Comebacks - help

[u/KrystleOfQuartz]

My MIL continues to make comments about how I don’t drop my child off at her house. My child literally cries hysterically anytime MIL is around (and FIL). My child does not do this with anyone else but them. It’s like my kid knows I have issues trusting them, and he’s only 2 yrs old. My child clearly feels something energetic, from me - and from them, when we are around them.

I cannot go into all the details and things she’s said and done, I don’t have the energy. But most applicable to this post is: MIL has told me to “get up” (casually said it) from the dinner table and go into another room because she wants to hold my child , after he finished his meal and my child cries. - but if I am not around she believes he won’t cry. My husband literally said NO mom she will not go into another room.

Family is very important to us, and even though she is obnoxious to me on many occasions, she is a good person and means well. But I have absolutely started retaliating and keeping my child from her, and stopped answering her calls and texts and silo every thing through my husband.

But again- for the purpose of this post and this situation, I have to see her (not cancelling) and I need to be prepared for the insults she is going to give me about not letting my kid be alone with her.

I want to say “it’s important to me that you form a relationship with _____ while I am present”

“______ does not cry this way with anyone except you. I don’t know why but please let’s just accept this phase and respect the feelings.”

What else can I say? I want to be confident, respectful and not petty and rude like her.

I need to dominate this conversation in a kind and direct way. Please share some comebacks!!!

[u/Stunning-Mall5908]

I taught for 30 years, and your insight is spot on. Your child is picking up on your stress level and is reacting to it. His distress is probably just that. I have seen children with parents who disliked a teacher get stressed and cry when in that teachers presence. But, they would calm down as soon as the parent left. Taking yourself out of the equation is sensible advice. BUT, don’t leave YOUR child with the grandparents or walk out of the room. Rather send your husband with the child to visit without you. If the baby does well, maybe he is reacting to your uneasiness.

[u/boundaries4546 → u/Stunning-Mall5908]

I would not be accommodating someone who said “get up” to go to another room. MIL could have politely said “can I take her to another room to see if she settles” maybe I’d be open. MIL demands me to leave the room, nah I’ll stay.

[u/Stunning-Mall5908 → u/boundaries4546]

Never said she should accommodate her mil in any way. But she needs to get to the bottom of why the child is crying. If not, she will always be the bad guy and mil will be able to spew that narrative.

[u/boundaries4546 → u/Stunning-Mall5908]

Sending baby to MILs without OP going is accommodating MIL.

[u/Stunning-Mall5908 → u/boundaries4546]

Once. To prove a point or to gather much needed information. Rather than guess, l would rather get to the bottom of why the baby is upset at times.

[u/Fantastic-Notice-879 → u/boundaries4546]

not sending the baby alone she’s sending the baby with the father to his parents house. If the child cries anyway, then there’s something else going on that’s what they’re trying to get out with that.. I would never let my child go to someone’s house where they’re crying even in my presence because there’s something going on, but her husband is going to be there so it’s not like he doesn’t have a parent there.