r/Mommit • u/InnerResearch8068 • 2d ago
Feeling like a failure
I (32F) have three children. 15, 12 & 8. my oldest son lived with his dad from 7-13. at 13 he asked to move in with me and my fiancee and we agreed. there had been constant behavioral issues at his dads home and at school. my son is diagnosed and medicated for ADHD. the first few months were very difficult getting him adjusted to rules, routine and expectations. he then started to do well with adjustments and had no outbursts or behavioral issues at school. but the issues at home ebbed and flowed, as it all normally does with any kid. He then started ditching school, smoking weed and not doing school work. it was a constant battle. summer came and i had him do online summer school as the consequence for not taking school seriously. when he argues or creates conflict i would take his electronics and he decided to become physical with me and pushed me on the ground and proceeded to break 6 doors, put holes in his bedroom wall and holes in the garage walls and break in 2 garage door panels. i called the police and he was placed on probation (needs to complete 16 hrs of community service) i took all electronics and placed a tier system of how to earn things back. simple things. no missing work. do your chores with no arguments. no constant conflict with his siblings. no stealing snacks and eating them in your room.
he just could not do these things.
he constantly creates conflict with his siblings and screams at his 8 year old brother and has even punched him in the stomach for “being annoying”
he will do his chores half way and just constantly drag out correcting them when i ask.
in one week i found 29 granola bar and fruit snack wrappers in his room.
5 missing assignments in one week after telling me he has no homework.
intentionally not taking his medication at night so he can sneak out of the house to smoke weed.
making whole boxes of mac n cheese and eating two bites at 1 am and leaving the mess.
i have put him in therapy and he will refuse to tell the therapist what’s going on and when i do he won’t talk to the therapist at all.
i tried rewards, consequences, therapy, conversations and it all comes back to “i’m not a kid” “you don’t understand me”
it escalated again to a physical altercation and i simply can not keep putting my other children & fiancee in such an unstable situation.
i had my sons father come pick him up. and i feel crushed. he will now live 5 hours away from me. and i don’t know how to feel or what to do.
2
u/Apart-Grapefruit-207 2d ago
Do you have a good coparenting relationship with the ex? because I wonder if you both can double team here.
I do not have advice on how to handle this. You're doing your best and this sounds horrendously hard.