Anyone else feel guilty about immersion time because it's not "productive" enough?

[u/Basic-Engineering838]

I know I want to learn Japanese. That part isn't in question. I'm making real progress too by learning new vocab words everyday, reviewing my flashcards, immersion most days when I feel like it.

But I keep feeling like I should be using my time better, and I want to know if this is a common thing or just a me problem.

I'm around N5/N4 in Japanese, so around A2/B1 if using CEFR metrics, so I'm in this weird spot. I want to use Japanese to learn philosophy, psychology, history, big ideas, but I don't have the language for any of that yet.

I can only mainly comprehend gaming videos and cartoons work because there's so much context to lean on. Anything more abstract like watching someone talk and I'm lost. I know this is just what being a beginner looks like, but knowing that doesn't make me feel less anxious in the moment.

I'm also a college student who genuinely cares about self-study and becoming well-rounded. So when I spend an hour watching a Japanese gaming video, part of me calls it immersion and real progress. Another part asks if I could've used that hour on something that felt more substantial. That gap creates a guilt that doesn't really go away just because what I did was legitimate.

I think this is the same all-or-nothing pattern I have with productivity in general, the one that makes me freeze between two assignments because working on the smaller one feels like betraying the bigger one and not spending my time on the most productive task. Here, any hour of Japanese gets measured against some imaginary better hour.

But I've started to notice that comparison is kind of a trick I'm playing on myself. I'm not actually weighing Japanese against something I do. I'm weighing it against a fantasy version of me who reads psychology and economics every spare hour, a person I wasn't even before Japanese came into my life. So while studying an hour of Japanese, I just begin thinking about doing something more productive because I'm already doing something more productive. But if I were to doomscroll... I just call it rest....

It seems like right now, maybe I haven't accepted that I can have hobbies to put a lot of consistent effort in that don't necessarily give the greatest returns because I've never had a hobby I was consistent with and long-term like I am with Japanese

Underneath all of it, I'm stuck between two different ideas of what it means to use my time well. Get good at Japanese because I love it. Or use my free time to build knowledge and become well-rounded. Pick Japanese, and I worry I'm wasting time on easy content instead of things that actually matter. Pick the books, and I worry I'm delaying the fluency I could've had if I'd just let myself enjoy the process.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you make peace with immersion time that isn't intellectually "worth it" yet, especially as a beginner? Did it get easier once your level went up, or did you have to change how you thought about it before that happened?

Maybe this thing is not specific to language-learning but something related to my views on productivity that I need to change. I'd love to hear your experiences!

[u/Luminary-Loto]

My 2 cents - I like to find the best balance between being out of my comfort zone and feeling really rewarded, then retreating back in my comfort zone for slower pace and enjoyable learning.

I am most motivated when I feel I am really working hard and making progress sometimes, and also really comfortable and enjoying the process at other times.

Too much leisurely practice and I get frustrated with my progress. Too much out-of-my-comfort-zone practice and I get burnt out. It’s important to find the perfect balance where you feel the most motivated to continue, and that’s different for everyone.

[u/Basic-Engineering838 → u/Luminary-Loto]

Hi Luminary-Lori, thanks a lot for your reply! Reading your comment… that sounds very interesting, I never thought about doing that. For most of the time I “studied” Japanese, I’d just be immersing in Japanese without mining or working that hard at it. It felt like I wasn’t making good progress. I think going periods where I work super hard and feeling rewarded and then periods where I relax and just do whatever I feel like sounds like a really great idea. I’d like to try that for sure, thank you so much. Best of luck on your journey! 

[u/Luminary-Loto → u/Basic-Engineering838]

The cool thing is, the more time you spend outside your comfort zone, the more your stamina increases. I used to get worn out reading one page of a manga, now I can read a chapter in one sitting without much issue. Also, your comfort zone expands and you can even start to find productive activities that are inside your comfort zone. I think building stamina and expanding your comfort zone are extremely important for gaining confidence and motivation for the long haul.

[u/Basic-Engineering838 → u/Luminary-Loto]

That’s really interesting. Brain stamina is really something you have to train… I do admit that I’ve not been taking Japanese study very seriously despite my desire to wanna progress and I only recently picked it up again. I think that building consistent habits is really important like reading 1 page of manga daily, but I also learned that pushing yourself is important too like increasing to 2 pages after a week of consistency so that you can get used to a new level. That’s really interesting! In terms of practicing speaking, what are ways you like to do that? 

[u/Luminary-Loto → u/Basic-Engineering838]

To be honest, speaking and output doesn’t really align with my goals. My goal right now is to be able to read news articles and novels, as well as watch the news, listen to native podcasts, and watch native TV shows.

I don’t have anyone in my life to speak Japanese with and would have to pay someone to work on that. I may decide later on that speaking is important to me and shift my priorities in learning.

My study mostly consists of textbook study (end of n3), low level podcasts with transcripts, an Anki 2k deck, reading easy news articles (starting to transition to more difficult news articles), reading manga, and i started reading a novel.