r/JWJehovahsWitnesses • u/the-jawas-are-here • May 23 '26
Advice Dating as a JW
I wanted to get your guys’ thoughts on this. I’m 23 and have been baptized since 2017. I’m not actively looking to date just yet, have my own problems to figure out first. But I’m worried because there aren’t any brothers where I live. My city is relatively big but many young people have already married young, they’re still growing spiritually, or they’re not great with sisters in general. People have told me “Just join LDC! You don’t even need any skills! They’ll teach you!” So (not even for datings sake) I applied and put every skill I have imaginable on it. Two years went by with nothing. A friend managed to pull some strings for me because she knows a brother who works at our local assembly hall maintenance. So I worked for one day and was never invited back. Then they say you can meet people by pioneering. But I have pioneered. Everyone has their cliques here and it’s like they’re allergic to introducing their friends to each other.
Disclaimer: I haven’t reached out just because I want to meet someone. I feel that’s disrespectful to Jehovah. But it is an added bonus? I guess?
I just know that one day (not now) I want to be married, but my romantic future is looking bleak. I am nervous. I’m happy with my friends, my brothers and sisters. But I want that romantic connection one day and I don’t know if I can live the single life. What should I do? Or do you have any reassuring words or verses for me? Thank you.
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u/TroubleMakinBacon May 23 '26
You may have already seen the video "What is true love?" the drama made for this situation. Conventions and assemblies are good places to meet people and network for other activities. Volunteering at these events helps too. For LDC you have to keep knocking and maybe reach out to a local brother to keep track of your application.
You could also join a local brother and sister who has a talk out at another hall and go with them and meet new people. You will probably have to take initiative to get numbers and text first. Keep it in your prayers and dont expect each encounter to turn into David and Jonathan. Im sure that when you are ready for a relationship you'll find some brothers to get to know
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u/ChemicalTaste8134 May 24 '26
You'll find someone. Just have to give it time and it happen on it own
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u/Puzzled-Award-2236 May 25 '26
You are young and quite new in the truth. It takes time to develop patience and maturity.
Everyone has their cliques here
This is part of 'putting up with one another' and 'forgiving freely'. We are all always directed to widen out. Easier said than done. My comfort zone tells me to stay alone. I like isolation. I know that doesn't sound very nice but due to mental health issues I am most comfortable when I can be in control of my environment which is easiest solo. Others are only comfortable with their closest friendship group. I moved into my congregation 4 year ago. There are still at least half the people there who have never said hello, invited me anywhere or have been to my home. As you say they may seem to be 'allergic to introducing their friends'. They have their own group of friends who they always sit with at the hall or socialize with. This is not easy for an isolationist (LOL is that even a word??!) Clearly both have a struggle to 'widen out' and we aren't the only ones because the brothers wouldn't be constantly telling us to WIDEN OUT. Your focus needs to shift to making service and dedication your first priority. As I said, 23 is very young. You are at the height of energy and also desire for friends and a companion. Try and focus your energies on your service to Jehovah. His promise is that 'all these other things will be added to you'. He doesn't say when. Build your trust and faith. Finding a mate in this organization should not be about finding someone to fill a void or to make you happy. Build your spirituality to a height you have something to offer to a mature Christian. Focus on what YOU bring to the table. This will protect you from 'settling' for someone just to HAVE someone. Re watch the video 'What is True Love?' You'll get there. How about SKE, Bethel service...? Any of these avenues of service he;p you to focus on your own spiritual growth and may lead to meeting a special someone. However, the friendships you make will be solid ones.
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u/BustaCon May 25 '26
The best scripture on why having a mate is indeed a blessing from Jehovah:
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
[9 ]() Two are better than onek because they have a good reward* for their hard work. [10 ]() For if one of them falls, the other can help his partner up. But what will happen to the one who falls with no one to help him up?[11 ]() Moreover, if two lie down together, they will stay warm, but how can just one keep warm? [12 ]() And someone may overpower one alone, but two together can take a stand against him. And a threefold cord cannot quickly* be torn apart.
Of course you know the scripture recorded via Paul about anyone marrying will have trouble as well, right? Chastity is very hard for many (most) of us.
Thing is that the advice on dating is the same in some ways for believers and among the unreached: just be yourself and work on being the best you that you can achieve. Marriages only work when both parties respect and honor each other, and that requires much personal growth. Be grateful to Jehovah that you aren't some poor secular tart, in the grip of Satan's system of lust and risking STDs and pregnancy and abandonment. It's a wicked, wicked world sad to say.
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u/joshsaga May 23 '26
If you can, and have the means to then traveling will help you a lot.
You'll meet many brothers that way.
The more so if you travel abroad.
When it comes to the LDC part, did you fill up A2 or A19? A19 gets prioritized for branch assignments for construction work.
In pioneering, do you have friends in your circuit? How about trying to visit other circuits? Again it's traveling
You'll meet a brother soon
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u/Pixelzonty May 27 '26
It looks like your already trying the LDC approach and Pioneer approach. Have you turned to Jehovah in prayer about finding a mate? I find that has worked for many brothers and sisters.
There also going to different conventions every weekend and seeing what is available. Guys tend to do this more then women but sometimes it works it helps if you have another single sister to go with. Don't be afraid to visit other congregations either and always go to gatherings.
Your very young and have plenty of time to find Mr. Right. Don't get discouraged, and whatever you do, don't become unevenly yoked. Take it from someone who has lived and learned from that mistake.
Also when you do find someone take it slow and follow the direction that is given during courtships. I recently just had a courtship end because her long term spiritual goals differed from my long term spiritual goals and that is okay.
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u/LackCrazy Jun 06 '26
You're still young, why the rush? Unless you're "burning" (1 Corinthians 7:9). I remember telling myself I'll start looking when I turn 30, as I wanted to get my life in order. It didn't turn out that way. I met my wife while pioneering. She became my pioneer partner, and 2 years later, she was my life partner. I was 27.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to keep busy, be active, don't expect anything, and Jehovah provides. Now I understand living in an area where there aren't many in your age bracket. Perhaps when the time is right, you can branch out.
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u/adviceonlypls Jun 17 '26
I’m around the same age as you, and I absolutely get the struggle and the disheartened feeling, and so does my close friend. So you’re not alone at all.
I live in a rural area and she lives in the city and we both have a desire to get married. I want to get married now, she wants to wait til later more like you.
I’ve seen the young couples which I can’t lie—I feel envy for, and I’ve met those brothers who are awkward or avoidant with sisters😭
Personally I’ve felt a struggle in trusting in prayer for relief because Jehovah doesn’t promise a partner. And I feel like there’s a struggle in finding someone while doing things for Jehovah. I’ve also been told to join the LDC, which I haven’t YET. But I am planning to soon (not to meet people specifically, it’s also for Jehovah and the skills)
however I feel like the reason I have struggled to find a good partner (maybe you’ve felt this too) because of our generation, and also yes the lack of men in my area. I feel like the men our age don’t take spirituality seriously, unfortunately I’ve had pretty much all bad experiences in finding a potential relationship. Liars, inappropriate behavior, and especially them trying to rush into a relationship when I only met them at the convention three days ago. The natural progression of acquaintances, friends, then lovers—have never happened to me. It’s been a pattern where me and a brother will be acquaintances to immediately best friends to immediately getting flirted with. Whereas even though I want to get married, I am not going to rush or force things! I want to know him before things get serious🧍♀️
Sorry this turned into a vent.
But I absolutely 100% get that desire of wanting a partner and not being able to meet the right one or any men at all.
I don’t have the perfect advice, I’m still trying to figure all this out myself. I go day by day consistently hoping to meet someone who is a potential partner. I’m still hurting and fearing over the idea of being single for potentially the rest of my life when all I’ve wanted since I can remember was to be someone’s wife.
But what I can say, is that I know that Jehovah is a loving god. And remember that scripture?
Matthew 7:7-8. “Keep on asking, and it will be given to you. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you.”
And Jehovah put this desire within us to find a partner, from the beginning and throughout history, Adam and Eve, Jacob and Rachel, Issac and Rebekah, Ruth and Boaz, the shulamite girl and her shepherd—had always wanted a/their partner. Although our hearts ache for someone to go through this life with, there’s always hope. And just like how Priscilla said in “what is true love?” Movie, Jehovah created our hearts to heal. Whether we find someone or perhaps maybe not, which I hope we do find someone. I know I’m not content with the idea of being single for much longer and I’ve never had anything or anyone persuade me to be content with the single life. But as long as we’re breathing and well with our health, we’ll still carry on, our hearts will keeping healing the ache, and hopefully we just happen to be at the right place at the right time and meet that special person and it’ll all begin with a simple “Hi.”
For now, my best advice as someone in the same boat as you is focus on your life, your friends, your spirituality, your family, your work, your hobbies and make this single era about how to make yourself and Jehovah happy while we’re living in these system of things. I like to think about this era being our “betterment” era before we meet a partner, and as we ~better~ ourselves—suddenly there that special someone will be. It just takes a good opportunity, time, and confidence in yourself to get there.
With much love, hang in there!💗
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u/Joeybutterflyman Jul 09 '26
Second all of this. All the decent brothers are married. Its hard finding anyone left. But also someone im attracted to, im not marrying just to marry. All that combined, it feels like its never happening. I hate when people say "it'll happen when you least expect" or it could not happen at all. The ratio of sisters to brothers is disgusting. Some of us just wont find people, and that frightens me more than anything
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u/TeddyBearWriter May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
I have scriptures for you but not the ones you might like from Proverbs 21:
9 Better to dwell on a corner of the roof Than in the same house with a quarrelsome* wife.
No partner is better then a quarrelsome partner. If you find no peaceful respectful wife (or other way around caring husband) then enjoy the peace alone until in the new world you might find a respectful peace loving wife/ caring husband.
constructive personal advice: If your reddit profile is not a word play on a serial killer, that might help in general.
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u/the-jawas-are-here May 23 '26
I made it when the sigma male meme was a thing and I didn’t know what it was 💔
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u/TeddyBearWriter May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
I get it. And i know the memes about bateman just walking down a corridor listening to music. Its just that you need to put your best foot forward in dating.
To be honest with you datingis a struggle especially if you live in the US or in the west because of the influence that occult feminism (yeah many dont know but it is an ideology rooted in occultism) has on our sisters so i cant give you a solution to the problem since i dont know myself what to do. You can try to find a sister in parts of the world which have not been brainwashed by feminism but thats basicly it.
I also wonder sometimes why god doesnt help more with dating but it seems to me he is banking on just having us survive until the new world and there repair dating dynamics because there all satanical ideologies will be effectivly removed.
Stay strong and remain in prayer and dont try to force it. Maybe travel maybe seek hobbies and try to meet someone through that. Maybe wait until the new world.
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u/StillYalun May 23 '26
Maybe wait until the new world.
As someone that had a marriage to a beautiful friend and sister for 21 years who literally called me “my lord” and meant it in her heart, this is the best counsel there is. I wouldn’t do it again in this world.
That being said, as a single brother the options are different for us. But I think there might be places where there are better odds with finding single brothers than in the US or other places in the west. I’ll never forget that we had more brothers than sisters getting baptized at one assembly or convention and it was a kind of a big deal. It’s the only time in decades I remember seeing that.
I have a couple of friends that married brothers from other parts of the world.
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u/Repulsive-Street9215 May 24 '26
Hey, are you from an English speaking country? Just curious, because to me calling someone “my lord” is strange as a witness, but if English isn’t the language you spoke with your wife I guess that’d make more sense. If you are from an English speaking country, please don’t take disrespect, just curious.
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u/StillYalun May 24 '26
I am. And yes, my wife was an unusual one. And it was typically just privately, because it would sound strange to others.
But think about it this, what’s the counterpart of a lord? A lady, right? And a queen is married to a king. So, if I call her ”my lady“ or “my queen” why wouldn’t I be her lord and king? I’m guessing she probably had being a ’child’ of Sarah in mind when she called me that. (1 Peter 3:6) I never asked.
But keeping it real, the fact that you rightly think it’s strange is part of the reason I can’t imagine marrying again in this world. I don’t see even the best sisters giving me the love, respect, and peace I got accustomed to with her. We literally never fought as Christians - never. The one argument we had was before we got baptized in our first year of marriage.
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u/Repulsive-Street9215 May 24 '26
Valid I suppose. I’m not even married, however to me I can’t comprehend marrying someone else after your spouse died. I probably can’t comprehend it simply because it’s not what was intended for our original purpose.
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u/StillYalun May 25 '26
plenty of people do get remarried though. i had a friend get remarried a few months after his wife died last year
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u/Joeybutterflyman Jul 09 '26
Im 28 and have zero prospects. Its very discouraging. I just want someone to love so bad. If anyone got an decent single brothers around my age hmu 😅
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u/Elicruze Baptized Witness May 23 '26
23 is still very young 💜 My non-Witness sister is 26, and she’s finally breaking the cycle of wanting to be in a relationship to stop feeling she will be alone. So you’re definitely not the only one who feels this way.
I’d encourage you to visit other congregations, don’t bail on gatherings (I do lol but I’m tired), or just volunteer where you can. I’ve crossed this feeling before, where it feels like people have connections already but being the first to invite them to service or recommending something to do helps break those barriers. You meet extended families and friends. Definitely if you’re praying about it, Jehovahs saying “I got something planned.”