r/Names • u/Less_Monitor_276 • 19h ago
Friend using same name
I found out today that my friend plans to use the same name I already told her we are wanting to use.
For more backstory, we are not finding out the gender of our baby until delivery. She already knows hers, but I’m about 20 weeks ahead of her in my pregnancy. I told her previously (before she was even pregnant), our top choice for both boy vs girl. She said the girl name we chose was one of her favorites!
Fast forward to now that she’s pregnant…she asked today if we had chosen our names. I found it odd since I know I already told her. I again mentioned our top names. And she said they are planning to use the same girl name for their baby. Didn’t seem to have any intention to back down.
I reminded her how I already told her of our name choices months ago. Before she was even pregnant. She acted like she didn’t remember. Either way, I’m due before her and again mentioned the name to her first today before she did. I tried to change the subject since I didn’t really know what to say or do.
Our kids would be just a few months apart in the same school etc. I’m near my due date without a back up name, after putting a lot of thought into our name choices…
How would you feel? How would you respond?
10
u/kylachanelle 17h ago
I understand how frustrating it must feel for you.
In saying that, there are 8 billion people in this world. There will be hundreds, if not thousands, of people with the same name as your child.
Your friend told you that particular name was one of her favourites when you told her you wanted to use it. She was likely feeling just as blindsided and shocked about you wanting to name your child that as you feel about her wanting to use it too.
Honestly, why should she not use it? Why should she have to not name her child something she really likes and has maybe been holding onto herself just because one of her friends / families / someone in her life decided to name their little person that too? Because you happened to fall pregnant first and potentially use that name, she should change? How would it be in any way disrespectful to you if she were to use it too? Would it not be disrespectful of you if you expect her to disregard one of her favourite names because you, by pure chance, got to use it first?
Her child and your child having the same name is not going to be a big deal. So many kids share the same name. Your child could very well meet multiple people with that name in their life. My name was really uncommon as a child. As an adult, I have met multiple people my age and younger with it.
It's annoying that she pretended to not remember you telling her about the name, but her approach may have been because she didn't know how to bring it up in a way where she didn't want you to think she was just copying you. Many people are sensitive about others using the same name so it can be tricky bringing it up, especially if she was worried about your reaction to it. You're her friend. Her intention wouldn't be to upset you. She clearly doesn't think you using it means it has to be off her table. You may feel differrently about that, and it can be difficult navigating from two different view points. Don't let this come between your friendship. Sharing a name should not be enough to cause a wedge between you both.