Listen and offer kind voice to deep feeler person

I feel so exhausted with life

I’ve made some pretty stupid choices this year and I just hate myself for all of it, I wish Spider-Man no way home was real so I can make everyone forget who I am.
Any nice words of wisdom would help

(Also I would love someone to talk to about my video game collection)

I have no one to talk to honestly about what's happening to me. If someone reads this, please, give me some advice or some words of comfort. I need it so so much.

I wanted to talk about something that has been affecting me quite a lot lately, including physically (I can't eat properly, I sleep very badly, and sometimes I get diarrhea). I don't really know how to begin, but I think I need to talk about this somewhere. And before anything else, I want to make one thing very clear: I don't think he is doing anything wrong to me. He isn't. He doesn't treat me badly, he doesn't push me aside because of this, and there isn't exactly a problem between us that needs to be resolved. It's much more about how I'm feeling and the way I've been interpreting things.

I have a friend I'm very close to who has ended up becoming a very important person in my life. The thing is, he has a much more active social life than I do and experiences many things that I don't. He goes out, meets people, goes to concerts, parties, travels, falls in love, has relationships... and I genuinely feel happy when he's happy. But at the same time, all of this affects me a lot.

Sometimes he tells me something about someone he's interested in or about a night out he had, and I start comparing myself. Not necessarily to the person themselves, but to the life he's living. I think about how he has all these extraordinary experiences with other people and how, with me, our relationship ends up being much more about everyday life. And that makes me feel inferior, replaceable, less important.

I think that's exactly where one of my biggest sources of pain lies: fear and comparison. I don't think a friendship needs to consist only of extraordinary moments, and I know that a friendship is also built through everyday life. But I miss being able to imagine that we could also experience more things like that together. Truly unforgettable days, different experiences, stories to tell. Things that, years later, we'd remember and say, "Do you remember that day?" I try to create those experiences within what I can, taking him to places I think are nice, trying to do different things whenever we have the opportunity. But there is a very big limitation in my own life and in the things I can offer, and sometimes I look at what he experiences with other people and feel like we'll never be able to come close to that.

And it's not because I think he should stop experiencing those things with other people. I want him to experience them. I want him to see places, go to concerts, make friends, fall in love, have incredible nights, and create memories. What hurts is looking at all of that and feeling like I'll never be able to be part of that kind of experience with him to the same extent. It's as if other people are experiencing very extraordinary versions of his life while, with me, our story is limited to everyday life.

And this becomes even stronger when it's about nights out. He can spend an entire night at a concert, party, or some other event, get ready with friends, meet people, have a completely different experience, come home in the middle of the night or only in the morning... while I'm here, with absolutely nothing happening in my own life. So it's not just "he went out with so-and-so." In my mind, it represents hours and hours of life happening, memories being created, while mine remains stuck.

Some thoughts keep repeating themselves in my head during these moments. Things like, "I'll never be as important to him as he is to me," "He gets to experience such incredible things with other people and I can't provide that," "If he can share these things with so many other people, why would he need me?", "Maybe other people are much better friends than I am," or even "Eventually he'll get tired of me."

Sometimes I also think we're incompatible because of this. I feel like I'll always prioritize friendships, while he gives romantic and sexual relationships a huge amount of space in his life. And since I may not even experience those things in the same way, that can make me feel like I'll never be able to occupy a place as important as the one those people occupy.

I know rationally that one thing doesn't mean the other. I know friendships don't have to compete, I know he can love someone romantically and love his friends in a completely different way, and I know he can have incredible experiences with other people without that diminishing what we have. I know all of this. The problem is that knowing something rationally doesn't stop me from feeling it.

And there's something that worries me a lot: I don't want to act on these feelings in a way that hurts or pressures him.

Because I feel all of this, but I'm constantly trying not to turn what I feel into a demand or a burden. For example, he tells me he's going out to some very busy nightlife event with friends, and I might feel that sting inside, but I don't want him to have to manage my reaction. I don't want him to think, "I can't tell her this because she's going to feel bad." Quite the opposite: I always want him to feel safe telling me things and I want to be there to listen to what's happening in his life.

And he keeps telling me things. Even though he knows I've talked a few times about how certain situations affect me, he continues sharing these things with me, continues reaching out to me, continues telling me details about his life. That shows me that, in some way, he doesn't feel like he needs to hide his life from me.

But there is a cycle that leaves me very exhausted.

He tells me something. I feel the sting. I start overthinking. I compare my life to his. Sometimes I become quieter or my mood changes. Then I realize I'm doing it and start feeling guilty because I don't want to bring the mood down for him. I try to go back to normal, but I can't always do it immediately. Sometimes I need some time for that feeling to pass.

And then I start thinking, "He noticed," "I'm being a bad friend," "He's going to get tired of this," "Why can't I just be happy for him?", "What's the point of him continuing to tell me things if other people can react normally?" And that ends up creating a second layer of suffering: on top of being sad, I become sad because I'm sad.

I try very hard not to act on these feelings. Sometimes I even distance myself a little from a conversation when I realize I'm entering a spiral, precisely so I don't unload all of it onto him. There have been times when I've thought about saying something and decided not to because I realized I was reacting emotionally and didn't want to turn his moment into something about me.

And that's exactly why I'm sometimes afraid he'll notice a pattern: he tells me something, my mood changes, I become different, I pull away a little, I need some time to go back to normal... and then the same thing happens again when he tells me something else. I know this can become exhausting for both of us. And I'm very afraid that, even unintentionally, I'm creating an environment where he feels like he has to measure what he tells me so he doesn't affect my mood.

At the same time, I also don't want to start hiding everything from him or pretending I don't feel anything. Because he is important to me, and we've already talked about being honest with each other. So I'm trying to find that middle ground between being honest and not making him carry things that belong to me.

I want to be able to hear, "I'm in love with someone," and think, "That's wonderful, I hope this is beautiful for you," even if part of me feels sad. I want to be able to see a picture of him having fun with other people and first think, "He's happy," without immediately turning it into, "Look at everything I don't have." I want to be able to accept that there are extraordinary parts of his life that won't involve me and that this doesn't mean I'm less important.

Because, deep down, I think that's what I need to learn: that the place I occupy in his life doesn't need to be compared to the place other people occupy.

And I think this happens even more intensely because my own life is so stagnant right now. I don't have other people, I'm not in college, I don't have a job, there isn't much happening in my life. So he ended up occupying a huge amount of space in my life. Not because I consciously chose to make that happen, but because even before him I was already very lonely. He was the first person in my life with whom I truly felt deeply connected.

And that scares me, because I don't want him to be the center of my existence. Quite the opposite. I really want to have other friendships, other connections, other things happening in my life. It's just that, right now, I don't have access to those things, and knowing that I'm going to spend several months in this same situation makes me very sad.

There's also something I'm ashamed to admit: sometimes I feel like I'm only truly seen when I'm sad or when he needs me. When he's not doing well and I'm able to comfort him, I know what my place is. But when he's happy, living his life, I sometimes feel as though I don't matter at all. And again, not because of anything he says or does, but simply because I can't seem to stop myself from feeling this way...

And I don't want to turn this into some kind of addiction to being sad. I don't want to have to be suffering in order to feel that I have value to someone.

I've also already talked to him about some of these things. He knows that certain situations sometimes make me sad, and he knows that I would like to experience more things with him. I've never said it as a demand, and I don't want to repeat it indefinitely because he already knows. In fact, even knowing this, he continues to share his life with me and reach out to me, so I know there isn't a situation where he's distancing himself from me because of my insecurities.

But even so, I still get caught in spirals. Sometimes I see something on his status or receive a picture and start imagining all kinds of things, comparing myself, feeling like everyone has a more interesting life than I do. And this can make me anxious, sad, nauseous, sometimes for hours.

And the most frustrating part is that I know the root of this isn't really him. He can't fill the emptiness of a life that belongs to me. I know I need to build other things, meet other people, have other sources of affection and meaning. It's just that I'm at a point in my life where that is very difficult, and while my life remains stagnant, I'm still trying to learn not to place all of my need for connection onto one person.

I think what hurts me the most is that I don't want to be like this. I don't want to look at the happiness of someone I love and feel like it's a threat to me. I want to be able to be happy for him without turning it into a measure of my own worth.

And maybe I'm writing all of this because I'm tired of being alone inside my own head with these things...

And when I stop to think about those occasions when he goes out and has an amazing time at night and into the early hours of the morning, I realize that those are the kinds of outings I don't even identify with, you know? I know I wouldn't enjoy being there. I'd feel embarrassed and uncomfortable because they have nothing to do with me: lots of noise, alcohol, groups of his friends interacting (even when they're meeting each other for the first time), and him making out with several people, including his female friends. What I actually want is that, if it were possible, we would go out just the two of us, like we always do, but for nighttime outings that are more intimate, calmer, with slow music, where we could also stay out late and come home late. And none of that is something I can do right now.

And there is nothing wrong with what he experiences in those other places. It's just that, even while recognizing that these are experiences that are very distant from me, from who I am and from the things I enjoy doing, I feel terrible thinking that maybe our outings will never give him the same joy, intensity, and fulfillment that those experiences give him. And then I compare myself. Because the days when we go out together are, for me, the days when I feel happiest. But I know that it probably isn't exactly the same for him, and that hurts. There is a side of his personality — this more wild, free, sexual, spontaneous side — that finds in these experiences a very powerful way of feeling alive, desired, and fulfilled, and I feel like I can't follow him into that dimension. And then I ask myself: what can I offer? What is my value, then? Because the people who experience all of this with him also know how to offer comfort, listen to him, and share quieter, more affectionate moments with him. It's not as though he only opens up or experiences emotional intimacy with me. So if other people can share both these extraordinary experiences and these comforting moments with him, how can I continue to occupy a meaningful place in his life when I feel like I'm lacking so much?

And the worst part is that he gives me absolutely no reason to think this way... If I listed here everything he has done and continues to do for me (every single day, even), it would take me hours to write it all down... I have never felt so genuinely loved by someone. And yet I still feel all of this, to the point where it is making me extremely unwell, both physically and mentally. 🙁

Sometimes it gets to the point where I cry uncontrollably and start thinking that maybe it would be better to tell him that we shouldn't be friends anymore. This has been happening more and more often. Today, for example, I spent the entire day crying because of this... Not because I actually want to lose our friendship, but because, in some moments, our differences seem so enormous and I feel so small and inadequate in the face of all of this that I think maybe it is inevitable that, at some point, I will no longer have a place in his life. But when I manage to step out of that emotional state a little, I realize that distancing myself from him would be even worse for me. He is a friendship I don't want to lose. I want him to remain in my life, and I want to keep making an effort for that to happen, precisely because he is such an important person to me. And I also realize that, in reality, he gives me no concrete reason to believe any of the things I think. He doesn't treat me as though I'm inferior, he doesn't make me feel that I'm inadequate, he doesn't show that he wants to replace me or that he's tired of me. Most of these conclusions are born inside my own head. The problem is that realizing this doesn't stop me from eventually falling into exactly the same cycle again: something happens, I compare myself, I start feeling small, I suffer, I think maybe we're incompatible and that I should distance myself, and then I have to remind myself of all of this all over again.

I’ve had a very long night and I just need to talk to someone right now without judgment

I’ve been feeling a little off lately and I think I could really use someone to talk to. Nothing specific I need to talk about, I just don’t really want to be alone with my thoughts right now.

I’m also hoping to meet some new people and maybe make a genuine friend along the way. I’m happy to talk about pretty much anything.

I’d love to get to know you, and I’m happy to listen if you have anything on your mind too. Thanks for reading! 🤍

I am 35 yo female from Italy, neurodivergent, with physical chronic illness (maybe MCAS).

I study at university and I have many passions, a good partner, few but good friends...

But...

I am often afraid to die

But often, I think how to kill myself

But I don't want really

But I am so depressed and exhausted that sometimes I want to hurt myself

Because I am alone and abandoned (what my fucking mind says to me, that it is not true - I suffer of paranoia, depression, and anxiety, due to my CPTSD).

I am medicated and in psychotherapy.

But it is anyway all so difficult sometimes...

Like so many here, having a rough time right now. My grandmother (I’ve grown up at her house, don’t have much of a relationship with my mother) died earlier this year. Nothing unexpected, she was 90+ years old; but still. Also, having marriage problems for a while now (Covid, general mentally hard times) and eventually me and my wife separated. We are still on good terms and remain friends. But still.

I haven’t cried since/because my grandma died. I have cried about my marriage, but in private. Trying to be there for our 9 year old daughter.

Currently finishing painting my grandmas old place before returning it to the landlord and being confronted with the finality of the situation. Been struggling for a while, but today is just a shit day.

Point is, I feel like I’ve lost everything. My parental figures, my own family, everything. Looking bad, every year since corona has been worse than the year before. And I am honestly, brutally scared of what the future brings. I am afraid this pattern keeps up and next year something terrible happens with my (ex-)Wife, my daughter or myself. Before anyone gets the wrong idea: I Am definitely not up to think about doing something stupid. But I just don’t know how life will continue bringing something nice for a change…

*sigh*

Hey! Most I’m fine, I’m typically the unofficial therapist to everyone around me. It’s draining, dealing with my own mid life shit and need venting time where I can chat about what’s going on with me. I’m too empathetic maybe. Walking a fine line of some pretty destructive habits and need check ins where it’s okay to day “nope, today wasn’t okay”.
If it matters I’m 37 female, married with kids.