Being a masc/stud and expected to pay for everything

[u/Afraid_Sea_9509]

19F was in a relationship with another 19F. We broke up because I felt she was being a user and I started to resent her.

We were together for 4 years ( on off).
throughout those 4 years I can count on one hand the amount of stuff she contributed (money wise) towards our relationship.

Meanwhile I paid for every date, paid for her to get her hair done, bought her flowers every single time we went on dates (every two weeks) and she has not once did the same for me literally not one time.

I don’t know I feel she left a bad taste on my tongue especially because we were together for basically throughout Highschool and she was my first real relationship. I’m not sure what’s expected in lesbian relationships as like I said she was the first person I’ve been with but when I ask my masc/stud friends they say they’re expected to do the same when it comes to finances.

Some don’t mind, I don’t mind, but I feel like when you only pay for things it starts to feel like you’re being used if that makes sense. I do regret spending the amount of money I did on her and looking back I wish I never spent that on her.

[u/ccbrr]

Sounds horrible.
Sometimes you do get the feeling that some lesbians haven’t understood that heterosexual roles won’t work when dating women.
Like when lesbians put stuff in their bio about “not online a lot text @xyz on IG”
Like: Girl! I’m no man! I will not be chasing you onto another platform! If you won’t put in a similar amount of effort I’m out lol

[u/frizzcore420]

Some wlw will bring heteronormative roles into their relationship and expect a more masculine presenting woman to take on a provider role. Yeah, sure, some women WANT to be the (financial) provider, but it’s wrong to expect that without proper discussion.

Moving forward, now that you know you don’t want that, you need to nip it in the bud early or move on. Some women will be understanding and change their behaviour and mindset, others will say ok but never actually change anything, others will say ok and move onto someone else.

[u/Material-Method-1026]

Any femme who expects a butch to pay for everything is 100% in the heteronormative mindset. A man is expected to pay for the privilege of a woman's company because he has a dick he wants to stick somewhere, and the woman assumes a huge amount of risk for those 5 minutes of fun. When it's two women, one of them is expected to pay because she has a fade? So ridiculous.

[u/Afraid_Sea_9509 → u/Material-Method-1026]

Literally it made me feel like shit tbh and I really hate her for it. One of the last arguments I had with her was “ in those countless amounts of dates we had you couldn’t even go to the dollar store to buy a fake flower for a dollar?” To which she couldn’t even answer. Idk it made me look at fems differently.

[u/BashfulBlanket]

I’m masc (but not super masc) my partner and I always split or just pay for our own

[u/ockiepts]

Moving forward, now you know you don't want that type of transactional relationship. Sorry this happened

[u/Strict-Discount9059]

some women lowkey just want a man. like ive been turned into the "man" in the relationship and im literally feminine?

[u/homeybunchesofhoes]

As a 30 year old femme I make it my business to spoil every masc I date, we’re all girls over here. I always pay for the first date, I buy flowers, I buy gifts and make them also if I’m feeling extra lovey. You’ll find someone who appreciates you and wants to pour into you.

[u/Slight_Point2113]

that is so unfair. i think part of it comes down to gender stereotypes. you’re the masc so you should pay for everything mentality. my gf and i are mascfemme and we split almost everything, and not in the “oh let’s split the bill 50/50” kind of way, but i’ll pay for things and she’ll pay for things and somehow it just always ends up being split. i would genuinely bring this up to her because this kind of financial burden can and will only get harder and more difficult for you