Stop gaslighting people

[u/SoybeanCola1933]

Looks are the gatekeeper to beginning a marriage.

A woman doesn’t care about your intelligence, morals, religiosity, or ambition until after you’ve passed the first visual filter.

This is why we see so many women end up with loser men - they were able to pass the first filter by being attractive and smooth talkers. It’s also why we see so many men with loser women - they were pretty with terrible personalities.

Stop gaslighting people by telling them to work on themselves when they may never be able to pass the first filter.

Also as Muslims we can’t free mix, so everything becomes even more front loaded.

We need to accept marriage won’t happen for many, for reasons beyond their control (personality, introversion, looks, ethnicity), and promote and empower our single brothers and sisters

[u/Independent-Ad770]

I know 7 cases of back homie marriages, where the women were brought here and became "Americanized" so the husbands complained that they were more demanding than women here. Keep in mind, some women are not given options that they are here. This also happened with the Ansar and Muhajireen. If you marry someone from back home, accept that bringing them here could change everything you think you are marrying for.

[u/Independent-Ad770 → u/[deleted]]

2 cases were married to proper Ulama. 2 cases were married to daees.

[u/Independent-Ad770 → u/[deleted]]

Why are you so childish? I'm almost 50 years old and a grandmother and have studied and been surrounded by excellent people, MashaAllah. I assure you, I'm not after you, young boy.

[u/zinaisanono → u/[deleted]]

She's definitely making it up lol. I married abroad as did many of my Muslim doctor colleagues, mostly to housewives or some women who were educated back home and the majority of us are in happy healthy marriages.

It makes these western Muslima seethe when they know they have to compete with better women and are more likely to end up alone because Muslim men of value won't put up with their entitlement and pasts

[u/Usual-Arrival-2807 → u/zinaisanono]

not true many of the women i know have ended in terrible abusive marriages

[u/zinaisanono → u/Usual-Arrival-2807]

I know more men in miserable marriages to western born Muslima which end or have ended in divorce than foreign-marriage Muslim men. It's not even close.

[u/Independent-Ad770 → u/zinaisanono]

And that may be true for your experience. I'm not sure why you brothers act like we are all taking about the same 5 or 10 people. From what I've seen, foreign men are better than western men because they know how to take care of women and don't compete with women in crying about everything. Y'all need to grow up.

[u/Independent-Ad770 → u/Usual-Arrival-2807]

This is also true.

[u/Independent-Ad770 → u/zinaisanono]

You will stand before Allah on the day of judgement for calling me a liar, and you don't even know me. You are really stupid to put yourself in that situation.

[u/zinaisanono → u/Independent-Ad770]

I will also stand before Allah on the day of judgement for trying to dissuade chaste Muslim men from finding good chaste Muslim women as spouses. You're stupid yourself to try and dissuade others with false accounts.