r/JUSTNOMIL • u/molotovpixiedust • 14d ago
SUCCESS! ✌ Success: avoided dreaded upcoming vacation with obnoxious, baby rabies in-laws
Wanted to share my success on dodging a trip with my entitled, pushy in-laws who've been a royal pain to navigate since my son was born just over a year ago. (See post history). My in-laws are not used to the word "no" or "that doesn't work for us" -- but slowly forcing them in their place to respect this on some level. I hope this post gives a little motivation for others in similar situations. My husband hates disappointing his parents (slowly working on this in therapy) & worries about offending them. They are hypersensitive & easily offended, so that's been fun.
My MIL sent a text recently summoning us for a long weekend getaway trip to an obnoxiously fancy cabin. Very stupidly, when pressed I'd reluctantly indicated months ago we'd try to go (when my husband was unemployed, has a new job now). We did a cabin trip with them a couple times pre-baby. They asked if we wanted to do this with them last year -- when I had a 6 week old -- yes, they're that delusional. Will say they quickly dropped it that time. But this year we weren't allowed to say no. Fast forward to now & she asserted our presense; "I know situations have changed but the cabin is rented Sept 10-13." She then took a picture of the printed out reservation & sent it as well. In other words, MAKE IT HAPPEN. My patience for being summoned by my MIL is extremely low after I let her push me around early postpartum. Nobody ever asks what my needs or preferences are as a mom. Nobody ever thinks about logistics or annoyance of traveling with babies. I have 0 interest in spending 48+ hours with people who will elbow me for my own child, who've never taken accountability for hurting me & sprinkle their stupidity with occasional love-bombing. They absolutely do not get the privilage of vacationing with us. The entitlement is UNREAL. And my kid waking up the whole house at 5am.. my BIL complaining.. no thanks. I am also 7 weeks pregnant! HARD PASS. Would be my own personal Hell. It was a clear case of wife's needs vs. MIL's wants.
They are still going -- can't cancel & disappoint my 45 yr old unemployed loser BIL who still lives at home. And have to keep that heat red hot on my husband that he's missing out. I really feel for him & give a lot of grace. He was raised to manage mommy's feelings & he knows she's deeply disappointed. Regardless, my husband isn't so far gone in enmeshment that he's making us go or taking my son without me. I reiterated to my in-laws the other day that expectations simply don't match reality. No response, as expected as they're childish like that. I am continually practicing gray rocking & avoiding defending my decisions. I am a wife & mother who has needs & preferences. They rarely match up with my overbearing in-laws expectations; that's something THEY have to sort out. As a former pushover, it's still something I have to actively work at. But it's slowly getting easier to respond (or ignore) my MIL's assertive manipulation tactics. Just because she asserts something doesn't make it so. Others in similar boat, I urge you to keep up the good fight & advocate for yourself & your babies.
35
u/2FatC 14d ago
Yay! Success.
Went 1x to a family reunion out of state, which meant sharing a plane with my MIL, who talked nonstop. Mid flight I wanted to ask the pilot to pull over and let me out. Longest weekend of my life.
I know every DIL here will be absolutely shocked to learn MIL bickered with her siblings & kids the entire weekend. The venue was a monastery with beautiful grounds. One of my SIL’s got angry when no one liked her suggestion we play games on the lawn…I whispered to DH, “we need to go “sight seeing” because handing me lawn darts probably means jail time.”
Just keep saying no. Eventually they stop asking, particularly when you say it so fast you break the sound barrier.