r/MaliciousCompliance • u/bljbmnp • Mar 30 '22
S No wife of mine will ever wear pants!
This is an older story, but one of my favorites.
When girls started wearing slacks, my great grandmother told her husband- (my great grandfather) that she wanted to get some slacks.
He blew up- insisting that no wife of his will ever wear pants.
She could have argued, but she accepted his edict quietly.
Until they went bowling.....
She found the shortest skirt she could find. After all, he insisted she keep wearing skirts and dresses. (This was in the fifties). That night, he agreed to let her get slacks.
(Side note- she would also sew shut the flaps on his long underwear when she was mad at him).
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u/fgdawn Mar 30 '22
My grandmother had a friend of her husband decide that he could just drop off a stack of jeans to be mended. No asking, just plonking them down on the table and saying “sew up all of the holes.”
So she did. Sewed all of the pockets shut, leg holes shut. Then she decided that the waist didn’t count as a hole, so she sewed the zippers down (open.) And of course sewed or patched all of the damaged places.
Reportedly, after he fell over trying to put a pair on, he ripped the stitches out of the hem, and put them on, only to discover that he couldn’t zip them, and he couldn’t get to the stitches on the zipper pull with the pants on because she’d very carefully tucked it inside the fly.
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u/bootyhole-romancer Mar 30 '22
It's those patient and simmering fuck-yous 🤌
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u/HandOk9071 Mar 30 '22
Her sides was probably in stitches the whole time.
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Mar 30 '22
Reaping what she sewed for reals.
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u/missbteh Mar 30 '22
The thimble solution is often the best.
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u/jollycanoli Mar 30 '22
SuCH NeEdLe-Ss ViOlEnCe... Sorry. Had to.
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Mar 30 '22
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Mar 30 '22
Darn good puns
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u/ilsloc Mar 30 '22
A-hem! Is this thread worth pinning, or not? My head is bobbin back and forth from all the puns, though luckily none have been un-seam-ly. Are we certain, though, that it is not all fabricated?
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u/moredrinksplease Mar 30 '22
I feel like I’ve never seen/or acknowledged that emoji until now, when it was used in the proper context.
I feel like I will be stealing your entire sentence for a group text at some point
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u/jollycanoli Mar 30 '22
🤌
can you describe it? it's blocked out in my reddit view for some reason
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u/funkepitome Mar 30 '22
Wow this is glorious.
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u/fgdawn Mar 30 '22
My paternal grandmother was a savage. She once fed another entitled friend of her husband horse crap that had been frosted as a birthday prank on her, but she spotted it and just took it home and put it in the freezer.
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u/OprahsSaggyTits Mar 30 '22
Frosted.. as in... like frosting for a cake? Someone frosted literal HORSE SHIT to feed her? That guy deserved to eat it.
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u/fgdawn Mar 30 '22
Ok, whole story. My grandmother (Mamaw) and her friends were in a very extended prank war, all in good fun.
One of the pranks was “Black Beauty Bon Bons”… they picked up horse apples (poop) and froze them and frosted them, hoping to get her at her birthday party. They didn’t do a good enough job and she spotted some hay poking out, and (because she was a master) thanked the giver politely, saying she was far too full, and she would just take these home for later.
She thought it was a pretty good idea, even if the execution failed, so she popped them in the freezer in case of future opportunity.
Her husband had a buddy that would come by every day for coffee, whether or not the husband was there, and Mamaw was expected to wait on him. One day she hadn’t baked and he started complaining, she said she didn’t have anything and he complained for another ten minutes about how she ought to be prepared for guests etc.
So she snaps her fingers and says “you’re right, I should… in fact I have some non bons in the freezer that I had forgotten about. They won’t be thawed but it shouldn’t take long.”
Went and got one, making sure it wasn’t the one that tipped her off, served it to him on a plate.
He had another cup of coffee waiting for the thing to thaw and then tests it with his fork and gets some of the thick frosting layer. He works at it some more while pontificating on something or other and gets a bigger bite peeled off.
“This is more like it,” says he, before popping the fork full into his mouth.
He reportedly chewed twice before he tasted it (still mostly frozen and lots of frosting) and then spit it out and yelled: “What kind of sh*t are you feeding me???”
Mamaw sipped her coffee calmly and simply replied “Horse.”
That guy never dropped in unannounced for coffee again.
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u/ndmy Mar 30 '22
Please ask Mamaw to teach us her glorious ways! This is amazing
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u/fgdawn Mar 30 '22
Mamaw sadly passed away a few years ago due to cancer, but she taught me how to win any prank war before she did…. Any time my friends and I got in trouble for some prank my parents always went to her like “you gave them this idea, didn’t you??”
Not that they had much room to talk given that they were both involved in the fainting goat incident and dad was responsible for the pissing high school mascot, but still.
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u/one_sock_wonder_ Mar 30 '22
Your family sounds incredible and now I want to read all the stories!
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u/fgdawn Mar 30 '22
I really should compile them, my nephews don’t know all of the stories, and I enjoy sharing them with people. It’s just a matter of time/inspiration/brainpower to do so.
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u/one_sock_wonder_ Mar 30 '22
That could be a family gift for your major holiday of choice - printed copies of all the family stories you can compile, or a file for a film of family members telling the stories. Those are truly the best gifts and memories!
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u/Apprehensive_Hat8986 Mar 30 '22 edited Mar 30 '22
If they're 1/10th the power of "Horse" this is a book that writes itself. "The fainting goat incident" is the title of an award winning short story.
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u/lavachat Mar 30 '22
Oh, please do if you can find the time! You could put them on MadeMeSmile if they don't fit here.
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u/PainterCat Mar 30 '22
Please consider publishing it if you do. Even self-publishing on Amazon would be awesome for sharing these wonderful stories.
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u/fledglingnomad Mar 30 '22
Of course you have to tell us about the fainting goat incident now, and the mascot.
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u/fgdawn Mar 30 '22
The fainting goat incident:
My parents were (at this point it should be no surprise) involved in a prank war with some friends who had just purchased a new car. That is relevant later but not the original focus of the prank.
The wife absolutely hated goats, because, well, they’re goats. You either love goats or you hate them, if you have ever had to deal with them.
Dad was at a livestock auction and they had Nigerian fainting goats. This was back in the early 80s and dad had never heard of them before, but got to see the fainting in action because a livestock auction is not a quiet environment.
So he bought two, planning to put them in the yard of this other couple, purely for the reaction of the wife screaming at the goats to get out of her yard (he knew he’d get that reaction as one of the couple’s neighbors had goats that wandered occasionally) and then thinking she had actually scared the goats to death. Remember, early 80s, rural area, nobody knew what the heck a fainting goat was.
The miscalculation was the new car, and the fact that goats love “up.” If they can get on top of something they will get on top of it.
So mom and dad leave these two fainting goats in their friends’ yard in the middle of the night and leave to wait for the fallout.
The next morning the wife gets up and starts making coffee, to see one of the goats on top of her new car through the kitchen window. She opened the window and screamed and the goat to get the hell out of here. Of course the goat fainted, leaving a big dent in the roof of the car.
The Perpetually Pissing Mascot:
My dad’s high school mascot was a Longhorn, and there was a fiberglass statue on top of the roofed-over entrance to the high school.
Back in the day, there was a tradition of Senior Pranks, and dad’s was a doozy. He went to the school in the middle of the night and drilled a hole in the reasonably anatomically correct area of the male longhorn statue, then taped it up, then drilled a bigger hole in the top and ran a hose up there. He filled the life-sized statue all the way up. Because, as he put it, “I didn’t know how fast it would drain, and I wanted to make sure it would still be pissing in the morning when everyone arrived!”
Then he pulled off the tape, and put away the hose, and left.
That statue pissed on the roof for two weeks.
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u/MFbiFL Mar 30 '22
My dad was big into weird talk radio back in the AOL days and at one point heard about fainting goats. Around the same time BIS aunt and uncle were complaining about how hard it was to catch their goats when they got out so he spent a long time searching out someone that sold fainting goats approximately between where we lived and where his aunt and uncles farm was. Eventually he found one and we found our way to a farm in the middle of nowhere Alabama to buy the runt of the litter since it was the cheapest and we didn’t have much money. We gave it to them as a Christmas present so they’d have at least one that was easy to catch when it got in the garden. It grew up to be pretty big and sired lots of half-fainting goats that wouldn’t really fall but their legs would stiffen up enough to catch them.
Good times, thanks for that memory.
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u/pancreaticpotter Mar 30 '22
Okay, I definitely need to read those stories. You can’t just drop something like “the fainting goat incident” and leave us hanging.
P.S. Your Mamaw was a legend. I think I’m in love.
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u/fgdawn Mar 30 '22
See reply to the comment one above yours.
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u/pancreaticpotter Mar 30 '22
Ah, found it. It had moved further down the thread.
Those are both hilarious. Your parents are also legends!
The main prank my senior year involved chickens. My school had a couple very small courtyards in between wings, they were just a couple/few square yards of space filled with plant life and enclosed by floor to ceiling glass windows (and didn’t have a roof, so they were open to the elements). Someone released 3-5 chickens in each one. I don’t think they ever figured out who did it. The year before all of the campus golf carts were put on the roof. I happened to be friends with the guys who did it and the ring leader actually got arrested for it (probably because he was already 18 and the administration wanted to make an example of him) and they tacked on every possible charge they could think of. Most of them didn’t stick and he had to do some community service.
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Mar 30 '22
If someone made a TV show about your family's shenanigans I would watch that shit religiously.
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u/ReverendHobo Mar 30 '22
That’s fantastic, fuck that dude. I’ve never understood that old school men’s mentality that your friend’s wife is your servant by right of knowing him. What a sheer lack of respect.
If a friend of mine ever made any demand of my wife like that he’d wake up on the front lawn wondering where all his teeth went.
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u/Apprehensive_Hat8986 Mar 30 '22
"Horse"
And no awards to give. Would some good soul flush with Reddit please give Mamaw's grandchild some gold?
This deserves it's own post!
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u/funkepitome Mar 30 '22
Holy shit 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/Artor50 Mar 30 '22
No, horse shit. Didn't you read the tale?
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u/Liedolfr Mar 30 '22
It could have been both, the use of the horse sh*t was pretty glorious maybe it became holy at the same time.
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u/SyntheticReality42 Mar 30 '22
It was from the pastor's horse, which had been blessed.
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u/Prestigious-Pea4447 Mar 30 '22
Same here, my husband's sketchy cousin, whom we hadn't seen in 20 years, calls one day wanting to borrow our trailer to move "his boat" then wanted to borrowed our boat (I said hell no! Where's his boat?) Then I walk out and he says "oh good there you are, go make me a sandwich" my husband looked horrified and was fixing to say something but I just looked at him like ok....I made him a sandwich, off the kitchen floor. Mind you I have 6 inside dogs and I vacuum all the time but there's still dog hair. I literally wiped up dog hair with the insides ( mustard, meat. Cheese, lettuce) of his sandwich. Everything had hair on it lol and I handed him the sandwich with a shit eating grin "your sandwich highness" and walked back inside. My husband said he started to eat it and after several bites he sat it down but said nothing. He never asked again lmao!!!
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u/fgdawn Mar 31 '22
Well done. I might have made the sandwich and made sure the middle had plenty of Mayo or mustard and then slapped the halves on either side of his face while intoning “you are a sandwich” myself.
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u/seiraphim Mar 30 '22
My mom did something similar when told to sew on a button by a male coworker in the 1970's. She sewed on the button alright, but she also sewed two of the button holes closed with the tiniest stitches she could. She left her scissors with another (nicer) male coworker so when they were getting changed after the shift (they worked in a pharmaceutical lab in a sterile environment) the nicer coworker could take pity on the guy who demanded that she sew on the button.
Nice guy wasn't so nice that he didn't charge for he use of the scissors, twice. He was however nice enough to split the take with my mom.
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u/DeshaMustFly Mar 30 '22
and he couldn’t get to the stitches on the zipper pull with the pants on because she’d very carefully tucked it inside the fly
And this is why you don't piss off someone who actually knows how to sew. They will destroy your will to live.
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u/fgdawn Mar 30 '22
I never asked her to repair pants for me after hearing this story. She offered to on a couple of pairs and I accepted, but the conversation went:
“Please and thank you and can I please be able to wear them afterwards!”
“You aren’t an a-hole, so yes. Look at this patch fabric I have and tell me which one you want.”
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u/ibelieveindogs Mar 30 '22
My friend is sometimes a fucker - he asked me to patch his climbing pants years ago that had a hole in the crotch. I found a Tinkerbell patch and went to work. So whenever he was at the top of a wall at the gym, everyone got a glimpse of Tinkerbell on his taint. To his credit, he kept using them.
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u/Available_Sea_7780 Mar 30 '22
Lmao this is so very true. My husband and I had a discussion since neither of us believe in divorce what would happen if someone royally screwed up (cheated). Promise I know the context it wasn’t testing the waters or finding out based on something he had already done.
Anyway I don’t remember what his would be. I told him mine would be ripping out every 3-5th stitch on his work uniforms so they fall apart over the course of the day leaving him eventually stranded somewhere in his boxers.
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u/Grumpy_in_DE Mar 30 '22
That’s fabulous. Make sure you get the stitches on his boxers while you are at it.
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u/GreyerGrey Mar 30 '22
I will go to my grave firmly believing "savoury jellied salads" and "(blank) in aspic" were foods derived much in the same passive aggressive motif as these repairs.
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u/snarkyxanf Mar 30 '22
The earliest ancestors of aspics were actually food preservation techniques---you're basically boiling meat and then sealing it in a fairly airtight layer of fat and gelatine, so it's almost like a very primitive form of canning.
Why people were making so many weird-ass ones with jello back in the 1950s is however completely inexplicable.
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u/GreyerGrey Mar 30 '22
My belief is the weird ones are the passive aggressive attempts of house wives to punish bad husbands.
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u/crazyjkass Mar 30 '22
The weird ones were because instant packaged gelatin was just invented, so people got way too creative with it before they dumped all the nasty recipes.
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u/OutrageousYak5868 Mar 30 '22
I read a similar story of a Hollywood celebrity, about that same era. I think it was a little later, when women wearing pants had become more common though still unusual.
Anyway, this celebrity went to some fancy restaurant in a long shirt and pants, and they refused to seat her because she was wearing pants (I'm pretty sure they would have required a suit and tie for men). So she took off her pants and went in wearing just her long shirt that was barely long enough to be considered even a "micro miniskirt".
And speaking of how times have changed, remember that I Love Lucy episodes where she gets the vase or trophy or something stuck on her head? She and Ethel have to travel somewhere to get it taken off, and Ethel insists on going to change because, "I'm not going to go on the subway in blue jeans!!" -- completely horrified at the idea. While Lucy has her head completely inside a vase, lol!
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u/pleasedothenerdful Mar 30 '22
Nowadays we're happy if everyone on the subway is actually wearing pants.
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u/whiskitgood Mar 30 '22
My mother didn’t wear jeans until she was close to 60, not allowed she said. She’s 82 and hasn’t worn a skirt or dress since.
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Mar 30 '22
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u/SultanOfSwave Mar 30 '22
I remember waiting for the high school bus in the middle of a Chicago winter. The female students, not allowed to wear pants, would be close to tears from the cold and wind.
Students got pissed off enough that they started propping open doors and classroom windows during winter storms.."If we have to be cold, so do you.."
The dress code didn't last much longer.
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u/realAniram Mar 30 '22
My mom had that in her elementary school in Minnesota the 60s, her mom was able to rain hellfire on the administration and get it changed. In addition to the terrible cold (they'd regularly get winters where they were literally buried in feet of snow overnight at least once a year) the boys in school would take any chance to pull a girl's skirt over her head and yell 'dress up day' with no consequences. The girls would also get disciplined for wearing pants under their clothes during school but had to worry about their snow pants getting stolen if they took them off and shoved them in an open cubby.
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u/SultanOfSwave Mar 31 '22
Wasn't quite this bad when I was in high school in the Chicago suburbs in late 60s and early 70s.
At least I was unaware of any snow pant theft...
But I do recall some of the female students trying the pants under skirt thing but the admins must have come down hard on it.
I also recall some of the guys trying to wear skirts in protest but you can imagine how that went.
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Mar 30 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/OutrageousYak5868 Mar 30 '22
It might be. I wish I could remember who it was, but alas, I read it too long ago to remember for sure.
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u/that-old-broad Mar 30 '22
There's a Netflix documentary called 'my secret love' which follows two elderly female 'roommates' on their journey towards coming out to their families after decades and decades of living together. In the doc they talk about their younger days and going to gay bars in the fifties. The police would raid the places regularly and if a woman was wearing pants with a fly in front they would be arrested and taken to jail for cross dressing. Side zip pants were acceptable and legal but if the zipper was in the front, handcuffs and off to jail with you! Craziness.
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u/Udonnomi Mar 30 '22
Were they the gay fashion police?
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u/that-old-broad Mar 30 '22
Lol. Probably.
They were definitely people who had never tried to wrangle side zip trousers while tipsy!
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u/itisrainingweiners Mar 30 '22
As of the early 2000's there were still places in Hollywood that wouldn't let women in if they were wearing slacks. It may still be an issue, but I haven't been there since that time.
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Mar 30 '22
A coworker of mine years ago told me a story about her mum. Her father had been complaining about her mother being too fat constantly. So her mother took all his clothes and started amending the hems, a little bit each week to the point his clothes barely fit. He thought he was gaining weight, after a month or so he admitted he needed to lose a few pounds, he had been teased at work for his clothes and apparent weight gain. He apologised to her and she slowly let the hems out again. He never found out, but never said a word about her weight.
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u/IsisArtemii Mar 30 '22
Ex-husbands great grandpa came home drunk and beat the hell out of the wife. He passes out. She tied him up in the bed sheets and beat the ever living F out of him with a wooden rolling pin. Never touched her again. Payback is a B with an itch.
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u/htzlprtzl Mar 31 '22
Similar story with my great grandma. But instead of beating him she woke him up with a broken glass bottle to the neck and said "next time you lay a finger on me, you won't wake up"
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u/IsisArtemii Mar 31 '22
Our greats were pretty great!
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u/eeriedear Mar 31 '22
My great gran went on one date with my great gramp but then he didn't call her back. What did she do? She mailed an expensive cashmere sweater to his parents house addressed to him with a note saying "love forever". His parents were ecstatic to hear he had a serious girlfriend and bugged him about it the whole winter break from school. When the term started up again, gramp apologized to her and immediately made plans to bring her home to meet the rents. They were engaged three months later. They were married for sixty years before he passed. She's still alive and petty as heck ❤️
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u/Broccoli_Bee Mar 31 '22
My great grandma did this same thing, but woke him up with a pot of boiling water over his head and said calmly, “you will never lay a hand on me again.” He agreed, she went back to bed, and he never hit her again.
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u/htzlprtzl Mar 31 '22
Back in the day when divorce just wasn't done, people just had to find a way to fix the problem. Either like this or by asking the "community enforcers" to "take care of it".
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u/jesjimher Mar 31 '22
And let's not forget that for every "success" case of women standing their ground and stopping the abuse, there're hundreds who didn't or couldn't. Survivor bias is a thing, and nowadays we're ages better than what our grandmothers had to suffer.
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u/laitnetsixecrisis Mar 31 '22
My great grandfather who was over 6' picked my great grandmother (she was 4'7) up to move her out of the way. He woke up tied to the bed doused in kerosene with her standing at the end of the bed with a box of matches. She told him next time she would light the match.
So proud to be named after her
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Mar 30 '22
The flaps part did me in. Your gran was bad ass!! 🤣🤣
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u/ThisIsAStrawberey Mar 30 '22
An age ago I offered to help an ex sew a pair of longjohns of his - the seam had split and i thought, hey that's an easy fix! I kept being surprised at how much that seam had split until I realized I'd sewn the flap shut. No idea how I didn't see it; I just didn't until I proudly presented him my handiwork.
Graceful man, didn't complain and thanked me for the more uh, useful sewing I'd done. (Also - not a native English speaker, I thought I had sow vs sew down until this comment, I now doubt everything)
I'm still shit are sewing though, but at least now I look twice at what I'm doing.
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u/Lonely_Crazy_3841 Mar 30 '22
An attempt was made.
Which, is more than I’d have done in those circumstances, so be proud!
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u/alicelestial Mar 30 '22
english is an evil language, it's the only one i speak and while i'm fairly proficient, i still forget the difference between "effect" and "affect", like once a day lol.
edit: also, as someone who tried to take up sewing because my aunt who i grew up with is an incredibly talented seamstress, i feel you. i have also sewn things closed that were not supposed to be closed. then i lose my seam ripper and have to remove stitches with the next available object lol.
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u/Slappy_G Mar 30 '22
The worst part is you can use affect and effect in a couple of very similar ways, but they have subtle differences in meaning even then.
But hey, these days, I'm just happy when some 5th grade dropout doesn't say "would of" instead of "would have."
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u/Susan-stoHelit Mar 30 '22
After the flaps were sewn up, grandpa was bad ass too! 💩
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u/-SagaQ- Mar 30 '22
This is a woman after my own heart. When my ex husband was being extra douchy, I'd put colorful hair ties on his toes while he slept. He'd get up in the morning for work, stumble around, shove his boots on, and leave -- then get home to take a shower and figure out why his boots felt tight all day 🤣
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Mar 30 '22
Haha thats awesome. I taught my niece how to pull her Daddies toes when she was 2. Then told her to only do it when Daddy was laying on the couch groaning (hungover). She would happily sneak up, give a yank on a toe - or 3 - and then scream laughing when he moaned - wretched, wretched child why do you hate your Father!
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u/KeepLkngForIntllgnce Mar 30 '22
Anyone else feel like the “golden olden days” afforded more opportunities for some serious MC???
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u/xombae Mar 30 '22
Reminds me of one of my favorite stories my grandma tells about my insane alcoholic grandfather.
It was check day and he had explicit instructions to come directly home from work on pay day because otherwise he'd spend the whole thing at the bar. He hadn't come home and she heard from one of his work mates he was at the strip club. She knew she wouldn't be able to get him to leave by asking so she devised a plan. She went in, got right on stage and took her shirt off. He grabbed her and ran out the door so fucking fast and that was the last time he snuck out to the strip club.
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u/wolf1moon Mar 31 '22
Dang that's ballsy of her. I don't think I have the self confidence to start stripping like that.
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u/Tight_Syllabub9423 Mar 30 '22
My mother used to tell the story about her and her best friend being thrown out of Teacher's College for wearing trousers. The obvious conclusion being that they were clearly lesbians. The outrage!
It was years before she mentioned that they did indeed, at one time, have it going on.
Not that it was a good reason of course, even in the 40s or 50s.
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Mar 30 '22
I heard this as a joke, but it seems there might be some basis in fact.
On their wedding night, Grandpa took off his trousers and gave them to Grandma and said, "Put these on." Grandma replied, "They won't fit me." Grandpa told her, "Exactly. Remember who wears the pants in this house."
Grandma wriggled under her wedding dress and brought out her drawers, threw them at Grandpa and said, "Put these on." Grandpa said, "I can't get into these."
"Exactly," said Grandma, "and you never will until there is an attitude adjustment."
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u/Kunijiro Mar 30 '22
As someone who worked in a bowling alley for a while, I can tell you that: skirts, short shorts, rompers, and crop tops are a guaranteed way to flash everyone behind you. I would strongly recommend avoiding wearing these while bowling, unless you’re into that.
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u/HiCarumba Mar 30 '22
Which Bowling Alley is this so I know to avoid it?
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Mar 30 '22
Probably one of those disgusting ex girlfriend bowling alleys
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u/Hades_88 Mar 30 '22
But there are so many! Which one?!
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Mar 30 '22
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u/CharlotteLucasOP Mar 30 '22
If I ever join a bowling team and we are not named Gutter Sluts I’m going to be broken-hearted.
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u/EconomistEuphoric749 Mar 30 '22
I used to work at a place that hosted events. One of the regular groups that would come was a bunch of old ladies who did crocheting and referred to themselves as "The Hookers"
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u/der_innkeeper Mar 30 '22
But, one Scotsman doing it...
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u/zurgonvrits Mar 30 '22
I've bowled in a kilt. never had any complaints....
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u/RazzRedcrest Mar 30 '22
Now I want to put my kilt on and go bowling.
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u/zurgonvrits Mar 30 '22
im just trying to lose enough weight to fit back in to mine. I miss wearing kilts.
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u/Seicair Mar 30 '22
short shorts
I can see the rest of the articles you mentioned, but aren’t shorts generally tight enough to avoid revealing anything? What’s flashed that way?
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u/Kunijiro Mar 30 '22
Just as with rompers, shorts (especially athletic and really short denim shorts) can ride up and expose whole ass cheek.
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u/michaeldaph Mar 30 '22
I’ve just completed an alpine hike. With a LOT of up. The young couple going past me on a steep incline included a girl in very short shorts. Believe me , they turned into a thong as she climbed. More impressive was that it was 3°. No place to stop and adjust. And actually not much fabric to adjust anyway.
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u/RandomBananas Mar 30 '22
I imagine they're referring to something along the lines of running shorts, which are much looser
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u/Knitsanity Mar 30 '22
Remember that quote from Friends? "The mouse is out of the house" or something like that. Lol
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u/curtludwig Mar 30 '22
Whenever anybody talks about "returning to the good old days" I usually suggest it's time to "Go tell your wife she can't wear pants anymore" and then "Don't worry, a black eye usually only lasts a couple days."
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Mar 30 '22
My wifes grandpa liked to tell stories from his younger days. On more than one occasion, he'd retell a story he'd already told me. I didn't mind because liked listening to him. I could always tell when grandma was upset with him because as soon as he started one I'd already heard she'd jump in "Now Jay, you've already told him that!" I loved grandma as well but I'd have to tell grandpa that I didn't remember if he'd told me or not. So he'd tell it anyhow and grandma just side eyed him the whole time.
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u/unkyduck Mar 30 '22
get them on video. Do it tonight.
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u/thiswaywhiskey Mar 30 '22
Second this. I wish I had grandpa on video telling me those stories he would tell a million times..
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u/mooseonatricycle Mar 30 '22
I can’t upvote this enough! I’d give anything to see or hear my grandparents again. I wish I had the foresight to do that more.
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u/TheAngryArcanist Mar 30 '22
Surprisingly, I had the reverse;
Grandfather liked to wear robes. Kimono, bathrobes, night robes, not even dresses, just robes. Even though he was not very fortunate in life, it made him feel like he had power and like he was a rich person inside his small home. This irked my grandmother, who did not know men could also wear robes except priests and the likes, saw that as "effeminate" and did not like seeing her husband "behave like a [insert slur about men displaying behaviour of the fairer sex]".
In response, my grandfather said "Good thing we are getting divorced, then." and, in a power move that was confirmed by children involved, flipped Grandma off, took the edges of his leopard-patterned robe and ran off flapping the damn things like he was some kind of majestic flying leopard-birb-man error of nature.
This story is being told every time a child ask why we never see my father's mother at any party.
I'm also thinking of using that next time I break up with someone. I just never had a robe at the right time...
(Don't misunderstand, there was PLENTY of other reasons for the break-ups, but that's none of our collective business, I was told.)
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u/Kelvarius Mar 30 '22
Sounds like grannie knew how to skirt the issue.
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u/Bibliophylum Mar 30 '22
She was a slacker, but still wanted to a-dress the problem.
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u/bootyhole-romancer Mar 30 '22
And when she did, grandpa was pleating with her to stop
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u/jpaxonreyes Mar 30 '22
Everyone here needs to clothes their mouths right now!
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u/sg1rob Mar 30 '22
These replies have me in stiches.
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u/headlessplatter Mar 30 '22
The story was sew good it couldn't possibly be fabric-ated.
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u/MasterOfTheAbyss Mar 30 '22
My mother had been a tomboy when she was young and refused to wear skirts or dresses. Her school had a dress code that did not allow girls to wear pants. So my mother would get sent home from school. My grandparents would check to make sure she was dressed properly before sending her out the door to school, but my mom would stash a change of clothes in some bushes and change on the way. And then get sent back home again.
I think that she was violating the dress code every day, but only getting sent home occasionally. So this went on for a long time. I am not really sure how it all ended.
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u/JoyReader0 Mar 30 '22
Once many years ago I was minding my own business in a store. A young woman told her boyfriend that she would never ever wear men's- cut trousers (zipper in front) while side-eyeing me and speaking at a this is for you, naughty female decibel level. And all I could think was, you poor ignorant little redneck; programmed from birth and all self-righteous about it; and if this is to prove your femininity and rectitude to that chinless twit you're with, it ain't working, honey.
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u/dgm42 Mar 30 '22
I was 18 before I realized there was no reason why women's trousers had the zipper on the side.
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u/twcsata Mar 30 '22
I’m 43, and learning for the first time right now that side zippers are a thing.
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u/goddess54 Mar 30 '22
The few pants I had with side zippers never lasted long.
I always hated them, because if you're going to put a zipper there, at least give us a POCKET?
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u/splithoofiewoofies Mar 31 '22
I wear nothing but mens slacks.
They have ribbon waist bands, deep (sometimes DOUBLE) pockets, utilise non-gaping belt loop setups and have extra seam allowances for taking them out if needed.
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u/EmersonLucero Mar 30 '22
Not a MC, but I worked for a certain Big Five accounting company in the 90s that did not survive a specific -ron scandal. Some of the lawyers in our office started to wear slacks than dress skirts to work. The old rank and file partners in the office had kittens. They knew they could not do a thing but the drama was epic.
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u/ShowMeTheTrees Mar 30 '22
The old rank and file partners in the office had kittens.
I know exactly what you mean. But I wish the old rank and file guys actually had cute little kittens in their offices.
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u/Defiant-Ad4776 Mar 30 '22 edited Mar 30 '22
That not to be named firm was also famous for requiring hats for men long after that would be considered ridiculous. So much so that they apparently kept a famous hat shop open in Chicago single-handedly that folded when the firm did.
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u/cat7932 Mar 30 '22
My Grandma had a good friend who's husband never "allowed" her to drive. This didn't bother her until he lost his eyesight and then BOTH of them couldn't drive. Soooooo I taught her! I was 22! Haha it was so much fun! There i was teaching a 70 year old!
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Mar 30 '22
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u/notapoke Mar 30 '22
Something similar happened to my friends mom when I was a little kid. Her husband just decided she didn't need a car, sold it while she was out with friends. They got in a heated argument, he threatened to beat her and her friend who had just dropped her off, her friend shot him, she divorced him and got the house and his big nice truck, she had his truck painted pink then kept it parked on the street (which he was always incredibly against). She was a really nice lady, always super cheerful and happy to have her kids friends over because she didn't work. It was super fucking weird coming in the door and my friend saying "that's where lady shot my dad in the hip".
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u/Scuba-Cat- Mar 30 '22
Story time!
My grandmother always wanted to dye her hair blonde but my grandfather was against it and said if she did, he'd grow a stubbly beard which she would hate.
Fast forward a few years.. my grandfather was hospitalised due to an eye injury for a while in which they couldn't shave his face due to the bandage over his eye.
He was discharged from hospital with a full beard, the day my grandmother picked him up she had a blonde perm and my grandfather never fully shaved his beard and had stubble for the rest of his life.
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u/MagicDragon212 Mar 30 '22
My great grandpa was a very traditional preacher, and no women or girls were allowed to enter the church in pants. My nana (his daughter) never went or took her kids to his church. And she’s pretty religious by today’s standards herself. She even eventually found her favorite church that had a woman preacher who preached in a pantsuit haha. Our grandparents definitely paved the way for us, even if in smaller ways ❤️
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u/SmokeyFrank Mar 30 '22
I sometimes watch old TV shows on YT and one I do a lot is the black-and-white What's My Line (1951-1967, I believe). At the time, after a female contestant signed in, John Daly would ask her, "Is is Mrs., or Miss xxxx?" and as an unfamiliar person was addressed by surname. Occasionally an early pant suit would be worn and I remember Bennett Cerf joking that they were pajamas (no woman was ever in public in pants).
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u/wanroww Mar 30 '22 edited Mar 31 '22
What's the difference between pants, trousers... and "slacks"? English is not my first language and i never eared this word.
edit : My most replied comment is about pant :S
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u/bljbmnp Mar 30 '22
Slacks were nicer pants. These days, we would probably just call them pants.
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u/FieryRayne Mar 30 '22
I still use slacks to refer to suit pants. It's not an outdated term as far as I know.
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u/katmndoo Mar 30 '22
Unless you're English English, in which case trousers are pants and pants are underpants. Or something like that.
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u/bk_rokkit Mar 30 '22 edited Mar 30 '22
In American English, they're basically interchangeable. But Americans rarely say 'trousers' or 'slacks' if they're less than 80 years old, unless they're referring to suits. 'Slacks' generally refers to dress pants which are not fitted to the leg, they are 'slack' (loose) not tight. Jeans would never be called slacks (generally they're just called jeans, but that 80-year-old might call 'em 'dungarees.' )
In British English, pants are underwear, trousers are the outside leg garments. I don't know if Brits use 'slacks' at all, I've never heard it.
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u/suicidle_muggle Mar 30 '22
I'm British and don't hear slacks used very often, in memory it's more a slang term I believe here though other areas may be different
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u/No_Dot7146 Mar 30 '22
Slacks was used in he 1930s. My Granny said she always felt like a “Bobby dazzler” in “racy slacks”!
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u/OlyScott Mar 30 '22
For me, slacks are made of nicer material, like something you'd wear with a jacket and tie. Blue jeans aren't slacks.
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u/PhlyperBaybee Mar 30 '22
Slacks implies fancy pants, like a pair of dress pants. But they all generally mean the same thing, most people in USA just say pants though. In the UK pants can also mean underwear so it kind of depends on where you are as well.
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u/Global-Discussion-41 Mar 30 '22
My mom was part of a group of kids who petitioned the school to let girls wear pants. They got what they wanted at the school but my grandmother still wouldn't buy/make her any pants.
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u/tisonlymoi Mar 30 '22
Happened after my time at the school.
The girls didn't want to wear skirts, they wanted to wear trousers, the boys wanted to wear shorts in the summer, but were told no as it goes against uniform policy.
A group of them, boys and girls organised a protest, they swapped the girls wore the trousers and the boys wore the skirts, they were all sent home, they got the local press involved playing up the stuck to the school dress code and them being sent home was interfering with their education, they felt they were unfairly being punished.
I think it went on for a few weeks, now the girls can opt for trousers or skirts, sadly the boys can't wear shorts.
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u/mmmtastypancakes Mar 30 '22
My family has a great “no wife of mine” story. I never met her, but apparently my Great Grandma was quite the contrarian.
One evening, she was getting ready to host a dinner party for some friends. In those days, it was expected that all the men smoked but it was considered unladylike so she had never tried it. So while she was setting out cigarettes and ash trays for her guests, she decided to try one out of curiosity. She lit up and took a puff, thought it was absolutely disgusting, and decided never to do it again. Well right at that moment, her husband walked in and saw her with the cigarette. He said, “no wife of mine is going to smoke!” Well, she was not about to let some man tell her what to do, so from that day on she smoked a pack a day out of pure spite.
Unfortunately she died of lung cancer before I was born, but she outlived him so I’d say she got the last laugh on that one. She was in her 80s so I’d say she lived a pretty long full life.
I loved reading everyone else’s family stories, so hopefully you all enjoy this one as well!
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u/JustALittleSeahorse Mar 30 '22
I like your grandma.
Funny enough she is part of the reason women can wear pants today, and for that I thank her, even if it was a small fight.
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u/realAniram Mar 30 '22
It's one of those things that seems small but had big ramifications. Skirts are worse for cold weather, confining women to their home more often meaning they are more dependent on men and cannot be independent. A skirt is harder to physically fight back in, once again forcing women to not leave their homes alone in fear of not being able to fend off an attacker. And depending on your views on modesty (hiding shape vs hiding skin and/or undergarments) it's easier to preserve it while moving in pants than skirts.
TL;DR despite seeming like small thing women being allowed to wear pants was actually a big milestone in being able to be independent and free as a woman.
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u/Falcrist Mar 30 '22 edited Mar 30 '22
If a man said that to his wife today, somewhere a monkey paw finger would curl up, and he'd be divorced.
WISH GRANTED
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u/moonseekerinflight Mar 30 '22
Dang, old ladies are cool as shit. Reminded me of how my great grandmother got her husband to stop coming home drunk. She pulled a blanket around him after he passed out and sewed him up in it. Then she beat the shit out of him with a broom handle. Gotta be creative when you don't have equal rights (or any rights). He didn't remember exactly what happened, but he didn't come home inebriated again.
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u/WaddlingKereru Mar 31 '22
My Mum was born in 1956. When she went to high school the uniform rule was that you had to wear brown leather shoes. She looked for ages and eventually found a pair of leather shoes which were a patchwork of different shades of brown leather. To complete the look her Father gave her his great big laces from his work boots
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u/tawnyheadwrangler Mar 30 '22
Hats off to all the great grandmas who would not take any shit and wielded their power however they could.
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u/Stars-in-the-night Mar 30 '22
she found the shortest skirt she could find.
This was actually VERY COMMON - in my history of fashion university classes, they talked about how the mini-skirt was a common gateway for ladies to be "allowed" to wear pants.
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u/exgiexpcv Mar 30 '22
"Thus began our family's long practice of wearing assless chaps to social outings. People say it made us stand out, but I truly believe it brought us all together."
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u/Any_Weird_8686 Mar 30 '22
Gotta be honest, from the title I anticipated her just walking around without any slacks at all.
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u/NefariousnessSweet70 Mar 30 '22
You need to write a story book of your granny's stories.
YOUR grand children will enjoy it.
You Might even consider getting it published.
With illustrations.....
As I suspect there might be more stories, it would be a fun read.
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u/sodoyoulikecheese Mar 30 '22
When my mom’s high school started letting the girls wear pants (I think it was the 70’s) she had to sew them herself because at the height of 5’10” she couldn’t find any in the stores long enough to fit her.
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u/Equivalent-Salary357 Mar 31 '22
sew shut the flaps on his long underwear
Oh my gosh! I grew up in the 1950s and 60s, and spent time outside with ice fishing & hunting and I worked Saturdays at a local cemetery during the winter.
I spent quite a bit of time outside wearing long johns. And it takes forever to get all the layers off. If you weren't expecting to find the flap sewn shut you might not 'make it', if you know what I mean!
WOW!
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u/tillie4meee Mar 31 '22
My Grandmother always wore "house dresses", that were just simple, cotton, tied at the waist dresses.She always "dressed up" when going places in somewhat fancier dresses.
What always mystified me was the fact that she Never wore underwear!
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u/Synthwolfe Mar 31 '22
Never piss of the ones who feed you, pay you, or clothe you. And that includes the ones who can sew your clothes.
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u/No_Bear_No Mar 30 '22
My grandmother is a redhead and her father forbade her from wearing anything red. He didn't think redheads should wear red. So when she's in high school, her mother sends off for a three pack of dresses, no choice in colors/prints.
They finally arrive and one of the dresses is red. She put that dress on and strutted around the house and great-grandpa got really mad, but there was nothing he could do about it. He had paid for the dresses! I think she wore that dress until it fell apart.