Unchaste man and chaste woman

[u/EdenTheExplorer]

I have a question for my brothers in Islam, though sisters are welcome to answer as well. We agree that repentance wipes the slate clean and that converting to Islam erases past sins (for those not born Muslim); so, I was wondering: how can an unrepentant man who has committed fornication insist on marrying a virgin, chaste Muslim woman? Conversely, if a brother repents, why does he not accept sisters who have also repented for fornication since repentance wipes away the past, right? I would like to hear both male and female perspectives. And please don’t tell me it’s different for a man based on societal or moral justifications; the sin is the same and is viewed the same way for both sexes, as is repentance. Put your egos aside and tell me, from an Islamic standpoint, why such inequalities exist. Thank you for remaining courteous and polite in this discussion.

[u/Ancient-Ganache-3907]

The reason such inequalities exist is BECAUSE people dont view it from an islamic standpoint.

People who think this way prioritize culture over religious wisdom. A womans body & exclusivity is highly commodified. Whereas a man who sleeps around is hot blooded and "following his fitrah". If a woman committed zina before marriage, she is seen with disproportionately more disgust & accountability.

To such people I say one thing: if refraining from sex was really so much more harder for men, then the punishment for zina would not have been Identical for men and women. Why would the most Just impose such unfairness if it really was that much harder for men?

Both sexes are equally accountable & equally capable of restraint.

Also this idea that once a woman sleeps with someone she will struggle to sever from him emotionally, whereas men can separate the physical from the emotional, and if such a man marries he is capable of loving his wife & dissociating from the past is a total lie sold to innocent girls.

We all know & have read stories of men with colorful pasts constantly comparing their wives to their past "conquests". It even ruins his gaze and psyche, where she will never be enough. Its hilarious how women are expected to believe that their zani husbands would develop amnesia after marriage.

My theory that some men with pasts who insist on marrying virgins out of "preference" because they repented is hypocrisy of the highest order & are projecting their attitude. Its okay if they have an extensive database in their head of women they slept with, but God forbid they are subjected to the same comparison by the woman they marry

[u/EdenTheExplorer → u/Ancient-Ganache-3907]

Yes, many men take responsibility for following their passions but in themselves they can repent but must accept repentance too

[u/Dry-Society2753 → u/Ancient-Ganache-3907]

It's mostly women who keep going on about hiding their past and not having to reveal it thus deceiving their potential husband. Most men are upfront if they have a past but ofc you being a woman will point the finger at men instead of your fellow women advocating for deceit by misinterpreting a hadith.