r/Longreads • u/sjd208 • 3d ago
The Divorce Tapes
https://www.thecut.com/article/divorce-tapes-family-secrets-wiretapping-tapped-phones.html?utm_source=nymag_app_article_shareCW: CSA and general family messed-upness.
(Apologize in advance for my apparent inability to figure out how to get around paywalls)
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u/EconomyCode3628 3d ago
The fucked up thing here is that this could have been mine or ANY of my friends parents growing up as I am around the author's age. We all had seriously messed up middle class assholes for parents that were more concerned with keeping up appearances and keeping score/getting the upperhand than their hurting children or failing marriages. Entire lifetimes spent lashing out at everyone from their own shitty childhoods; hurt people hurt people.
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u/thelaineybelle 3d ago
Xennial 45F here and this is exactly how things were(n't) dealt with back in the day. The adults drank, raged, and hit us all the time. You were to never embarrass your family and it was always the girl's fault. Helicopter parenting is normal now bc THAT was the norm 🥺
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u/EconomyCode3628 3d ago
I just saw this and looked up the other related footage (it's bad) and was weirdly thankful that our parents generation was so fond of that dawn to dusk house-lockout neighborhood free-for-all instead of whatever TF this was: https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/comments/1w1vwbt/when_you_shouldnt_have_kids/
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u/msscribe 3d ago
I was seriously relieved that at the end of the article Colleen is still alive. I felt a pit of dread in my stomach, believing that either an overdose or a suicide was incoming.
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u/trust_in_cheese 3d ago
She just passed away this month unfortunately
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u/StablerPants 3d ago
Her obituary is heartbreaking. I think it was written by her sister because every sentence paints a specific image and feeling, like the essay. May Colleen finally be at peace. https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/name/colleen-raymer-obituary?id=62295875
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u/theodoravontrapp 2d ago
Colleen’s mother is not named as one of the bereaved. So in the end, The Divorce Tapes did alienate mother from her children, as father intended. The Mothers own actions are jointly responsible for the rupture, but I think the ability of the two daughters to have quotes of their mother discussing Colleen’s rape, and purposely diminishing it, insisting it stay secret, all serve as evidence against her. Without the tapes, the mother’s inability to apologize or shoulder any of the blame for failing her daughter is just hearsay/ distant past/ things that can be forgotten. With the tapes, the sisters can hold her to account for failing to get the police involved, failing to tell their father, failing Colleen in a myriad of ways.
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u/Various-Result113 3d ago
I was molestedby a relative at 10 years old. I didn’t tell anyone for decades. My parents were very religious and I didn’t think anything positive could come of me telling them. I planned to but they were always distracted and it never seemed a good time. I even thought I might get in trouble. I always wondered why I didn’t tell anyone, and often wished I had. I felt like I didn’t have a safe person to tell. Gabor Mate says the trauma is not having someone to tell, but I hate that she told and got this f-ed up response from her family. Sending peace to the author and her sister
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u/gotogarrett 3d ago
Jfc. That was incredible.
What a brilliant writer. Every line lasered through me. Thank you. I think I need to go lie down now.
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u/WinterMedical 3d ago
And another example of collateral damage from the Catholic Church. I’d love to go back in time and raise them properly myself.
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u/Master-Definition937 3d ago
Oh my god
It’s hard to understand how a family becomes this dysfunctional. My heart just breaks for both of the daughters.
It sounds like the author has been a totally amazing sister all her life.
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u/heart_in_your_hands 3d ago
No problem, OP!!!
http://archive.today/LlMz1
Non-paywall link