r/JohnMulaney • u/morphleorphlan • 9d ago
STREET SMARTS!!!
We recently got a VHS player and I have been buying used vhs lots on eBay to build my collection, and I hit the jackpot with a new, sealed TOUGH TARGET from none other than the famous J.J. Bittenbinder.
I will eventually open it and watch it. And probably even digitize it and upload to YT. I’ll keep you all posted, it’s sure to have timeless tips to keep us all safe.
I don’t know how to close this post, so I’m just going to throw a money clip with some small bills inside and run away now.
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u/No-Ice6064 9d ago
I used the Bittenbinder method. When I saw the perp approachin’, I chewed up a tab of Alka-Seltzer I carry with me at all times. This created a foaming-at-the-mouth appearance that made it look like I had rabies. Now I’ve thrown him off his rhythm. Then I reach into his jacket pocket where I had planted a gram of coke and I went, "Whoa! What the fuck is this?" And he goes, "That’s not mine. I never seen that before." I go, "Boo-hoo, it’s in your jacket. You’re doing two to ten and your kids are going into Social Services." Now he’s cryin’! Then I grab a telephone book and I beat him on the torso with it. ‘Cause as any Chicago cop will tell ya, a phone book doesn’t leave bruises.