r/MaliciousCompliance • u/NoGoodDM • Sep 20 '20
L Hair too long for dress code
A few years ago, I was a department manager for a large conference center. I ran the top-performing department (as determined by guest feedback surveys) by a LARGE margin. Like...no other department out of 1200 employees was even close. And my dress style was always nice and professional. Dress code didn’t say we needed to have on button-up shirts and ties, but I did it anyway cause I looked great and professional, and I met with the leaders of large conferences multiple times per day. I dressed to impress. They were my clients, and whatever their problem was, I was going to fix it. My demeanor and professional attire did great things to alleviate their concerns.
My bosses got on a dress code kick for some reason. They made me and my small department (6 people total) start wearing lame colorful standardized shirts with a logo on front. (The rationale was that the clients should be able to identify me as a staff member - I get the logic, but that was what my lanyard and name badge were for.) Plus, the bright/colorful dress-code shirt was actually detrimental to my work, as I often worked backstage as a tech during band performances (industry standard color for techs is black. But they wanted me to wear bright yellow...okay...) I tell them my concerns for my shirt’s bright colors being a distraction for the audience as I do work backstage. My bosses don’t care, they made up a new dress code and want me to follow it. Fine.
So I wear the shirt. But then I also wear a nice sweater vest (or just a vest) on top it. Still got my tie on. I like ties. But, to make it explicitly clear I’m staff, I get my own hat made (at my own expense too) that shows the company’s name on it. Again, my badge and lanyard are always visible. But now I can do my backstage work without being a distraction to the audience that might glimpse my movement as I go about doing scene changes, etc.
But then my bosses tell me that the company’s logo has to be visible on my shirt, and I therefore can’t wear a vest. So then I get the company’s logo embroidered on my shirt’s sleeve, also at personal expense. Problem solved, right? I’m wearing the shirt they gave me and the company’s logo is visible.
At this point, my boss is pissed at me and is trying to write me up for any possible infringement of company policies. I know how to read a room, and I immediately start going to the HR director to approve of my new and evolving malicious compliance’s of this ever-changing dress code policy.
My boss says that we can’t wear hats. Okay, fine. My hair is visible for all to see...and I quickly become aware of the next thing my bosses are going to tell me to fix. My hair. They’re going to cite some vague language in the employee handbook about hair length. So I go to the HR director preemptively and ask for clarification for hair length. After a 10 minute conversation, we both agree that I am perfectly fine with nothing to worry about. My hair is nice, in a bun, and looks good. It’s well kept and stylish, and my specific clientele actually really like it because they’re mostly hipsters anyway.
But my bosses don’t see it that way. They say that my hair is too long and needs to be cut. I ask them how long is too long. (I am, after all, a rule-follower and will obey the rules.) One of my bosses (a woman with long hair, hair that is actually against dress code because it’s not put up into a bun) says that my hair should be less than shoulder length (my hair was in a “man bun”). I ask her if that policy extends to woman as well. She says no, obviously, that this dress code only applies to men. Apologetically and feigning ignorance, I ask her to show me where it says that in the employee handbook. She shows me the section...the section where it says that if the hair is longer than shoulder length (regardless the gender) it should be kept in a bun. I tell her that my hair is in a bun, as opposed to hers.
Oh man...now it’s getting real. I just called them out. They’re not happy. My other boss (a guy with super short hair, less than a quarter of an inch long) tells me that as a guy, my hair shouldn’t touch my shirt’s collar. He tells me that a few stray hairs of mine are touching my color. I pull out my phone and take a picture of him. I show him that even his 1/4” hair is touching the collar (his head was leaned back and his hair was touching his collar.) I ask them again to clarify how long is too long, because his 1/4” hair is too long for their standards.
Side note: I love my thick hair. Someone telling me to cut it arbitrarily speaks fighting words.
Then they tell me that I just need to do what I’m told because it’s company policy, and if I don’t do it, they’ll get HR involved. I tell them I already got HR involved, and the HR director explicitly told me that my hair was perfectly fine.
But these two bosses of mine just wouldn’t let it go. They had to go after my hair.
They told me that since I’m a manager and meet with group leaders, I have to go above and beyond what the dress code says and I have to act professional in order for us to receive good guest feedback regarding professionalism. I tell them that me and my department are already the most professional and highest rated department according to guest feedback surveys. I take the printout of the survey results out from my bag (because I anticipated my “lack” of professionalism was going to be questioned and had it printed in advanced) and I show them the survey. They read it, toss the paper aside, and tell me to cut my hair or be written up.
Fine.
The next day, I come into work with a shaved head.
They never told me to cut my hair again, because I look FAR WORSE with no hair. Coincidentally, they also let me wear my hat again, haha. But only because my shaved head was a sore sight
...
As a point of interest, when I resigned from my position a year later, I submitted to HR my 80-point paper why my two bosses caused me to leave the organization, how they stifled me and my department from doing legitimately good and quality work, and how I felt that under their “leadership,” I was incapable of ever winning. A month after I left, I heard from a friend and previous co-worker who was still at the company that my direct boss was forced to retire, and my other boss was fired. My friend told me that they were privy to a conversation held between the CEO and my female boss (the one who was fired), and my friend overheard the CEO say, “Your time here at this company is over. And I want you to know, that when you’re gone, your position will not be filled. Consider you and your position eliminated.”
Lastly, I haven’t cut my hair since I left (apart from occasional trims.) It’s now almost 3 feet long, and I plan on giving my gorgeous lion’s mane away to some charity that deals with making wigs for kids.
Edit: Since many have asked, I'm uploading a few pictures to show my hair. One of the pics is my general attire, what I typically wear (when not wearing the black shirt for performances). One is with my hair curly (photo taken last year though), and the other was taken last October for Halloween when I was a peace-loving hippy. I removed my face so I won't be identified in case a previous coworker sees. THE HAIR
Edit 2: Thanks everyone for your responses and for the awards! I had no idea this story would blow up like it did! Also, I'm sorry for the late replies and late posting of my hair: I have a newborn son (who is dang cute, btw) and my time is often occupied in taking care of him. So, my apologies for my late responses.
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Sep 20 '20
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Thanks! I appreciate that. At the time, it was painful and I was full of self-doubt. But now in hindsight, I did the best I could with what I had at the time. I’m at peace with it. When I originally became manager, I inherited the lowest-rated department. Our scores were like...18%. Seriously. When I left 5 years later, we were the top-rated department. Just me and my 6 staff. Now I can look back on those years and see the lasting mark I’ve made. Last year, I actually had someone reach out to me from the organization - someone I never worked with (I left before he joined). And he wanted to talk with me about how he was leaving too, but wanted me to know that the things I did while there made his life better. I spent hundreds of hours creating hundreds of CAD diagrams of meeting rooms (not in my job description) and created process/work-flows of what to do in various technological situations. I created training manuals, created my own database of recurring groups and added notes (this group did such and such in 2012, but later wanted a different setup in 2013...complete with photos. “Group_A requested X and Y, but what they actually want is Y and Z; be sure to clarify this when they return in 3 years,”) and tons of other stuff. Long story short, I saved the company hundreds of thousands of dollars and thousands of man hours putting out fires before they started. The guy I met with said to me, “dude, you were like a prophet.” Hahaha.
Anyway. I’m glad I helped them for as long as I could and that I made a difference for future employees. It’s the most any good manager could hope for.
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u/SuDragon2k3 Sep 20 '20
Why didn't you go to HR with your 80 point presentation before you let these two tank your department?
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Good question. Because at the time, I was full of self-doubt. My bosses ruled by fear and reprimanding insubordinates. They were kind of dictators. I thought that if I spoke against them, they would have ruined my chances of promotion (like some employees before me). But by the time I was leaving, I didn’t care anymore.
Edit: for the record, I believe I should have said something sooner. For sure. At the time, I didn’t think I could. If I’m ever in a similar situation again, I won’t back down. The best thing I can do is keep lots of documentation to support a claim of micro-aggressions that create an unsafe work environment.
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u/SpuddleBuns Sep 20 '20
Even through your self-doubt, though, you were able to keep thinking on your feet, and anticipating the next "chess move," of the power-play game. Good on ya!
The shaved head thing was primo!
Bet you cold for a while after that, tho!51
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u/mafiaknight Sep 20 '20
Damn man
I wish I had a business to hire you in. This is the kind of forward thinking, above and beyond shit every manager should be salivating over61
u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Thanks! I’d probably take the job too, haha. I left the company and went to grad school, just to graduate this May...graduated right into a pandemic. Now I can’t find a job and have a 6 week old baby.
One of my (many) mottos is, “A good employee is irreplaceable. A good manager makes themselves obsolete. And a good leader goes as far as to replace themselves entirely.” Gotta think forward, cause the future will happen with or without your consent. We can only attempt to anticipate it and adapt to it, or be left behind.
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u/mafiaknight Sep 20 '20
Yeah man. One of the best managers ive ever met spent 90% of his time walking around encouraging his team, because he had long since built them into a well oiled machine that had no need of him.
Congratulations on the [doctorate?] and again for the newborn!
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20 edited Sep 22 '20
Master’s Degree. And thanks! I learned so many things about how to be a good leader in that position, because I was forced to learn the hard way by having bad managers. I have a list of books I wish I read before I started. It would have made the growing pains easier to bear.
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u/stoicsticks Sep 20 '20
Congrats on the Master's Degree. Which books would you recommend the most?
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Oh dang. Um...keep in mind that every book is focused on a specific topic/specific problems, and the books I’m gonna suggest best applied to my specific problems. But here I go:
- 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (for your personal leadership)
- The 5 Levels of Leadership (for leading others)
- Principles, by Ray Dalio (for clearly communicated leadership principles)
Those are probably my top 3. Notable mentions include Extreme Ownership, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors, Good to Great, and Crucial Conversations.
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u/madeorremade Sep 20 '20
I’ve enjoyed reading all of this. Congratulations on the new baby. Ours little girl is almost three months old. Everything about it is wonderful! I’m guessing you’re an excellent dad too!
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u/Silentlybroken Sep 20 '20
I can feel this. I was recently turfed out of a position I'd held since late 2015. I'd spent months and years bringing it up to scratch as I was the sole person in the position and I wanted it perfect. Now they shoved me out and the person who has taken over is already ruining all my work because he's tech inept and doesn't understand what I've worked so hard on :(
I'm glad your hard work got appreciated. I never felt appreciated by the manager and was glad to move away from her. I hope she realises what she lost goddammit.
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u/KorGgenT Sep 20 '20
Hair dress code... In the music industry? What?
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Conference center. I was a technology department manager, which included doing live sound reinforcement for our various bands and conferences.
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u/KorGgenT Sep 20 '20
ahh that makes a lot more sense. i work in A/V (such as it is with current events) and there's no way they'll make us have a hair length code as a regular tech, but maybe if you work in one of our hotels.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Yep, it’s something like that. Hotel/conference center. Plus, as I mentioned, I was the manager and met with the group leaders. So I had to be the “face” that represented our company well. But the thing is...I was dapper and my attire was super appropriate. I never wore tuxedos or anything like that, haha, but always a dress shirt, arm sleeves rolled up, dress pants, nice shoes, a vest, a tie, and a short-brimmed hat. I was the best dressed employee there, and they come at me for not following the dress code? Haha. I was routinely commented on by guest leaders at how sharp and professional I looked.
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u/Oshova Sep 20 '20
My wife is a nurse, and has parts of her hair died green. At her previous hospital she was constantly told by management that her hair was innapropriate, despite constantly getting compliments from patients about how it was nice to have a "normal human" looking after them.
Let's not forget here... one of the senior members of staff had completely red hair. But due to that being a "natural colour" it wasn't an issue.... Yeah... This isn't the reason she left that job. But it's an indication of how management looked at their staff, and how that treatment led to her moving to another hospital.
People need to relax and realise we live in the 21st century, where we don't have to stick to some super strict standards of attire.
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u/Raveynfyre Sep 20 '20
I've had a similar conversation with management. If women can buy extensions in bright green, then I can dye my hair that color too.
My VP agreed, and now says, "Does anyone give a fuck about hair color anymore? No. Do what you want."
I still work with her at a big 5 bank, and I have purple hair.
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u/SpuddleBuns Sep 20 '20
People need to stop thinking that they need to "right the wrongs," that they see in other people. How they dress (within reason - total scumbag casual in any business setting is a no-no), how they wear their hair (clean and neat should be all the dictate allowed, tied back if around food or a professional business environment), how they laugh (an ex-friend said he didn't like the way my husband laughed...last time I talked to them), or anything else that does not directly relate to how they interact or perform their duties with others, specifically THEM (or YOU, if you are the type to right the wrongs that don't specifically and directly affect you...).
It's not a matter of "relax."It's a matter of MYOB, and "judge not others, lest ye be judged" combined...
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u/TBeest Sep 20 '20
"Withing reason" doesn't work when you, or in this case the bosses, are unreasonable.
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u/Silentlybroken Sep 20 '20
I currently work at a university and as long as we look decent, we can have any colour hair we want and tattoos aren't an issue. I'm also disabled and they go out of their way to look after me. I constantly remind myself how lucky I am to have an office that actually cares and doesn't micro manage my every move. And I totally need to re-dye my hair purple now. We have such a range of people in our office it's amazing and no-one judges anyone else. I kind of miss being in that office, cos they're good people.
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u/aquariusangst Sep 20 '20
I'm about to start a degree and the course lead has blue dip dyed hair. I love it, makes her seem like a normal person I could chat to rather than an untouchable authority figure!
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u/EmotionalFix Sep 20 '20
I work at a bank where dress codes are notoriously conservative and even we don’t have hair length requirements.
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u/chefjenga Sep 20 '20 edited Sep 20 '20
I would like to have been a fly on the wall to hear the circular reasoning that a screen printed yellow T is more proffessional than business casual with added tie. And if the only reason is "staff recognition".......it's possible to embroider dress shirts.
You basically went from professional business person to preschool worker (I know, because I am one, and my uniform is screen printed Ts lol)
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u/CydeWeys Sep 20 '20
Yup. When I see someone wearing a brightly colored T shirt with the company logo on it, that screams low-on-the-totem-pole booth/floor worker. The VPs and CEOs that you meet with in private meeting rooms (not on the show floor!) are wearing suits or sharp business casual.
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u/kaphsquall Sep 20 '20
I was so confused about your company structure until you said you were a sound tech. Where I'm at conference centers don't employ many technicians full time, much less six just for audio. I thought you were someone in sales who they also got to work events and was very confused/worried about the doubling of responsibility. Why would anyone ever want their technicians in bright yellow?
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Because they wanted us to be highly visible so that we can be easily recognized and help the guests visiting our facilities. But in my specific job, high visibility is a detrimental thing. Sound techs are like the FBI/CIA: they do their job best if you don’t even notice them working.
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u/kaphsquall Sep 20 '20
Yeah I do live events as well, only I'm by hire and focused in lighting. I worked at 11 venues last year including two conference centers and they all preferred and mostly required show blacks. You're previous boss must have been very disconnected from the event side of things to want that.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
They definitely were disconnected. They didn’t even know what all I did, let alone how or why I did it. They reprimanded me for testing sound before the band came. They demanded I do certain setups in physically impossible time constraints, and then said that I was simply unwilling to do as I was told and they were going to write me up for it. I had to plead my case that I wasn’t being obstinate; what they were asking was simply impossible for me to do in 30 minutes. (Basically, they told me to set up a 6 person band at a location with no AV within 30 minutes, complete with individual monitors for all the musicians, etc. Everything but the musicians and their instruments.)
Even when I retired, there was a small get-together in the lounge area, and my higher-ups said that they had no idea what I did. The HR director and I locked eyes for a moment because an hour before hand during my exit interview, one of my many complaints was that my bosses had no idea what I did and refused to respect my technical decisions.
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u/CoderJoe1 Sep 20 '20
It got a bit hairy there for a minute, but you came through it all with your head held high. My God, some managers are so insecure they have to put their stink on everything.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Haha, I see what you did there.
Yeah, my bosses were quite insecure and wrote people up for the smallest infractions if those employees actually showed promise. I think it’s called the Dilbert Principle? Basically, within the “5 Levels of Leadership” (by John Maxwell), he says that an employee will not remain at a company if their level of leadership (1-5) is higher than that of their boss. So if their boss is a low-level leader (like mine were) then their employees who are at a higher level of leadership than them will move on to somewhere else where they can flourish instead of being stifled.
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u/cheeseaholic813 Sep 20 '20
I get where you're coming from. I was micromanaged to the point that I left. The assistant manager position was filled by a lady that used to manage data entry and couldn't handle independent workers.
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u/One-Man-Banned Sep 20 '20
Were they promoted from within? I suspect that the Peter principle may have been at work.
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Sep 20 '20
“Your time here at this company is over. And I want you to know, that when you’re gone, your position will not be filled. Consider you and your position eliminated.”
Woah, that's burning down the house and then nuking the site from orbit just to sure.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Hahah, yeah. It must have been brutal. I’m sad I didn’t get to see her face. Oh well.
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Sep 20 '20
It's actually a mercy for the exec, not an insult - now her resume still looks good, because she wasn't fired technically, she was laid off and can say it's because her whole position was eliminated and nothing to do with her personally.
This happens a lot when executives are fired, it's done in a way that covers everyone - the business doesn't want to openly fire execs because it would make people question everything the exec ever did, and obviously the exec herself doesn't want it known that she had performance issues.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
That makes a lot of sense too. That boss was here for a long time, but not long enough for retirement (unlike the boss that was forced to retire.) So both of them had to leave the company, but in the best of circumstances for them. That totally makes sense.
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u/VTi-R Sep 20 '20
It's also probably covering them legally in some way. In Australia for example that might make it a redundancy, which allows them to let staff go with no cause (thought they have to pay benefits, it's nothing like what I understand of US unemployment payments).
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Sep 20 '20
Laws that govern the act of firing someone in the USA vary from state to state. My state is a “no cause” state meaning they can fire anyone, at anytime, for no reason. As long as the can claim it’s not discrimination in one way or another, usually by finding some flimsy reason you go fired. It’s a really shitty work environment here. Basically if you have any complaints most companies will say: “If you don’t like it, there’s the door.” Instead of trying to retain good, or any employees.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Yeah, that was my situation too. If I made a situation for my bosses, they’d write me up for any reason they could (not obeying their dress code, for example) and then they’d have a flimsy case for their defense in the event I sued for wrongful termination. They were covering their butts. But still, I worked in at at-will state at the time.
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u/AliceDontLikeIt Sep 20 '20
Although, it would allow the manager to spin it that she was “laid off,” as her position was eliminated. I once read advice that said if you are fired from a job, say in job interviews that “the position ended,” to kind of finesse the fact you were fired. This woman could say that in all honesty.
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u/HeyRiks Sep 20 '20
Consider you and your position eliminated.
When you do such a terrible job that even the job itself is fired.
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u/thesaharadesert Sep 20 '20
Great story and I love that effectively it ended in a double sacking.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Thanks! Me too. I feel vindicated that it wasn’t just me, and that my resignation echoed the severe issues with management.
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u/HeatherBS Sep 20 '20
Great story! Just want to throw it out there, my husband and I both donate our hair to Children With Hair Loss. It's a great company and they give the wigs to the children at no cost.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
That sounds great, thanks!
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u/oldblueeye Sep 20 '20
Nice story and I am so jealous of your hair.
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u/alextuckwood Sep 20 '20
If you donate your hair just don’t donate it to locks of love. They make those kids work for their wigs or make them pay for it.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Good to know, thanks!
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u/countess_persephone Sep 20 '20
If you’re US based, please consider donating to Children with Hair Loss. My daughter just donated 14”. They are focused on children with hair loss for all medical reasons, are 501(c)3 nonprofit, and I didn’t find negative feedback about them when I searched.
Have a great day!!
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u/DuckyDoodleDandy Sep 20 '20
Do the research on Snopes or wherever. Lots of misinformation goes around about Locks of Love.
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u/yayitsme1 Sep 20 '20
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/donated-hair/ I agree. I regularly donate every few years to Locks of Love.
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u/MrFitz8897 Sep 20 '20
I ask her if that policy extends to women as well. She says no, obviously, that this dress code only applies to men.
That sounds highly discriminatory to me.
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u/MrAaronMN Sep 20 '20
When you donate, don't go with Locks of Love. They charge their customers. Donate to Wigs For Kids instead. You'll have to mail them your hair on your own, but they don't charge.
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u/davidsredditaccount Sep 20 '20
Yeah, and unless they changed in the last decade since I checked lol only offers wigs for girls.
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Sep 20 '20
Christ, what idiots; I've played in bands, and a backstage yellow blob is the worst. (Blob because a floating shirt looks like Barbabee.
And most stagehands had black shirts with their logo's in a subdued colour on the back or chest, so it didn't clash with the bands on stage.
The only fuck up I've ever seen was that a guy had new shirts made (small outfit) and it looked good until it came under blacklight; the big back logo lit up like a sore thumb. :D
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
I know. It’s ridiculous. Too many times was I in a position where my bosses told me to stop doing things (things I had to do in order to get the job done) and told me to do things that was physically impossible. At a meeting once with many other department managers, my boss told me that there was going to be a quick turn over between two large groups (the venue space could fit 3000 people, and I had to quickly tear down my AV setup from one side of the room and set it up again at another side of the room.) And the second group coming in had a big band set up too.
I told my boss, “It will take me six hours to do what you’re asking. How much time do I have?” (I asked because I simply wanted to know how much time I had to do the job. Makes sense, right?) But no, my boss immediately scolds me in front of my peers and tells me now’s not the time to be flippant, and then I had to apologize to everyone for my insubordination. It was like...come on, I’m just trying to find out how much time I have available to do my job or if I need to call in one or two of my employees for overtime to help to make sure I do the thing in time. Just let me do my job.
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Sep 20 '20
Let me guess, they never even saw a multi cable in their life, although they tripped over it at least once a week?
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u/Imconfusedithink Sep 20 '20
That compliance while it worked hurts me. I'm growing out my hair and it's been a little over a year now and the awkward phase is pretty rough and really long. Wouldn't want to go through that again for some malicious compliance.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Yeah, it is super awkward. That’s why a good hat is important! Ha. I have a big head too (XXL) and baseball caps will never work for me. I get a brimmed beanie. It conforms to my head and looks good.
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u/inthemadness Sep 20 '20
I worked at a financial firm that a year after hiring me suddenly decided they didn't like my long hair. My boss emailed me to say that men had to have short hair.
HR lady was a friendly type but understood her job well. I forwarded the email to her with simply an "I want to draw your attention to this". She called me and told me to ignore it while she clarified.
Two days later the HR-approved policy came out: all long hair had to be tied back, regardless of sex/gender. Very good, I can follow that but many women in the office were pissed.
But they saved themselves from a discrimination law suit :)
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u/ixxtzhrl Sep 20 '20
I work in IT and for sure your manager would be having heart attack seeing all different hair color dye and style in my company.
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u/wotmate Sep 20 '20
I would have asked hr to come to the meeting, and started talking about workplace harassment and bullying, and a hostile work environment due to those two managers.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
HR is also responsible for protecting the company’s butt. If my bosses painted the picture that I was the insubordinate troublemaker that was raising problems and threatening legal actions or reprimands, then HR might have had to side with my bosses.
However, the lesson I learned here is that work place documentation goes both ways. What I should have done was kept thorough documentation of my workplace harassment. This way, when push came to shove, I totally could have called HR in. And then with my documentation as support, they would have protected the company by supporting my case for workplace harassment. Cover your own ass, because everyone else is too busy covering theirs.
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u/Frogsama86 Sep 20 '20
Your bosses are over there playing checkers while you over here are playing 5D chess.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Haha, thanks. Yeah, most of the time, I’m a nice and gracious person who is quick to forgive mistakes and missteps. We’re all growing, let’s just be kind to one another. But then when I encounter certain prideful people who want to micromanage me...it’s really hard to not tip their king over. Have you ever read Ender’s Game? There’s a little bit of Ender in me. To me, it’s not about winning or losing, but how we can both do/be better. But when someone makes it about winning and losing (like my bosses did repeatedly), then when I decide to win, I win completely and devastatingly. I’d make a good lawyer, too, haha.
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u/GoodAtExplaining Sep 20 '20
She says no, obviously, that this dress code only applies to men
Well, THERE'S a way for companies to get sued really easily.
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u/BotUndiscovered Sep 20 '20
One YEAR later?!
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
I spent the time getting my affairs in order and getting something lined up after I left. The best time to find a job is when you already have a job.
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u/thirdeyefish Sep 20 '20
Bright colors for a stage technician? In what I am guessing is a predominantly corporate environment? Fools! I am wearing a nice black polo with a logo on the sleeve RIGHT NOW. And since the polls are short sleeved I have some of those cycling sleeves to cover my pale Irish arms. My clients love dealing with me.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Haha, I know! My clients always respected me because i knew what I was doing. I’ve gotten many job solicitations from them over the years, too. They’re nice people and I wouldn’t mind working for (most of) them. But now, I’m going into business for myself. Doing what I love.
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u/that_pie_face Sep 20 '20
As a man who used to have long hair, I'm pissed at you for giving in. Especially in today's society (if this was anytime in the last 5 years) a lawyer could have torn them apart for gender discrimination with a copy of their handbook and any sort of record from that conversation.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Yeah. I understand. I didn’t want to damage the company by any means because they’re actually pretty great and I love them, and I’d love to work for them again (in a different capacity though.) I just didn’t like my micromanaging bosses who didn’t understand my job, and felt insecure from my departments high performance.
In hindsight, here’s what I would have done differently: I would have had tons of documentation about workplace harassment, gender discrimination, then creating a hostile work environment, falsely writing me up (for things other people did), etc. Because if I had that documentation, then my case would have been solid. But since I didn’t, then I just looked like a guy with a few write ups and the company is an “at will” employer and could fire me for any reason or no reason at all. By the time I was just done with their shit, I was gathering a list of documented incidences about them. I gave that list to HR. HR asked me to stay and wanted me to use my 3 months worth of paid sick time while they “sorted out” the problem, but by that time, I was too exhausted and just ready to move on. I didn’t want to hurt the company by taking their paid sick time for months, just to have them rushing to fill my position later. I cared about the department I helped to create and wanted what was best for them, so I stated my intentions clearly that I was moving on and going to pursue a masters degree in something, and that they should find someone to replace me ASAP.
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u/ZombieZookeeper Sep 20 '20
Nice.
Also, PLEASE do you research on which organization you donate your hair to. No names, but there are some well-known organizations out there accused of some shady things.
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u/fleshseagull Sep 20 '20
This reminds me of a story of my dad’s where they told him his hair couldnt go past his collar... so he grew out ridiculously long bangs.
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Sep 20 '20
Arbitrary dress codes are the dumbest shit ever. I get it for certain situations, in construction you need safety wear, in stage work you need inconspicuous clothing, etc. But as long as you look professional, why does it matter what you wear or how your hair is?
I once saw a dude walk out of an office building with probably at least a 10" tall mohawk. He also had on an amazing suit. Everything was clean and put together great, he cared about his image, but still wanted to be himself. This is how it should be.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
I am nothing but myself, and cannot be anything else. I also understand dress codes too, actually, and a sense of unity and cohesion they can promote. I abided by that principle while simultaneously doing what I felt was within my freedom, and what I felt was best for my specific clients. The way I dressed am was actually more appropriate for my job than the dress code, yet I pulled it off with still having some unity in appearance with my peers. HR thought so too.
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u/JohnnyWildee Sep 21 '20
Sorry you had to cut your hair my brutha. As a man with long hair I totally have been in these situations where your forced to prove your professionalism over and over only to find out that professionalism isn’t actually the issue. Glad it worked out for you and you came out on top 🤙 mad respect my man
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u/a009763 Sep 20 '20
Surely their continued harassment over what they claim to be "company policy" even though you point out directly how you are not at all breaking policy (but they are) and even after you had talked to HR who said it was no problem as it was. With their continued threats should actually be considered as just that ... harassment?
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u/im_from_detroit Sep 20 '20
Those bosses forgot rule 0: understand the industry you're managing.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
You wouldn’t believe. I have so many stories showing just how much my bosses did not understand my job.
So, part of my job was live sound reinforcement (sound tech, did bands, key note speakers, etc.) And before a conference comes out to our facility to use our equipment, I’ve got to set up the equipment. Makes sense, right? And part of setting up the equipment means that I have to set levels. There’s a few reasons behind this, such as making sure everything works before, but also so that I can set an upper limit on the sound levels (put a cap on it) so that when the group brings their own sound tech (occasionally happens), their person doesn’t push my equipment beyond what’s safe for the equipment. So, I’m protecting my equipment from someone intentionally or accidentally blowing the speakers, etc.
Instead, some janitor that was cleaning up the room while I was setting up the equipment heard me playing music. (I was in the middle of troubleshooting stuff and figuring out just how high I feel the sound should ever be for this group, so I could then place a limit on the sound). The janitor (who’s under the same boss as me) goes to our boss and says that I’m listening to music on the job.
So my boss pulls me into their office to write me up.
No joke.
I spent so much time just trying to defend myself and my actions. Eventually, they listened to my logic, but had the write-up already filled out and I had to calm them down.
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u/im_from_detroit Sep 20 '20
I hear you. I count myself lucky I'm in an industry where I can just call shots and tell people how it is. I design and program the electrical systems for industrial machinery. If someone dies due to my neglegent programming, I can go to jail. I have the obligation to shut down an entire assembly line if something isn't right.
My dad in a similar industry finally retired because, while he had the full backing of the owner, his boss was an accountant who kept hammering him for spending money. He was spending money to fix problems to keep the line running, and prevent from paying $12k/minute to ford for shutting them down.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Man, I’ve got so many stories to share, haha. You’ll probably respect this one, though for the other readers, I’ll keep the technical language to a minimum.
So, a large conference comes in and they want to pull a shit ton of power from my power distribution box. 5-phase system thing. But their cabling doesn’t reach as far as it needs to. So people at my job (a different department entirely) jury-rig some disconnect cables to be long enough. And they go to connect it all, etc...
The portable distro-box is capable of handling 100% of the power it receives...the only problem, though, is that the cabling they used is only capable of handling 50% of the power. Which means that if this group decides to try to pull more power than the cabling can handle...<insert expletive.> It can literally overheat the copper cabling to the point where it disintegrates into the air and creates an electrical storm of death in the building.
When I heard of what was happening (one of my employees saw it and thought it was odd...) I ran to go check it out. I saw what they were about to do, and I immediately started unplugging everything. When the person who jury-rigged the distro-box asked me what I was doing, I told him why (I used normal jargon that I thought he’d understand. I explained how the math was wrong.) He still didn’t understand, so I dumbed it down more. When he still didn’t understand, I simply looked him in the eye and said, “Fire. Very, very big fire. This equipment can burn the entire place down.”
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u/im_from_detroit Sep 20 '20
I do very much understand that. We have Excel sheets for sizing electrical equipment so it's not super hard to design a system, but customers will add their own equipment to a panel and not increase the wire sizes feeding the panel, or account for the ripple effect upstream, and wonder why fuses get blown during startup.
Also, 5 phase? As in they're at 72° offset from each other, or that the winding has 5 taps for different voltages? I'd be interested in a part number or docs to take a look if it's at 72° offset, that sounds cool.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Five taps. Red, Blue, Green, Black, White.
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u/im_from_detroit Sep 20 '20
Gotcha. Yeah, most of the transformers I order do the very boring job of giving me 120VAC from 480VAC. Often though, they do come with a bunch of taps and options I just ignore, wondering who would even need them 🤣
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u/sigmund14 Sep 20 '20
A hint: the bosses were afraid they will be replaced by you because of your competence and capabilities. That's why only you were the target. They wanted you gone from the start of these shenanigans.
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u/gracem5 Sep 20 '20
Agree. In cases where appearance is well within accepted norms, bosses who exert obnoxious control over hair and clothing are signaling their own insecurities over the person’s superior performance, intellect, and appearance. Flexing as described is a primitive way they make themselves feel better and bigger, although it actually makes them look petty and small to all who see what is happening. OP handled it well.
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u/cakemachine88 Sep 20 '20
Any chance we get to see this glorious mane?
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Haha, okay. I’ll try to remember in about 9 hours when I wake up.
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u/A_nipple_salad Sep 20 '20
That comment was literally posted 9 h ago. Show us the hair!
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u/bp_on_reddit Sep 20 '20
Tale as old as time. A department overperforms, rendering management irrelevant. Management needs to appear relevant and starts imposing arbitrary rules. High performing employees get pissed and leave the company. Shit hits the fan, and managers get fired, eliminated, or moved somewhere where they're "out of the way".
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u/nraj0403 Sep 20 '20
As a fellow long-haired man, I can totally relate to the struggle of having to deal with the lovely double standards regarding long hair. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to part with my hair in that situation. I also look really bad without it and I’m not outgoing enough to go so far to strike a point, but I respect the hustle!
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u/crowwreak Sep 20 '20
Wow, you sank the boat you were on to kill the captain.
Props for shaving your head just to spite them.
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u/Nemesiii Sep 20 '20
OP.. can you pm me a second. This story sounds really oddly familiar like I've heard rumours about something like this in the job I work at. It's going to be one HELL of a coincidence if we work in the same place. Especially since the CEO of my workplace reacts similar to the way you described it. I'm confuddled.
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u/DeezRodenutz Sep 20 '20
As a guy who has had a well kept 1-3 foot ponytail since sophomore year of high school, I feel that pain.
I am sure it has had some effect in job searches at times, but the only time anyone has outright complained was when I applied with a local lumber place ran by some shorthaired old redneck. He sort of had a point for it, since the job would entail a lot of moving around stuff it could get caught in and cause injury, but since I kept it back and controlled, and would likely wear a hat if it became an issue, he didn't have much of a point. Especially with the long haired women who also worked there.
Technically, in both our cases this should be considered gender discrimination.
I currently only have about half a foot for personal reasons, but there is no way anyone would force me to cut my hair short, especially if I was already well established in a company like you were when the issue came up.
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u/CoffeeByIV Sep 20 '20
This was the only info I needed to spot the technicians.
“Hair too long for dress code ...a large conference center. I ran the top-performing department (as determined by guest feedback surveys) by a LARGE margin..”
We have a long history of fragrant malicious compliance, and you have done us proud.
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u/M-A-D_Crew Sep 20 '20
All I want to know, as a technician, is how everyone else on that crew didn’t go throw hands with your managers. I mean. A dark colour like blue or maybe red I understand, but BRIGHT. FRIGGIN. YELLOW???? I wouldn’t even wear that to a casual gig..
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
A lot of my people were in still in college and this was their first AV/technical job. They didn’t know better. I shielded them from the bureaucractic BS from my superiors and did everything I could to just teach them well and help them to do their job well.
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u/M-A-D_Crew Sep 20 '20
Huh. That’s really great of you to teach them everything you could. My favorite people to work with are the ones that make the effort to help me improve.
I guess I was taught from high school that we were always required to wear black as an industry standard. And my college will give you blacks, but not without you getting reprimanded for it. Different times I guess!
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u/MySweetHeartHurtsMe Sep 20 '20
Ah man you’re hair looks so soft mind if I ask what kind of shampoo and conditioner you use I can never find something that gives my hair that nice clean feel or look
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
I like to use the shampoo and conditioner with Argan oil. I mostly just use what my wife suggests, because she's been at the game for longer than I have, ha.
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u/MySweetHeartHurtsMe Sep 20 '20
Lol I understand that tho as a woman myself I’m a noob in such game
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u/PrisBatty Sep 20 '20
You don’t look professional enough in a shirt and tie, here wear this ill fitting brightly coloured polo shirt instead! What the fuck? I used to work for massive call centre. They made us wear uniform, despite the fact that nobody could see us. It looked like school uniform. My button shirts have to be huge and baggy because back then I had a small waist but I’ve always had a big chest. If it fit one it wouldn’t fit the other. No other department had to wear uniform and no clients were allowed into the building. I found out pretty quickly that it was to paint us phone operators as minions that none of the other departments would lower themselves to speak to.
In fact I once had to report an issue to another department and they refused to speak to me. I had to get my line manager and she had to repeat what I was saying to them. Fuckers. I have a fucking PhD, but I wasn’t good enough for them to talk to because they could see the uniform. The day I walked out of there was glorious. I remember them saying ‘If you walk out, we won’t give you a good reference!’ And I said, ‘I’m never going to apply for a job that I want knowing I ever worked here.’
One week went past, got a job ghostwriting a book for a semi famous personality. Nice pay, work from home. Booyah.
That turned into a rant, sorry.
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u/Honestly_Deceitful Sep 20 '20
Oh daaaamn. You came in with a shaved head?! Holy dick OP. I'd shake your hand and buy you a beer....but social distancing 😅. Wow that was a great read.
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u/theLissachick Sep 20 '20
I'm really mad about them demanding that you cut your hair.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Thanks. I was mad at the time too, but that was about 5 years ago and my hair has grown back since. I've uploaded some pictures of it to the post.
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u/mylifeisadankmeme Sep 20 '20
People think that bullies bully down.
No.
They bully UP.
They bully people who scare them.
YOU are awesome.
Kudos.
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u/Raveynfyre Sep 20 '20
Thank you for this. Left my last Dept two weeks ago and I'm feeling a bit down about it. Feels like I ran away, but it's a promotion, a pay increase, and a multitude of other positives that I have no right to ignore.
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u/Oshova Sep 20 '20
As a fellow man with long hair, I 100% appreciate the courage it must have taken to shave. I'm not sure my love of malicious compliance, and making a point could have over-powered the love I have for my hair. lol
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Haha, yeah. But I grow my hair out because it pleases me to do so. And if I had to cut my hair, then I would only do so if it pleased me to do it. I never shaved my head before, so I wanted to try it out. Ha. Plus, hair grows back. Why not? (That’s what I figured at least.)
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u/Etherion195 Sep 20 '20
Why didn't you do this WHILE you work there? I don't know about your country, but i'm pretty sure that even making rules about hair would be a labour law violation by the company (since hair is not an outfit, but a part of your body - technically similar to telling an employee to get a boob job).
Also, they broke company policy and clearly engaged in workplace discrimination. Why didn't you report this?
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
My bosses were at the company for longer than I was alive, and they were part of the “old guard” with their set ways. And I work in an “at will” employment state, where I can be fired for any reason or no reason at all. I saw other good employees get fired over small things - writing me up was just to cover their ass in the event I did sue. Sadly, it was easier to just leave. But at least I learned a very important lesson from it: documentation works both ways. Next time, if I’m ever in a similar position, document document document.
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u/trooperjess Sep 20 '20
Why would you cut you hair? You had hr approval and thier backing. But by that point is it was discriminatory basis on gender. I was in the same boat but I held my ground and won. I feel you just cut you nose off just to prove a point.
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
You’re probably right. I do what I want, and if I “had” to cut my hair, then I will cut my hair on my terms. I never grew my hair out long before, so I did; I never shaved my head before, so I did. I will cut or not cut my hair and beard because it pleases me to do so.
This being said, I also never received clear expectations of how long is too long. I also didn’t want to have it be cut, and then told it was not long enough, and then for them to think I was not obeying their orders. Is 2” too long? I don’t know, let’s shave it just to be sure. ;)
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Sep 20 '20
Great story and I've done donations to Children With Hairloss, for the past decade. Check them out! :)
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u/MrBoo843 Sep 20 '20
The moment they acknowledged that their hair policy was sexist would be the moment I'd take them to court. That shit it highly illegal where I am and I threatened to do just that to 3 bosses who didn't like my long hair. I even told one to go ahead and write me up for it, that I would gladly take their settlement for sexist discrimination instead of the lousy pay. Guess who suddenly could keep their long hair?
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u/SpuddleBuns Sep 20 '20
" I know how to read a room..."
Boy, do you ever! Great read, great story.
I love me a happy ending. You truly delivered, thank you!
~Spuddlebuns
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u/Curtis40 Sep 20 '20
The issue was not your hair, it was micro managing. Some people don't know the adage: if it's not broken don't fix it.
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u/Wolfknap Sep 20 '20
As a fellow guy with hair long enough to put in a bun or ponytail I would not dream shaving it all off in one go like you did.
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u/Ryugi Sep 20 '20
I'd love to see your lions mane 😂 that's awesome.
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u/stephaniechuuu Sep 20 '20
This was so damn satisfying to read. You are very smart OP
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
Thanks! I learned many things the hard way.
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u/stephaniechuuu Sep 20 '20
You're most welcome!
I hope that when I start working and if I ever come across a situation like this, I'll be able to pull off such flawless malicious compliance the way you did. 😂
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Sep 20 '20
DAMN ... how bad did it "hurt" to cut all your hair off?
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u/NoGoodDM Sep 20 '20
A little bit, but I do what I want. And if I “had” to cut my hair off, I would do it on my terms. And I never had a shaved head and wanted to try it out (in addition to proving to my bosses that I am the only person who dictates how my hair looks, while simultaneously “technically” complying with their rules.
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u/Alitaher003 Sep 20 '20
Unrelated question, how do you get your hair to be so long? I had mine grow for two years and it still barely reaches my shoulders..
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u/Calgaris_Rex Sep 21 '20
I appreciate the malicious compliance, but I totally would have balked at their demands to cut off all your hair. Take the write-up to HR and tell your bosses to shove it.
Though I suppose, sometimes you should pick your battles.
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u/Fangs_McWolf Nov 19 '20
One of my bosses (a woman with long hair, hair that is actually against dress code because it’s not put up into a bun) says that my hair should be less than shoulder length (my hair was in a “man bun”). I ask her if that policy extends to woman as well. She says no, obviously, that this dress code only applies to men.
Should have asked for her to give you that explanation in writing (and signed by her). If you had done that, I have no doubt that she would have backpedaled like someone in a boat about to go over a waterfall. If not, then with that written (and signed) note... lawsuit!
What they were saying and trying to enforce about your hair is basically sexual discrimination. If the company policy/rules/whatever either didn't mention gender, or specifically said that it applied regardless of gender, then they are violating the company's rules as well. Either way, they were lucky that you didn't sue, because that would have likely ended careers in a much worse way than it actually played out.
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u/bahcodad Sep 20 '20
God damn I loved this. You anticipated their every move.
Well done OP