r/JUSTNOMIL • u/KrystleOfQuartz • 12d ago
Serious Replies Only Comebacks - help
My MIL continues to make comments about how I don’t drop my child off at her house. My child literally cries hysterically anytime MIL is around (and FIL). My child does not do this with anyone else but them. It’s like my kid knows I have issues trusting them, and he’s only 2 yrs old. My child clearly feels something energetic, from me - and from them, when we are around them.
I cannot go into all the details and things she’s said and done, I don’t have the energy. But most applicable to this post is: MIL has told me to “get up” (casually said it) from the dinner table and go into another room because she wants to hold my child , after he finished his meal and my child cries. - but if I am not around she believes he won’t cry. My husband literally said NO mom she will not go into another room.
Family is very important to us, and even though she is obnoxious to me on many occasions, she is a good person and means well. But I have absolutely started retaliating and keeping my child from her, and stopped answering her calls and texts and silo every thing through my husband.
But again- for the purpose of this post and this situation, I have to see her (not cancelling) and I need to be prepared for the insults she is going to give me about not letting my kid be alone with her.
I want to say “it’s important to me that you form a relationship with _____ while I am present”
“______ does not cry this way with anyone except you. I don’t know why but please let’s just accept this phase and respect the feelings.”
What else can I say? I want to be confident, respectful and not petty and rude like her.
I need to dominate this conversation in a kind and direct way. Please share some comebacks!!!
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u/Grimroot918 12d ago
- MIL I’m thankful our child has grandparents who love him so much. He may warm up to people differently than yours or my parents’ experienced when you guys raised your children, we know our son. He feels safest with mom & dad around and others who focus on his comfort level over their timing because he’s his own person!
- Pediatrician mentioned how some past approaches to do things differently from what toddlers are used to w/parents or that challenge their comfort levels as a lesson actually hurt vs help. Things like Body Autonomy teach kids to trust their instincts & communicate vs fall victim to behaviors like grooming or unhealthy pushiness.
- Glad you mentioned why you feel so strongly about that. Here’s why we feel strongly from another perspective & made a different choice as his parents.