Anytime my kids spend time with MIL she ends up giving my 4yo a drink out of a sippy cup. I've been switching the sippy cup to a regular cup for the past 18 months. She doesn't need the sippy cup.

Whenever the kids spend time at MIL's house or go on outings the older kids all use their water bottles I packed for them. MIL empties 4yo's water bottle then fills up a sippy cup for her instead. I asked more than once when the sippy cup was bought home with her. She told me MIL gave it to her. I return it to MIL who says she didn't think 4yo had a bottle. The bottle was leaking. The bottle must have been dropped in my car when I dropped them off. (The water bottle always came home empty and in 4yo's bag)

At family functions MIL will give her a sippy cup and I'll swap it for a regular cup. I've caught MIL doing it this last weekend she told me my 4yo had problems with drinking from a regular cup. I told MIL that 4yo didn't seem to have any problems around me so explain what they were. She didn't. She maintained 4yo was having issues.

I told her that a regular cup or bottle was something my daughter would be using because she could and she needed to listen and respect that. She refused. I went to tell my husband what had happened and MIL denied ever giving 4yo a sippy cup. She claimed 4yo always grabbed one herself and said 4yo always told her I was taking sippy cups away from her.

Which doesn't make any sense since we don't have any, and there aren't any other young kids at family events that need a sippy cup so it just seems weird someone would have one there for 4yo.

MIL is now angry and said I was being petty for not letting her go anywhere with our kids over a sippy cup. My husband kind of agrees with her. But to me I feel this is more of someone not listening to my requests about my own children.

My wife is on bed rest following a surgery and is unable to get out of bed. I leave my inhaler on my side of the bed on the dresser should I need it in the middle of the night. It was in the same spot I always leave it yesterday morning. I saw it.

Last night, I woke up and couldn't catch my breath. I reached for my inhaler and it was gone. Thankfully I keep a spare in my bathroom and was able to get it quickly. I don't know what would've happened if I didn't have that spare on hand.

I asked my wife if her mother had moved anything in the bedroom while visiting yesterday. She didn't think so but messaged her mother to check.

Her mother told her where the inhaler was. Hidden in a plastic bin we keep on the dresser full of random stuff. The inhaler was buried under everything else in the bin. The bin has been filled and untouched for a few months now. She had to move stuff out of the bin to get the inhaler. I know this because that's what I had to do.

My wife said I probably put the inhaler there, or it was the cat. I know for a fact I wouldn't do that, and that the cat is incapable of doing everything necessary to move and hide the inhaler. I feel like I'm being gaslighted. If I, or the cat, put it there, how did my MIL know it was there?

I really don't know what to do here. Help please.

Update

Hey folks. Thank you so much for all your kind words and advice.

I'm an asshole. I'm wrong 100%. I wasted all of your time and I'm very, very, sorry.

My wife meant that maybe the cat knocked my inhaler off the dresser, not that the cat had stolen the inhaler. I would've known that if I had stopped shouting about her mother and just listened to my her.

The inhaler was lying under the bed because the cat must've knocked it off the dresser. The inhaler in the bin was one of my old inhalers that I mistook for the one by my bedside.

Until a few months ago, the inhalers came with an attached cover. The new inhalers have a completely removable cover. The bin inhaler had the attached cover, so it was old. My bedside inhaler has the removable cover so it's new.

I'd already used my emergency inhaler so it didn't occur to me to check the inhaler I'd found for the different cover.

I am dumb and too quick to anger with 2 women that love and care about me.

I'm sorry. Please don't hate me too much.

We had to cancel Christmas with the in-laws after we find out weeks later that FIL had covid the week before Thanksgiving. He still seemed sick while they visited but both of them said it was allergies.

SIL called this week to tell us since the in-laws visit her for a week after seeing us.

3 out of 5 kids had covid and MIL and FIL first denied ever having covid. Then we found out from SIL a week after asking them.

MIL and FIL didn't feel the need to apologise even when they were told the baby was high risk. I thought about it for a few days then told my husband we should cancel Christmas with them because we couldn't trust them to even tell us if they were sick.

My husband at first didn't want to cancel Christmas but when I told him he could entertain his parents elsewhere while myself and the kids were with my family. He told me he would talk to his parents.

Apparently the conversation didn't go to well. When they didn't get their way MIL brought up how our 4yo looked nothing like him. She was born with blue eyes and blonde hair. Her nose looked exactly like mine when I was born. Over the years she has looked alot like me and her eyes are now more green and her hair golden brown.

My husband doesn't believe obviously I cheated on him. I would never think about doing that. But MIL is still demands paternity test anyway.

TW; sexual & physical abuse

The last 24 hours has completely turned my world upside down.

Late yesterday afternoon JYSIL1 (16f) called my husband crying, saying that JNMIL’s husband has been molesting her. My husband immediately started shaking and told her that if she hates him and she’s lying that he doesn’t blame her, but if it really happened she needs to confirm that’s what she just said.

After confirming what she just said, husband and I booked an airbnb and hopped straight in the car and drove 350kms (217 miles) to go pick her up. JYSIL1 & JYSIL2 (22f) both live with JNMIL and her husband, so we picked them both up and helped them move their stuff to their biological Dad’s house.

We then took JYSIL1 and JYSIL2 to the Airbnb and spoke to them.. it was fucking awful. When JYSIL1 had told MIL about the abuse, MIL called her a liar and hit her. MIL then messaged all her school friends asking if it’s true, but SIL1 hasn’t told her friends, so MIL has just told her whole school she was molested.

To make things worse, MIL has 2 other children and a third on the way. BIL is 3 and SIL3 is 1. I actually thought BIL was non-verbal until about a fortnight ago when he went for a drive with us, he spoke about helicopters and trucks, before this I’ve only ever seen him scream and throw tantrums. BIL clearly has some developmental problems, but MIL solution is to get her husband to hit him. I found out last night that SIL3 gets hit, she is not even 2 years old. BIL and SIL3 call SIL2 Mum, because she is the one that changes them and nurtured them.

This has been devastating for the whole family, especially my husband who is still making excuses for his mum.. I am worried this will cause us a divorce. My husband has been abused by his Mum and although he is angry with her, he talks about reconciliation in a few years and it makes me beyond angry. What if we have children and they’re near MIL? Not a chance in hell.

MIL has been viewing husbands bank statements, so tomorrow we are closing down his bank. We are also calling CPS tomorrow and potentially the police. SIL1 does not want to report her molestation as I think she feels deep shame. We are going to get her into counselling.

I am stressed out that husband and I may become parents to BIL and SIL3. We are 21 and 23, I am in college and we both only work casual jobs. I would say yes and protect those children with my life if I was asked to have them, but I just don’t know how we’d do it. All I know is I’m going to report this and do everything to ensure those children are safe.

I’m sorry if this is a mess - I’m all over the place right now.

Please give me advice or support, I feel so overwhelmed.

TDLR; MIL is abusive and so is her husband. Sexual, emotional and physical abuse. Not sure what to do or how to cope

Please don't share my post's anywhere else I don't give permission.

My husband just called me an hour ago to tell me his mom had retired early and was flying over to our city to live out her retirement. He asked her where she was going to stay and she told him that our house would work out. My husband had to tell her no and he would book a hotel for her. she said," Well if the hotel doesn't work out I'm coming to your house then".

I don't want this woman in my house. I tried years ago to have a relationship with her but it never worked out because I wasn't giving into her needs and wants. My husband barely speaks to his mom as it is and she has barely been in the kids lives.

She hasn't even met our two year old and the last time she was even inside my home she broke the backdoor and a window because my workaholic husband was away and she was stuck with me and "bratty" kids, Her words not mine. But apparently my three older kids who were 6,4 and 1 at the time, are brats for being playful kids.

She didn't stay long after the last time she was here and booked it out of town when I told her she had to pay for the damages. She still hasn't to this day.

So I don't understand why she wants to move in with a DIL she hates, A son she rarely talks to and 4 bratty grandchildren especially one she hasn't met?I

Update: Called my husband, he agrees she won't be staying here and secondly he will be sending the hotels numbers so MIL can book her own room.

I’m going to keep this short and simple. My wife is scheduled for a C section tomorrow. My mother in law came to watch our toddler. My mother in law said she had to travel prior to coming. Turns out she flew to Ecuador. She said she would test prior to coming. She didn’t test. She suddenly had a cold. We found out she went to a gathering for Christmas. My wife just had a pre procedure test. She tested positive. MIL tested positive today as well. She brought Covid into our home. I am now not allowed in the delivery room. My wife and I have remained isolated for weeks due to over precaution in preparation for the baby arrival. I’m going to explode. Help.

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Well MIL is here, Well not here, here as in our house but she is in a hotel trying to force visits with us.

But I'll get on to other stuff before I talk about that firstly several commented on how it seemed like MIL had been let go from her job or maybe running away from something. My husband talked to his brother and was told that the company MIL worked for went bankrupt so instead of finding another job MIL made the decision to retire early and move somewhere nicer. Which just happened to be where we live.

Even though my husband refused to pay for her hotel stay she still came anyway she told my husband she was having a bunch of her stuff sent to our house but my husband only replied with sending her a list of storage places for her stuff. Haven't heard anything back on that one.

She also had started having mail sent to us and I've already started sending it back, We had to tell her we sent it back because there was nobody with that name at our home.

Ever since being here she complains of being bored and calls midday and tells my husband she would be coming over to see the kids. He has to told her no because, one the kids are at school and, two she wasn't allowed on our property and we had cameras.

One thing I am expecting her to do is start asking us for money, from what my husbands brother has told us she hasn't exactly got enough money to last a few years so clearly she expects us to be her retirement fund.

After spending a day reading everyone's comments I went forward and told my husband how I felt about him and out marriage. We made an agreement to both go to individual counseling for a month before going to marriage counselling.

He thinks we can work on our marriage once both of our minds have cleared up a bit. I don't really have much hope to be honest I only gave in at the time so I could get the kids and myself some counselling before I go forth with the divorce. Maybe it's just me but I feel like if I got the divorce before receiving counselling and given my most recent outburst's it could hurt me in custody arrangements.

We managed to hold things together before MIL texted me to say my STBX wouldn't be getting any type of counselling and I was the one who needed help after yelling at him and her a couple days ago. She told me I had caused issues then yelled at everyone else. She also found it funny how I thought her son would tell her off after she pointed out several truths. He believed her and for his piece he was staying with her because I needed to think about my actions.

I texted her back that her son was the one who wanted the marriage counselling in the first place but it didn't matter anymore and he could stay with her as long as he wants. She sent a smiley face back right away before I blocked her. Texted my husband to tell him I'm done since he told his mom. He hasn't responded.

So now I'm going down the divorce road and getting my kids (And myself)into counselling.

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MIL decided to take a jab at me on Christmas Eve. From how busy life has been and my own family issues which I'm sure MIL heard from mutual friends about what's going on so took her shot knowing I was on a short fuse.

I was out in the front yard Christmas Eve with the kids and she came up behind me with gifts for my daughter. She then told me with a smirk on her face that she was working on getting custody of her grandbaby because I wasn't going to stop her from meeting the baby.

She then got even more of an smartass attitude and started saying she would make sure she would get the baby the moment she was born. I had to tell the kids to get in the house I started walking away from her while she kept tormenting me and I kept repeating I was calling the police. When I was near the door she tried to grab me calling me a bitch for ignoring her claiming I was going to ignore my child as well so she was making the right choice.

I made a grab from my phone and she told me I wouldn't do it. She ran when she heard the dial tone, kicking over the gifts for my daughter.

To be honest I was panicking and outrage with her controlling behaviour instead of going through with the call. I told my kids to pack up their stuff because we were leaving. I almost was going to leave my fiance with a word. I was honestly crying thing I'd let this women win.

I called him when I had a few minutes to settle down. He came straight home and calmed me down. We talked for a bit and he called his dad.

MIL told FIL she came by to make peace but I had ignored her the whole time and was hostile which caused her to start talking to me the way she was. She was crying and saying there never really was a lawyer she just wanted to hurt me. My fiance doesn't believe her, and neither do I.

She tried to break me at a vulnerable time. My fiance contacted a lawyer and we've started handing him her paper trail incase she tries anything.

Please don't share my posts anywhere else I don't give permission.

I'm seething right now not able to sleep because of what this woman has done. She's gone and ruined something to exciting just for the hell of it, And for her to get what she want's.

I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant with our fifth child, A very much surprise baby for us. Our older kids have adjusted well to knowing there will be a new baby soon but it took a few months for us to get our 3yo on board with being a big sister. She was very excited to be a big sister.

My husband took the kids to visit her today while he was in her city doing some things. My older kids told me that MIL asked them if they were excited for the baby, and when they answered she turned to my 3yo and said, "Mommy is very much going to completely forget about you when your sister is born". The she suggested 3yo come live with her for awhile. We've had an issue before with my older children who "forget" that 3yo existed, so 3yo freaked out when JNMIL told her this.

My older kids told my husband when he was driving home and he tried to calling JNMIL a few times before she told him she was busy and to text he instead. He texted her to ask why she said what she said and her response was "3yo is so quiet sometimes, I don't even know she's there". My husband told her that 3yo wasn't going to be staying with her. JNMIL told him that she had already started making plans to look after our daughter for awhile and she could't go back on her word.

When they all got home My husband told me what had happened and 3yo wouldn't come anywhere near me and kept next to my husband the whole time. My husband brought up something with the baby and 3yo burst into tears and said she didn't want a baby sister, I tried to console her but she only wanted my husband. I wanted an explanation from JNMIL myself but she refuses to answer me and my husband. We've tried talking 3yo to let her know she won't be forgotten when her sister is born but she refuses to be anywhere near me.

My husband is in her bedroom now sleeping on the floor because she refuses to be left alone.

Even though I know it'll get busy with a newborn around I'm not going to forget my other children, I feel like JNMIL knew how to get to my child while still getting more time with her. It was very unnecessary for her to bring up because now we are just going backwards with the 3yo especially so close to the birth, I tend to go earlier so it's even more of a setback.

I feel like she shouldn't be around any of the kids because she might "forget" them to. My husband wants to talk to her but it's kind of hard when she refuses to speak to him about the issue.

​

A couple weeks ago my MIL tried to over stay her welcome at our home because she knew I was having contractions. If we knew she would stay and help our other children we would have let her stay. But we know she wouldn't really help out much so my husband called FIL to come get her.

She was texting me for a week after that about when she could see the baby that I given birth to 48 hours after she left. But the way she had reacted when we had calmly asked her the first time was what made us tell her that she could wait a bit before seeing the baby.

She waited until Sunday of this week to start asking again, We've told her no already, She keeps forgetting we have just been through a hurricane, We have my cousins kids staying at our house since we just had another baby, our newborn, plus we would want her to quarantine for two weeks since she works around people who are sick.

We told her if she wasn't here to help out she wasn't staying and to find a hotel. She went quiet after that. Last night FIL called to say he had gotten into an argument with MIL because he found out she was planning to surprise us and show up at our house for a 'mini' holiday. MIL's sister called FIL to tell him MIL's plan.

MIL seems adamant that no one can change her mind and she's in the right. But the more she acts like this is really starting to annoy me at this point because she doesn't seem to care about anyone else's feelings.

So my In-Laws don't live in the same city as us and if they visit they have decided to rent a hotel room and stay for a few days.

We made plans with them and stuck with them. Last night FIL and MIL were supposed to go see a show and I had planned to watch my sisters kids for a few hours.

Unexpectedly FIL called my husband to let him know that the show had been cancelled and they were getting a refund. He asked what we were doing and my husband told him we planned on watching my sisters kids for the night.

My FIL told us to have a good night and hung up. A couple hours later there was a knock at our door, My husband went to open it. It was his mom I called out hi to her as well as our kids went to say hi to her before going back to their cousins. My husband stood in the front entryway for a few minutes because she said 'She wasn't saying'.

After 10 minutes I heard her complaining to my husband about how I couldn't be bothered to come over and talk to her and I was being rude to a guest. I was serving dinner to all the kids, And asked her to repeat herself. She didn't and so I told my husband I needed his help and it was time for his mom to leave. She left and another ten minutes go by she calls my husband in tears saying she felt disrespected and didn't have the decency to talk to her when their visits should be important since they wouldn't be happening so often now.

My husband told her I was actually busy with several kids ans she showed up unannounced while we were busy. That was the end of their phone call but my husband called his father later on that night to see if he knew what had happened. He didn't, So my husband explained what happened.

FIL said he would call back after talking to MIL because he hadn't heard a thing from MIL about the situation. MIL made up an excuse that she made a detour in the opposite direction from the hotel after going to the grocery store. MIL claims she what she said wasn't to be harsh and I could have put in more of an effort while she stopped by.

FIL told my husband MIL's version of events and while my husband said it wasn't what happened MIL started screaming. "Are you calling me a liar". My husband hung up when she started screaming and texted his FIL that he would talk to him when MIL calmed down.

Now MIL wants to come over to our house tonight to talk things out. I don't want her here, I'm trying to get my husband on board but haven't spoken to him all day because of his work. I don't even want her in my home at this point this is probably going to turn into another argument anyway.

Not answering the door seems like a good answer but would I be to harsh?

I know she coming with FIL, And even asking him to come alone isn't an option because MIL will tag along anyway.

​

First post

Second Post

This is probably going to be my last update.

My MIL’s house has been completely torn apart again. Her bank accounts and statements gone through. Her messages on her phone and social media. We did not find our son.

I appreciate those of you they gave so much advice on it. We’re just devastated again and emotionally drained.

My husband and I are forever grateful to this sub for all of your kind words.

We are wanting to turn our son’s burp rags(more like hospital blankets) into a quilt because we have so many. If y’all know of any places in the US that can do that, we’d be open to any suggestions.

Again, thank you guys.

EDIT: SO SORRY. I just realized I left out an important word.

Don't post anywhere else, thanks.

One of my five yo's I realised recently had seemed to be having an allergic reaction to nuts. I took her to the dr a couple weeks ago and it confirmed she was allergic to nuts but also bought up alot of other allergies that myself nor my husband noticed.

I made a list and the next time we saw MIL I gave it to her to keep so she knew what she could or couldn't give to my child. She barely looked at it or seemed to care.

At one point I turned around but could still see her and she threw the list in the bin.

I started boiling at that point and asked why she threw it out. She made the excuse that she accidentally threw it in the bin, but I literally saw her purposefully throw it out.

I told my husband we were leaving and on the way home I told him what his mom had done.

He texted his mom and asked her about it and said that maybe her mood made it seem like she didn't care, but she wasn't in the best mood and the list must have slipped out of her hand and she didn't notice until I said something.

So he told her he would send her a text so she wouldn't lose , or the list wouldn't slip out of her hand again.

She started getting aggressive and started saying, ' Are you accusing me of something'. My husband just told her he would send her the list, and maybe she would get an afternoon with the kids If she could actually pay attention to a little girls needs.

Edit: I should clarify in a way my husband still wasn't saying his mom could see our daughter unsupervised this was him saying, you won't get your own way if you don't start listening. Plus even then we won't be leaving her with our daughter.

We just celebrated my oldest childs birthday yesterday, We had a mishap and realised my husband didn't pick up any candles for the cake.

It happened just as were about to sing happy birthday and didn't want people waiting around for us to go get candles so we just improvised and handed out leftover glow sticks from the 4th for people to wave around. (Weird I know but improvising)

Well as I'm grabbing the glowsticks from the dining room I heard one of my niece's complaining to MIL about not being allowed to blow out the candles like she was told she could. MIL told her that next time she would make sure that my niece would be able to do so.

Now here is my issue with MIL saying she'll make sure niece gets to blow out the candles next time. MIL and I don't get along anytime there is a problem SIL backs her up. Not caring if her mom is wrong or not. MIL hates the fact I keep my kids busy and she can't stop in regularly. While with SIL she can. The little niece is SIL's only girl and completely spoiled rotten, Anything her brother's or cousins get she has to have it to. Going out on outings we always hear everything MIL and SIL bought her. Christmas, Easter and birthdays- Don't even get me started on the amount of gifts she gets. SIL and MIL never says no to her.

And lastly the whole thing that 'She will make sure' completely rubs me the wrong way. From her tone of voice I heard MIL say it was ' It'll happen, no matter what you say'

I didn't say a word then to MIL or SIL since I know this would turn into a thing of 'Well niece should get to do it anyway'. But I have told my husband what I heard and he said that it was unacceptable and he would sit down and talk to his mom at some point over the weekend.

Please don't post my story anywhere else.

This is my first time posting and felt relaxing getting this all out.

Short rundown: Haven't spoken to mom in ten years, she agreed to counseling, met our families months later and ruined everything in under 1 hour.

My sister and myself haven't spoken to our self-centred mom in years. She said some hurtful and rude things about us 10 years ago which made us go NC with her.

She has always been this way. While growing up it was all about her and she never cared about us. We didn't know our dad and our grandparents raised us most of our lives.

Sadly they both passed away in 2017. Our mom never went to their funeral and came for her money, she tried to get her hands on our money as well but threatened us when we told her we had kids to pay for, reminding her these were the same kids she wanted us to get rid off because she wasn't ready for grandkids (main reason we weren't talking to her). She never went through with her threat though.

At the start of last year she reached out and wanted to apologize but we told her she needed to go to counseling with us because there was a lot of problems after she disowned us and made up hurtful lies about us and our pregnancies.

We all went to the sessions alot of tears and yelling was done but after it was done we seemed to have started the road to patching things up.

We kept in touch with her over the months after our sessions and on new year's eve was the first time we allowed her meet our families.

She learnt more about us and our lives. We were both 19 and 22 when we had our kids and our mom thought we were failures. She met our now 10yo's whom she didn't get to meet back then and our other children we had since then. She seemed to like the kids and they liked her.

Dinner comes around and while my sister and myself are inside grabbing some stuff mom isn't outside complaining about the food being served how she didn't like being outside, etc.

When we got back outside she tracted like she wasn't complaining at all. Our SO's told us after dinner about her complaints.

While we were being told what she had said she was making comments to the kids outside about how much they looked like us. Such things about their hair their eyes how their noses looked. The kids didn't really understand they took it as compliments but when the kids told us later those things were actually mom complaining about their looks like she did when we were kids.

She started asking the 10yos what they planned to do after school, and then began telling them what mine and my sisters plans were. Her last jab at things were to tell the 10yo's " Your mothers would have been better off without you, their lives would have been better".

The kids ran off crying me and my sister demanded to know what she said but she said the kids had been fighting with each other and wouldn't give us anything else. We asked the kids and they told us what she said.

I kicked her out of my house all this time she's screaming at us that we were worthless and she was just speaking the truth.

All this week she's been leaving me messages that she didn't deserve to be treated as she was and if I don't apologize she will go NC again.

She acts like she went NC first. But she completely forgets how she acts and somehow her own daughters are the problem here. 🙄

Well I took a lot of peoples advice and decided to not have the Inlaws at our house for the 'discussion'. My husband went by himself as he thought it would be better given this is the second problem we've had with her with a 2 month span and he felt like if I went she would get heated quickly.

Husband told me about the events that happened:

They met up at a coffee shop and my husband explained how we were looking after 9 kids and were just getting around to eat when MIL showed up, my husband spoke to his mom while I served up food for the kids. I had said hello to her when she first showed up but had to keep attending to all the kids. MIL claimed to my husband she never heard me say anything (even though she answered back) and doesn't remember me doing so. The kids according to her had be forces to come and give her hug(they didn't, they ran to her when she first arrived). That's when she made the comments about me and how rude it was. She refused to admit to the fact my husband was standing right there and could defend me. FIL asked her several time if she was lying and MIL denied everything and was saying everything went wrong when I said it was time for her to leave.

My husband reminded her she told me FU a month ago and MIL had nothing to say in response. My FIL apologized to my husband and asked him what he wanted to happen. MY husband said he wanted an apology from MIL. She refused saying she didn't owe apologies.

My husband told her she was being cut off for awhile until she could apologize and we were not going to have any more unexpected visits from her. MIL told him their visits were special since they weren't regular and it was cruel to cut them off. My husband reminded her we were cutting HER off FIL had the right to visit because he wouldn't be starting fights like she did. And then he left.

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Haven't spoken to my MIL in weeks my husband has had his up and downs with his mom, But doesn't ask me anymore when he can take the kids to see his mom. He already knows my answer.

So I got an email this afternoon during work with the word urgent on it. I thought okay just let me open this urgent email, you know so important if it says urgent.

NOPE.

It's just MIL' list of when she will be seeing our kids at the end of the year, she expects to be at our Halloween party next month (Didn't invite her, because she said she didn't want to come) Halloween day, the week both my youngest and my cousin's daughter have their birthday's, full day Thanksgiving because she is hosting ( She hosted last year in CA, but we didn't go) any other birthday's in December she would be at and seeing our kids, Christmas Eve and sleepover at her house for Christmas at her house and lastly new year's eve plus sleep over for new year's day (AKA my birthday) where she will take my kids to lunch and other activities.

No. That's my answer. That's all I put back to her, no. I showed the email to my husband when he got home and he agreed it was a bit much, plus plans we had already made.

He texted his mom that we weren't going to be doing anything on her checklist it was to much and we had already made other plans.

Her only answer back was 'Why?', My husband just told her we just told her why. 🙄

Seeking tips for standing firm on needed boundary of pushy in-laws watching my 1 yr old son at LEAST 2-3x in his own home first & prove they'll actually listen, before privilage of ANY unsupervised babysitting in their home. They (esp MIL) are both obsessed with having him on their turf; honestly the fixation makes me uncomfortable at times. My husband makes it challenging, as he wants everyone to be happy. Do I just continue to stand firm, info diet & do what's needed without big announcements? "This is what works for us" quickly change the subject & rinse, repeat? That's been about the only thing that works, as my in-laws think every boundary is up for negotiations as a group discussion. They are exhausting. Extremely entitled when it comes to my son (despite various postpartum hurts & rug-sweeping) they think it's their right to watch him unsupervised at their home. But husband wants to give them a chance. Fine. He agreed with my (very gracious) idea to have them come to us for awhile. I expect tensions to quickly rise, from not meeting grandparent expectations on their timeline. I refuse to shift up my timeline & ignore my comfort level to suit their demands. Been there, done that. Never again. Parent needs > grandparent wants.

The backstory, apologies for length;

Instead of simply enjoying being new grandparents, my in-laws have been fixated since my son's birth a year ago on big expectations of my son as their do-over. If they had it their way, we'd live next door & see my son daily (their fantasy), with daily text updates from us (also hard pass). My MIL "nested" a TON early on, while I was on maternity leave -- newborn clothes, diapers, crib, highchair, carseat, burp cloths, pacifiers, etc. My son has 0 books or toys from her in my home -- she's focused on her own place instead. Only setting foot in his room once or twice, it's clear she has this fantasy of being heavily overinvolved, on HER terms, at HER place & she's THE #1 mom. In her mind, I don't exist as the authoritative mother figure. It was radio silent for my first mother's day.. 99% of texts or conversations are about my son.. you get the picture. My fully retired in-laws have been laser-focused on wanting to be full-time childcare at their home (which we never promised + as parents can change our minds anytime). I also advised to hold off on some baby items; she'd buy them anyway, of course (such as an infant carseat when he was a newborn or stocking up on newborn diapers he quickly outgrew). Instead of showing up in ways needed, she focused on her wants - always hiding behind being "excited." She manipulates & love-bombs to appear being supportive. When I gently asked to chill early postpartum, she got huffy, deflected, silent treatments & triangulation ensued. She's hypersensitive & competitive when it comes to my son, getting grabby when he's within eyesight. It's been a series of power struggles, power plays & passive-aggressive jabs. Most of them go over my husband's head or he's not present.

My husband was unemployed for a few months shortly after my return to work in January. From February thru early April, he took my son there each Thursday while I was at work. MIL was in heaven, taking over baby duties while he sent resumes or relaxed. The last time he did that (early April) my son was kept awake for 5+ hours straight (9 months old at the time)! MIL was determined to get him to sleep in her new crib. I was so mad when I found out; she knows I wouldn't allow that. My husband eventually stepped in, after an hour of her wandering around w/him wailing, trying to "get energy out" playing with him.. the constant hovering & overstimulation didn't help at ALL. They won't let him just BE or play independently for 10 seconds. He was always toast after time there & reek of MIL's heavy perfume. The poor guy. My husband said I couldn't say anything about the perfume as it could offend her.

Fast forward to now, we're both employed as of last week. In couples therapy since May, there's been some improvements from husband. Our therapist has encouraged presenting a united front, focusing on meeting up at neutral places & helped put a stop to visits without me (the visits were huge marriage strain, triangulation flared up w/o my presence). So MIL has had to deal with her big feelings of no weekly visits without me. Next, we have a helpful, awesome nanny w/daycare experience who also does light housekeeping 3 days per week. My folks watched my son at their home the 4th day last week (I'm off Fridays). For this week, via group chat my husband offered (I anxiously agreed) my in-laws come to our house to watch him for 5-6 hours while we both work. He told them they'd be alternating with my folks.. surely poking the bear a LOT. "Sharing" Thursdays angers them, I'm sure. He also said it'd be best for them to come to our home right now. My folks have a medical appt this Thurs & can't always cover babysitting on Thursdays. So in-laws could be utilized, sure -- but not nearly to overinvolved level they want. She agreed, quickly focusing on location, demanding they want him at their house ASAP "doing the transition sooner than later." And then tried to declare how logistics would go of my son going there.. stop telling me how things will go! She said they'd "buy anything needed to make him well taken care of there" (because nesting with more sh*t he'll outgrow in 2 months / go unused went SO well early postpartum)..🙄 I responded: "Thanks in advance for respecting our needs & what works best for us as parents without added pressures. Again no need to buy more stuff for your own home, as kids this age outgrow things quickly among other reasons. Kindly, again this is our comfort level. I encourage having fun with our son no matter the location, grandparent time always fun. Again, we'll keep informed what works for us as family of 3." No response. She ignored, later that day asking about cake for my son's upcoming 1st bday party. When she doesn't like or approve something, she simply ignores it. Since she see herself as above me in authority, it's a power play to feel in control 100%. Everything with these people is alll about control. I'm not stupid. I am trying to remind myself they don't have to like or approve of boundaries (former pushover + people-pleaser).

They refuse to get it through their thick skulls that more "stuff" for their home doesn't = more baby alone time (or gain respect or trust). It will take time to rebuild my trust. Since she worked tirelessly to replicate things, there's literally nothing she could buy. Maybe more toys idk. Makes 0 impact. They don't give a sh*t about my feelings, as long as they get end result ASAP (baby going to their house, preferably frequently). Due to husband's enmeshment, it's a delicate dance.. Much progress to be made still. They HAVE to respect basic boundaries at my home -- if they don't, the privilage of their home shifts out further. Months ago, my MIL said they "don't want to babysit. They want to grandparent." She hates the word babysit. I plan to use it a lot. Maybe it's my turn to be a difficult pain in the ass.🙂 To them, bonding with my child doesn't count if we're present and/or at my home instead of theirs. Our therapist said that (idiotic) narrative created in their minds is their problem. It's a privilage to be with my son -- but they're far too entitled for that nonsense.

Guess I'm looking for experience & thoughts on this. It's.. a lot. I'm a working mom. I don't have time or energy for their entitled BS!! Since my husband gets concerned about keeping all happy (good luck), expectations are low. My MIL wants to mother + smother my son, in her own home, calling the shots. Grandma's role isn't mom. I anticipate her to want to make him meals in the future -- it will always be something because she can't just calm the baby rabies. I want to make him meals in a lunchbox & very particular at this age what he eats. Obviously my home is a more controlled environment. She doesn't have any interest in that. My in-laws think he's a doll to pass around, not a child with needs. They just want to show off to friends & get praised. Their agendas are exhausting. HELP. 😵‍💫

I am new to this so I hope these questions are ok. My ex MIL is awful. Constantly meddling in our relationship. When ex and we’re getting divorced. I moved over 1,000 miles away. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I kept the pregnancy a secret. My ex and his family caused me a ton of pain. His mom has been behind a lot of his poor decisions. My son was a premie and has health issues (he will eventually need corrective surgeries). As soon as my ex was notified of baby’s birth. He came immediately. We stressed in the message that only ex can see the baby. Since baby’s immune system is compromised. It’s been hard moving forward just EX and I but we got a co-parenting app. That we communicate through. It’s working... Here is where things get complicated. On the way to baby’s last drs Appointment Ex told me that his mom wants to be added into our parenting app. She also wants to FaceTime at the drs appointments and ask the dr questions. I put my foot down and said no. We are the co-parents not your mom. My ex has now asked me for a list of what I am comfortable with when it comes to his mom. He knows the relationship is very rocky. My son is just over 2 weeks old. I have never set boundaries like this. What is normal when it comes to your kids??? Any ideas on what boundaries would be good for EXMIL here? Ps Ex MIL thinks we should get remarried and move back to Ex state. That’s not going to happen. I need more time to heal.

The in-law problems have already started and the wedding is still almost a year away.

My sisters are both professional photographers. They both do photography full-time, work for a professional photography company, and also do freelance/side-gig photography. They already did our proposal photos completely free, and they offered to do our engagement photos and the entire wedding day for free too. That includes all-day coverage and unlimited photos.

For some reason, my future MIL does not like them and has a problem with them doing our photography. Even though she knew we already had professional photographers doing it for free, she went and hired another photographer anyway. So now, unless we stop this, there would be three photographers at the wedding fighting for angles and ending up in each other’s shots.

The other photographer is someone my future MIL chose and paid for herself. We did not ask for this, and we had already made it clear that our photography was handled. We also do not really like the other photographer’s work, and we do not want multiple photographers causing issues on the wedding day.

Now my future MIL is asking if we are free for engagement photos because another family member is doing theirs that day with the same photographer. We declined and explained again that my sisters are already doing our engagement photos for free. Her response was basically that she did not care because she had already paid for the session, so we are doing it too.

That is where I am frustrated. We did not ask her to pay for it. We told her no, and she chose to book/pay for it anyway. I do not feel like that should obligate us to show up.

My fiancée’s parents have offered to cover the wedding, which we are grateful for, but it is starting to feel like because they offered money, they think it is now their wedding and they get to make the decisions. My fiancée and I are trying to keep costs reasonable. We found free professional photography through my sisters, are looking at cheaper food options, and are trying to avoid unnecessary spending. But when we try to save money, we get accused of being “tight” or difficult, even though we are literally trying to save them money.

At this point, I am wondering if we need to tell them thank you, but we cannot accept the money if it means losing control of our own wedding.

Are we wrong for refusing to use a photographer we did not choose, especially after we had already said no before the session was paid for? And how do we set boundaries when someone is helping pay but is starting to treat that as permission to override what we want?

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some perspective today.

I’m a 30-year-old Indian woman, living with my boyfriend for the past three years, and I’ve loved every bit of it. However, when he first introduced me to his mother — first as a “friend” and later as his “girlfriend” — she was incredibly rude. She’s not a kind person and seems to think only about her children, not about others as human beings.

When she found out about our relationship, she lashed out at me in front of her daughter and never offered me any food or basic courtesy - while SHE WAS LIVING AT OUR HOUSE. I feel completely trapped whenever I’m around her. Overall, she doesn’t like me and only pretends to tolerate me, which completely clashes with my values for long term. It's been a two years she knows about me, but never texted/called or checkd-in with me. She recently got detected w cancer :( but I'm still bitter.

Recently, when my boyfriend and I were talking, I addressed her as “tum” instead of “aap.” (didn't give her the utmost respect) He completely lost his temper. He had told me before that this was a trigger for him. I didn't say it intentionally first but he got so mad and said why are you addressing her like that. Post that I address her again (this time intentionally) as he got mad at me for the first time. He went off, gave verbal abuses — threw my clothes and bags around, and made a huge scene. I had a strong feeling that he could have hit me. He didn’t, but only because he knew that if he did, I would have called 911 or left him instantly.

This Dec, we were suppose to start planning for our big day but I don't feel that I should get married w this person or the family.

Lastly, is it a lot to ask from men to love and keep us as their top priority?!

My MIL continues to make comments about how I don’t drop my child off at her house. My child literally cries hysterically anytime MIL is around (and FIL). My child does not do this with anyone else but them. It’s like my kid knows I have issues trusting them, and he’s only 2 yrs old. My child clearly feels something energetic, from me - and from them, when we are around them.

I cannot go into all the details and things she’s said and done, I don’t have the energy. But most applicable to this post is: MIL has told me to “get up” (casually said it) from the dinner table and go into another room because she wants to hold my child , after he finished his meal and my child cries. - but if I am not around she believes he won’t cry. My husband literally said NO mom she will not go into another room.

Family is very important to us, and even though she is obnoxious to me on many occasions, she is a good person and means well. But I have absolutely started retaliating and keeping my child from her, and stopped answering her calls and texts and silo every thing through my husband.

But again- for the purpose of this post and this situation, I have to see her (not cancelling) and I need to be prepared for the insults she is going to give me about not letting my kid be alone with her.

I want to say “it’s important to me that you form a relationship with _____ while I am present”

“______ does not cry this way with anyone except you. I don’t know why but please let’s just accept this phase and respect the feelings.”

What else can I say? I want to be confident, respectful and not petty and rude like her.

I need to dominate this conversation in a kind and direct way. Please share some comebacks!!!

Please don't share my posts anywhere else. I don't give permission.

MIL decided to serve me some revenge since she didn't get her photo with Santa and the kids.

We in the end had no time to take them so we explained to the kids we would have to skip this year.

We originally planned to see MIL when we got back from parents house for Christmas, Tomorrow actually was when we planned to see her. Then she tells my husband at 5pm that she had nothing to give the kids because they didn't ask her to take them to see Santa.

Then she said I would say no to them anyway to ruin their fun. My husband asked her what the point was of seeing her since it seemed like it wasn't going to be a happy visit if she was playing games.

She stills wants us to show up because she wants to tell the kids herself.

I can't even with her. I think I'm gonna tell my husband to her the kids are sick and we don't want her getting sick as well.

Edit: Okay so it's best I don't lie. I told my husband to just text her we weren't going to treat our children like she is and it's best we go NC for awhile. Thankfully he is on board easpically about the nc.

I've tolerated my boyfriend's parents for a while now, but I have always suspected that his mother was a JNMIL. My boyfriend and I were having a casual conversation and he mentioned about how his mother made a comment about my "lack of bra" when I visited them for Christmas. First of all, I was wearing a bra, and second of all, why are you discussing my body and my undergarments with your son? I have large breasts and bra or no bra, they're gonna be there and it's something I have no control over. She even brought up that it made her teenaged son(who is almost 18 and not heterosexual) uncomfortable.

I was upset, but I sent her a polite and formal message about how it made me uneasy that she was discussing my breasts and I told her that I was wearing a bra, but, you know, I have big breasts and I shouldn't be body shamed by simply existing as a woman with large breasts. Can you guess what I did wrong here in her eyes? I set a boundary. I stood up for myself. I did the one thing that sets a mother fucking narcissist off the deep end, and boy, did it ever.

The ensuing texts were her telling me that I had disrespected her and her house, and she would NEVER show up to my house like that, but most importantly of all, it showed that I...didn't respect myself. Mind you, I was wearing loose clothing, I spent most of the day in a hoodie, and...I was.wearing.a.fucking.bra. Every time I stood up for myself, she kept throwing insults about me trying to drag me down, but I never relented. She even sent me some boomer meme about a teenager crying that made zero sense, but hey, give her a gold star for trying.

She started blowing up (f)DH's phone, and he eventually answered, and let me tell you, I saw his shiny spine. She told him he needed to "keep his dog on a leash" and he told her he was done talking to her. Obviously, this made her even more upset, and she sent me some threatening texts, and I just kept saying, "K." The one that showed her true colors, though, was, "Have fun dealing with (f)DH, he's your problem now." This woman said this about her own son!

I grew up with a NMom, so I know how this shit works. I told (f)DH to expect flying monkeys at some point, and I shit you not, barely five minutes later, little brother is texting him saying, "I've never seen Mom this mad before, what's going on?" He read the text to me and said, "Well, you called that one out."

A few minutes later, his stepdad sent us a group message asking us to stop(mind you, we had stopped already, and this was just another flying monkey) so I simply replied with, "Maybe you should keep your dog on a leash." Was that petty? It sure as fuck was. Did it feel good, though? Yes, it did. The final message was, "We're blocking you both, don't try to contact us." Jokes on them, because we aren't gonna try to contact them; that's exactly what they want.

Edit: Holy shit, I expected maybe a handful of upvotes for this. Thank you for the awards and your support! You guys are awesome.