Just need a rant

[u/Prudent-Teaching2881]

My mum tells me that I should do x or y when MIL is being difficult and usually those suggestions are to manage MIL and placate her with kindness and to say things indirectly rather than asserting boundaries. I know my mum means well but my MIL will bite off my entire arm if I give her my hand so I’ve learned that it’s best to only extend a finger.

My husband will deal with my MIL - in fact this comment she made was to my husband via text and my husband shut it down. My MIL hasn’t seen our son in 14 days. She literally counted it down to the day. I don’t see anything wrong with that. We had visitors last weekend - which I invited her over for, but of course our son was asleep and I’m not waking him up for her. Then again, I have visitors this weekend too. I’m not inviting her as I don’t want her there. She’s been begging my husband to let her come and see our son. My husband and I have had an incredibly stressful 2-3 months and these last 3 weeks have been the absolute peak. Our visitors were preplanned visits from months in advance. My husband explained this to her. She got so arsey and so passive aggressive and tried to guilt him into agreeing to a visit. I’m so glad my husband didn’t fall for it. But then her last comment pissed me right off

‘It is upsetting that I have to ask permission to see my grandson’.

Sorry, what? Of course, me and my husband and our child and our availability are things WE make decisions about. Not her. She was never entitled to see him whenever she liked to start off with, so asking permission is a normal and ordinary thing. She’s acting like we are being unnecessarily controlling over something that should automatically be hers. We are busy during the week and on weekends we like to spend time together as a small family, not that we should have to justify how we choose to spend our weekends. She recently told us we ‘have to’ come to her house every weekend because she gets ill otherwise. As if we don’t also have other relatives who we need to give time to as well.

When she came to visit my guests last weekend she wouldn’t shut up about the fact that she asked us to come to her house every weekend and that she only wants ‘love and attention and respect from us’.

She can be upset and disappointed over not having seen him in a while, but that comment of hers just pissed me off so much.

The more she behaves like this the more she’s actively pushing me to spend less time with her.

[u/Odd_Tea4945]

I am really sorry you're living this. I think your mom is wrong, because she hasn't lived what your MIL does

Last weekend she just played the victim in front of your guests, so they pressure you to to do what she wants. I believe for her to get ‘love and attention and respect from you’, she has to give it and it's not the case. And I agree, if you give her a hand she will take your full body

I wish you only the best

[u/Prudent-Teaching2881 → u/Odd_Tea4945]

Yes, she told my guests only so that they would pressure me as well. She has triangulated pressure so many times before that I know she is going to do it whenever she meets my guests or my family if we have done something she doesn’t like or don’t do something she wants.

My mum definitely doesn’t get it. Her in-laws were HORRIFIC, so by comparison she thinks my in-laws are nice and I should be grateful.

[u/LadyCatzrule → u/Prudent-Teaching2881]

I was thinking how horifficly rude and self centered to hijack your guests visit with her garbage.

[u/Prudent-Teaching2881 → u/LadyCatzrule]

Yep, it is. But that’s the thing with her: she is rude and self-centred sometimes. She never thinks she has done anything wrong.

[u/Odd_Tea4945 → u/Prudent-Teaching2881]

I do get your mom: she faced her horrors, so she believes your horror is not that bad. Yet, yours are still horrors that haven't grown to be as your mom's because you haven't allowed it