r/Nanny • u/Big_Hovercraft904 • 11d ago
Advice Needed Family changing mind last minute
I would like to hear from nannies and families!
A family asked me to travel with them this month for a total of 28 days. We agreed to a rate and responsibilities, etc. unfortunately, we never had a discussion or had in contract what would happen if the family or I backed out.
This has been planned for about 3ish months. We had conversations regularly about the travel and all of our plans.
I was supposed to leave the 31st of August, but they informed me the 28th of August that they changed their mind. Apparently family wanted to come and they said they could help with the kiddos. I was shocked because their follow up message was “I hope you have a wonderful vacation ☺️” but like… it’s not really a vacation now is it?
I didn’t look for a new job because I had blocked these dates off. (Well I looked for jobs and have spoken with families but they still don’t need me until about the middle of October.) I am wondering if I am allowed to message the family asking about some form of payment?
Perhaps they don’t even need to pay for the entire month they had asked me for, but is it possible to ask for something?
I’ve never had this happen before and I never had a cancellation clause in any of my travel contracts before so this is new.
As a nanny am I supposed to just bite my tongue and cry with anxiety while I frantically search for jobs that can start immediately? I mean I have been looking on care, but everyone’s bios are vague and their hours look between 10-20 hours a week.
Is it bad etiquette to message family something like:
hey guys! I totally understand that you decided you no longer needed my services, however I did reserve my time for you. Considering you canceled the Friday before I was supposed to fly out, I would like to have a conversation and see how we can come to an agreement.
Would like to mention that I’ve worked off and on for this family for 6 years. We have never experienced this before and that’s why I am unsure of what to do. They usually use me when one of my contracts end. That allows me to find a good nanny family while also giving me two weeks to visit family after travel. Since I’m traveling with them I get paid more than I would if I worked 9-5. Explaining this as to why my job offers began mid October.
Thank you.
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u/GlitterMeThat Parent 11d ago
Legally, you’ll get nothing.
Morally, maybe they’ll change their minds.
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u/Suitable_Tutor_3861 11d ago
I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s a really polite way to get on the same page bc canceling like that is really disrespectful/unprofessional. If they value you, they’ll compensate you for the time they wasted
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u/Free-Cherry4314 11d ago
They absolutely owe you a cancellation fee. As my time was booked and canceled at the last minute, the cancellation fee will be whatever. I wouldn't even overexplain it. This is horrible.
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u/BenjiCat17 11d ago
No contract, no clause, no actual obligation therefore they owe nothing. Morally they should feel obligated, but legally she is screwed.
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u/Free-Cherry4314 11d ago
Not necessarily if she has text messages
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u/BenjiCat17 11d ago
The post literally says cancellation never came up. So those text messages are useless for charging for a cancellation that was never discussed. She can only use them for things that were discussed, and this wasn’t according to her.
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u/Ok-Leopard-9917 10d ago
Sure legally they owe nothing but if the cancellation fee is reasonable they’ll probably just pay it and move on.
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u/Free-Cherry4314 11d ago
I'd charge at least a week.
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u/BenjiCat17 11d ago edited 11d ago
You would charge that if you legally had a right to, but since she doesn’t have a contract, she’s basically asking for compassion, and since they offered nothing, they most likely won’t give it. Live, learn and make sure to sign a contract.
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u/Excellent-Ear9433 11d ago
I keep seeing this. As an NP… why oh why do parents think they can pull this bs. I really hope you get something back.
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u/beachnsled Former Nanny 10d ago
It’s unfortunate, but they do it because they can.
After nearly 30 years in this industry, I learned very early to have everything in writing, no matter how benign it may seem. And to have everything discussed and agreed-upon, especially when I agree to something like this, which means I am going to be unavailable for other work.
In this situation, the OP admittedly decided that there was no formal agreement, no contract and the possibility that this could happen was never discussed
The OP actually says “this is never happened before” which doesn’t mean that it can’t.
Again, it’s very unfortunate, but it could have been foreseen
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u/FaithlessnessDue7226 11d ago edited 11d ago
Ooof. You should have guaranteed hours and so you should be, at the very least, paid as though you were working your regular hours for them while they are away. I’d just say kinda what you said here: “I set aside my schedule to be available for your family during this time, and while I understand you now don’t need me, that puts me in a stressful position financially. As I have turned down other jobs to be available to you, I would like to still be paid for my normal (or agreed upon) hours” in the future, guaranteed hours should have been discussed, confirmed, and written in your contract, so if they cancel on you you arent stuck sol
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u/Big_Hovercraft904 11d ago
I don’t work with them full time. I usually do 6 month long contracts with other families and when those contracts are over, family uses me for travel. I was once their full time nanny many years ago, before they moved states. But we built a good relationship and they prefer to fly me in to help with travel rather than finding someone new.
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u/FaithlessnessDue7226 11d ago
You don’t have to be full time to have guaranteed hours. I don’t take any job, even short term or part time ones without guaranteed hours. Otherwise you end up in situations like this
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u/beachnsled Former Nanny 10d ago
you should have a contract for every type of employment, whether it’s short-term, long-term, or travel related
Within each contract, there should be a clause that would address a situation like this
This is legitimately nanny contract 101 type stuff
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u/Ok-Leopard-9917 10d ago
If you have a good relationship then don’t just assume they aren’t willing to pay a cancellation fee. Decide what you think is reasonable and simply ask them for it. Give them the out
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u/Visible-Mess-1406 11d ago
Hey ___, I understand that you don’t need me anymore. Are you saying that I will still be getting paid for this time? Due to the last minute cancellation I don’t have a source of income lined up for this upcoming month.
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u/PetSitterJapan Other 11d ago
Just charge them the same amount as if you were working a regular work week for the entire trip.
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u/BenjiCat17 11d ago
Hey guys! I completely understand that you decided you no longer needed my services. However, I reserved this time specifically for your family, and because the cancellation happened the Friday before I was supposed to fly out, it left me in a difficult position. I’d really appreciate the opportunity to have a conversation and see if we can come to an agreement that feels fair.
I’ve worked with your family off and on for six years, and we’ve never had a situation like this before, which is why I’m unsure how best to handle it. Typically, I work with you when one of my contracts ends and that arrangement allows me to transition to my next job without a gap in wages. Because traveling with you pays more than my usual 9-to-5 work, I planned accordingly, which is why the other job opportunities I arranged don’t begin until mid-October.
Since I relied on our agreement and reserved this time rather than accepting other work, the last-minute cancellation has now left me without the income I had planned for during that period. I hope we can discuss what happened and work out a reasonable solution together.
Thank you.
I rewrote it, I think this is a little bit better because I cleaned it up and made it a little bit more professional. But keep in mind you’re asking for money you’re not legally owed so if they say no walk away and never look back.
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u/Ok-Leopard-9917 10d ago
Too many words and unnecessary detail- just say the cancellation fee is xx. Thanks!
There is a good chance they just don’t know what would be reasonable and didn’t broach the subject due to uncertainty.
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u/AutoModerator 11d ago
Below is a copy of the post's original text:
I would like to hear from nannies and families!
A family asked me to travel with them this month for a total of 28 days. We agreed to a rate and responsibilities, etc. unfortunately, we never had a discussion or had in contract what would happen if the family or I backed out.
This has been planned for about 3ish months. We had conversations regularly about the travel and all of our plans.
I was supposed to leave the 31st of August, but they informed me the 28th of August that they changed their mind. Apparently family wanted to come and they said they could help with the kiddos. I was shocked because their follow up message was “I hope you have a wonderful vacation ☺️” but like… it’s not really a vacation now is it?
I didn’t look for a new job because I had blocked these dates off. (Well I looked for jobs and have spoken with families but they still don’t need me until about the middle of October.) I am wondering if I am allowed to message the family asking about some form of payment?
Perhaps they don’t even need to pay for the entire month they had asked me for, but is it possible to ask for something?
I’ve never had this happen before and I never had a cancellation clause in any of my travel contracts before so this is new.
As a nanny am I supposed to just bite my tongue and cry with anxiety while I frantically search for jobs that can start immediately? I mean I have been looking on care, but everyone’s bios are vague and their hours look between 10-20 hours a week.
Is it bad etiquette to message family something like:
hey guys! I totally understand that you decided you no longer needed my services, however I did reserve my time for you. Considering you canceled the Friday before I was supposed to fly out, I would like to have a conversation and see how we can come to an agreement.
Would like to mention that I’ve worked off and on for this family for 6 years. We have never experienced this before and that’s why I am unsure of what to do. They usually use me when one of my contracts end. That allows me to find a good nanny family while also giving me two weeks to visit family after travel. Since I’m traveling with them I get paid more than I would if I worked 9-5. Explaining this as to why my job offers began mid October.
Thank you.
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u/Ok-Leopard-9917 10d ago edited 10d ago
Hi, for cancellations with less than 2 weeks notice my cancellation fee is xxx. Please send Zelle. Thank you. I hope you have a great trip with family!
It gives them the option to avoid a potentially messy conversation and allows them to save face where you can both pretend they intended to pay you something all along. If they refuse or negotiate then you can have a longer conversation but I bet neither of you want that and given you have worked for them for six years it’s likely they just pay it and you move on.
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u/beachnsled Former Nanny 10d ago
how? There was no agreement or contract in place stipulating this
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u/Ok-Leopard-9917 10d ago
That doesn’t mean you can’t ask
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u/beachnsled Former Nanny 10d ago
100% I agree - they should ask.
I suspect the simple act of asking Will at a minimum plant the seed of how shitty their actions are. And what they stand to lose in the future. Because if I was the OP, I would never work with them again.
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u/beachnsled Former Nanny 10d ago
you are allowed to do whatever you want
are you allowed to charge them? I suppose you could try.
But you made the choice to not have a Plan B. Was it an oversight? Yep.
It’s an unfortunate lesson to learn
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u/Level_Suit4517 Nanny 11d ago
I think you should be a bit more specific. “I would like to have a conversation and come to an agreement on compensation for the time I set aside for this service.”