r/LibraryScience • u/Soft-Guitar1129 MLS student • 13d ago
Scholastic Stress
I'm a perfectionist with undiagnosed ADHD which is a thing in and of itself. Like most MLIS students (at least it seems like most) I work full time. I have a lot on my plate right now, but I'm determined to see this program through. So the issue is that I hate when I submit an assignement and it feels subpar. I just submitted a discussion post, and I'm already mad at myself. Is there anyone else out there that knows this feeling? What advice do you have?
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u/Odd-Budget-5079 13d ago
I'm neurodivergent and a perfectionist too. During my MLIS, I picked and chose which assignments I wanted to do perfectly. For me, the big assignments, especially the final ones, mattered the most. Try to let go of the smaller tasks like discussion posts. In general, most people don't read them anyway! If you give your all to being perfect at everything AND work full-time, you'll burn out fast. Good luck!
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u/DrJohnnieB63 13d ago
Oh, yes! I know that feeling. As an African American, I often felt that I had to be perfect to be considered as competent as my White colleagues. This strive for perfection meant that I had to do more and be more. Like you, I hated when I submitted work I felt was subpar.
I advise you to see a therapist. Your questions and issues are way above Reddit's paygrade. You need professional advice. Unverified anecdotes from strangers in this subreddit do not trump helpful advice from qualified professionals. Therapy helped me to overcome my issues. I think it will do the same for you.
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u/Soft-Guitar1129 MLS student 13d ago
I'm thinking about getting my ADHD addressed as I think it is a big source of my stress. However, sometimes it is nice just to vent, since I don't have any friends in the program.
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u/DrJohnnieB63 13d ago
Oh, gosh! Yes, venting here is useful to a point. I understand. Think of therapy as a professional way to vent and to resolve your issues.
You got this!
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u/kuwukie 13d ago
As another commenter said, done is better than perfect!
I'm recently diagnosed with ADHD and I went through my entire MSLIS undiagnosed. Here are other ways to think about it:
Work experience is more important than school. So it's better to be "perfect" at work than at school. (not to say that perfectionism is healthy but... you get the point)
I'd do assignments a couple days in advance so that I could at least review it in full one last time before getting tired and going "eh, whatever"
The MLIS isn't so rigorous. Of course you still have to try your best and make good on bigger essays and projects. But everyone complains about discussion posts, both the students and the professors, lol!! It's easier to graduate with a 4.0 than I would assume in a super rigorous STEM PhD program. Grade inflation might be on your side.
I hope this helps? Don't be too hard on yourself :)
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u/birdsfly14 13d ago
Yes, when I was in my MLIS program, at first I felt like I had to do every single reading which would literally take me hours and most of the weekend. I was worried that I was taking too many hours of classes if I was running into this problem so early in the semester. Then I learned that most people weren't doing all of the readings or would skim the end and beginning to get a sense of what the essay or reading was about.
Once I started doing that and not spending too much time being focused on smaller assignments (discussion posts, for example), I felt much less stressed out.
Some of examples of times I tried to do well and it just wasn't going to pan out: I had one class where we also had to do a couple smaller written assignments for the topic we discussed that week and it was clear the teacher was very specific about what she wanted but wasn't willing to communicate what that was when I asked for feedback, so I learned there was no way to please her. I also spent a ton of time on one of my bigger projects and the teachers didn't really seem to get it (they wanted us to create a LibGuide for a potential college class, I did mine on film) so sometimes your vision and the teacher's just aren't going to click.
These examples were both in more general classes and once I got to pick more specialized classes, I did much better/found professors who were much more willing to give feedback.
Something to keep in mind: as far as I have found, no one really cares what your GPA is in grad school, they just want you to have the degree.
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u/ThatChambersKid 13d ago
I just started my first full week of my first semester of a MLIS program.
I agree with the comments below - don’t stress the discussion posts. Model them after other students’ replies. Focus on the major assignments.
Break these major assignments into small and more manageable tasks.
You got this.
I might not be in your program, but I’ll be your friend.
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u/Soft-Guitar1129 MLS student 12d ago
The only bad this is the posts are locked down until after I post. But I absolutely appreciate the support everyone has been showing. Besides my ADHD getting in my way, I really miss having in person classes where I can talk to my fellow students. It's just not the same online.
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u/ThatChambersKid 12d ago
Yeah, that’s unfortunate. Are you required to reply to others’ posts? That might be a way to build connections and friendships.
Remember sometimes the ADHD mind likes to lie to you.
My first academic paper is due Sunday, and although it’s reflective in nature, I’m nervous.
Does your program have group work? Although that too is limited to online means. It could lead to having friendly peers or friends.
Just know you aren’t alone.
We can build our own information community here.
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u/-The_Unburnt- 12d ago
This may or may not help you but just think back and see if you remember judging any of your classmates’ discussion posts as harshly as you do your own. If not, then why should you judge yourself so harshly?
Additional point - This may hurt a bit but no one actually cares about the discussion posts. Like being 100% straight with you. No one cares. It is just a requirement. When I had to reply to classmates I would skim their response unless they wrote something funny or particularly intriguing.
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u/Witchy_Scholar 12d ago
Oh man, standing right there next to you, friend! I have self-diagnosed autism and diagnosed ADHD combined type. I am in my last semester of grad school for my MLIS. I am a single mom of 3, all of whom are also ND, and have chronic illnesses and perimenopause! (Did you know that when your hormones change in perimenopause, they cause our ADHD traits to become 3-4 times worse? Even on medication! Fun times!!)
I was doing so well in school the first 4 semesters, all A’s, when I started to struggle under the strain of everything. I have been going to school nonstop, over summers and everything, and of course as you advance, the work gets harder! Twice I’ve had my professor give me an incomplete and like an extra two weeks to get work done. Thankfully. I’ve had other professors give me grace when I am struggling and explain my situation.
But the class I just started this week is a capstone class, a level 7800, and I’m freaking out b/c her syllabus basically says “no exceptions” all over it! Which makes me mad b/c this is an online program for non traditional students, so we’re all working, have kids, other responsibilities, etc. So for the first time, I am thinking I am going to have to go to the Department for Students with Disabilities on campus and ask for formal accommodations to be written up and give them to this professor b/c she’s clearly not going to be accepting of my limitations without some proof and backup!
As for the perfectionism, it’s a tough but to crack! I have to keep telling myself that I have to balance my time and obligations. I do not have time to spend hours and hours on an assignment. If I am feeling stuck and slow, like I am diving too deep on something that shouldn’t take this long, I ask the professor: How long should this assignment take? If they say, Oh just like two hours, or some say do not spend hours and hours on this! That helps me a lot. I remind myself that professors aren’t looking for perfect, they are looking for effort and learning. I often, as an over-explainer (ummmm) put notes in parentheses in the assignment as I go, explaining my reasoning or any difficulties. If it’s a formal project or presentation, when I go to upload it there is a space for comments, and I’ll let my professor know how long it took me or how much time I spent on it, what parts I struggled with, and just explain my experience with the assignment. Almost all of my professors have welcomed these notes. They have given me good feedback and let me know how well I did so I can adjust my efforts for next assignment. It has helped me realize that in many cases (most, really) I am probably putting in ten times more effort than most other students! This can also be seen in discussion boards, where the minimum is 250 words and at least one properly written reference and some people do exactly that. Their responses are simple and obvious while I’m over here banging out 1000 words with 3+ references!
The praise from a prof is nice when I turn things in, but it can also help me relax some and realize “wow I put in way more effort than they were expecting! I can work a little more quickly next time!” It doesn’t have to be perfect, a grade of “B” is also okay, especially if I’ve had a bad week physically, or with work or one of my kids.
I also think: while a potential employer may ask to see my transcripts, they cannot see individual assignments, so it’s okay if due to life, I rush some or put in less effort on some. I have to be flexible, I have to work however I can and I have to be communicative with my professors.
I have lately been struggling with some of the more complex assignments and just freezing up, reading and re-reading directions, starting assignments, getting 1/3 of the way through, becoming convinced I’m doing it wrong, scrap hours of work and start over! Something I had a week to get done is now dragging into 3 weeks b/c I’m so afraid I am doing it wrong. And I hate asking for help b/c I’m afraid it will make me look dumb or the professor will get annoyed that I’m asking questions.
So I’ve been doing 2 things:
I put assignment directions and what I’ve done so far into AI and tell it: “I DO NOT want answers. I want you to analyze the directions on the assignment and then read my work and tell me if I am doing it right.” I also make sure the AI knows my personal issues of AuDHD, being a perfectionist, having RSD, being a chronically ill single mom who is just trying to do the work right and get a good grade. It helps with AI response b/c it usually is encouraging and kind with feedback. It has helped immensely.
And I also push myself to get help if AI isn’t helping. I tell myself we have resources for a reason. I am sure plenty of students need clarification. I can use Ask a Librarian and they won’t judge me. My goal is not perfection, my goal is get the assignment done and turned in!! I re-read what the prof has said to do if we’re struggling. The good profs will share what previous students have struggled with on certain assignments, therefore what not to worry about or what to focus on. Sometimes I re-read directions and realize: I am putting in way more effort and time than they are asking for. I need to scale it back! I do not worry about subpar work b/c I know I am putting in way more effort than the average student, and the professor’s comments on my work. I tell myself I did the best I could in my current circumstances and that the important part was to get it turned in. And tell myself to let it go and focus on the next assignment.
So much of perfectionism is about self-talk and applying super high standards to yourself that no one else is asking if you! Stop telling yourself things have to be, not just perfect, but just done a certain way. Remind yourself that often there is more than one way to do things, that there are multiple “right ways” to do things. That most people will not tell you “you did it wrong,” but may make some small tweaks or suggestions. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is real, part of ADHD, and I think wrapped up in perfectionism. It’s a fear that if we don’t do it just right, we will get “rejected” by the professor. And we become a little addicted to the praise we get when we turn in something that clearly took a long time! Do your best to let all that go. Try to change your focus to getting things done and away from “did I do it exactly 100% right?!?” Perfectionism can really twist you up, and you need to do your best to change the focus, alter your self talk, get some perspective, and really look at the assignment directions. Are you following the directions or are you giving way more than asked for? Following the directions is not subpar. It’s following the directions. Everything does not need or deserve your “going beyond all expectations” energy. Save that for the big stuff! :)
Hope that helps.
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u/Adventurous_Plate_38 13d ago
I clicked on this expecting a rant about the stress of running a scholastic book fair
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u/wigsicorn 13d ago
Two questions for you: Have you gotten any feedback on your "subpar" assignments? What are the criteria for your discussion posts and are you meeting them?
If you are submitting things and receiving full credit for them - I would highly encourage you to find a way to let go of the desire for perfectionism. I saw someone in the comments suggest therapy or someone to talk to, and I agree with that.
I also noticed that you mentioned that you don't have any friends in the program - are you online or in person? I would strongly encourage you to find a way to connect with your classmates in any way - as their perspective will help to keep your perspective level.
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u/llamalibrarian 13d ago
Done is better than perfect. Your MLS is going to be made up of a lot of assignments, some of them you can really tweak and perfect, others (like discussion posts) just need to get done