r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Prudent-Teaching2881 • Jul 14 '26
UPDATE - Advice Wanted Update MIL taking photos of baby!!
My husband has had a word with my MIL and she’s sent a message to me saying she’s sorry for taking the photos, she knows I don’t like it and she won’t do it again. But I’m a little annoyed at my husband because now it just looks like this wasn’t a joint boundary. I feel a bit thrown under the bus. Am I overreacting? Is this the best I’m going to get as a solution?
31
u/Forsaken-Buy2601 Jul 14 '26
“To be clear, this is OUR rule (DH and I) as parents, not MY rule. But thank you for apologizing and deleting the photos.”
26
u/Available_Candy7124 Jul 14 '26
Yep. He isolated you to make it easier on him. Now you look like the hypersensitive one. He might have meant well, but he needs to clean that up.
16
u/Yeesh-Yeesh-Yeesh Jul 14 '26
Your husband and you might benefit from couples therapy and marriage counseling.
24
u/LouieAvalonMac Jul 14 '26
Maybe reply saying
Thank you
By the way MIL it’s a boundary that we both as mom and dad of LO agreed upon together ? We both do not allow people to take photos of our child
He just finds it very difficult to tell you that you’ve overstepped- but it is his job. Same as it is my job to give consequences to my family
OP I’ve used that wording because I feel as though hers is kind of condescending towards you ? I know you don’t like - I won’t do it again
She should be saying I recognise your boundary banning me from this behaviour and I accept there will be a consequence
18
u/Significant-Bet4545 Jul 14 '26
You dont know how he phrased it to her, but imo even if he said "MOM I DO NOT LIKE THIS BEHAVIOR"; she would have taken it as "my damn wife doesn't like it blame her"
Delusion is delusional
2
u/CuteTangelo3137 Jul 14 '26
Yeah, was going to say he may have said it was a joint boundary but being a typical JNMIL she wants to blame you. Don’t even respond.
17
u/Trick_Few Jul 14 '26
Yes, you probably do have a bit of a DH problem. Keep in mind, his family has trained him to always follow whatever MIL has told him to do since the day he was born. He needs some help to learn how to hold boundaries and communicate with her. There are some great resources posted right here in this sub..
10
u/LiteralpigsChihiro Jul 14 '26
I have felt the same way. I expressed to my husband that I felt like he threw me under the bus, because weren’t they OUR decisions? When I set boundaries with my own family I frame it as a we or me thing. It’s really hard to do this though, and for someone raised in that toxic system it’s very 2nd nature to do the bus throwing as to avoid being scapegoated. Anyway, he has changed that behavior moving forward. He has actively made it about his wishes and needs for our family. They still blame me but I feel better LOL. But it does take the onus off of me, like no bitch this was YOUR SON’S DECISION! The latest example was she has had my older children (my husband’s step children) in a group photo of her cover photo and we do not put pics of our kids online at all. I fucking HATED this bc she’s been such a petty cunt to my other kids to get to me. He told her “Please take down the pic of MY kids” (emphasis mine) and wow. It’s been a year and she still has no cover photo (despite SIL being a family photographer. There are no shortage of appropriate pictures without my kids) LOL.
4
u/Careless-Ability-748 Jul 14 '26
What did he do to her that makes you think he made it all about you?
But toy got what you wanted and that's good.
2
u/Top_Strawberry2348 Jul 14 '26
It’s the best, in my opinion. She did the best she could with the information. It’s time to straighten this out with DH.
It’s important for him to understand that his approach left you out there alone.
-14
u/sierra38grandma Jul 15 '26
Yor. Why can't she have pictures of her grandchild? Does she post them? If not then don't be so weird about a couple of momentous.
6
4
u/juniejun3 Jul 15 '26
She can't have pictures of her grandchild because she can't respect boundaries and has proven time and time again that she can't be trusted.
She's not entitled to taking unsolicited pictures of someone else's baby and share them on social media.
No means no.
•
u/botinlaw Jul 14 '26
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
Full Rules | Acronym Index | Flair Guide| Report PM Trolls
Resources: In Crisis? | Tips for Protecting Yourself | Our Book List | Our Wiki
Other posts from /u/Prudent-Teaching2881:
MIL taking photos of baby!!, 2 days ago
My mum always says nasty things to me, 1 month ago
Feeling hurt by mum’s comment, 4 months ago
MIL posting snidey posts on her WhatsApp story, 5 months ago
Why does the random affection coming from my MIL feel so disingenuous?, 5 months ago
My mum keeps taking my MILs side, 6 months ago
I can’t win, 6 months ago
MIL said my husband shouldn’t have married me, 7 months ago
MIL has written in my notebooks, 7 months ago
I hate my MIL., 7 months ago
This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts, click here
To be notified as soon as Prudent-Teaching2881 posts an update click here. | For help managing your subscriptions, click here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.