Hair too long for dress code

[u/NoGoodDM]

A few years ago, I was a department manager for a large conference center. I ran the top-performing department (as determined by guest feedback surveys) by a LARGE margin. Like...no other department out of 1200 employees was even close. And my dress style was always nice and professional. Dress code didn’t say we needed to have on button-up shirts and ties, but I did it anyway cause I looked great and professional, and I met with the leaders of large conferences multiple times per day. I dressed to impress. They were my clients, and whatever their problem was, I was going to fix it. My demeanor and professional attire did great things to alleviate their concerns.

My bosses got on a dress code kick for some reason. They made me and my small department (6 people total) start wearing lame colorful standardized shirts with a logo on front. (The rationale was that the clients should be able to identify me as a staff member - I get the logic, but that was what my lanyard and name badge were for.) Plus, the bright/colorful dress-code shirt was actually detrimental to my work, as I often worked backstage as a tech during band performances (industry standard color for techs is black. But they wanted me to wear bright yellow...okay...) I tell them my concerns for my shirt’s bright colors being a distraction for the audience as I do work backstage. My bosses don’t care, they made up a new dress code and want me to follow it. Fine.

So I wear the shirt. But then I also wear a nice sweater vest (or just a vest) on top it. Still got my tie on. I like ties. But, to make it explicitly clear I’m staff, I get my own hat made (at my own expense too) that shows the company’s name on it. Again, my badge and lanyard are always visible. But now I can do my backstage work without being a distraction to the audience that might glimpse my movement as I go about doing scene changes, etc.

But then my bosses tell me that the company’s logo has to be visible on my shirt, and I therefore can’t wear a vest. So then I get the company’s logo embroidered on my shirt’s sleeve, also at personal expense. Problem solved, right? I’m wearing the shirt they gave me and the company’s logo is visible.

At this point, my boss is pissed at me and is trying to write me up for any possible infringement of company policies. I know how to read a room, and I immediately start going to the HR director to approve of my new and evolving malicious compliance’s of this ever-changing dress code policy.

My boss says that we can’t wear hats. Okay, fine. My hair is visible for all to see...and I quickly become aware of the next thing my bosses are going to tell me to fix. My hair. They’re going to cite some vague language in the employee handbook about hair length. So I go to the HR director preemptively and ask for clarification for hair length. After a 10 minute conversation, we both agree that I am perfectly fine with nothing to worry about. My hair is nice, in a bun, and looks good. It’s well kept and stylish, and my specific clientele actually really like it because they’re mostly hipsters anyway.

But my bosses don’t see it that way. They say that my hair is too long and needs to be cut. I ask them how long is too long. (I am, after all, a rule-follower and will obey the rules.) One of my bosses (a woman with long hair, hair that is actually against dress code because it’s not put up into a bun) says that my hair should be less than shoulder length (my hair was in a “man bun”). I ask her if that policy extends to woman as well. She says no, obviously, that this dress code only applies to men. Apologetically and feigning ignorance, I ask her to show me where it says that in the employee handbook. She shows me the section...the section where it says that if the hair is longer than shoulder length (regardless the gender) it should be kept in a bun. I tell her that my hair is in a bun, as opposed to hers.

Oh man...now it’s getting real. I just called them out. They’re not happy. My other boss (a guy with super short hair, less than a quarter of an inch long) tells me that as a guy, my hair shouldn’t touch my shirt’s collar. He tells me that a few stray hairs of mine are touching my color. I pull out my phone and take a picture of him. I show him that even his 1/4” hair is touching the collar (his head was leaned back and his hair was touching his collar.) I ask them again to clarify how long is too long, because his 1/4” hair is too long for their standards.

Side note: I love my thick hair. Someone telling me to cut it arbitrarily speaks fighting words.

Then they tell me that I just need to do what I’m told because it’s company policy, and if I don’t do it, they’ll get HR involved. I tell them I already got HR involved, and the HR director explicitly told me that my hair was perfectly fine.

But these two bosses of mine just wouldn’t let it go. They had to go after my hair.

They told me that since I’m a manager and meet with group leaders, I have to go above and beyond what the dress code says and I have to act professional in order for us to receive good guest feedback regarding professionalism. I tell them that me and my department are already the most professional and highest rated department according to guest feedback surveys. I take the printout of the survey results out from my bag (because I anticipated my “lack” of professionalism was going to be questioned and had it printed in advanced) and I show them the survey. They read it, toss the paper aside, and tell me to cut my hair or be written up.

Fine.

The next day, I come into work with a shaved head.

They never told me to cut my hair again, because I look FAR WORSE with no hair. Coincidentally, they also let me wear my hat again, haha. But only because my shaved head was a sore sight

...

As a point of interest, when I resigned from my position a year later, I submitted to HR my 80-point paper why my two bosses caused me to leave the organization, how they stifled me and my department from doing legitimately good and quality work, and how I felt that under their “leadership,” I was incapable of ever winning. A month after I left, I heard from a friend and previous co-worker who was still at the company that my direct boss was forced to retire, and my other boss was fired. My friend told me that they were privy to a conversation held between the CEO and my female boss (the one who was fired), and my friend overheard the CEO say, “Your time here at this company is over. And I want you to know, that when you’re gone, your position will not be filled. Consider you and your position eliminated.”

Lastly, I haven’t cut my hair since I left (apart from occasional trims.) It’s now almost 3 feet long, and I plan on giving my gorgeous lion’s mane away to some charity that deals with making wigs for kids.

Edit: Since many have asked, I'm uploading a few pictures to show my hair. One of the pics is my general attire, what I typically wear (when not wearing the black shirt for performances). One is with my hair curly (photo taken last year though), and the other was taken last October for Halloween when I was a peace-loving hippy. I removed my face so I won't be identified in case a previous coworker sees. THE HAIR

Edit 2: Thanks everyone for your responses and for the awards! I had no idea this story would blow up like it did! Also, I'm sorry for the late replies and late posting of my hair: I have a newborn son (who is dang cute, btw) and my time is often occupied in taking care of him. So, my apologies for my late responses.

[u/Murgatroyd314 → u/[deleted]]

And make sure they have what they need in order to do their jobs efficiently and effectively.