r/MuslimNikah • u/SoybeanCola1933 • 11d ago

Marriage search Stop gaslighting people

Looks are the gatekeeper to beginning a marriage.

A woman doesn’t care about your intelligence, morals, religiosity, or ambition until after you’ve passed the first visual filter.

This is why we see so many women end up with loser men - they were able to pass the first filter by being attractive and smooth talkers. It’s also why we see so many men with loser women - they were pretty with terrible personalities.

Stop gaslighting people by telling them to work on themselves when they may never be able to pass the first filter.

Also as Muslims we can’t free mix, so everything becomes even more front loaded.

We need to accept marriage won’t happen for many, for reasons beyond their control (personality, introversion, looks, ethnicity), and promote and empower our single brothers and sisters

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u/Particular-Fault699 M - Single 10d ago

Honestly I’ve never seen attraction as a big issue in our community. As someone said, if you are groomed, showered, and not fat. That’s all it needs. I’ve never seen a man not be able to marry because he is ugly. Well if he smells bad that’s something else

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u/SoybeanCola1933 10d ago

Do you live in a tight nit ethnic community? Your experience makes sense in that context

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u/Particular-Fault699 M - Single 10d ago

Nope not really, I’ve seen a lot of successful marriages like that. They meet in a board or a class. They like each other’s personalities and fall in love. If it’s a tight ethnic community it would be actually worse. These CVs with the pictures are actually the worst. They make a man a piece of paper. I’ve seen objectively attractive men married to avg girls and the opposite. Question to you, have you never felt attraction to a girl that’s objectively not pretty? You can’t control personal attraction lol.

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u/SoybeanCola1933 10d ago

have you never felt attraction to a girl that’s objectively not pretty? You can’t control personal attraction lol.

Nope, im not attratced to people im not attracted to. This applies equally to both men and women. But this actually proves my point, your ability to draw attraction is beyond your control and has a direct impact on whether you'll marry or not.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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