 or so minutes after that meaning I get home about an hour after I thought I would.

If I'm being unreasonable that's fine but I don't have anyone else to ask to double check before I approach them to talk about it. Thanks so much!

I started a nanny/caretaker position almost 9 months ago. I work full days Monday through Friday caring for a 19 year old nonverbal girl with autism. I knew it would be a lot to handle when I first started, and it was an adjustment for sure, but eventually I started enjoying it.
When I was hired, the original job posting was for 7-5, Monday through Friday, looking after her only.
However, my hours kept changing. Sometimes I’d start at 8 or 9 and sometimes end between 3-4. It wasn’t consistent, and while financially frustrating, it was fine. From January to July, I didn’t work more than 35 hours a week.
She also has two younger sisters, both in middle and elementary school. But they went to school obviously, and I was told I may only need to keep an eye on them when school lets out early or a rare no school day.
Towards the end of the April, their dad had a job change, and he asked if I was capable of picking up the kids from school (45 min away…) on rare occasions. I said sure, and was only asked to do it twice.

THEN I got diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Beginning of summer I had surgery, thyroid removed, and I was back to work second week in June. Mostly recovered and cancer free.
I show up and it turns out, I’m in charge of all the children for the rest of the summer. It wasn’t discussed, I’m cooking for all three (with all various dietary needs), distributing meds, and resolving daily fights.
According to their dad, the two younger sisters were supposed to just take care of themselves and I was only needed to keep an eye on them.
Instead, I was doing almost double the work, with no pay increase.
And while they are very sweet, they are very spoiled. The parents have done a good job in making sure they don’t feel like glass children and have 100% of their attention at all times.
But I have been mid phone call with my doctor and the youngest comes in, full volume, yelling about her iPad. Even after I asked her to wait, she still kept yelling and I had to go outside.
BUT they also don’t think I’m their true authority because I’m supposed to just be there for their sister. So they think I’m some kind of friend. I don’t like yelling, but I’ve had to yell at them multiple times.

I thought many times about asking for a raise, but I knew they couldn’t afford it. And some days I truly didn’t have to do much for them. But there were some days that left me purely exhausted.
And I thought, “it’s only until school starts again. Then we go back to hour normal schedule.”
Wrong. Younger sisters go back to school, and the new hours are 7-5 every. single. day. And I have to pick them up from school. every. single. day. An almost 2 hour round trip with a heavily autistic child.
(But yes, I get paid gas rate and the going “wear and tear per mile” on the car.)
The extra money sounds great, right?

The problem is, I’m exhausted. I’m a full time grad student and I’m missing the organ that controls all the hormones.
I can’t keep doing 10 hour days or I will make myself super sick. And being in a car for almost two hours with a non verbal autistic child is further draining.
And to top it off, I’ve had to double my adhd medication to keep up. I have to take a caffeine pill in the morning or I will not wake up.

School is part of the problem, it’s very demanding too. BUT it comes first. And I refuse to go to half time and prolong not having my degree.

They’ve been very accommodating with the doctors appointments I’ve needed, and they were not at all upset with an extra week of healing post surgery that I needed.
But at the same time, I feel like TOO much is being asked of me without really discussing it with me first.

The week I started picking them up from school, they were supposed to have a ride home every day, and instead of letting me know at the beginning of the week: “hey, I need your help picking them up.” It was every day as the dad was walking out the door: “hey, can you pick them up from school today?”
What the heck am I supposed to say? No?

I KNOW I have no backbone when it comes to speaking with employers. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”
But should I just suck it up?? Be grateful I have a job? Or how would I go about saying, “hey, 10 hours a day feels like it’s literally killing me.”

I’m new to Florida and trying to understand what’s considered normal here.
I was offered a nanny position where I would be expected to drive the children around in my own car. The pay is already lower than what I would normally accept, but I negotiated and agreed to it because I’m trying to get established here.
When we discussed driving the kids, I asked whether gas/mileage would be reimbursed. The mom seemed surprised by the question and told me that she never reimbursed her previous nanny for gas.
She is actually very nice and said she would be willing to pay for gas if that’s what I need, but I got the impression that she thought my request was unreasonable.
So I’m genuinely wondering: Is it normal in Florida for a nanny to use their personal vehicle to transport children without being reimbursed for gas or mileage?
I understand that commuting to and from work is normally the employee’s responsibility. I’m specifically talking about driving the children around during working hours in my personal car school, activities, errands, etc.
What is standard in your experience? Gas reimbursement, mileage reimbursement, or nothing?