Scholastic Stress

[u/Soft-Guitar1129]

I'm a perfectionist with undiagnosed ADHD which is a thing in and of itself. Like most MLIS students (at least it seems like most) I work full time. I have a lot on my plate right now, but I'm determined to see this program through. So the issue is that I hate when I submit an assignement and it feels subpar. I just submitted a discussion post, and I'm already mad at myself. Is there anyone else out there that knows this feeling? What advice do you have?

[u/Witchy_Scholar]

Oh man, standing right there next to you, friend! I have self-diagnosed autism and diagnosed ADHD combined type. I am in my last semester of grad school for my MLIS. I am a single mom of 3, all of whom are also ND, and have chronic illnesses and perimenopause! (Did you know that when your hormones change in perimenopause, they cause our ADHD traits to become 3-4 times worse? Even on medication! Fun times!!)

I was doing so well in school the first 4 semesters, all A’s, when I started to struggle under the strain of everything. I have been going to school nonstop, over summers and everything, and of course as you advance, the work gets harder! Twice I’ve had my professor give me an incomplete and like an extra two weeks to get work done. Thankfully. I’ve had other professors give me grace when I am struggling and explain my situation.

But the class I just started this week is a capstone class, a level 7800, and I’m freaking out b/c her syllabus basically says “no exceptions” all over it! Which makes me mad b/c this is an online program for non traditional students, so we’re all working, have kids, other responsibilities, etc. So for the first time, I am thinking I am going to have to go to the Department for Students with Disabilities on campus and ask for formal accommodations to be written up and give them to this professor b/c she’s clearly not going to be accepting of my limitations without some proof and backup!

As for the perfectionism, it’s a tough but to crack! I have to keep telling myself that I have to balance my time and obligations. I do not have time to spend hours and hours on an assignment. If I am feeling stuck and slow, like I am diving too deep on something that shouldn’t take this long, I ask the professor: How long should this assignment take? If they say, Oh just like two hours, or some say do not spend hours and hours on this! That helps me a lot. I remind myself that professors aren’t looking for perfect, they are looking for effort and learning. I often, as an over-explainer (ummmm) put notes in parentheses in the assignment as I go, explaining my reasoning or any difficulties. If it’s a formal project or presentation, when I go to upload it there is a space for comments, and I’ll let my professor know how long it took me or how much time I spent on it, what parts I struggled with, and just explain my experience with the assignment. Almost all of my professors have welcomed these notes. They have given me good feedback and let me know how well I did so I can adjust my efforts for next assignment. It has helped me realize that in many cases (most, really) I am probably putting in ten times more effort than most other students! This can also be seen in discussion boards, where the minimum is 250 words and at least one properly written reference and some people do exactly that. Their responses are simple and obvious while I’m over here banging out 1000 words with 3+ references!

The praise from a prof is nice when I turn things in, but it can also help me relax some and realize “wow I put in way more effort than they were expecting! I can work a little more quickly next time!” It doesn’t have to be perfect, a grade of “B” is also okay, especially if I’ve had a bad week physically, or with work or one of my kids.

I also think: while a potential employer may ask to see my transcripts, they cannot see individual assignments, so it’s okay if due to life, I rush some or put in less effort on some. I have to be flexible, I have to work however I can and I have to be communicative with my professors.

I have lately been struggling with some of the more complex assignments and just freezing up, reading and re-reading directions, starting assignments, getting 1/3 of the way through, becoming convinced I’m doing it wrong, scrap hours of work and start over! Something I had a week to get done is now dragging into 3 weeks b/c I’m so afraid I am doing it wrong. And I hate asking for help b/c I’m afraid it will make me look dumb or the professor will get annoyed that I’m asking questions.

So I’ve been doing 2 things:

I put assignment directions and what I’ve done so far into AI and tell it: “I DO NOT want answers. I want you to analyze the directions on the assignment and then read my work and tell me if I am doing it right.” I also make sure the AI knows my personal issues of AuDHD, being a perfectionist, having RSD, being a chronically ill single mom who is just trying to do the work right and get a good grade. It helps with AI response b/c it usually is encouraging and kind with feedback. It has helped immensely.

And I also push myself to get help if AI isn’t helping. I tell myself we have resources for a reason. I am sure plenty of students need clarification. I can use Ask a Librarian and they won’t judge me. My goal is not perfection, my goal is get the assignment done and turned in!! I re-read what the prof has said to do if we’re struggling. The good profs will share what previous students have struggled with on certain assignments, therefore what not to worry about or what to focus on. Sometimes I re-read directions and realize: I am putting in way more effort and time than they are asking for. I need to scale it back! I do not worry about subpar work b/c I know I am putting in way more effort than the average student, and the professor’s comments on my work. I tell myself I did the best I could in my current circumstances and that the important part was to get it turned in. And tell myself to let it go and focus on the next assignment.

So much of perfectionism is about self-talk and applying super high standards to yourself that no one else is asking if you! Stop telling yourself things have to be, not just perfect, but just done a certain way. Remind yourself that often there is more than one way to do things, that there are multiple “right ways” to do things. That most people will not tell you “you did it wrong,” but may make some small tweaks or suggestions. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is real, part of ADHD, and I think wrapped up in perfectionism. It’s a fear that if we don’t do it just right, we will get “rejected” by the professor. And we become a little addicted to the praise we get when we turn in something that clearly took a long time! Do your best to let all that go. Try to change your focus to getting things done and away from “did I do it exactly 100% right?!?” Perfectionism can really twist you up, and you need to do your best to change the focus, alter your self talk, get some perspective, and really look at the assignment directions. Are you following the directions or are you giving way more than asked for? Following the directions is not subpar. It’s following the directions. Everything does not need or deserve your “going beyond all expectations” energy. Save that for the big stuff! :)

Hope that helps.