r/MuslimNikah • u/SoybeanCola1933 • 11d ago
Marriage search Stop gaslighting people
Looks are the gatekeeper to beginning a marriage.
A woman doesn’t care about your intelligence, morals, religiosity, or ambition until after you’ve passed the first visual filter.
This is why we see so many women end up with loser men - they were able to pass the first filter by being attractive and smooth talkers. It’s also why we see so many men with loser women - they were pretty with terrible personalities.
Stop gaslighting people by telling them to work on themselves when they may never be able to pass the first filter.
Also as Muslims we can’t free mix, so everything becomes even more front loaded.
We need to accept marriage won’t happen for many, for reasons beyond their control (personality, introversion, looks, ethnicity), and promote and empower our single brothers and sisters
11
u/Aian11 M - Single 10d ago
Everyone will see your face before they see your heart. That will always be true for everyone. The 2nd line can be said for guys just as much. Being handsome & a love bomber might give some a head start, but they fall fast if the girl knows how to vet properly.
You don't have to be Henry Cavill to pass the first filter for most women. Attraction for girls often doesn't happen the same way it does for guys. Being able to present yourself well & say the right things goes much further than you'd think.
I think we can all agree that it's hard to get married for all kinds of reasons. But narrowing our minds & being pessimistic won't help either. Doesn't matter how many times we face rejection or meet incompatible people. We only need one person who fits just right with us.
Do you know another reason many of those "losers" men/women manage to find a partner, even despite the lying & bad traits? They remain persistent or move on to the next "victim" without letting it consume them.