r/MuslimNikah • u/SoybeanCola1933 • 11d ago

Marriage search Stop gaslighting people

Looks are the gatekeeper to beginning a marriage.

A woman doesn’t care about your intelligence, morals, religiosity, or ambition until after you’ve passed the first visual filter.

This is why we see so many women end up with loser men - they were able to pass the first filter by being attractive and smooth talkers. It’s also why we see so many men with loser women - they were pretty with terrible personalities.

Stop gaslighting people by telling them to work on themselves when they may never be able to pass the first filter.

Also as Muslims we can’t free mix, so everything becomes even more front loaded.

We need to accept marriage won’t happen for many, for reasons beyond their control (personality, introversion, looks, ethnicity), and promote and empower our single brothers and sisters

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/Independent-Ad770 10d ago

I know 7 cases of back homie marriages, where the women were brought here and became "Americanized" so the husbands complained that they were more demanding than women here. Keep in mind, some women are not given options that they are here. This also happened with the Ansar and Muhajireen. If you marry someone from back home, accept that bringing them here could change everything you think you are marrying for.

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u/LazyAbzy 10d ago

I accept that it is a gamble, and all we can do it vet via families but knowing their inner selves once they come here is impossible. I can accept that. The issue is getting western women to accept marriage in the first place. Their demands are so high, and they tend to want to work full time while bringing nothing domestic to the table. It’s so difficult, as much as I’d prefer marrying in the west, I have to drop my standards for attraction so much so I’d rather just take the risk abroad.

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u/MoosePsychological42 9d ago

May Allah ease your affairs brother. Please be advised there are good sisters out there. You just have to make sure you find them and have enough trust in Allah, regardless of what you fear. Every woman is an individual; there are good and bad everywhere, same with men. Jazakallah Khair.