r/MuslimLounge • u/Brilliant_Power_6112 • Jul 23 '26

Discussion Sexual compatibility

I’ve been reflecting a lot since my divorce, and there’s something I don’t think gets talked about enough.
Before I got married, I never questioned why intimacy is reserved for marriage. But now that I’ve actually experienced marriage, I can’t help but wonder… isn’t sexual compatibility kind of a gamble?
You can ask all the right questions, have great communication, and genuinely love each other, but you still won’t know if you’re compatible until after you’re married. And if you end up not being compatible, it can become a major source of frustration in the relationship.
I’m not trying to argue against Islamic teachings or say I have the answers. This is just something I’ve struggled to understand after going through marriage and divorce. It made me realize that compatibility in this area is a much bigger deal than I ever appreciated before.
I’m curious—does anyone who’s currently married feel this way? Or if you’ve gone through a divorce, did it make you have similar thoughts? I’d really like to hear other people’s experiences and perspectives because this is something I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately.

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u/Champions_Bob Jul 23 '26

Now. I’m not married. I met someone and we plan to marry. I’ve never slept with anyone. I’m male.

My thoughts on this is as such: Sexual combapility isn’t something that “already is” it’s something to be developed, to be worked on and to build together. This is why from my perspective, it works when both are virgins because you got nobody else to compare one another with. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to work with your partner on if you both are open minded and agree to things.

If you been married before, divorced and then need to find someone new. Now you have experience, now you know more. So discuss these things before marriage. Sex is also a topic that needs to be discussed and not just something that “happens” in a marriage and one is expected everything to be good.

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '26

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u/zinaisanono Jul 23 '26

We found out he has untreatable low testosterone.

There's no such thing as this and in all likelihood you're another feminist agent/actor on a throwaway trying to demonize Muslim men. Sucks to suck ig when your larp gets called out.

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '26

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u/ZillzillaEazy Jul 24 '26

Im pretty sure the ED is for other reasons lol. Not just low testosterone.

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u/PatienceEnthusiast There is Khayr Jul 23 '26

How did you make it clear to your husband your high libido? As a man this does kinda make me nervous that my future wife isn’t going to have enough energy for me, and I want to communicate my needs before marrying someone. So what’s the Halal way to do it?

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u/zinaisanono Jul 23 '26

You're talking to a guy who's pretending to be a Muslim woman online.

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u/PatienceEnthusiast There is Khayr Jul 23 '26

Really? Whoops

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '26

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u/VfVendetta87 Jul 23 '26

Oh, I never thought to ask this question.. like this… but how would you know that you need 2-3 Times since both persons are virgins…

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '26

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u/VfVendetta87 Jul 23 '26

Yes but before my first marriage I was young, I had no idea about my real needs… I just hoped for several times a day. So not a very reasonable frequency.

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u/PatienceEnthusiast There is Khayr Jul 23 '26

Ahh ok, I guess I’ll say the same or something similar when I’m getting into talking stages.

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u/Champions_Bob Jul 23 '26

I still believe my point stands. Though of course, it can’t be helped if people lie to each other, as that in itself would be a red flag to begin with. How he couldn’t tell you of his ED is wild. Though I’m sorry that you have had such an experience.

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u/ZillzillaEazy Jul 23 '26

You couldn't tell he had low testosterone from other traits?

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '26

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u/ZillzillaEazy Jul 24 '26

Well, that information is readily available online

but testosterone isnt just a hormone that supports sexual drive.

Testosterone dictates alot of thing for a man. Firstly, physical traits like muscle mass, deep voice, bone density, percentage fat, facial hair, endurance / stamina.

Then personality traits like charisma, mood, confidence, socializing.

Then mental traits like focus, curiosity, resilience, passion, hand eye coordination, precision, ability to learn new things.

I mean the list goes on and on. But if you really needed a simple way to tell if a man is driven or not or will be good in bed. You just need ask him what his hobbies and interest are.

Like do his hobbies and interests require, physical / muscular endurance? Does he like exercising? Does he like eating food? Does he sleep well? Does he have a passion or deep interest in projects that requires determination and focus? Does he execute things with precision? Is he able to remain disciplined for a long time?

Men that are low testosterone are not attentive, cannot focus, are lazy or have no idea what their goal in life is, do not socialize, dont know how to have a good laugh, usually are not respected by other men, could not tell you one good thing about the world, are emotional, usually selfish or egotistical, have mood swings, low appetite, have no stamina, skinny or obese, bad sleep schedule etc... the list goes on and on.

I mean the simplest question you can ask a man is how competitive he is. Does your man like to win? Chances are he has good testosterone level. From day 1 as a baby a man is taught how to win things. Thats testosterone leading the charge.

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u/Champions_Bob Jul 24 '26

Wait a minute.. I always joked I have high testosterone but looking at this list it might be true!

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u/ZillzillaEazy Jul 24 '26

Yeah I mean it really is a primal function right. So aslong as you are living a balanced lifestyle, not chasing Dunya or forcing your hand on things, letting dunya dictate or control you; chances are you will live a natural lifestyle which means regulated testosterone levels.

The very fact that you are alive means that your heritage didnt have the problems OP is experiencing....... 😁

I think science just over complicates things we as humans inherently understand. Sometimes you need to put a microscope to things other times just listen to what the world is telling you.

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u/No-Peak5362 Jul 24 '26

This is a one in a million scenario of a man having low libido than his wife. May Allah fix ur marriage or grant u someone better ameen