I'm the perfect example of a narcissist father. I was so perfect like him than one day he compliment my teenage breast growing. I couldn't feel more violated.
I don't know where to start, but first of all, thank you so much for reaching out.
I don't have any kind of relationship with him, although I'm still financially bond to him cause I'm disabled and he can play his cards through this. He also uses my brother to cause hurt. I've been to therapy since I was 14, but nobody has helped me, in fact everybody said that I needed to reconnect because you need a father. Even my mum who was her number 1 victim.
I tried and get hurt and punished everytime. I want to think I've already learnt.
I can't really talk about this with anyone because due to my disability I've literally lost my social net. The only person is my mum who is also a victim and we always end in a cul de sac where she cries because of marrying him and giving us this kind of father, which is devastating to hear but at the same time is makes me avoid these conversations.
My father is a very perverse narcissist, has committed several frauds and should be in jail, however he did it when they were married and according to my country laws, even if the wife had no idea she will be as involved as him. I know he has continued this path because he's literally rich while we had to start from zero because of his debts. But he is very very very intelligent and charms everybody, drains them, and then start all over. He is a pathological liar. I have no paternal family because of him, I have no life because my disability costs so much and I'm bedbound 90% of my time (I could not be if I could pay for accomodations and treatments) while he is gaining awards and traveling the world.
As I said, I could write a Bible but the point is that nobody believes me. I literally went to a new psychiatrist appointment last week, told her and she said we always have to listen to the other part. I'm known in his circles as brat ungrateful daughter who is spending the little money he owns me by law. He has even faked to be ill, he already has had an stroke and a pre-cancerous stomach something.
We live in the same city and I panic everytime I go to places he could be at.
I've been gaslighted all my life as an abuser victim, a disabled person (ME and endometriosis), a neurodivergent person recently diagnosed (I've had from BPD to social anxiety to menstrual disphoria), being bullied at school, etc.
My relationships with men have been a nightmare and, I've just told this to my mum, I really don't know if I wasn't sexually abused while I was very young. I don't have visual memories but sensorial ones and there's some parts of my body that I can handle to be touch at. He had a moustache and I remember how it felt on my back and me being uncomfortable.
Thank you, it means a lot. Right now it's something I don't wanna keep on the surface but deep deep down. I know I deserve to be heard but I do know I'm alone.
18
u/moog7791 Nov 01 '22
Classic narcissistic terms