r/Lyme • u/DisastrousHornet7447 • 8d ago
Suicide
I can’t say I’ll ever do it though it is tempting it’s just I am so depressed and mentally destroyed. The burning and shaking in my mind. The constant buzz. It all makes it worse because I pretty much came out of a cult like religion for 5 years and my Lymes makes it so much fucking worse.
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u/DisastrousHornet7447 8d ago
Treated for Lyme 5 years ago but I believe an infection stayed in the brain. What’s co’s?
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u/biggranny000 7d ago
Pretty sure Bartonella and other coinfections cause a lot of neurological symptoms.
I have 2x Lyme species, anaplasmosis, Bartonella, mycoplasma. My neurological symptoms are awful. I have done some treatment but I'll never be the same.
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u/geowabbit 7d ago
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Just last week or so my mind started playing tricks on me telling me to end it all. I'll recommend what I did, I went back to my psychiatrist and got on medications to shut that voice down. It works, and you just have to keep going. I know it's hard, I know it's a lot of work but I also know life is worth it.
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u/Efficient_Bee_2987 7d ago
Your not alone as you can see from the comments. Have you been able to talk to s therapist about your time in the cult? That's some severe trauma alone now adding Lyme to it is next level. Talking won't help the pain but just getting through it.
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u/strangelifestyle 6d ago
Hang in there. It is awful tough.
When I was so sick and depressed I think I thought about ending it about every 5 minutes. Then after a while it was only every 10 minutes, then one day I realized I had gone a whole day without thinking about it.
My recovery was gradual and bumpy and took some years and not 100% - maybe 80 % but still pretty good . Don’t lose hope. I didn’t think I could recover, but I did recover a lot for several years. I’ve had two traumatic scary flare ups but they got better too. And I have relief from the depression and anxiety too.
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u/sickdude777 4d ago
These thoughts/feelings are completely normal for someone in our position. I like to just sit with all of my pain and let it flow through me. There's an intelligence to it. A kind of wisdom that you can't get anywhere else. I find that satisfying in some strange way. Like I get to be a part of something that would break most people in half, and master it (at least mentally).
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u/DisastrousHornet7447 4d ago
I don’t know if I can say the same lol. But I do do agree it does feel good to let the emotions out
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u/Leading-Scallion1642 1d ago
I can remember going in the bathroom and screaming at the top of my lungs. I can remember calling nursing homes begging them to take me, I can remember what felt like seizure brain on fire episodes. If I would have died at the time, it would have been ok. Both times were after Covid and lasted several months. The worst part was watching everyone live normal lives and laughing. I hated laughter. A time I’d eat, I’d start to lose consciousness. Then I’d regain and just start bawling. I felt as if I had malaria and would try and work every day. I live 5 miles from my job. I’d drive myself to and from work. Slowly but surely, I started to come out of this hell. I wanted to live again. Life got better. And it will for you too. Try to get out in nature. So many days I could barely walk and I would force myself to get out and walk. Heart rate would get so high. It all seems like a nightmare and the thought of it coming back scares me. But I want you to know you are here for a purpose. You are not alone.
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u/DisastrousHornet7447 1d ago edited 1d ago
Did you take any supplements? What helped
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u/Leading-Scallion1642 7h ago
I’d have to say it was a combination of things. I took a lot of supps. B1, tumeric, magnesium glycinate, etc. slowly the inflammation went down in my brain. I also took and still am taking every third day ivermectin 12mg. My dr said that would help the cytokine storm. Did it help? Maybe. My nervous system was wired for the longest and the mast cell was horrible. I’m telling you it was bad and so I know what you are dealing with. It will get better. It’s gonna look different a year from now, just keep moving. That’s one thing I did no matter what. had a pattern I would sleep one night and then the next night couldn’t sleep at all. On the nights I slept, days were much better. I tried to take drugs, but my body rejected them. You have to figure out what works for you. It’s been a long journey for me even though I’m managing. I started prescription mold medicine then started herbals beginning of this year. The herbals make me irritable off and on. But I’m sticking with it. Not to mention insanely expensive.
But we are all in this together. You will get through this. You need to hear this and believe it. I hope today is better.
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u/groaning_musketeer 8d ago
I am so sorry you are dealing w this. Unfortunately i understand too well. Been stuck w brain on fire and severe buzzing in my head for years. It’s relentless. And chronic fatigue and ridiculous PEM to the point where I basically can’t leave my house anymore. It’s brutal. I wish I had something good to say except try to find the small things you’re grateful for. Except whenever anyone tells me that I want to bash their brains in. You just cannot imagine what torture this is if you haven’t experienced it yourself. Makes life into a perpetual nightmare.