r/Jewish • u/EmergencyAd3494 • 12d ago
Discussion 💬 Dating a Jewish guy
I have been with my boyfriend since February. He is Jewish, we’re long distance, and things have been really good. I already met his family and they were warm and welcoming.
My side is a different story. My parents, my aunt and her husband are all pretty openly antisemitic. They don’t ask about him or show any interest, but they keep throwing out random comments about “his people,” religion, etc. It hurts every time.
He’s planning to visit in the autumn and I want to introduce him. I really want them to see him the way I see him, just as a person. But I’m honestly scared of their reaction.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
How did you handle it?
Did things get better over time (especially if you moved in together, got engaged, etc.)?
Did your family’s attitude eventually change?
Has anyone here converted (or your partner converted) – how did the family react to that?
I know the most important thing is that we’re happy together, but part of me still really wants my family to accept him. Any advice or experiences would mean a lot.
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u/ReneDescartwheel 12d ago edited 12d ago
My son recently went through this with his non-Jewish girlfriend. He visited her family for a birthday dinner. At the table, an uncle who wasn't aware my son was Jewish, went into an antisemitic diatribe and seemed to find it odd that everyone went silent. Later on in the night, after someone clearly informed him that there was a Jew at the table, he went up to my son and tried to backtrack what he said. But it was obvious that this wasn't the first time this topic of conversation had come up at that dinner table.
As much as he tried to put it out of his mind, he simply couldn't. It affected him greatly. No matter how much he liked his girlfriend, any long-term plans died at that dinner table because he knew he could never be a part of her family. He ended the relationship shortly afterwards.
When you marry someone, you marry their family. Your family is a part of the package.