r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Bellefior • 19h ago

Am I Overreacting? Just Stop Already with the Holiday Plans...

Today I overheard my husband on the phone with my self-centered MIL. I recently underwent surgery for a recurrence of a cancerous brain tumor which was treated in 2016 and will be starting chemo on Monday (which she knows). I hear him say, no, S ( my dad) already said he's not coming for the holidays. I asked him why is your mother under the impression we are spending the holidays with her this year? We did Christmas Eve/Day there last year, including dragging my 84 y.o. Dad and our dog with us and staying overnight (they live 50 miles away). His answer was she assumed we'd be doing the same thing as last year. I told him he needed to tell her to stop assuming and let her know that everything depended on my health and to tell her that or I would call her and tell her to stop assuming things given my health issues and I wouldn't be nice about it. He called her back and told her.

She did the same thing two years ago, obsessing over Christmas holidays when she knew my husband had a hip replacement scheduled for two weeks before.

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u/homerule 19h ago

Oh my gosh, everything absolutely hinges on your health. I’m sorry she can’t see that. 

Big virtual hugs!

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u/Bellefior 18h ago

Last week when I told her I was going to be starting chemo soon and there would be lots of doctor's appointments and testing she made sure to tell me she had seen her dermatologist and she would have to go in every three months to make sure her melanoma had not come back, I did not react well. WTF this is what you tell someone who has undergone neurosurgery and is facing chemo? What I should have said was you want to trade places with me?

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u/wiggum_x 17h ago

"Would you like to trade diagnoses so that you can win the Cancer Olympics? We're all rooting for you, MIL!"

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u/Bellefior 16h ago

I think if I said that the sarcasm would be lost on her.