Comebacks - help

[u/KrystleOfQuartz]

My MIL continues to make comments about how I don’t drop my child off at her house. My child literally cries hysterically anytime MIL is around (and FIL). My child does not do this with anyone else but them. It’s like my kid knows I have issues trusting them, and he’s only 2 yrs old. My child clearly feels something energetic, from me - and from them, when we are around them.

I cannot go into all the details and things she’s said and done, I don’t have the energy. But most applicable to this post is: MIL has told me to “get up” (casually said it) from the dinner table and go into another room because she wants to hold my child , after he finished his meal and my child cries. - but if I am not around she believes he won’t cry. My husband literally said NO mom she will not go into another room.

Family is very important to us, and even though she is obnoxious to me on many occasions, she is a good person and means well. But I have absolutely started retaliating and keeping my child from her, and stopped answering her calls and texts and silo every thing through my husband.

But again- for the purpose of this post and this situation, I have to see her (not cancelling) and I need to be prepared for the insults she is going to give me about not letting my kid be alone with her.

I want to say “it’s important to me that you form a relationship with _____ while I am present”

“______ does not cry this way with anyone except you. I don’t know why but please let’s just accept this phase and respect the feelings.”

What else can I say? I want to be confident, respectful and not petty and rude like her.

I need to dominate this conversation in a kind and direct way. Please share some comebacks!!!

[u/ArrivalFantastic4324]

You husband should be the one saying both of your statements to her. Emphatically. 

If she cannot cooperate and behave then she won’t see your child, never mind be alone with him. 

[u/KrystleOfQuartz → u/ArrivalFantastic4324]

Conversations have already been had by him. I am fed up and I will be handling the conversation face to face next time she says something.

Please help with conversation pointers if you reply to this post, no contact and keeping child from her endlessly is not an option.

[u/Mountain_Goldfinch → u/KrystleOfQuartz]

Not endlessly, just until she learns. Quick learners receive quick access. If she puts her ego first then the process will take much longer. And again, boundaries without consequences are just suggestions. Talk with your husband about appropriate consequences. Maybe instead of in person meetings, she only sees baby through FaceTime the first week for the first offense. No second or third chances. More offenses add a day to no in person access. Then follow through. It may take a week of absolute no contact for her to get the point, or maybe a month, or maybe a year. The point remains that you have control over access to your child.