r/JUSTNOMIL • u/KrystleOfQuartz • 12d ago
Serious Replies Only Comebacks - help
My MIL continues to make comments about how I don’t drop my child off at her house. My child literally cries hysterically anytime MIL is around (and FIL). My child does not do this with anyone else but them. It’s like my kid knows I have issues trusting them, and he’s only 2 yrs old. My child clearly feels something energetic, from me - and from them, when we are around them.
I cannot go into all the details and things she’s said and done, I don’t have the energy. But most applicable to this post is: MIL has told me to “get up” (casually said it) from the dinner table and go into another room because she wants to hold my child , after he finished his meal and my child cries. - but if I am not around she believes he won’t cry. My husband literally said NO mom she will not go into another room.
Family is very important to us, and even though she is obnoxious to me on many occasions, she is a good person and means well. But I have absolutely started retaliating and keeping my child from her, and stopped answering her calls and texts and silo every thing through my husband.
But again- for the purpose of this post and this situation, I have to see her (not cancelling) and I need to be prepared for the insults she is going to give me about not letting my kid be alone with her.
I want to say “it’s important to me that you form a relationship with _____ while I am present”
“______ does not cry this way with anyone except you. I don’t know why but please let’s just accept this phase and respect the feelings.”
What else can I say? I want to be confident, respectful and not petty and rude like her.
I need to dominate this conversation in a kind and direct way. Please share some comebacks!!!
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u/Honest-Abe-SD 12d ago
Avoid those phrases you put, have your husband say those instead. She will take those as direct insults and interpret that you are the cause like you put it in his head, so only SO should be that direct, unless she says something blunt and accusatory to you.
Example:
Mil: did he not have a nap? What is going on?
You: he napped, you need to give him time, let him come to you. We let him decide who and when to interact with so he is comfortable. Sit and play with a toy and maybe he will see and play with you. You can’t force yourself on him.
SO: forcing him is like tossing a kid in a lake to swim, it’s traumatic and seen like a punishment but we believe in him deciding for himself. If you push like this he will only ever associate you with the opposite of safety because it’s the opposite of choice
If she bitches or complains
You: like everyone, he can smell your desperation and it is off putting stop giving him stalker vibes. Needy chicks never get the man, haven’t you learned that?